Light Up the Fire
by TaylorPaige24
Summary: It's only a matter of time before things start to unravel. There are secrets floating around in Tulsa after the death of dearly beloved Soc Sam. All the fingers point towards Dally, but Danni fights to prove his innocence. When Dally's brother shows up, things take a turn for the worst. Book 3 of 5 *Being Rewritten*
1. New Morning

**A/N:** Hello! I'm sorry about the wait, but I hope you guys will forgive me. This is set a few months after LTWYL. This story is also going to be a bit different. I'm going to be doing different things and switching the POV some. So I hope you enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the _Outsiders_. I also do not own, _Nine in the Afternoon_.

Without further ado:

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><p><em>Back to the street, back to the place, back to the room where it all began, back to the room where it all began<em>

Spring creates an acid like tent to the air and as humans, animals, breathing creatures, we find ourselves taking it in and in a sense, getting a _thrill_ off of it. Going into a different state of mind and feeling things that are unnatural and obscure for any of us to think but we ignore every aspect of it.

Fall.

Fall is the time of year you come down from your Spring. You _fall_ on your face. The acid in the air evaporates and everything comes crashing down.

You remember the wrongs you did - the mistakes. The secrets told to be kept but told anyway because who are we kidding? Everyone speaks no matter how holy or Godly they are assumed to be.

Everyone tells.

The acid is gone and you're clear. You're falling down the stairs so you end it before you stop falling and break. You put an end to it so it can be removed from your mind and you no longer have to dwell on it. You get rid of everything that reminds you of it just so you can't feel anything anymore.

You can't feel _that_.

But it's only a matter of time before things start to unravel again and it breaks through that wall. That wall that's hanging by a thread. The wall you glue back together each time as a morsel of hope.

Everything unravels. Everyone tells. Secrets are never kept. Everything comes out eventually.

We all know that.

"Hey, Dan, I heard there was another fight at the school. You hear 'bout it?"

Ponyboy entered the room with a bowl of chips and took a seat on the counter top. "Saw it. Cops even had to show up," he answered.

Steve grumbled. "Damn, what's goin' on with that place?"

Posters are all over the school. A memorial is set up on the steps so every time you enter you are reminded of what tragic event happened and who it was that suffered.

Students cry in the halls. Total strangers hold each other while they cry. The guidance counselor's room always has a line, and everyone seems to be going crazy at that place...

That is, the East side.

Two-Bit smirked from behind the counter. "Heck, if stuff like that happened every day, I'd come more often."

Two-Bit still hadn't graduated. He's only about two credits away but he stands by his principles that school comes second to everything else going on. Primarily girls.

"It's not as much fun as it sounds," I commented. "Some of the things happenin' are just scary. I walked out of History yesterday and almost slipped on a pool of blood outside the door."

"Awe come on, Dan." Soda slugged my shoulder.

You could smell him all the way in the back. Sound the trumpets. Ladies, Sodapop Curtis is officially on the market again.

"You're tougher than that."

I smiled and took in his smell. Girls were swarming around him again when word got around that Sandy was happy and never coming back.

The whole summer each bubbly school girl would come strolling into the tiny gas station to buy pop and packs of gum. Some just to get a look at him.

"What 'bout Randy?" Steve asked. "You talk to him any?"

I shrugged and stole a soda from the bin. "We got class but he ain't said much. Think he's too upset to talk 'bout it. They were real good friends."

The newspaper Pony was reading crinkled. "Cops still don't have any leads."

"What is there to lead on?" I popped the cap off the bottle. "It was a car wreck. What makes them so sure someone's to blame?"

"Rich folk always got to blame someone for their problems," Steve huffed. "Let's just blame the poor folk for everythin'. That's sure gonna help."

"Cops said it was a hit n' run," Ponyboy quoted the news from last night. "Said the hit looks like it was intentional."

"Shoot, I hit a pole last Thursday. Think I can pass that for the pole _intently_ gettin' in my way?" Two-Bit cracked up as he popped open a beer and planted his feet on the counter.

Soda chuckled and grabbed a dirty rag from the counter to wipe the oil off his forehead. "Don't think that's going to work, Two-Bit, buddy."

"Why they think a greaser did it anyway?" I sat back down on the stool beside Pony. "I mean, couldn't a Soc just as easily done it? Maybe the person just dodged a cat and got scared after they saw what happened."

"I got to go get Emily." Two-Bit snapped his fingers and jumped down from the counter and rushed for the door. "Damn she's goin' to kill me! See y'all later."

Soda finished up and came over and tossed my hair. "Try tellin' someone that at school and it'll be your pool of blood on the ground, missy. Ready?"

"Sure thing."

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><p>"Damn, this place is a mad house." Jennie brushed by with a full try of dirty dishes, nearly fell as she threw them at the cooks in the back, exhaled, and twirled back around, wiping the sweat off her forehead. "Looks like death would keep the wicked at home."<p>

I shook my head. The tray of food in my hand was going to tip over any second itself. And Mrs. A doesn't think we need more help. "But those penny tips sure do add up."

She sneered. "That's why you spit in their food."

I took the food off. "Mrs. Adderson hears ya talkin' that way and she'll send you on the next train to Kansas."

She laughed and turned back around and flipped her hair up and into a ponytail. "Then how will I ever survive without my penny tips?"

Jennie started here about two months ago. Randy said she was his cousin or something like that and she was moving up here and needed a place to start. She keeps to herself most of the time and occasionally complains.

That's about all you can ever get out of Jennie.

I headed into the back kitchen when a loud sound came from out front.

"Come on, Randy! I only got an hour 'till cheer and I'm _dying_ for a milkshake."

The bell on the door rang as a bouncy curly blonde came rushing through the diner. Following behind her was a curly headed fellow, a matching blonde, and a dark haired girl biting her nails to the core.

The blonde strutted to the counter and placed her red pompoms down.

Randy leaned against the counter and flipped through his wallet and pulled out a couple of ones. "Michael, you or Jane want anythin'?"

The matching blonde grabbed hold of the shivering girl like she was a ragdoll and pulled her into his chest. "Nah, we're not hungry, are we babe?"

The girl shook her head and timidly snuggled up to him.

"Randy why you payin'?" the gitty blonde asked. "Your momma owns the place. Hey, hey waitress!" She waved over to Jennie. "We want to place an order, ma'am."

I walked out the swinging door as Jennie headed over to the group. This was going to be amusing.

Jennie snatched her ticket book and marched by. "Do I really look like a ma'am?" She gritted her teeth.

"Hey, Danni." Randy gazed up. "Mom here?"

"In the back."

He nodded abruptly and nearly ran into the back.

Jennie quickly wrote down the blondes request and stomped quickly behind him. "You know them?"

I stared at the three people sitting soundly at the counter. The blonde was admiring herself in her compact, and the brunette was getting an uncomfortable look on her face as the boy whispered into her ear.

"Marilyn and Michael James." I pointed to the blondes. "Richest set of twins in town. The girl biting her nails is Jane, Michael's gal."

"You _do_ know them."

We both stared at the picture perfect group of people sitting like the perfect set of friends they were. It was like something out of an afterschool sitcom.

"Sorry."

"Um, Danni." My head turned over to see Marilyn waving her manicured finger for me to come over. "Can you please clean this table for me, please?"

I took a deep breath and grabbed the rag lying on a nearby counter. "Sure, Mar."

Marilyn smirked as I made my way over to the table and started cleaning.

"Hey, Danni," Jane spoke up. "I-I haven't seen you around lately."

Jane reminded me a lot of Johnny Cade the way she stuttered and trembled at everything. She does it naturally I suppose. She's done it since I met her a few years back. It's creepy in a way. I've never seen someone with that look on their face all the time like she does.

"Uh, yeah, I've been havin' to work a lot." I leaned over the table and began to wipe it off. "You finish that paper for English yet?"

She ran her fingers through her hair and looked down. "Uh, no not yet."

Marilyn huffed and looked down at her diamond watch. "Where's Randy? I have cheer in like forty-five minutes."

"He's in the back." Michael rolled his eyes at his sister's stupid remark. "Just hurry up and drink your milkshake so we can go. Janie and I got to catch that new movie out. Don't we doll?"

Jane smiled up and landed a kiss on his lips. "I love you."

I slowly backed away and watched the vain in Marilyn's forehead begin to throb as she watched them. The sloppy kissing and the yelling to come gave me an excuse to leave and run to the back. I'd seen that too many times to wanna sit front row and see it all happen again.

"Mom I know, okay?" he whined loudly. "I've got to get Mar to cheer soon though. I'm goin' to clean up after, alright?"

Mrs. Adderson sighed and placed her hands on her hips in a motherly fashion. I've seen my mother do that plenty of times to know what was going on here.

"I know you guys are having a hard time. You gotta stop stressin' so much 'bout it. Honey it's going to tar you up."

I slid back past the freezer to get away from the conversation. Mrs. Adderson reminded me too much of my mother. She even looked like her except older and more tired. She had a way about her that was just naturally there for mothering people. Sometimes it's just too similar.

Randy fussed and shook his head angrily. "Ma, I'm a big boy. I can handle my _feelings_ just fine," he stressed the word to further her mood. "I got to get Mar to cheer; I'll talk to you tonight."

He harshly brushed by her and out the door leaving the woman in deep confusion and anger. But she just rubbed her aching head and went back to telling the cooks what to do just like normal.

"Ever since that happened with Sam all he wants to do is fight." She turned back around and met my gaze. Dark circles ran under her eyes making her look ten years older than what she was. She needed to sleep. "Has he talked to you?"

I know the answer she wants and the answer I want to give her. It'll make her feel better and she's only asking so she can hear it. "We don't talk anymore."

She looked down at the floor and sighed. "Sam was a good boy. It's a shame it had to happen that way."

I wiped my hands on my apron and nodded. "Yeah. Really was somethin'."

"You talkin' bout that kid who died last week?" Jennie came over to us with a curious and concerned look on her face. "Did Randy know him?"

Mrs. Adderson ran her hands through her tangled blonde hair and mentally prepared herself to answer. "They were best friends since kindergarten. It's really hit him hard."

Jennie placed a gentle hand on her shoulder for comfort. "You ok?"

Mrs. Adderson moved away, letting Jennie's hand fall back to her side. "It's just hard to see someone so young, have their life taken away like that by some _hoodlum_ driving like a big_ hot shot_!" She threw her rag down on the counter and stormed off into her office.

Samuel Madison's family was real close to the Adderson's. They got together and played Bridge every Friday night while Sam and Randy hung out in Randy's room and watched movies. Randy would talk about him a lot. They were really close. Sam was like the big brother he never had and he _always_ followed him.

"Randy, you sure you don't want nothin'?" Marilyn pushed Randy and shoved the ice-cream covered end of her straw into her mouth. "It's real good."

He took a deep breath and kissed her cheek. "Nah, babe." He pulled her close to him. "You just drink it. I'm good."

Marilyn giggled like a little girl and went on to enjoying her vanilla milkshake and Randy went back to looking out into space. Michael was cuddled up with Jane in a nearby booth, whispering things in her ear that made her laugh and blush.

Marilyn made it her mission this past summer to snag Randy. Some people say it was only to shut the rumors up about her strange relationship with her brother. Marilyn and Michael are never seen without the other. They've been joined at the hip since they day they were born.

Randy agreed to take her up on her offer though and took her out. Few months later he asked her to be his girl. They walk down the halls like they own it. They act like they are on cloud nine.

That all changed last week. Everything changed.

Sam was the quarter back for the football team so the whole school knew who he was. He was arguably the most popular guy in school...until a week ago.

Since the day the papers had it in the headline that the accident was turning into a murder investigation, the East side has had our side under watch. Any little thing will set the other off and then a brawl will break out. It doesn't matter where or when, just as long as the Socs get what they wanted: An answer.

It's more like someone to blame.

Darry has also made it under strict rules that Ponyboy and I go nowhere without supervision, especially if we are going to the East side. Last week Greg Anthony was walking home from work on the East side when a couple of drunk Socs nearly beat him to death with a tire iron.

"I saw Dally yesterday," Jennie jumped in. "Lookin' pretty good." She put another fry in her mouth and waited for me to respond. "Dan, you listening?"

"Yeah, Dally," I answered quickly. I took in a deep breath and swatted the air near her in annoyance. "_Dally_."

The rotating chair screamed as it spun fully around and the blonde began to speak, "Danni is Cherry comin' to cheer today?"

"How should I know?" I asked. "I don't really talk to her."

Marilyn raised an eyebrow. "Well she is dating your broth- oh that's right, she's not. I'm sorry for bringing it up. How's he doin? He's ok isn't he? She didn't come down too hard on him?"

"They haven't broken up, Mar," I snapped at her. "They've just had some rocky days."

She rolled her eyes and sucked up the last of her shake. "Seems like you're out of the loop then."

"What does that mean?"

Randy quickly looked down at his watch and got up from his chair. "Mar, we're goin' to be late. We'd better go."

She slowly spun around in the chair and jumped down, grabbing her pompoms as she started to leave.

"Dan, can you tell Mom I left?"

I nodded as Michael and Jane both got up to follow the couple. Marilyn swiftly turned around and smiled. "Bye, Danni. See you later."

"Could they have been any ruder?" Jennie smarted off as she cleaned Marilyn's milkshake mess up. "Are you friends with them?"

I continued to stare at the window at the foursome crowding around to kiss and say their good-byes. Their clothes were spotless and hair combed perfectly. Their shoes sparkled and their sweaters showed no rips in them. They were the picture perfect group of young teens.

Everyone wanted to be like them..._everyone_.

"Dan?" Jennie came over and looked at me. "You ok?"

"Huh, oh, sorry." I wiped the sweat off my forehead and went back to cleaning the counter. "What did you ask?"

"Are you friends with them?" she repeated herself.

I looked out the window as they departed, giving each other one last kiss. A perfect little kiss that was just the same each time. "No, not anymore."

"You _used_ to be friends with them?"

The couples went their separate ways, the girls skipping down the sidewalk to their next location. "It's a long story."

She sneered and picked up the empty ice cream glass before looking over her shoulder as the four got out of sight. "You're a better person than me. I couldn't stand to be in the same room with that blonde if you paid me."

"She isn't that bad, least she didn't use to be." I sighed and looked to the mucky floor. "She used to be my best friend."

_'Cause it's nine in the afternoon, your eyes are the size of the moon, you could, 'cause you can, so you do, we're feeling so good, just the way that we do, 'cause it's nine in the afternoon. _

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><p><strong>AN:** So that's the first chapter. The trailer is on my profile and you can kinda get a visual if you haven't already. Please excuse any typos, and thank you for reading. Please review, all kinds are much appreciated.

Hope you enjoyed. Until next time,

Taylor.


	2. Spaceboy

**A/N: **Thank you so very much for the feedback from the last chapter. I appreciate all comments that are left. I decided to chill out at home today so I figured I'd be useful and update.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the _Outsiders_. Thin Lizzy owns _The Boys are Back In Town_.

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><p><em>Guess who just got back today? Those wild-eyed boys that had been away. Haven't changed, haven't much to say. But man, I still think those cats are great.<em>

The pace of the diner slowed down. It was getting closer into the evening and most people were making their way home from a long day at work. Jennie was over by the counter counting her tips, and the cooks in the back had taken a break to go out and smoke a few.

I had my feet propped up on a table, listening to Jennie sing along with Elvis on the radio. _"In my eyes, oh can't you see in my eyes, that you're the only one who can make my young dreams come true."_

She smiled to herself and went back to counting the change of tips she had collected.

I looked down at my poorly painted nails and started to pick away at the peeling paint. The color was Cherry's. She let me borrow it a few months back when she was over at the house. Cherry doesn't come around much anymore.

"Jennie, you miss Kansas?" I asked as the next song came on the radio.

She leaned back and sighed. "Not really. There wasn't really anything back there to miss unless you like piles of snow in the winter and tornados the rest of the year."

"What about your family?" I piled the last bit of chipped nail polish on the table top.

"What 'bout 'em?"

I looked up at her for the first time. She refused to look at anything but the few coins in her hand. "Nothin'."

The only things I knew about Jennie were that she was from Kansas and that she was related to the Addersons. That's all she'd_ let_ me know.

"Coffee's out ladies." One of the greasy cooks tipped the pot down showing that there was nothing but drops left. He scratched his stomach and waited for us to respond.

"Fill it back up," Jennie suggested as she threw the coins into her purse.

The cook threw the pot back down on the counter and headed on to the back. "Ain't what I get paid for."

I brushed off my paint scraps and went over to fill the pot. "Jennie you want some?" I poured myself some into a baby blue mug.

She scooted off her seat and came over. "Is it caffeinated?"

I picked up the label. "Says so."

She grabbed a cup from the shelf and handed it to me. "Fill it up."

"Are you guys open?" A dark haired teenage boy came through the front door, his shoes squeaking as he made his way to the counter.

I nodded as he took a seat at the counter. "Um, yeah. Can I get you something?"

"Coffee."

Jennie motioned at me and took a cup from the shelf to fill it up. I grabbed a menu and walked over to the young guy.

Dark blue jean jacket on, white shirt with unknown stains on it, hair so greasy I could use it to wax the floors, and a smell of cheap beer and colon; the perfect mixture used to make a greaser.

"Anythin' else I can get ya?" I placed the menu out in front of him.

"Cheeseburger and fries." He smiled slightly and handed the menu back.

His face made him look older than his body did. It was covered with dirt, and it looked like he hadn't washed it in days. HIs body looked tired and worked but his eyes were chipper and shinned as the lights hit them revealing a beautiful icy blue color.

"That it?" I leaned over and wrote it down on a ticket.

He nodded and looked to my right. "Yeah... Danielle."

I looked down at my nametag. It was rare people actually called me by my real name rather than Miss, ma'am or just waitress girl. I was starting to wonder the use of a nametag.

I grinned back and handed the ticket to the cooks in the back. "You can call me Danni." I twirled back around. "Are ya new in town? Hadn't seen you around here before."

Jennie placed the coffee in front of him. "Thanks." He took a strong sip. "Ronnie. I'm visitin' some relatives in Turley. Heard this was the town to come for a good time."

Jennie took a seat on a stool and sneered. "Yeah, you've hit the party half of town."

Third thing I know about Jennie: She lives at Buck's.

"She's just sayin' that because she don't sleep at night for the partyin'. Buck's, a few blocks over, is the place to go if you want to have a good time." I placed his order in front of him.

"Thanks." He placed a fry in his mouth. "Is there a hotel nearby?"

"Closest one is down the street. It's kinda expensive. Buck rents out rooms sometimes. You can probably ask him for a place to crash."

Jennie let out another smirk behind me.

The sound of the engine caught my attention. I knew that sound. I knew that purr. He worked every Saturday to make it sound that way. He obsessed over it all summer. He'd vroom it up in front of large crowds just to show off how cool he was. Soda fixed it after he blew it out for the _fifth_ time last week.

I know that sound.

"Fuck you!" The scream was loud. Some of the cooks in the back stopped what they were doing and glared out the small window. "Get the fuck off of me you fucking bastards!"

Ronnie threw a glance our way, confused as the rest of us once the silence came after. "What was that?" he asked.

We all stood still. The sound of the engine had stopped and everything was quiet out there. The world could hear a pen drop. It was too quiet for it to be over. We knew that much.

Soon came the sound of breaking glass and the scream that lit the fire. "Fuck off you stupid son-of-a-bitch! Don't touch me, ape face!"

"Goddamnit, Two-Bit!" I punched the swinging side door attached to the counter, knocking over a ketchup bottle and a sugar jar as I did.

I raced to the door only hearing the screams as Jennie and Ronnie followed behind me.

The door swung open showing three socs on top of one guy. One guy who hadn't stopped cursing since he got out of that Ford vehicle.

From across the street, Soda and Steve began running over to assist. People from nearby businesses were starting to close their doors and locking them, not minding the fighting going on right in front of their eyes.

"Get off of him!" Steve pulled one of the Socs out of the way and landed a punch to his left jaw. The guy groaned and spat before turning his focus on a new victim.

Soda joined in on the action and helped Steve out with pulling the guys off of Two-Bit. "Stay out of this, grease!" one of the boys shouted at Soda before slugging him in the nose.

Blood ran down his lip. It didn't faze him. He kept swinging and getting blood all over the green Cashmere sweater Billy favored more than he's own life.

"Damnit!" He groaned and looked down at the stain. "You've done it now grease."

"Hey!" I screamed at the brawl of dust brewing, hiding the boys. "Hey knock it off!"

Steve's eyes were the only ones I saw. Steve has fire in his eyes when he fights. "Danni shut your trap!" He pointed a finger over at me before diving back into the dust.

Jennie gazed on dumb founded with Ronnie. "What are they goin' at it 'bout?" Ronnie whispered to Jennie who just shook her head.

She knew. She'd gotten used to this in the short time she's been here.

"Get the fuck out of 'ere." A new voice was thrown into the mix. A voice I also knew and should have expected. It'd only be natural for him to be here, for him to get in on this. "I said get the fuck off of them and get out of 'ere!"

He ran over to the commotion and pulled everyone away landing a few punches to the three socs.

"Dally."

One of the guys looked up at him, blood slightly coming from his lip. "Ay, grease. Who you think you're talkin' to?" The tallest boy stomped over to where Dally was, towering over him. "Huh?"

Dally looked to the side and rubbed some spit off the side of his face as he chuckled at the idiot trying to intimidate him.

He turned and stared in the eyes of his aggressor, this dumbass, watching for the moment they'd both second guess themselves, and watching for that moment where the lightning would strike and they'd both pounce.

It was maybe less than one second, but Dally wasn't himself anymore and neither was anyone else. Things were slowed down like he was a Lion and this guy was his dinner that'd lost its footing and he was hungry, ready to feast.

Dally chuckled and swung his fist into the sweat dripping face of the boy. Flesh met flesh and the boy stumbled, fell like a drunken transient before God himself, confused and unaware of who or what had knocked him so hard.

The boy struggled to his feet, this was only the beginning.

Dust clouded up as the fighting animals tossed about on the gravel. Soda pinned down one of them. Steve was held down by another. Two-Bit was bleeding and spit and sweat was being spewed by all ends. His blood trailed on the dirt, and as each boy tangled with each other, they'd soak it up.

Dally stayed over to one side with the same guy. Punch, punch, after punch. One hit, the other one would hit harder. They'd stumble on the ground and then jump up on two legs again, ready to punch harder than before.

The sound of the whistle, and everyone stopped moving.

The boys in baby blue sweaters sprung up, some getting in a few more kicks and punches, and scrambled over to their car, piling in it like clowns at the circus, and driving off as fast as they could.

"You watch yourself!" The driver was the one to speak. "You're going to pay for what ya'll did. Each and every one of you. This isn't over."

And we knew it.

I strolled over timidly to the boys once everything was clear. Soda wiped some blood off the side of his face and Two-Bit washed his off with the bottom of his dark gray tee-shirt. Steve was sitting on the curb breathing heavily and cursing about how he should have hit harder.

I approached the guy standing behind all three boys, lighting a cigarette to calm his nerves. I crossed my arms over my chest and took a step near Soda to take a look at his busted lip.

"You ok?" I wiped a finger over the dripping blood.

He swiped the rest off with the side of his arm. "Yeah, I'm 'ight."

I sighed and looked over at Jennie who'd gone back into the dinner and had returned with a wet rag in her hand. "Here." She handed it to Two-Bit. "Might help more than your shirt there."

Two-Bit gave her a funny look before finally taking the rag. "Thanks."

Jennie nodded and turned to me. She pointed to Soda. "He ok?"

Soda looked at her for a moment. "Uh, nah, I'm good, thanks."

She muttered an okay and went to helping Steve pick up what was left of his dignity, and clearing the dirt and blood from his face and clothes, cursing at him to shut-up and sit still when he struggled against it.

"Who's that?" Soda asked, his eyes still following the blonde, still struggling against his best friend.

"Jennie," I answered with a sigh. "Started working here about two weeks ago."

"Thought ice would help." Ronnie came walking out of the diner and over to us with a bag in his hands. He handed it over to Two-Bit who had decided to take a seat beside Steve and enlist in his cursing.

I looked behind my brother and over at the guy still enjoying his weed. How I wanted to snatch it and crush it with everything I had inside of me. How I just wanted one for myself.

I sucked in a wind full of air and took a few steps. "You alright?"

He blew out a breath of smoke into the air, his lips still watering for more. "Ain't I always?" he spoke with a wink.

Suddenly, footsteps began making their way over to us. "Hey are you-" The sentence was cut off once the two set their eyes on each other and that cigarette almost feel from his face. "... alright?"

No one answered. The question didn't matter anymore. They both just gazed at each other, not blinking, not moving, not breathing.

"You two alright?"

Dally scoffed and turned to the side, pretending as if nothing happened, and sucked back on his weed, enjoying it just as he'd done before.

"Wondered how long it'd take before I saw you again." Ronnie sneered and shoved his hands into the pockets of his pants. "Guess I should've expected this though. Small town Tulsa huh Dal?"

The eyes of everyone else were starting to glue onto the two, confused as I was.

He didn't answer. He just blew out a bigger cloud and muttered a few cuss words under his breath.

"Not even goin' to say it huh?" Ronnie jumped. "Figures."

No punch. No rude comment. No attack.

I raised my eyebrows. "You two know each other or somethin'?"

Everyone began to crowd around us, egger to see this scene. "Dal," Steve spoke up. "You know this guy?"

"Yeah, _Dally_," Ronnie cooed. "Go on an' introduce me to your friends."

Dally shot him an intimidating look, one of warning and anger. He rolled his eyes, blowing smoke out to the side. "Yeah."

"Who is he?"

He studied the stick in his hands. That stupid little stick that was almost gone and still there for him to focus on rather than us.

He took a breath and gritted his teeth and spoke, "He's my brother."

_That jukebox in the corner blasting out my favorite song. The nights are getting warmer, it won't be long. It won't be long till summer comes. Now that the boys are here again. The boys are back in town._

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><p><strong>AN: **What are your thoughts about Ronnie? Reviews are much appreciated.


	3. Longing Behind

**A/N: **Happy _late_ Halloween! I was gonna update on Halloween but that didn't pan out too well. Basketball started Monday and I'm sore and tired and yeah...sorry.

I couldn't find the school Pony went to or if it even said so let's call it AU.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the _Outsiders_ or the song, _Rumor Has It_.

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><p><em>All of these words whispered in my ear. Tell a story that I cannot bear to hear. Just 'cause I said it, it don't mean I meant it. People say crazy things. Just 'cause I said it don't that mean I meant it. Just 'cause you heard it.<em>

Two-Bit was the first to spring up. "Well hello, then." He stuck his hand out. "Mighty nice meetin' you. Name's Two-Bit, Two-Bit Mathews."

Ronnie looked at him a little strange, but shrugged it off and held a grimy hand back. "Ronnie."

"Dallas," I hissed at a whisper. "He really your brother?"

He turned a shoulder and lit another cigarette and cussed about his piece of shit lighter and then his blade.

"Dal, didn't tell us he had a brother." Soda walked over to join in, in the handshaking. His eyes wondered to Dally as he followed Two-Bit's lead and shook the stranger's hand.

Everyone's out to seek approval. Problem is, the one your asking couldn't give two shits about approval.

"Yeah, I suppose he didn't." Ronnie eyeballed him.

Dally turned on his heel, liquidating any chance for readings, and lit another cigarette, sending smoke up into the air the size of a mountain, sucking in as much as he could. He needed it.

"You from New York?" Steve asked from his position on the ground.

"Yeah, sure am. Thought I'd come down here and visit some family." He smirked and threw a foul stare at Dallas. "Looks like I struck gold."

All eyes gazed upon Dally's oddly relaxed body. He didn't move an inch at the remarks. He kept his stance clean and just smoked his cigarette like nothing. Like he didn't care that this guy was trashing him in front of his face. That he was doing it to his friends and almost humiliating him.

"How old are ya?" Two-Bit asked.

"Fifteen."

Everyone's focus went back to this new guy standing in front of us. Mine didn't move. Dallas Winston's baby brother stood here in the flesh. His eyes the same exact color and hair a smoky color, but he didn't speak.

Figures, huh Dal?

"Half-brother."

"What?" I spun back around.

"Same dad different mom," Dally grumbled for the first time. His body moved and he made his way back over to us.

Hell's still hot ain't it?

"So what this is your long lost brother or somethin'? You really expect us to believe that shit?" Steve growled at the two as they met each other again.

The stare down started again between the brothers.

Thought so. You can feel the heat.

"Nah," Ronnie answered. "Nah, we ain't."

It got quiet again for a while. The only thing going on was the showdown between them. It's just them and everyone else is standing still. The two brothers with icy blue eyes staring at each other like beams of fire were shooting from their eyes, each wanting to kill the other.

"Uh, well we should… go get cleaned up I guess," Soda broke the silence. "Ronnie, Dal?"

"Nah, you guys go on ahead," Dally stated, not breaking away. "I got somewhere to be."

He looked over his shoulder at me and then walked past everyone and down the street, one hand in his jacket, the other one still holding that stupid cigarette.

You deserve an applause.

* * *

><p>"What'd you do?"<p>

The door slammed shut behind us.

"Hey, now don't be lookin' at me," Two-Bit defended himself. "I didn't do nothin'."

He plopped down on the couch and put his feet up on the coffee table, grabbing a bowl of chips with his good hand. He's home.

"Get your feet of my table." Darry ran by his legs, knocking them to the ground making Two-Bit whine. "I just cleaned that."

Soda stepped over the dirty laundry on the floor, kicking a few items, and headed into the kitchen. "Thought you had work today, Dar?"

"Nah, Jim sent us home for the rest of the day. Things got slow." He followed Soda into the kitchen and opened the freezer door. The ice crackled as he scooped it up out of the box and wrapped them around a rag.

"He your uncle or somethin'?" Ronnie whispered.

I shook my head and took a seat on the arm chair. "Brother."

He stared for a minute at the man walking back in forth in the kitchen. It wasn't an odd remark someone was to mistake Darry for an uncle or even a father. Hey, it's happened. The new facial hair he's grown hasn't helped his case out that much either.

"Gosh, you people don't buy food no more?" Steve slammed the fridge door shut and went to slamming cabinets.

Soda chuckled and popped open a Pepsi. "Nah we just hide it from the monkeys that tend to show up."

"Here, kid." Darry held out the wadded up rag to Two-Bit. "Cops ain't goin' to show up in a minute are they?"

"Just gimme the damn ice!" Two-Bit snatched it and hissed once it touched his sensitive skin.

I stared at the multicolored laundry spread all around the living room. Bras, shorts, and tee-shirts coated the carpet floor. It was my week to do laundry and Kathy couldn't back me up this week.

"Kathy still got late shift tonight?" I asked.

He ran a hand through his hair and kicked a bra on the floor. "Yeah. Dan you gotta clean this crap up. I haven't had a clean shirt in days." He turned around, his eyes going to the boy sitting on the arm of his chair. "Um, hey."

"Dar this is Ronnie."

Ronnie held his hand out. "Hey, man."

Darry blinked a few times before doing the same. "Hey."

Soda reemerged into the room with a handful of chocolate chip cookies. He stuffed one in his mouth and giggled. "He look familiar, Dar?"

Darry stared again. He couldn't tell. _I_ couldn't. He couldn't-

"You related to Dallas Winston by chance?"

"Brother."

There's that word again. _Brother._ Some sign of Dally not being produced my aliens was sitting in our house right beside _me_. Who knew? Who'd _really_ know?

Darry half-nodded and hollered into the kitchen, "Stevie boy you better not touch that chicken or I'll rearrange that big ol' nose for you."

He stomped after him, ignoring everything.

Ronnie didn't exactly seemed thrilled to be here but he did give an occasional wry smile to the jokes Two-Bit threw and sometimes he'd even chuckle and move his shaggy brown hair out of his face.

_I_ took the time to examine the damage.

His eyes were darker than Dally's. Maybe even deep blue instead of light. I'd go as far as saying they were navy. He also had this tooth that was a little lopsided because it lapped over another just the tiniest bit.

His mannerisms weren't Dally's either. He was bigger and scruffy. He sat as if he had a corncob up his ass and if he moved it'd move. Maybe he really didn't want to be here either but neither did I.

"Two-Bit!" The screen door slammed back, loosing what screws were still holding it together. "I had to hear about you getting your nose broken by freakin' Mary-Jane! What on Earth did you do and why didn't you call?"

She slammed on the sofa and reached out for his face.

He shoved her a good foot down the couch. "Shut-up Em. My nose ain't broken but you're about to make my head."

Her hands took position on her hips looking just like her momma. "It's already broken."

The boys in the back didn't hide their chuckles as the conversation echoed. If Two-Bit told half the stuff his sister said about him, he'd be more of a comedian than he already _thought_ he was.

Two-Bit blushed. "Emily, shut it! I can take care of myself, thank you."

"Apparently not because I do your laundry and you don't even know how to wipe your own ass right!"

The laughs got out of control and Two-Bit's chubby baby cheeks got redder.

Emily Mathews. My-oh-my how she'd grown. Size B knockers, miniskirts, low ride tops, boys eyes following her as she left or bent over; Two-Bit had sometime this summer as did she. In the words of Darrel Curtis Jr.: _Welcome to it big boy._

"Shut-up!" he yelled again, this time in her face. "And what in God's green hell are you wearing?"

She huffed and her eyes did a spin. Attitude. Mark that one down too. "God's hell isn't green, moron. And it's a skirt. I didn't know that was a crime too!"

His eyes burned her skin. "You bend over and the whole world can see your ass!"

Too late for that. "Two-Bit leave her alone. It's fine."

Emily's brown eyes darted over. "See-" They darted back- "Danni agrees with me."

His eyes were the next to move. He shot me a glare, burning _my_ skin, and snapped back to her. "Yeah well don't go gettin' any ideas."

"What does that mean?" I asked.

He threw his ice down on the coffee table and rushed out the door, slamming it shut.

"Hey," Ronnie broke the tension. "I'm Ronnie."

She looked away from the door, her eyes lighting up. "Hi."

* * *

><p>Red and Green. The colors our school chose to have represented them. Even the lockers are painted the spirty colors. Every time you walk into the school and overwhelmed sense of Christmas fills your mind. Even during away games, the sound of Christmas carols are shouted from the stands along with laughs and points.<p>

Bravo, Thomas McKinley, Bravo.

There have been rallies to try and change the colors. Some have even gone to the board but each time it ended with the same words: This is our school, these are our colors. We shall represent them with honor and respect, no matter what.

Marilyn James has took those words and lived by them.

Her top of the line sweaters also had a pinch of green or red and on days there was a game, you can count on that bouncy cheer skirt to be walking up and down the halls along with the bushy red pompoms right by her side.

Each sprit week she organizes a few Prep Rallies to try and pump the school up and get them to wear the prideful colors. During spirit week, she even offers a check to the person who wore it best.

Lately though, there haven't been many prep rallies.

Tonight on the other hand, the Bears are playing the Cardinals and today, Marilyn James is as festive and chipper as ever.

"Randy it's not straight." She pointed at the top corner. "Move that side up!"

He huffed and readjusted the poster that read in big bold letters: **Let's Go Bears. **

Marilyn makes them every night before a game and comes in real early to hang them up. She goes to the store near midnight and buys glitter and markers and dolls them up real nice and then she watches movies and stays up late with whoever it is that helps her out.

Then sometimes she'll have a glitter fight and it'd take days just to get it out but she said it was okay because everyone looks good with glitter on them.

"Jane what'd you do to your hair?" she squealed.

"Mom did it last night." She smiled happily.

Marilyn twirled it up her finger and looked on in awe. "She'll have to do mine sometime. This is a really good look for you."

"Is this alright?" Randy asked, pressing the pin into the paper.

She nodded and thanked him once he got down and kissed his lips quickly before anyone saw. "James, does it look alright?"

"How long did ya spend on it, sis?"

"I was up 'till one. I didn't have any helped because _Jane_ had piano."

Jane apologized again and began to pull on her short hair. It was going to fall out again like it did last time. It was another habit she couldn't break.

Marilyn spun around to head to her locker, revealing something that someone should have pointed out a long time ago. Something she'd die to know someone saw.

She smiled at herself in the mirror and grabbed a book out before turning and looking. "Hey, Danni."

"Hey, Mar."

"You going to the big game tonight?" she asked. "We're supposed to win so it'll be fun, ya know?"

I grabbed my math book and shook my head. "I don't think so. I kinda got somethin' to do."

"With Dallas?"

She was beaming. Her teeth had just been whitened the day before and her roots done. She was glowing without the light. "Yeah...something like that."

She clung to her books. "Have fun then."

Once she turned the laughter behind her seesed and I got a full look at the accident yet again. No one had told her. Everyone was laughing and pointing. Randy, James, and Jane were gone. She was going to go all day with it.

I bit my lip. "Mar, uh, come here."

"Yeah?" Her movement made the points and sneers return.

"You need to come here."

Her heels clicked as she proudly made her way to me. "Yes?"

There was no easy way to tell her. No easy way to tell anyone but especially Marilyn James. She was just a spark getting ready to light fire to anything in her path.

I snatched the blue jacket from my locker and tossed it to her. "Put it around your waist."

She looked at it, puzzled. "Why? I don't want your jacket Danni."

A boy ran by her, a hand over his mouth trying to control his laugh.

"You need it."

"No." She held it back out. "Thanks but no thanks dear. Not really my color."

"Mar-"

"I said no!"

"Just take it. You're-"

"I don't want your stupid dirty jacket!"

His footsteps made the floor rumble. They always did. "What's going-"

"Why?" I snapped at her. "Say it Mar."

She rolled her eyes and latched on to Randy's arm. "I don't need to say anything. I don't want your jacket. I think we've discussed this. I don't need it and-"

"You leaked," I stated. "All _over_ yourself."

She stared blankly for a minute before it finally snapped. She twirled around and looked over her shoulder, gasping at what she saw, Randy turning his head and holding back a chuckle.

"Oh my God!"

"Yeah," I growled. "Want it now?"

Her head darted back. "No!"

"Why?"

Randy stepped slightly in-between us. "Guys I-"

"Get that away from me."

"Why don't you want it, Mar? Is because I smell? I have some kind of disease?"

She shook her head. "You're impossible. I don't want it. Just drop the stupid conversation and run off, Danni. You're good at that."

My eye twitched. "Why do you always have to be that way?"

"Be like what? Danni, don't even kid yourself."

"Say it."

"No."

"Say it."

"No!"

"You've been saying it for years," I shouted. "Go ahead and do it again! You always do this to me! You always have!"

She grew defensive. "_I_ have always been that way to _you_! Look in the mirror Danni. Look at who you are!"

"Marilyn-"

"Who_ I_ am?" A crowd was starting to gather. "You're such a conceded bitch! This has always been it. I'm sorry I'm not a rich princess like you."

She sneered. "You should be."

"That's what you're saying! You can't be around me or heaven forbid, touch me!"

Randy sighed. "Danni that's not what she's saying."

She crossed her arms over her chest and huffed as she grabbed Randy's jacket to cover herself. "Don't flatter yourself Danni."

I sneered. "You haven't changed one bit have you? You're the same bitch you've always been."

"Oh trust me, the feeling is mutual." She tied the sleeves together, looking up and smiling. "By the way, how's your_ boyfriend_ doing? He in jail yet - wait, that's the other one."

The crowd had circled us. Randy took Marilyn by the arm, desperately trying to pull her away. Soon I felt the same thing beside me and a whisper in my ear telling me to just walk away.

"You don't know anything Mar."

She raised an eyebrow. "I know Dallas will be joining him soon. Can't kill a guy and get away with it, can you?"

A hand pulled my arm back. Everything was blurring up and my throat and chest were hurting and my legs were becoming unsteady. The effects of Marilyn James. Some things never changed.

"He didn't do it!" I tried to pull away from the person holding me. "You know that!"

Randy grabbed her arm as she followed my lead. "You know it's true. It's written in black and white, Danni. Wake up!"

"Danni, come on." His arms went around my waist, trying to take me away.

"You don't know him!" I shouted. "He was with me that night, alright? Don't you even-"

"What's going on here guys?" Two-Bit broke the tension between us, eyeing Randy. "We got a problem here?"

Randy dropped Marilyn's arm. "Get lost, Mathews. This doesn't concern you."

I breathed out for a minute and took a step back. "They're saying Dally killed Sam."

His stare hadn't broken from Randy's. "That true big guy?"

Randy shifted and his hands moved into his pockets. "What you gonna do about it, huh, Mathews? Told ya this didn't concern you so why don't you run along now. There's some skanky blonde down the hall. Better go after her."

Two-Bit's eyes turned colors. His fists turned into balls and he laughed. He stood there and laughed in his face. "Good one, bristle pad."

"Danni, let's just go," Pony begged. "Teachers are going to come out in a minute."

I breathed over and over again until my lungs were burning. I took his arm and took in a huge gasp of air. "Two, just come on. It ain't worth it."

I touched his pumping arm, calming him to leave.

Marilyn smirked. "Running again. _Shocker_."

It took him a minute but he broke his gaze and spun fully around, pulling me along behind him to where his arm was around me, and I couldn't see what was behind me.

I looked over my shoulder. Perfect princess. "Dally didn't do it."

The ends of her lips curled and she smiled her Marilyn James smile. One used to kill. "Gotcha'."

"Just remember, Marilyn, I _still_ know." One last time. "I fucking _know_ Marilyn."

And here's to a hammer we're taking to this goddamn wall of ours. It's about damn time.

_Bless your soul. You've got your head in the clouds. You made a fool out of you. And, boy, she's bringing you down. She made your heart melt, but you're cold to the core. Now rumor has it she ain't got your love anymore._


	4. Door Wide Open

**A/N: **This is the first chapter I'm switching up the POV. It should be a preview of what the format is going to be like for most of the chapters.

**Disclaimer: **Don't own the _Outsiders_. Don't own _Somewhere I belong _by Linkin Park.

* * *

><p><em>I will never know myself until I do this on my own and I will never feel anything else, until my wounds are healed. I will never be anything till I break away from me. I will break away, I'll find myself today.<em>

"I don't see why you don't like him." She picked up an apple and sucked her teeth into it. "I mean he seems real sweet. You like sweet."

He rolled his eyes. Sweet wasn't what _he_ liked. "He's Dallas Winston's _brother_. You need to stay away from him. I don't trust 'im."

"Why?" she nearly yelled, cocking her head. "Danni is dating _Dallas_. You don't see her brother's going all ape shit."

He cringed at the last word. After all the years of him not watching his mouth, she finally caught on to a few things. His mom says it'll pass along with the clothing and attitude. He knew better. "They do too. And watch the language, will ya?"

She shrugged it off and tiptoed into the living room, the apple still hanging on her teeth. "He's cute."

"God, don't _say_ that!"

"Stop bein' that way." She whipped back around and smiled. "I'm smart."

_Yeah_, he thought, _smart enough to check out Ronnie Winston_. "Just stay away from him, 'ight?"

Why was she all of a sudden into boys anyway? Last time he checked she was still playing with Barbie dolls with Kens missing their heads, and having tea with stuffed animals. He knew this day would come...he'd just have to nip it in the butt quicker than he thought.

"I mean it, Em," he stressed. "I know the Winstons'. They're not people you wanna wrap yourself into. Find someone better."

She gave him an annoyed look, one he hadn't seen on her before. "You don't know _Ronnie_!"

"You don't either!" he threw back. "And if him and Dal are related, I think I know what he's like."

"He's different!"

His eyes almost jumped out of socket. "You just met him the other day! You don't know anything about him and now you're talkin' like ya'll are going to run off in the night and get hitched!"

She grinned slyly.

"Don't you dare!"

She giggled at her brother's distress. "Calm yourself. I'm a big girl, Two. I can take care of myself and choose boys for myself just fine."

Sure she could.

* * *

><p>It was right where she wanted it. It was the<em> one<em> she wanted. He spent every minute of the summer at the DX just to pay for it. He wouldn't have it any other way. He was going to pay for it. He was going to do this for her.

"Mom dropped by to check in," she informed him lightly. "She saw the holes in the bathroom. You know my dad could-"

"Evie I told you I don't want any help," he snapped. "I'll fix 'em."

He meant to do it last week but that was before the stove blew a fuse and someone had to work to pay for it. He would get to the bathroom this weekend. He'd just have to.

Evie sighed and circled another spot in the paper. "No one's hirin'. I couldn't get a job in this town if I walked around topless."

He wiped the oil on the outside of the part he was fiddling with. It, just like everything else, needed fixed. "Ain't nothin' I can do, babe. Just gonna have to suck it up, and put your big girl panties on."

"Would you stop bein' such an ass," she spat. "You've been this was all fuckin' week and I'm tired of it. I'm tryin' okay?"

He slammed the piece of medal down on the table making the glasses tremble. "Well I'm awful sorry that I'm a _little_ tired from working my _brains_ out for the past three months!"

"I didn't ask you to do that!"

"Sure you didn't." He sat back down at the table and started working on the part again.

She tossed the marker down on the table in front of his face. "I'm goin' out."

"To where?" he asked loudly. She didn't go out. They were married. Where and who was she going with?

She grabbed her jacket from the living room and wrapped her slender body up. "Alice wanted to check out the new bar that just opened up. Promised her I'd go."

He watched as she carefully buttoned each button precisely. If there was one thing Steve Randle couldn't stand about his new wife, it was how much of a perfectionist she was. The littlest thing could be out of place and next thing he knew the whole house would be flipped upside down and the kitchen would be the new bathroom.

"Well what am I supposed to do? Did you not make dinner either?"

"No."

"Evie!"

"I'm your wife not your maid, Steven Randle." She threw her hair back and quickly fetched her purse. "You want food, you fix it yourself. Brand new stove right there!"

He sneered. "Yeah the one I bought with_ my_ money!"

"You're such an ass." She opened the door, ready to run.

He leaped from his position ready to chase her. She wasn't leaving. He wasn't finished yet. "Where are you going?"

"Away from _you_!"

Too bad he just couldn't buy her that fucking house.

* * *

><p>The house gets real quiet when Darry and Soda have to work late and Pony's at Track. It doesn't get quiet in this house that often and to anyone else, it'd be nice to just sit and soak it all in. That is, to anyone else.<p>

"Danni." The door downstairs opened. "You home? I got food!" Kathy stood with a box in hand, smiling up the stairs. "Come on, I'm _starving_."

I skipped every other carpeted step, hopping down. "I thought you had the night shift again tonight?" I followed her to the kitchen table where she laid the box.

"Someone got the times wrong so they just sent me home." She licked the sauce off her finger. "What've you been doing all alone in here anyway? I expected to come home to a party or at least Dally with his feet propped up on the sofa."

"No Dally, no party." I picked the cheesy covered bread and crammed it down my throat. "Just little ol' me."

"Well..." She smacked her lips together. "That's good. Darry'd kill us _both_ then."

She slipped her blonde hair out of the hair bow holding up. It fell until it hit the tip of her shoulder blade and flattened out. Darry got pretty upset when she cut it all off. It was a long night and Kathy ended up crying on our sofa for a while.

"When's Dar comin' home?"

She dried off a clean plate and put it in the cabinet. "I talked to him earlier. He said around nine or so."

That night, Darry hugged her so tight I though she was going to die from lack of oxygen. He held her head and shushed her for an hour. She told him she thought he'd like it. She did it for him because it was the same style Beverly Harris had and Darry was always staring at her.

"You going to stay the night?"

She laughed and shook her head. "No. You think that'd ever happen?"

It was the first night I'd seen that look on Darry's face. Everything was drained and he got so white. It was the first time any of us had seen Kathy cry, even him.

"When you two going to tie the knot anyway?" I asked.

She spun back around like a top. "We've only been dating for a few months. Don't be so _stupid_."

"C'mon." I giggled, picking the cheese off my slice and eating it. "We all know it's going to happen anyway."

He kept apologizing. She told him it was fine and she'd grow it back out, but he didn't stop. In all my life, I'm not sure I'd heard him say those words so many times. Then he slipped out the words I _know_ I've never heard him say to any other girl but two.

"He loves you." I grinned. "I mean come on, Kat. You two are like perfect for each other and you know it."

She shook her head and tried to wipe away the smile she's had for months. "Yeah, yeah. Call me Cinderella and we can call him... Prince Charming. That the guy's name?"

"_Kathy_," I whined. "Come on, Soda wants to be an uncle and I want a little Darria running around here."

She scrunched her eyebrows. "_Darria_? Really?"

She stopped everything that night and just looked into his eyes. He didn't stutter, he didn't take anything back; he just looked into her eyes and repeated the words again. Three words he had saved for her and only her.

She turned back around to her dishes. "Well, how is Dally anyway?"

"Way to change the subject."

She threw the rag at me. I dodged. She laughed. "Hush. And no way in _hell_ am I naming my kid Darria..._Dallia_."

"Funny."

It was also the first night I'd seen them kiss. Darry's weird about public affection and I think it was the first time any of us had seen him kiss someone, period. Kathy kept crying. She latched onto his neck and didn't let go. And she still hadn't.

"So, Dally," she pressed on. "Let's put _you_ in the hot seat."

I picked some of the hot cheese off the next slice of pizza and licked the sauce off my hand. "What do you wanna know?"

"Well how is he?" she stated in an obvious tone. "He hasn't been around here lately."

I shrugged. "He's working more. He wants some kind of new engine or wheels or something for that stupid car."

He still _had_ that stupid car. It was all anyone heard when he'd drive it somewhere. He even had a name for her. _Her. _Sheila. Every date I went on Sheila was there watching, and every date I went on, it was Sheila who got petted and cooed at the end.

"He's been hanging with the guys more again too," I said. "With Tim in jail, he seems calmer which is good."

Dally'd been out of the gang group since we'd gotten together. Soda still gets on pins most of the time when we're together and most of the guys are too, but I think Dally's happy he's good with them again. He seems so anyway.

"He ain't gotten into any more trouble has he?" she asked. "If so don't tell me. Darry will flip again if he finds out and it'll be _me_ who will have to hear it and my ear can't take anymore Darry."

Dally stole Robby Hendricks's tires. _Stole_, not slashed. He said they were top of the line and if ol' Robby was dumb enough to leave them sitting at the end of the street at night, well he deserved to have them taken.

"No, he's been alright as far as I know. Like you said, he ain't been around too much."

She picked up the dish rag and started shinning the ladle. "What's up with this Ronnie kid? He's Dally's baby brother?"

"Says so."

"Don't you think that's weird?" She turned back around. "I mean, how long has it been since they've seen each other?"

"Dally won't speak a word of him," I told her. "I know, I think it's weird too, but I guess it's none of my business. Dally doesn't talk about his family or anything anyway so I don't know."

"But I mean, where'd this kid come from? He's just visiting some family in the middle of a school year? Don't you think that's odd?"

I smirked and tossed the left over crust into the trash. "Well if you can get Dal to answer all these question, I'll hand you a gold medal babe."

She shook her head and crossed her arms over her chest. "I just might. I like Dal."

"Oh so you're after my _beau_, Kathy Henson."

She held her nose high in the air. "Nice hair, good lookin' car. Think I could go for it."

I smiled. "Yeah, then Darry'd have a _real_ good reason to kill 'im."

"Kill who?" The back door shut back once he entered the room. He set the beat-up red box on the table and walked over to her. One hand picking up a slice of pizza, the other wrapping around her waist. "Say."

"Don't worry 'bout it." She pulled his head down and kissed the tip of his head. "You need a shower."

"Hey, I don't smell that bad." He pulled her in close making her yelp. "Come on, smell me."

She grinned and let out a few squeaks. "Go bathe, _now_."

He let go, an expression of disappointment coating his face. "Well guess I'm going to have to take the hint then." He turned on his heel and made his way over to me. "You think I smell?"

He put his arm around my shoulder, his arm pit filling the once clean air. "Yes." I pushed him. "Worse than Sodapop."

"Now there's an insult."

"How was work?" Kathy asked.

He rubbed his head and let out a tiresome sigh. "Hell. I gotta get these freakin' bills done."

"I could-"

"No," he said firmly. "I got it, Kat."

There are moths running into the light on the porch. Most of the time they'd end up in here and Darry'd kill them and Soda'd through a fit, but tonight they're just running into that light, some sticking to the screen of the door.

Within a second, they all flew as quickly as possible, for the boy fixing to slam their rest spot into the wall. "God!"

"What's wrong with _you_?" Darry's head spun back around.

He looked worse. His track suit was barely hanging to his body and there was still sweat running down his forehead. His books were falling out of his bag and it looked like he'd just ran five blocks rather than Cherry driving him.

"Freakin' Cherry!" he grumbled. "She just...I don't know! She started cryin' the moment I got into the car and next thing I know she's tellin' me she can't take it anymore."

Kathy tilted her head. "What's wrong with her?"

"That's just it!" he yelled. "She wouldn't tell me! She just kept cryin' and talkin' about how hard things were and how hard they were going to get and I just don't even know!"

"Well it had to be something." Cherry just doesn't freak out. Cherry's collected, sophisticated.

He took in a breath and composed himself. "I think it's her parents but I don't know. She was talking about them fighting a lot a few weeks ago but she hasn't mentioned it lately."

I stared at the floor, biting my tongue.

"Pone, I'm sorry."

He sniffled and wiped his nose on his sleeve. "We'll break up soon anyway." He threw his bag on the floor. "Just might as well get it over with!"

Darry shook his head. "Pone."

He was already half-way up the stairs. It'd been this way for a month. Cherry just wasn't Cherry anymore. It didn't seem like she'd come back either.

Ponyboy had it tough. The talking hurt, but the tears stung...it did for all of us.

Darry sighed and rubbed his already dead face. "I guess I'll take this one."

"Cherry wasn't always like that was she?" Kathy asked.

"No, Cheery was real sweet. To be honest, I never thought they'd end up together, but it happened. She'd been real good to him. They were fine...good in fact."

She huffed and let the water out of the sink. "I should help him. He can just suck it up this time. I'm doing the freakin' bills."

Cherry just wasn't Cherry anymore...and she wasn't coming back.

_That it's not the way I had imagined it all in my mind. What do I have but negativity 'cause I can't justify the way everyone is looking at me. Nothing to gain, hollow and alone. And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own._


	5. Jumping the Gun

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the Outsiders or _Mac Arthur's Park_.

* * *

><p><em>I will take my life into my hands and I will use it. I will win the worship in their eyes and I will lose it. I will have the things that I desire. And my passion flows like rivers through the sky.<em>

A picket fence runs around the large stunning home. Purple and blue flowers grow in beds by the porch and crisply trimmed bushes sit beside them. A pool's in the back and there is always fresh lemonade laid out for visitors to drink and gnomes sit along the sides, protecting the garden.

Chris James was a relator slash Politian. He spent most of his time in an office building downtown with other big Whigs and on the side he liked to remodel and sell dream homes. Then to wind himself down, he spent the weekends on the golf court with rich business owners trying to cop a deal and drinking Scotch.

Carolyn James was a homemaker. A good one at that. She made sure her matching twins wore top of the line clothing and had everything available to them to succeed even to a point of living in a spotless home.

Thanks to the maids that is.

She'd make her neighbors come over and embellish in gossip together and talk about how each of their children were doing, each trying to top the other even if lies had to be told. No one would ever know.

The James family was quant.

"Marilyn, do your friends want something to drink? I could get Carol to whip something up for you to eat too," she informed them, slipping on her fur coat. "Don't go near the wine. I mean it this time. Your father needs that."

Marilyn shot her a smile. "We wouldn't dare."

Her mother grinned and winked as she slipped out the door. Marilyn knew her mother needed that wine more than her father. Her father was a Scotch and Jack Daniels man. She did the wine...and anything else that came nearby.

"This radio is a piece of shit," Michael complained.

"Have you seen Frankie?" Marilyn asked, lighting a cigarette. "I wanna go to fat camp and get whatever the hell she did."

Jane grabbed a stick. "Her parents bought her some kind of person to watch what she eats."

"Who knew the girl had boobs under all that fat."

Randy grumbled at the sight of his girlfriend. She was better than this. He snatched the smoking stick from her mouth. "Be nice."

Marilyn eyeballed him, sending him death threat with those big brown eyes of hers. Randy had seen those too many times in his sleep. They were beautiful and luscious in the day; it was at night when you have to watch them. They're knifes in your throat.

He didn't break his stare. That's what she wanted. She fed off of it.

She leaned back on the sofa and crossed her legs. "Imbosile."

"What was that?" he barked.

She ignored his attempts to be a threat to her and snagged another cigarette from her purse. "You heard me." She lit it. "First you don't say anything to _her_ at school when she attacked me, then you sit here and bitch at me...you're such a fucking girl."

She took a long drag and peered at him, a small smile creasing on her ruby red lips.

Randy jumped. "I'm a _girl_? What did you want me to do? I couldn't touch her and you know why."

Michael switched the station and strolled near his sister. "He's right." He took her cigarette and kept it. He smoked it. "You don't need to go near her either. Stay away from that bitch."

"Michael-"

"Oh Jane shut it!" Marilyn snapped. She whipped back to her brother. "Don't tell me what to do. I remember. I'd be damned if I'm going to be walking on eggshells with her."

Michael shared his sister's eyes, that's for sure. When to two stare off, it's a never ending battle and anyone around dies off. They're the ones that get shot with the deflections.

"Just play nice, sis." Michael grinned, another feature he shared. "She is your _best friend_."

"You wanted to fuck her so bad you couldn't stand it." She drove her face forward and shook it slightly. "Don't even try to deny it."

Jane sat on the sofa, hands folded in lap and head down. They didn't care. It was her job to pick sides not talk.

Michael's smile grew as his sister's did. He had to laugh at that.

"Just cut all ties with her." Randy stood up and put an end to the nonsense. "No eye contact, no talking, no touching, and most importantly: don't go near Dallas Winston."

Michael opened a bottle of his father's Scotch and poured himself, his girl, his sister, and his best friend, a glass. "Calm down. That bastard don't scare me. He thinks he can run this town. Fuck him."

Randy clenched his glass as the others took their sips. "We can't make her mad."

"Why?" Marilyn swirled the liquid around in a circle in her glass. "Still got the hots for her?"

"No." He took a strong sip. "We can't afford for her to get pissed and do something stupid."

Michael poured himself some more; he'd blame it on the maids. "Bitch better not if she knows what's good for her."

Randy took a deep breath and thought for a minute. Sometimes he wondered why he stood here. Sometimes he wondered why he even bothered to speak to these three. It was like talking to brick walls.

"She knows. We all know that." He sighed. "We just have to make sure she doesn't squeal. We just have to."

* * *

><p><em>"Randy," she breathed out her mouth. "Have you talked to Sam today?"<em>

_He rubbed his face. He had dark circles that made him look like a relative of a raccoon. He hadn't slept. "No."_

_She wrapped herself with her arms. "Maybe you-"_

_"No," he growled harshly. "He's fine. We all are. You just got to calm yourself. You're a wreck."_

_He knew he shouldn't point it out; he was one to talk in the first place. There hadn't been a day or night go by that he hadn't been thinking about it. Sam said to push it aside and soon the body would create its own force mechanism that would tune it out and the brain will let the body forget about it._

_It was easier said than done. _

_"Sorry," he mumbled. "How...how are you anyway?"_

_She shrugged and tightened her grip on herself. "Can't sleep. I've been in Darry's bed for days. He's starting to wonder."_

_That caught an eyebrow. "You didn't-"_

_"No."_

_He scarfed down another chip. He himself had been asked a few questions. His mom wasn't one for turning a shoulder to strange things like the James' and Sam's parents. She was on top of everything._

_He'd quieted her down for the most part. It was only a supplement though. She'd be back and he'd need a new line._

_"Tell him it's about your parents."_

_"What?"_

_He picked up another chip. "He's going to keep asking until you give him a reasonable answer. Tell him you're dreaming about them like your brother and you're just hurting. That's why you're acting strange."_

_She looked up this time. "Randy, I can't do that. It's not-"_

_"You have to. I mean it. Tell him."_

_"But-"_

_He reached over and gripped her hand lightly. "Danni, you have to trust me. I'm trying to help you. It's just going to get worse if you don't and it's going to eat you up. You gotta let it die. This is going to be the way. Soon you'll be believing your own lies."_

_She blinked a couple of times. "I need to talk to someone Randy."_

_"Talk to me."_

_She pulled away. "I can't! I'm scared and all you care about is covering your ass! I'm sorry, and I'm worried too but I still act like a fucking decent person!"_

_The word sent him back. She didn't cuss like that. It was more of a slap intended for him than to emphasize her anger. "Danni-"_

_The tears came. "I need you, Randy. Stop...stop being like Sam. You're not him."_

_"I'm not-"_

_"Just leave me alone!" She tightened her arms around her again and rocked herself. _

_He sighed and eased up out of his seat. He felt her pain. He felt her fear. He was feeling everything she was feeling...he was just handling it better. _

_He stopped her rocked and held her in his arms, shushing her. "I've got you."_

_"Don't leave me," she sobbed. _

_"I won't."_

_"Promise?"_

_He took in a deep breath and combed through her hair. "I promise, Danni."_

* * *

><p>"What about this?" He stepped back out of the bathroom, this time double the colon.<p>

Soda peeked up from his cards and took a glance. "Pone you look fine. Cherry'll love it."

This was about the fifth outfit he'd tried on. He was nervous; we all understood and bit our tongue with each time he didn't believe us. Cherry and him were going to go out tonight. They were going to _talk_.

Yeah; he was nervous. We all were.

"Got the chips and beer." Steve threw the junk down on the table and cracked open a beer. "Old man's getting on my case. Had to pick up a few extras."

Sodapop chuckled as he grabbed one for himself. "Just don't damage the john like you did last time. Darry'll have your head."

Steve picked up two and chugged back. "Superman don't scare me none."

I picked up the red can of coke on the table and watch Darry slap him upside the head. In a fight between Darry and Steve, my money would always be on Darry. No one, maybe not even Dally, would go there.

"Two-Bit, we gotta watch this crap?" Steve grumbled pointing at the screen. "Since when do you watch Gilligan's Island anyway?"

I sipped up the edges of the can. "You know they're never gonna get off that island."

"Are too!" he whined. "You just wait and see."

"Ponyboy," Darry pounded on the door to the bathroom. "I gotta go, come on."

There was a flush and a big sigh and the door opened.

His eyes went to mine. "This okay?"

"You look like you always do, Pone." I took another sip and sat down. "You're fine."

"Think that's her man." Soda peeled the blinds. "Man look at that beauty Steve."

Steve joined his buddy by the window and gawked at the nice piece of metal sitting in our drive way, drool starting to form in the corners of their mouths.

"She bringin' you home?" Darry asked, shuffling the cards.

Ponyboy looked out the window and nodded. "Suppose so."

Soda patted him on the back and whispered into his ear and ruffled his hair. Pony picked up his jacket and took one last breath before reaching for the door knob.

"Good luck," I said.

He was going to need it.

"Two-Bit, you gonna play or sit on your ass watching that shit all night?" Steve plopped down at the table, grabbing his cards, Soda following close behind.

He picked up his beer and walked over. "Here about that James kid?"

"Michael?" Steve asked.

"Yeah, what a little prick. I shoulda kicked his ass when I had the chance that day. I coulda taken him!"

I smirked. "Two-Bit, he had you pinned against your own car with you begging him not to hurt your pretty face."

"Yeah, I still had 'im! It's all about getting them to think you're down. Then you knock 'em while they're down!"

Kathy entered the room, stealing a beer from the boys. "There isn't no use in fighting with those boys. It's just the same old story ain't it?"

She sat down beside me, grabbing a Good Housekeeping magazine that she brought over.

"Ah, they ain't but a bunch of white ass pansies."

"Yeah well then they need to stay on their side of the tracks instead of getting into our business," Soda mouthed.

Kathy pointed at a picture of a cake, cooing about how pretty it was and how we needed to make it one day. "Our business is theirs now. White paint is smudged up boys."

"That accident?" I asked. "Darry-"

"You know one of us did it." He dealt out a new hand. "I hate to say it...but it was. Ain't no one else is going to do that and not run away from it."

Yeah, I knew.

"Who you think did it, Dar?" Soda asked.

He shrugged. It wasn't his job to tell his opinion. We might not like it. He had an open mind, unlike the rest of us. It doesn't go over too well most of the time. We'd been down that road before.

"That's no reason to blame everyone," Kathy huffed. "I mean my God; it's like the forties up here."

"It's been going on for years."

Our parents, our grandparents, their parents; it's a never ending cycle. It always has been. We'd all heard the stories. We all know the beginnings and the ends of each. History always repeats itself...no one said it'd take a while.

Steve lit a cigarette, took a puff, and breathed out smoke. "Fuckers."

"They're even goin' around sayin' Dal killed that Sam kid!" Two-Bit hollered, folding. "You can't tell me that's some shit right there!"

Kathy turned to me and mouthed, "That true?"

I nodded, turning to get a stare from everyone at the table. "He didn't."

"We know," Soda reasoned. "It's...that not-"

"No it doesn't." I stood up, crunching my drink. "Randy and them are full of shit. Let'em believe what they wanna. I don't care."

I did. Every blood that ran through my veins was just another pulse that was throbbing, another headache coming on, another fist clinched. Fuck Marilyn James.

"They act like they can say whatever they fucking want and it be alright."

"Does Dally know?" Darry asked.

I closed the fridge. "I don't know. He just laughed when I mentioned it to him. It's not a big-"

"It is."

I opened the freezer, took out a carton and began to scope the pink mess into a bowl. "I know."

"It'll be alright," Kathy piped up. "This battle is so old it won't matter much longer. It'll be forgotten. This all needs to stop and it will. For right now, just stay out of the lime light. It'll go easier that way."

She was the voice of reasoning all of us needed. Sometimes, the little angel on your shoulder. She seemed to know everything. She didn't know this though. No one knew how deep our side had cut. It was getting deeper though. This isn't a small thing. We could all feel it.

We just all need to have a beer...

And strawberry ice-cream.

_MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark. All the sweet, green icing flowing down...Someone left the cake out in the rain. I don't think that I can take it 'cause it took so long to bake it. And I'll never have that recipe again. Oh, no!_

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **I'm already starting to lose inspiration. I don't know when or if I'll update again.


	6. In the Day

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the Outsiders or _Who Knew?_ By P!nk.

* * *

><p><em>I wish I could touch you again. I wish I could still call you a friend. I'd give anything. When someone said count your blessings now. For they're long gone. I guess I just didn't know how. I was all wrong.<em>

Promise Pink. It was sealed tightly in a small glass bottle with a black lid and white paper around it saying it was from Vinson's Drug Store. It smelled as if it could be used to poison a small animal or if used wisely, a small person.

"Dally not comin' by?" She coated the first toe lightly, going over it again and again.

I clinched my knees closer to my body, breathing in. "He's workin' 'till eleven. Think he just wanted to head on back home after. Rent's due today."

"Darry you goin' in?" Sodapop asked from across the room.

"Danni," Kathy nudged me with her elbow. "You should invite Dally over sometime."

I gazed up at her as she painted another toe. "Why?"

She grinned. "'Cause I fancy 'im."

I kicked my foot up, causing paint to drip. She laughed. "Nah, really, why?"

She shrugged and tore out a cotton ball. "Invite him over for dinner. Him and Darry can bond."

Darry had a big fight with Dally last month when the cops called looking for him the night before Sam's death. Dally ended up coming by right after to pick me up. It didn't end well...I stayed home that night.

"What's he been sayin?"

She shook her head and untwisted the bottle. "Nothing. I'm just sayin'."

That was code for: I'm not getting in the middle of this. I hear enough of it at night. "Sure you are." I smiled at her. "Thanks Kat."

She rolled her eyes and nodded. "You owe me."

"Three Jacks!" Steve shouted and the sound of chips moving filled the kitchen.

"You cheated!" Two-Bit protested.

"Fuck you," Steve winked. "Someone's gonna owe me some dinner after this game." He winked again at Two-Bit.

Two-Bit grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. "Ass-hole."

* * *

><p>"Goin' down to Austin for the big show this weekend?"<p>

He tipped the brown bottle back and let the liquid run down his pasty dry mouth. He'd been needing this all fucking day. "Dumbasses down there never do nothin' worth seein'."

He got out a stick, lit it, and handed Greg one. This was what kind of work he was made for. Not sitting around in that bar like he did for months. Why didn't he do this sooner?

There was a payphone across the street. He chugged back a little more alcohol and started over there, Greg closely behind.

"Who you callin' now?"

He didn't answer, just put in his change, and dialed the number he remembered by heart. He had for a long time. It's come in handy a few times.

It rang once.

"Oh I see," Greg chuckled and leaned against the light pole. "Man, she's got you by the short and curlies."

It rang again. "Funny, champ. 'Least I got someone holdin' what they're attached to. Damn man-"

"Hello?"

Greg smirked and walked in a circle around the phone.

"Ay."

He could hear her smile forming on the other end. He could see it. "How's work? You off yet?"

He could smell her lips. Her breath coming through the other end. "Nah, I'm still blowin' my brains out in here." Greg kicked a loose rock and laughed.

"Oh."

He curled his lips up and pressed the phone closer to his mouth. "So, uh, how 'bout you pay me a visit tonight? Huh?"

She started to giggle and he could just picture her tying the cord around her finger and leaning against the wall. "Well Mr. Romantic that the best you can do?"

He smacked his lips and pressed the phone closer. "Curtis, come over."

She paused for a minute. He knew she was trying to hide her smile and act serious, play the part. "What am I gonna get out of it?"

"What are you _not_?"

Greg motioned for him to hurry, pointing at his wrist at a watch that wasn't there.

"Can't," she finally said. "Guys are over and Pony's out and Darry's already on needles."

He could really use another drink right now. His mouths was just watering, begging him to hang up the phone and follow Greg to the nearest liquor store. That was the plan for Greg anyway.

He pressed against the brick wall behind him and sneered. "Sneak. Back door right behind ya, Curtis."

"Begging now," she smarted off. "Could get used to this."

Greg started throwing rocks toward Dally, still yapping about how this was taking forever, just hang up on the chick and book it. They had better things to do than stand in an ally all night long.

"Come on."

She sighed and smacked her lips together. "Sorry. Guess it's just you tonight."

He smirked at her. "Been that way for a while, Curtis. Thinkin' maybe I should, you know, hit Sylvia up again."

"You got a dollar on ya?" He couldn't help but laugh. The truth was there. Too bad he didn't. "Sorry," she said. "I'll make it up to ya. Just hang around will ya?"

"I might."

She chuckled again and he could see her un-twirling the cord. "Pony's home. I gotta go." He nodded. "Night, Dallas. Don't be too lonely tonight."

Greg threw his hands in the air. Dally swiftly nodded at him and mouthed for him to get the drinks.

"Night, Curtis."

* * *

><p>He started crying the moment he walked in. Everyone stopped and looked as he went hysterical, Soda, Darry, and I trying to calm him enough to where he could get words out.<p>

He told the story, how they went to the park, how she cried again, how she just flat out told him. It didn't take five whole minutes. She didn't even apologize.

"Pony," Soda reached out.

Pony threw his hands up and backed away. "I can't." He ran up the stairs, slamming his bedroom door close.

Everyone was quiet. Each trying to figure out something to say.

"Cherry's been ignoring him at school," I put it lightly. "Won't even walk to class with him anymore. It's like..." I picked the words carefully, "she's embarrassed of him."

Soda's head turned to the stairs and I think I saw a pinch of anger come out as his hands tightened.

Darry on the other hand, was full force. "Why in the world is she doing that?"

"She knows she has to," Steve broke it harshly. "She's in the middle of it. Them Socs are goin' to turn on her. She ain't gonna let that happen."

Kathy rubbed her arm and stared in the same place Soda was. She knew it wasn't her place to run up there but she felt like she should. She should hold him and tell him what girls are like even though she has no idea what's going on.

I pushed on my temple. "He's right. Cherry isn't going to cut ties with her side. She has to keep them happy."

Darry took one last sip of beer before chucking it. "I knew this would happen."

Soda's head moved slowly. "Darry-"

"You knew it too!" he berated. "Sodapop c'mon. We were worried about this from the start and now look. Looks like we were right."

Soda tilted his head and sent a calming look to Darry. "Don't go sayin' that now. He's hurtin'."

"What a bitch," Steve whistled.

Darry ran a hand down his face and turned his attention to Kat. "What do you think?"

Her head didn't move. It was obvious what she thought. "His heart is broken. He's just a kid. You gotta be the shoulder, not the destroyer Darry."

I leaned against the arm of the sofa. Someone once had this spot. He'd sit right here while Ponyboy flipped through a book, quietly reading it to him. He was going to feel bittersweet about this mess.

"Sodapop," I said.

"What?"

I sighed and clinched a pillow. "You need to talk to him." I squeezed the pillow. "He really wants you right now. He might not say it but he does."

His eyes wondered over to me. They were tired and drained. We both knew how deep this was. Ponyboy wasn't shy about Cherry and what was going on. It's been a few long sleepless nights on our end of the hall.

He nodded and took his warn body up the stairs, pulling himself up each step.

This was his role. We needed Soda...all of us. He was our glue. He kept this family alive.

* * *

><p>"Pone." He cracked the door open slightly, too afraid to barge in. "You...you wanna talk?"<p>

Pony had his face driven deep into his pillow, soaking it wet with sweat and tears. "Mmmm."

Soda took a step forward, easing the door shut behind him. He knew this was tough. No sense in having everyone else hear them too. "What was that buddy?"

Ponyboy lifted his head up and wiped the snot off with his arm. "She...she said to get lost."

Soda slid his feet across the carpet and took a seat on the bed, his arm absentmindedly going to Pony's back. "Pone I'm sure-"

He flipped over. "She did Soda! She said we were never going to work and she was ending it before anyone got hurt."

His tears didn't shock or phase Soda. He knew his brother well enough to know his heart. "I'm so sorry Pone."

He shook his head and flopped back over on the bed, his pillow going over his head.

Soda inhaled some air and let his hand take the place it was once at. He could feel the heat and tears that were escaping from him. He could hear his small whimpers as he cried and he could feel his pain.

He hurt for him. His heart was breaking just as much.

"I know what you're going through." The words came out as simple as they were.

The bed squeaked as Pony looked up from his state. His face red and wet and shocked. "Soda I didn't mean to-"

"You're the one hurting here," he stated. "Don't go worryin' 'bout me none. I just wanna tell you somethin' and you're gonna hear me."

Ponyboy agreed and rolled back over to where his face met Soda's.

Soda got comfortable and started into his brother's damp eyes. "Now I know you know 'bout what happened with me and Sandy. I loved the girl Pone. I know you loved Cheery the same way. I could see it."

Ponyboy's eyes turned to the ground. Soda gently lifted his head back up.

"I blamed everyone for it. I blamed her, hell I called her something I never thought I'd ever call a girl."

This caught Pony's attention. He knew it would.

Soda went on, "but I blamed God too. I cussed at him. Told him this was all his fault, how could he do this to me, I hated him." Pony sniffled and looked back to the ground. "I know you loved Cherry, Pone. I suppose you still do and that's fine."

Pony's head shot up. "It is?"

Sodapop shrugged. "Yeah."

Ponyboy wiped his eyes and sat fully up, his eyes meeting his brother's. "Soda, when did you get over Sandy? I mean...when did it stop...hurtin'?"

Soda looked at the ground this time. Speaking the truth would just hurt the kid and he knew it. He shouldn't lie, but it seemed like the only way. "It wasn't long."

"How-"

"I don't know, Pone!" He slammed his fist on the bed and sat up. "Look this isn't about me ok?"

Pony's head flopped back to the ground, his heart aching even more.

Soda noticed it and quickly scrambled back. "Pone, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at ya like that. It's just...I don't like talkin' 'bout her. Don't get upset again, Pone. I'm sorry."

He sniffed and shook his head as Soda rubbed his back again. "You still love Sandy, don't ya Soda?"

Soda took a breath, thinking the answer he should give in his head. "No. I don't _love_ her anymore."

"Soda-"

"Sandy is gone. She's happy and I'm happy she's happy. I think 'bout her, sure." He shrugged. "I loved her an awful lot, more than I have any other girl and sometimes I don't know if I will ever love someone like that again."

Ponyboy knew about how much Soda favored Sandy. Everyone in town did. Everyone expected them to end up like Evie and Steve. They were made for each other. Everyone thought they'd made it.

"But it gets better," Soda went on. "I ain't gonna lie though, it gets tough and you're gonna hurt….a lot."

He already felt the pain.

"That's why you got a pretty amazin' family though." Soda nudged him and smiled. "We'll help ya Pone. We got a whole stash of tissues right down stairs."

Pony chuckled. Soda grinned wider and began to rub his back again.

"It'll be alright Pone. Cherry'll come around and if she don't, you'll find someone better. I promise kid."

After some time of consoling, Soda seemed to get through to him. Pony lied down on his back and stared up at the ceiling, his feet on Soda's lap. Soda talked about the simple stuff. Sports mostly and occasionally work. Finally Pony was asleep.

Soda gently pulled Pony's legs off his and stepped off the bed and over to the door.

"Soda," he called out quietly. Soda barely heard him as he turned around. "When...when does it stop hurtin'?"

Soda felt his heart rip. He saw the tiny tears in his brother's eyes. He saw through him to his heart that was shredded. It was like time moved back a year and he was looking in a mirror. Oh how he wished he could have stopped all this. Gone back and warned Pony not to make the same mistake he did. If only he could take it all back.

"It will, Pone. I promise it will. You'll find someone one day. Your soul mate."

If only he could tell that to himself.

_But I keep your memory. You visit me in my sleep. My darling, who knew? My darling. My darling, who knew? My darling I miss you. My darling, who knew?_

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Thanks for the support. I really appreciate every one of you guys. Lots of love to you. I promise a quick update for the holidays. :)


	7. In the Night

**A/N: **As promised, a quick update. :)

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the _Outsiders_ or the song _It is what it is._

* * *

><p><em>I was only trying to bury the pain but I made you cry and I can't stop the crying. Was only trying to save me but I lost you again. Now there's only lying, wish I could say it's only me.<em>

She had her hands in the pockets of her dress. Everyone was gossiping in desks behind me, talking about the next football game and Frankie Manny falling off the pyramid and breaking Heather Lewis' nose. There was blood everywhere.

Mrs. Blankly kept talking though, not bothering to call every one's eyes back up to her. She was just happy to be there.

"Ms. Curtis," she called. "Maybe you can show Ms. Parker around. In fact, you two can work on the assignment together since you don't _have_ a partner."

She rubbed the girl's back as she tried to smile at the people who couldn't give a shit about her standing up there. New students are like dog food around here. No one really cares. They come and go like colds.

"K," I told her.

Sarah Parker. Mrs. Blankly told us all about her. She moved here from Missouri and she is now living with her grandmother. She made good grades at her old school so she should fit in well here. Everyone is to be nice and welcome her with open arms.

She slid into the desk beside me, grabbing a pencil out of her pink book bag and smiling big. "I'm Sarah."

"Danni."

* * *

><p>"You have any pets?" she asked, readjusting her bag on her back again.<p>

I rubbed my head and watched her movements. "We used to have a cat but he ran away."

"Oh."

She had long hair, really long. It was semi-curled and there was a beret holding her bangs back. Her dress was homemade by her grandmother and her shoes she got at a retail place down the street.

I kicked a rock the rest of the way. "Why'd you move here?"

"Oh," she said with a grin. "I forgot about that. My mom got sick so she sent me here with my grandma."

I looked up at her. "She okay?"

She quickly took back her words and nodded. "Oh yeah! She's not like really sick. She'll be fine and everything."

"Oh."

She watched me as I kicked the rock. She smelled like apples. I think it was her hair. It was long enough so anyone can smell it a mile away. She just got it cut...she told me.

"So where do you live?" She picked her head up.

I pointed ahead. "Few blocks down on the right."

Her body tilts to the right and she was on the heavy side, mainly in her chest and butt but her clothes wouldn't give it away that easily. She hid herself pretty well and put herself together better than most of the kids at our school, even the Socs.

"Where you live?" I asked.

She grinned to herself again and twirled around, pointing behind her. "Down Dawson road over there. You see that yellow house with the blue roof?"

I did.

"That's my grandma's. My room's the very top. It's pretty boss...you know, getting the whole floor to yourself." She paused for a minute, thinking. "You should come over sometime. I just painted it. It's yellow."

I nodded and smiled a smile one like she flashed me, her teeth white.

"You have your own room?" She picked a leaf off a bush as we passed and played with it.

"Yeah," I said. "I got all brothers so I guess that's a given."

She looked up and raised her eyebrows. "All brothers?"

"Yeah. It's just us."

She was quiet again. I kept staring at her and watching her watch me kick the stupid rock. We were going to go back to my place and work on our _What I Think an American Is_, project.

"So," I coughed, clearing my throat, "you're from Missouri?"

"No," she said. "Well I moved here from there. My mom and I moved around a lot. I've been to California. It's so pretty down there. We have adventures there a lot. That's what she calls them anyway."

I looked up at her. "Adventures?"

Her brown eyes gazed over. "I wouldn't call them that." Her stance changed and she took in some air. "That's just what she did."

* * *

><p>Johnny was on the floor, intently watching the muted T.V. and listening to Pony read off the movies from the newspaper. Darry was in the kitchen, getting ready to put in a few more hours back at work.<p>

"Dar, I'm home!"

Johnny looked up, and slightly waved.

Sarah's mouth opened a little and she stepped forward. "Johnny Cade?"

He looked at her for a minute, recognizing her. He turned back down to the ground. "Um, hey, Sarah."

"You two know each other?" I asked.

Sarah chuckled and held onto her bag tighter. "Johnny comes by sometimes to talk to my grandma. Ain't that right?"

Johnny nodded and then turned his body back to his position and started watching T.V. again. Sarah's attention moved to the kitchen where Darry was clanging his tools around.

"Dar," I called, "this is Sarah."

Darry picked up his tool box and hurried into the living room. He sighed. "Hey."

"We're gonna work on a project for school up in my room. That okay?"

He looked Sarah up and down as she smiled at him. Her face looked so innocent. Her whole body and stature did. The smile she showed showed sweetness, kindness, she wouldn't hurt a fly.

Darry wiped the sweat from his forehead. "Yeah, sure." He smiled at her. "You stayin' for dinner?"

She looked at me. "If you want to," I said.

She grinned. "Sure!"

He nodded, his head turning to Ponyboy, still sprawled out on the coach unaware and uncaring of what was going on. He'd been like this for a while. He's just slowly running through the motions.

"Pone, you mind straightening up while I'm gone?" he asked. "State called. They said someone's coming by to check..."

I grabbed Sarah's hand leading her up the stairs and into my room. She didn't need to hear about this.

"You can just take a seat on the bed," I told her, running to the closet for supplies.

She threw her bag down and took a seat, looking around the room. "I like your room. It's nice."

I couldn't see her but I could tell she was smiling. Sarah seems like the person to always smile. It's all she's done for the past three hours that I've known her.

"Thanks." I tossed a few tee-shirts out and an old shoe that didn't have a mate.

"Thanks for inviting me for dinner," she said. "You didn't have to."

I found one marker. It was blue. "It's cool."

She sighed. "My grandma will incest on me inviting you over for dinner too some time."

Stuffed against the wall was a loose piece of white paper. I went through a drawing faze for a few weeks over the summer. The therapist suggested it so I could 'cope'. Actually, she suggested a lot of things. Drawing was one of the few I followed up with.

I drew his hair dark brown and pushed back more than the way he'd wear it so I could draw his face. He looked better that way. I drew him tall and smoking. I also drew a sun because that's when his eyes are the prettiest. That's when they glow and they're bluer than ever.

"Find anything?" she asked.

I folded it up and stuck it in my pocket. "Uh, a marker?" She laughed as I joined her on the bed. "How does your grandma know Johnny?"

She kicked her feet a little as they dangled off the bed. "She used to be a nurse before she retired. She said one time Johnny was in the hospital and he was real bad off. She said she felt bad for him 'cause his mom and dad would never come. She used to read to him. Some book called-"

"_Gone with the Wind_."

She snapped her fingers. "Yeah that. How'd you know?"

I sighed. "Just a guess."

It was quiet for a while. I went back to hunting for loose markers and glue and Sarah started flipping through old comics and magazines. Occasionally she'd giggle at something but for the most part, it was silent.

"Danni?"

"Yeah."

"That guy downstairs...Darry," she paused, "he's your brother, right?"

I threw a dried up market into the trash. "Yupp."

"And he's like your guardian right?"

I turned to her this time. She was looking at her feet and swinging them back and forth. "Sarah, what are you getting at?"

"Well, um," she bit her lip. "I don't wanna sound mean or anything or upset you."

I crossed my arms over my chest. _Her_ making _me_ mad? I don't think I'd see the day. "Go ahead. I won't get mad."

She looked up. Her eyes were glazed over. "What...what happened to your parents?"

I wanted to laugh, bit I thought that'd upset her. I hadn't thought of how long it'd been since someone asked me that. Everyone in Tulsa knew about my parent's death. It was all over the papers after Ponyboy saved those kids.

"Oh." I took a seat beside her again. "They died about two years ago. Car accident."

Her face dropped a little. It was that sympathetic look people give you every time something like this is mentioned. I've gotten so sick of that fucking look. "I'm so sorry."

I shrugged and went to find more stuff. "It's fine. I mean it's been a while."

"If it makes you feel better I don't have a dad." She said it like it was nothing. It didn't mean anything.

I turned back around to her. "Why?"

"I just don't have one," she explained. "I've never met him and my mom has never mentioned him so I guess he just doesn't exist."

The look on her face made me not want to correct her. In the few hours I've known her, this is only time I've ever seen her face fall. Scratch that, second. The first was when she mentioned her mother's _adventures_.

"Are those your old year books?" She pointed at them and walked over and picked one up. "Can I?"

I threw some paper on the bed. "Sure."

She sat back down and began flipping through the pages. I'd forgotten all about having those. Mom had this thing with yearbooks. She thought they were really special and every year we should have one. Since we started school she'd save up money every year to buy us one.

"Awe, this is you." She pointed at one of the pictures and squealed. "Awe, isn't that that girl from our English class?"

I crawled across the bed to her and looked. "Marilyn." It was the five of us. Marilyn, me, Sam, Michael, and Randy. Marilyn was on the yearbook team that year and had to have that picture in there.

"Why weren't you two partners?"

I got up off the bed. "We're not that close anymore."

She scanned the picture. We were all locking arms and smiling in front of the school. "You look like you were best friends."

"_Were._" I looked back at the picture and sighed. "We were, Sarah. Not anymore."

* * *

><p><em>"Marilyn!"<em>

_The water splashed as her body landed into the freezing cold water. As she came up she slicked her hair back, and gasped for air. She looked like a model. One of those girls you always saw on the covers of swim-suit adds._

_She opened her eyes and grinned. "Danni jump!"_

_"You're crazy."_

_Marilyn splashed some water on the concrete by my feet. "Chicken!"_

_I scooted back and laughed as the freezing water hit my toes. "If you think for one minute that I'm diving into that ice pit, then you're crazy."_

_Michael came out of the house, sunglasses on and a pitcher of lemonade. "You ladies thirsty?"_

_Following behind him, came Sam and Randy, each carrying their drinks and dressed the same way Michael was. They looked like brothers. Everyone thought they were. They were always together._

_Marilyn jumped out of the pool and skipped over to where Michael sat the pitcher. Randy came over and helped me up, putting his arm around my waist as we joined them._

_"We should go up to the cabin this weekend," Sam suggested. "I'll bring a case and I can score some grass too."_

_Marilyn picked up a cigarette. "You and that damn grass." She breathed out smoke and handed me one. "That stuff is going to rot your brain."_

_Michael laughed at her. "So who's going to be first?"_

_"Shut-up."_

_Randy took a sip of his drink. "Sounds like a plan. We can head on down there after school Friday."_

_He pulled on me a little more as I started to smoke. I was supposed to hang out with Angela on Friday. It's not the first time I've had to ditch her. She'll understand. She always does._

_"Hey," Marilyn began to smile one of her famous smiles as she dug around a bush. "Look what I scored from the pantry."_

_She pulled out a small glass bottle of Jack Daniels. They were always lying around her house. Most of the time empty. Her father had a fetish with them. He just couldn't resist. Apparently that gene was dominant._

_Michael snatched it from her and took a strong sip. "This stuff isn't for babies, sis." He took another sip._

_She grabbed it from him and chugged back. "Think I can handle it, bro."_

_Sam sneered at them and took control of the bottle. He offered Randy some before pouring it into two glasses. Randy declined and Sam handed me one with a smile._

_"Drink up, Danni," he said._

_I took the glass and followed everyone as they slowly began to slur and laugh uncontrollable._ _When they turned their backs to me, I poured the liquid out._

_Marilyn hugged onto me and laughed as she poured out the last bit. She whispered into my ear. "I love you, Danni."_ _She squealed and took a sip._

_"I love you too."_

_"We're best friends, right?" she asked._

_I nodded and tightened my grip on her. "The best. Forever."_

_She called everyone's attention to her. "Here's to good friends," she held up her glass. We all followed. "Best friends forever. May God have pry us apart with his bare hands."_

_We shouted and clanked our glassed together._

_Here's to forever._

_Too long we've been denying, now we're both tired of trying. We hit a wall and we can't get over it. Nothing to relive. It's water under the bridge. You said it, I get it. I guess it is what it is._


	8. Wild Wind

**A/N: **This chapter's a little bit longer than normal. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the _Outsiders_ or the song _Cats in the Cradle._

* * *

><p><em>So please believe in me when I say I'm spinning round, round, round, round. Smoke glass stain bright color. Image going down, down, down, down. Soap suds green like bubbles. Oh, Oz never did give nothing to the Tin<em> _Man _

"Cherry, what about him?" She pointed to a muscular guy standing at the counter, flirting with the waitress. "He's on the football team. Randy knows him. He can set you two up."

Cherry took a drawn-out sip of her soda. "Not now, Mar."

"Come on!" she whined. "We can double then!"

One of Cherry Valences worse nightmares was to double date with Marilyn James and Randy Adderson. If the sloppy spit swapping wasn't enough, she knew old feelings and memories were going to arise. She couldn't handle that. She just couldn't and she wouldn't.

"I've only been single for a week," Cherry pointed out. "I need some time."

She focused on the bubbles gathering up around her straw. She wasn't in the mood for this. It was Marilyn's idea in the first place. She insisted on Cherry getting out and meet _new_ people. Cherry knew_ enough_ people.

Marilyn reached her hand over and took her best friend's. "I'm sorry 'bout Ponyboy. I really am. But you need to get yourself out there. The break-up was for the best anyway."

She'd been saying that for a week. Over and over again, that was all Cherry heard from _anyone_. _The break-up was for the best_. She'd been hearing that for too long. She was sick of it.

"No. Just no, Mar."

Marilyn looked at her, dumb founded by her coldness. "Cherry, it'll be okay." Cherry didn't say anything. She'd heard those words too much as well. Hell, she'd been saying them herself. "You know my house is always open...you know, if anything else happens."

Cherry began to spin her straw in the bubbly liquid. It was just too fucking much. She wanted to go home. She wanted to lock herself in her room and never come out. Ever.

"Did you like him?" she decided to ask. She lifted her head up. "Ponyboy, did you like him?"

"I don't know."

"Why?"

Marilyn huffed and dug around in her purse for some lipstick. "I don't know, Cherry. I didn't really know the guy. He seemed alright, yeah sure."

"But you didn't_ know_ him," Cherry said at a whisper. "You...you didn't even talk to him, did you?"

Marilyn grabbed her compact and began applying the red lipstick to her lips. "He was in my American History class. We were partners once. He seemed nice, Cherry. What more do you want me to say?"

Cherry thought for a moment. She didn't know what she wanted. She'd been so excluded from Marilyn for a while and she didn't know what she was going through.

"Do you think I did the right thing?" she stammered out. "Calling it off like that."

Marilyn closed her compact and stuffed it back into her purse. She reached over like she'd done before and took Cherry's hand into hers and look straight into her eyes, saying: "You did the right thing. You're here now, Cherry. Welcome back."

* * *

><p>Ronnie Winston had moved in fast. He'd informed us all that he was taking the semester off from school to stay with his aunt and take care of her since her husband just left her. He said he was going to be around for a while.<p>

And as for his brother, he could give two fucking shits what he was doing and who he was doing with. Though he hadn't uttered a word since the kid arrived. Not one damn word.

"I'm goin' to the shop." Soda grabbed his shoes and laced them up. "We're gonna make Steve's truck faster than Two-Bit's car."

Darry entered the room, a piece of toast in his hand. "You know how to do that?"

"Ron's showin' us," Soda said. "Apparently the kid's good with cars."

Darry nodded and finished eating the bread. "Whatever you say, little buddy. Be home by five will ya? I gotta get this place clean."

"Sure thing, Dar."

Ponyboy flipped a page in his book. It was quiet. It usually was when Soda's gone. It's not too much fun around here without him or Kat running around. They kept everyone entertained most of the time.

"That not bother Dal?" Darry entered the room, exchanging a look.

I peered up. "Yeah. He won't say nothin' but you know Dal, it's killin' him."

He started looking around the room, flipping over magazines in hunt for something. "Pone, you feelin' alright?"

"Yupp."

He placed a hand on his forehead to be sure. "Fever cleared up this morning," I informed him. "Soda and me checked."

"Soda and_ I_," Pony corrected.

He'd gotten sick right after it happened. Diagnosis: Heartbroken. Doctor and tear wiper: Sodapop Curtis. Nurses and words of wisdom givers: Danielle Curtis and Kathy Henson.

The dangling caught both of our attentions. The red keychain flopped back and forth with the keys hitting it. "Feel up to it?"

"Driving?" Ponyboy sat all the way up, closing his book. "You serious?"

Darry grabbed his coat from the hanger beside the door and nodded, hand still clenching the precious keys only him and Soda were allowed to touch. "You two have got to learn sometime. I'd rather do it then get a phone call saying Two-Bit let ya'll run into a tree or _someone_."

We stared, mouths still open. Darry loved his truck. A lot. He was even cautious of Soda driving it. Dad had taken Darry when he was our age out to drive and then Soda. But we never thought-

"Come on. Ain't got all day now."

* * *

><p>"Watch out!"<p>

I huffed and jerked the wheel. "Darry I'm fine!"

"There's a tree right there!" He pointed at it. "You're going to hit it."

"I see it Darry!"

Thirty minutes. Thirty freaking minutes. That's all it took. Darry was clinching the dashboard and Ponyboy was in the backseat, hands over his eyes and silently praying to himself.

We were in a parking lot.

"Danni, you have to use the _break_," Ponyboy stated, eyes still glued shut.

I hit them. "I know."

The parking lot was by the old middle school. It'd been abandon since 1957 and they were thinking about turning it into a plant or something but some hippies camped out in front of it so now they don't know what to do with it.

No one was around so Darry said it'd be safe for us to take a couple of laps, just to get the feel of the car. He said Dad took him and Soda somewhere like this. It was perfect.

"Shit."

The car made a squeaking noise as I rounded the curve. Pony moaned and mumbled out a _please God_ and Darry just groaned, trying not to scream.

"Danni, stop the car." Darry leaned forward on the dash. "Stop the car."

"Why?"

He rubbed his head and tried to breathe through his mouth. "It's Pony's turn. Just shut the car off and give the keys to him."

"I'm-"

"Now, Danni!"

I hit the brakes and put the car into park, taking the keys out after I did so. "You...okay?"

He didn't look up. Just kept breathing, over and over again and then waved. "Just give the keys to Pony. Please."

Both doors opened and Pony eagerly raced up to the driver's seat. "Was I really that bad?" I asked.

"Oh yeah."

"Alright, Pone." Darry raised back up and rubbed his face. "Turn on the car and put it into drive the same way I showed Danni. This time take it slow."

_I went slow. _

He carefully started the ignition, pressed his foot on the break, and slowly pulled the stick into drive.

"Good," Darry said. "Now take a lap. Real _slow_."

He took the truck around three times. Darry didn't scream once. I sat in the back and clung to the door and watched. Kid was a natural. He was just going in circles but it was better than what I did.

"How come you're so good at this?" I asked.

He turned the wheel. "'Cause I'm a Curtis."

I sneered and leaned on the window. "And what am I?"

"Adopted."

I sat up and hit the back of his head. "Jerk."

"Danni," Darry growled. "Sit down. Don't touch the driver. He has to concentrate."

"Yeah," Ponyboy said. "No touching."

I leaned back and stared back out the window. There was nothing but white lines and concrete. "Concentrate on what? We're in a parking lot."

Darry didn't answer. He sat up and pointed and told Pony to take a few more circles around.

I rested my head on the window and listened to the motor run. This used to be Dad's. Darry took it over after he died. Every Sunday we'd pile up in here when we were kids and had nothing else. I'd lean on this window all day and-

"What did you just _do_!"

* * *

><p>"Well I'm sorry Darry!" The yelling continued into the house. "I didn't mean to hit it!"<p>

Darry slammed the door shut. "You weren't paying attention! I don't know what in the world you were doin' Pone but it wasn't focusing on the road!"

"We weren't on a road." Pony smarted off. "We were in a parking lot."

Darry's eyes got wide. "It doesn't matter! You still have to pay _attention_. How are you going to drive on a highway? You have to watch the road every minute!"

Pony picked up his things off the floor. "I told you I was sorry. I'll pay for the stinking car to get fixed myself."

"With what?" Darry huffed.

"I'll get a job."

"Oh yeah, right," he shouted. "You aren't responsible enough to have a job. You actually have to _work._ And another thing..."

I closed the door to the bed room where Soda and Pony slept. Soda was conked out on the bed. Forty-five minutes. Forty-five freakin' minutes and they have not stopped. So much for fun family time with good ol' big brother Darry.

"Soda," I called. "Soda, wake up."

He groaned and rolled over. His extra-large tee-shirt got tangled up around his body and he moaned trying to get loose. He licked his lips and then went still again.

"Sodapop." I shook him lightly.

He moaned and rubbed his eyes. "Huh?" He looked up at me.

"Soda-"

"And what's with the attitude? I'm sorry Cherry's gone Pone but there ain't nothin' I can do about it!" Soda fully sat up on the bed, his ears pealed for the sound of yelling that wasn't hard to miss.

"I'm sorry, Dar! What do you want?"

Soda groaned and moaned some more, running a hand through his hair. "What are they going at it about?"

"We weren't driving," I said mater-of-factly, taking a seat on the bed. "Pony wrecked."

He turned and looked at me, his eyes popping out of his head. "He did?"

I rubbed my head. It hurt. It was too loud. I need a nap in a room...a padded room. "We were in a parking lot. Darry was talking, Pony wasn't looking, and he hit a fence. Car has a big dent in it."

"Are ya'll okay?" He scanned me for any bumps or cuts.

"Yeah, we're fine."

"Well if you'd just get your head out of the clouds for once blasted second maybe it wouldn't of happened!"

Soda sighed. He looked rough. Him and Steve had gotten into another fight last week. Both had matching black eyes and cuts on their arms and face. They wouldn't say what the other guys looked like. Soda had also been working a lot more lately to save up for a car of his own.

He had a lot on his plate and the world just kept piling more.

"How long they've been at it?"

"Fifty minutes." I swallowed and leaned back. "Maybe more."

"I'm sorry, Dar! I didn't mean to, okay?"

I shut my eyes and tried to picture a beach. One with no one on it but me. "He's stressed."

Soda shifted in the bed. "Yeah, his boss has been makin' some cuts. He's worried his job may be next." He got up and slipped on a new tee-shit. "Guess I better go ref this one."

I opened one eye. "I'm sorry."

He nodded and slowly slipped out the door, preparing himself for even more work than he needed. Than all of us needed.

* * *

><p>October was my favorite. Mom's too. She and I would always go get apples and make a bunch of stuff with them. Apple pies, apple cider, apple cake, just plain apples sometimes.<p>

October always smelled like apples to me.

"Fancy meetin' you here." He blew smoke out to the side and stuck in the blade into his shoe, cleaning the mud out.

I grinned. "Well hey to you too. Long time no see."

He snorted and I took a seat on the table top beside him, his tongue stuck to the corner of his mouth as he dug in farther in the shoe. I knew what he wanted to say. What he was thinking more or less. Long time no see.

"So why'd you need out?" he asked. "Life in paradise ain't all it's cracked up to be?"

I snatched a cigarette from the box creeping out of his back pocket and lit it. "Ponyboy wrecked Darry's car."

He gazed up. "Seriously?"

I look a drag and breathed out smoke. "Seriously."

He chuckled, digging back into his shoe. "Fuck."

"Yeah."

He cleaned the side of the blade on the table. "What'd ol' Dar do? Run 'im over with the rest of it?" He laughed. "What I'd fuckin' do."

I shrugged. "They're fighting. Don't know what Dar will do. It was an accident."

"Uh-huh, yeah."

I looked up at the sky. There wasn't a cloud anywhere. I blew out smoke, making my own. "Accidents happen."

"Didn't say they didn't."

He flicked more dirt on the table, and starting digging again. He kept focusing on it, not bothering to look at anything else or even thinking about it. Just kept digging away like a little kid in the sandbox.

I chuckled and leaned back. "Would you stop that?" I took a drag. "You know for a guy who has been _lonely_ for two months, you're not much for talkin'?"

He pushed the tip of the blade farther in. "I think I'm gonna be a born again virgin. That what them things are called?"

"Really now?"

He shrugged and cleaned the knife on his shirt. "Made it two months."

"Your girlfriend must trust you an awful lot to let you go _that_ long."

He sneered and shook his head. "Nah, she's a real_ bitch, _looker though. Easy on the legs."

I leaned in closer to him, resting my hand on his he had on the knife. "Well she must be pretty tough to be with a punk like you, huh?"

He stared me up and down, taking his time. "You like to talk, huh?" He took my cigarette and took a drag.

"Yeah. I do. So talk." I took it back and breathed in his smoke.

He raised his eyebrow and took the stick again. "Ain't we?"

"Something other than sex." I took it back. "How's work?" I asked. "Still goin' alright?"

He smirked and watched my smoke rise up, half-nodding, half-smiling. He turned and grinned at me. "Curtis."

"Winston."

He turned his attention to the kids starting to gather around the swings. That'd be the first thing I'd run to every time we went to the park. Soda would push Pony and me and then we'd have to promise to push him. It took both of us back then just to do it. Soda was a hefty kid.

I took the blade from his grip and watched him stare at the kids, a smirky grin still on his face.

"Fucking hate kids."

I threw what was left of the stick on the ground and stomped on it. "You don't. You just say that."

"Hey kid!" he shouted at one of them. "Let me see that Barbie thing."

The kid clenched it and slowly walked over. "It's not a Barbie. It's an action figure."

Dally held out his hand and snapped his fingers at him. "Whatever the hell it is. Give it here. I wanna see it."

The kid timidly stared at Dally and then back down at the doll. He had really curly hair all over his head and these big weird brown eyes. He couldn't have been more than ten and he was scared to _death_.

Finally he gave it up, looking up at us with hopeful eyes.

Dally flipped the thing around and around, looking at every part of it. "You know, I always wanted somethin' like this." He twisted its head all the way around and laughed.

"Can I have it back now?" The kid asked at a whisper.

I stared at Dally, trying to hide a smile.

Dally spun the doll around and smacked his lips together. "Never got one. Old man told me only fags carry around dolls."

The kid bit his lip. Not taking his eyes of Dally.

"One day," he sneered, "I went to this shitty comic store. One right there in the window. Bastard told me it was ten bucks. See kid, I didn't have ten bucks. You know what I did?"

He bit his nails and shrugged.

"I shot, 'im."

He gasped and his bottom chin began to quiver as he finally began to realize who exactly took his doll.

Dally leaned back and licked his lips over. "Yeah. Blood everywhere. Brains got all over the counter." He twisted the head around to where it hung by a thread. "You ever seen a dead guy, kid?"

He shook his head and pointed to the doll. "He...He-he's a superhero."

Dally held his hand up to his ear and leaned in. "What was that?"

He pointed to the doll. "Him. He...he's a superhero."

"So?"

Tiny tears were seeping out of the child's eyes. "He...saves people."

Dally stared at the kid for a minute. I don't know if Dally truly took in what all the kid was saying. Dally doesn't understand superheroes. "Kid you think I give a fuck if-"

I took the toy from him and handed to the kid before the real tears came through. "Here, don't let anyone touch your stuff." I grinned and placed it in his hand. "No one. Got me?"

He nodded, took the doll, and ran for the hills.

I crossed my legs and listened to Dally start to laugh. "You're an ass."

He got up off the table and began walking, lighting another weed. He spun around. "Comin' or what, Curtis?"

I shook my head and slowly slipped down off the table. Following Dallas Winston. It's what I do best.

_But Oz never did give nothing to the Tin Man that he didn't, didn't already have. And Cause never was the reason for the evening. Or the tropic of Sir Galahad. _

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><p><strong>AN: **Pony and I shared the same experience when driving for the first time. For those of you who have asked about Ronnie, he's coming back around. Reviews are nice. :)


	9. All at Once

**A/N:** Please read the lyrics.

**Disclaimer:** Don't own the _Outsiders_. Don't own _Exit Music (For a Film)_.

* * *

><p><em>Wake.. from your sleep. The drying of your tears. Today we escape, we escape. Pack.. and get dressed, before your father hears us. Before all hell breaks loose. <em>Breathe, keep breathing. Don't lose your nerve.<em>_

"Anyone here?" I threw my bag on the sofa. No one answered. "Darry, Sodapop, Pone?"

Dally took his opportunity and planted himself on the sofa, propping his feet up and grabbing the newspaper and flipping to the comics. He smirked to himself.

I searched the room for a note. Darry usually always left one. "Think they left."

"Really?" he stated sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm going to go get somethin' upstairs. I'll be right back. Stay _here_."

Stuff was everywhere. I'm terrible at cleaning...getting to the cleaning part anyway. Those magazines needed to be thrown away, the plate on the dresser had been there since last month, and half of the clothes laying everywhere didn't fit me anymore.

"Damn," he cussed as he walked in. "Fuckin' bomb went off."

I tossed a shirt towards the closet. "I'll get around to cleaning it up." He tossed a bra off my bed and lied down on it, staring up down at me. He winked. "Didn't I tell you to stay downstairs?"

He didn't answer. He's like one of them dogs you train and train, send all your money and time on, and it ends up with the dog being too damn stubborn and stupid to learn anything you taught him.

"Never been on your bed before," he said.

I ignored him and sorted through some clothes. "You won't be again if Darry comes home and sees you up here."

I hung a shirt on a hanger when I heard some movement on my bed. I spun around and saw him sitting up and taking his jacket off. He winked again. "Curtis."

"Don't think about it." I pointed a finger at him.

He threw his jacket in the corner and lied back down, just looking at me with those eyes.

I gave him a sour look. "Dally; are you fucking deaf and stupid?"

"Why?"

My eyes popped. "This is my _house_!"

He grinned. "Come on, Curtis. Live a little."

"Dallas," I hissed. "No."

He smoothed a place beside him on the bed and smirked. He looked like a cat when it purred. "It's been a while. Said it yourself."

I watched him pat the bed and stare at me, his eyes like a child's and a shit-eating grin on his face. It had been a _while_. He was just a little kid, Dallas Winston. A little five year old, horny, boy who just wanted something.

He wasn't giving up until he got it...and I needed it just as much as him.

* * *

><p>His tongue pushed farther into my wind pipe. I slipped my hands under his back and clung to him, taking hold of him until we were finished, making sure he was still there. I drove my nails into the skin on his back.<p>

"Fuck," he moaned. "Fuck."

Two months. I counted. He was working a lot. I was working a lot. I was crying a lot.

After Angela died things changed. Darry stuck to his promise and got me some personal help. Professional. I tried to get Dally to come to sessions but he refused. He was _grieving_ in his own way. Coping.

Things were slowly getting better but sex seemed to never happen. I thought about Angela every day for one thing. Somehow, something would trigger her memory and things like that are hard to get out of your head. Her dead bloody body is something that's hard to get out.

Slowly things pieced back. Dally stayed in the picture. He never said anything about what happened. Never. He never mentioned Angela or Jeff. He was the only one in my life that did that. He's the only one that kept me sane. That still is.

I needed him.

His stomach stared to sweat beads. His muscles started to move every time he went up and then back down. His warm breath smelled like mint and smoke.

I needed this just as much as he did. We deserved it.

He fell down beside me, breathing hard and closing his eyes, enjoying this as much as he could.

"You got a weed?"

I leaned over him and pulled a box off the nightstand and pulled two out. I clicked open the lighter and lit them both.

We lied there smoking and listening to our chests move and our hearts slowing down.

"Dal?"

He blew out a ring of smoke. "What?"

"Have you talked to Tim?"

He got quiet and stared at his cigarette. His chest was still bobbing up and down and sweat was still running down his stomach. He took a drag. "Last week." He laughed. "Bastard got his brains beat out with a cafeteria tray."

I shook my head and took a puff. "Guess that answers my next question then."

"Dumbass is tuff, Curtis." He twisted the stick around his fingers. "It's when he gets out that he's got to worry about."

I raised an eyebrow. "Why is that?"

"I'm gonna kick that motherfucker's ass."

I slumped back down, hitting my back on the wall. "You mean like you did the comic store guy?" I chuckled. "Get his brains all over the counter maybe?"

He sneered.

"You better get outta here." I waved my hand, getting the smoke clear. "Darry will be home anytime."

He lit another cigarette and smirked. "No encore?"

"Now."

He leaned back to where he was in my position and breathed out smoke. "You scared of big bro?"

"Very." I got up and sat at the end of the bed and grabbed my shirt. "I mean it, Dallas." He watched me get my stuff on and brush my hair, still smoking that damn cigarette and smiling that smirky ass grin. "Fine you deal with Darry."

He stayed for a minute then slowly drug his feet out and slipped his jeans on.

I'd want to see the day Darry and Dally really got into it. Like full force. That'd be like two speeding trains hitting over and over again. There's no telling who would win or who would get hurt. Just two trains hitting each other. The outcome was up in the air.

"What was that?" I hissed, easing toward the door and pressing my ear against it. "You hear that?"

He slipped his shirt over his head. "You worry too fucking much."

"Shut-up." There were footsteps outside. Someone was here. "Get your stuff!"

He rolled his eyes and shook his head as he put his arms in the sleeves. "_Relax_."

Something else moved.

"Dally there is someone down there."

He grabbed his jacket and slung it on. "I'm goin'."

"Danni, you home?" It was Soda. Footsteps were getting closer. "We're back. Sorry we had to pick Kathy up from work and run to the store."

"Oh God!" I ran over and pushed Dally towards the door. "You have to get out of here!"

The door slowly opened. I held my breath as it opened and thought about who I'd rather have on the other end. If it was Darry, no one would make it out of here alive. Soda, on the other hand, would take it but give us that _look_. Pony...he would laugh and leave.

I needed that kid.

"Danni." Soda barged in with a huge smile on his face. It wasn't there for two seconds. "Oh."

Dally chuckled and put his hands in his pockets. "Ay."

Soda looked us over and did the same. "Hey."

"Is Darry down there?" I asked softly.

He slowly nodded. "Him and Pony both. Danni, um, you might wanna-"

"Soda!" Darry shouted. "Is she up there?"

He looked at me, unsure of what to say. Dally leaned against the wall and smiled. I'd like to see how much he enjoyed this when Darry was busting his face in. Dally didn't care.

"Yeah, Darry!" I answered.

I held my breath as he came up the stairs, stopping as the first thing he saw was his favorite person standing smack dab in front of him in his baby sister's room.

"Darry, uh, Danni was just-"

"Hey," Dally interrupted Soda. "How's it goin'?"

The only thing anyone could hear was Darry breathing. Just heavily breathing through his nose and the sound of his fists clinching. He tried to say something but nothing came out.

"Darry," Kathy came running. "What do you want? Hamburgers or-" she stopped and stared at us. "Chili..."

"What are you doing up here?" Darry finally asked.

I clunged to Dally's arm, standing in the way of Darry's aim. "You should go," I whispered. "Now."

Darry was blocking the whole door. Soda was inside, staring at the floor and Kathy was behind Darry, just nervously trying to find what to say next.

"Guess I'll see ya'll later." Dally patted Soda on the back and scrambled past Darry and out the door not even making eye-contact.

We all stood there. No one saying anything.

Downstairs, the front door slammed shut. I took that as a sign and sped past Darry and down the stairs.

"Don't think you're getting out of this one!" He ran after me. "What were you doing?"

I tried to walk into the kitchen, still ignoring him.

"Danielle, I'm talking to you!" I turned around at the sound of my full name and crossed my arms over my chest. "What were you doing up there?"

Kathy was right behind us. "Darry-"

"We were playing_ cards, _Darry," I sassed, tapping my foot. "We were talking," I quickly changed my tone. "I'm sorry. I know the rules."

He glared his face turning from pink to red. "This isn't funny."

Kathy stepped in-between us, and faced him. She put her hand on his chest and rubbed his arm. "Let me talk to her. You're not helping here."

He looked over her, only looking at me. I rubbed my shoulder and stared at the floor. He had a right to be upset and I knew he did. _No boys in your room_, that was the only rule. The main rule.

He pulled away from her and went outside, not saying another word.

Kathy sighed and rubbed her head.

"Kat, I'm sorry," I said. "I really am. I didn't mean for-"

She spun around and took a deep breath. "I know you didn't. Just...he doesn't want to think about that and he's got a lot going on and you know that Danni. He has a hard enough time with even thinking about you two _together_."

"We're gonna have sex Kathy, he knows that-"

"Not in the house." She slumped down on the sofa and covered her face. "So much for him and Dally gettin' along, ey?"

I sighed and sat down beside her. "I'm _so_ sorry."

She chuckled and sat back. "Guess I don't have to tend that relationship."

"I didn't mean to-"

"You didn't mean to get_ caught_."

I just stared at her. Kathy had never talked to me this way before. Being the only girl in the house, she'd always take my side. Always. I was always out voted but now that she was here, things changed. She'd back me up. That's why we were friends. That's why she was Kathy.

She let out a laugh. "You know I fought with him for two hours one night about you and Dally?" I just looked at her. "He didn't want to have dinner. He didn't want him in the house Danni but stupid me, I was trying to fix it."

"Kat-"

"I almost had him. I told him about how responsible you were and how you'd never let anything happen. You were smart." She shook her and stood up. "So much for that."

"Why are you blaming me?" I chased after her.

She turned back around. "You had sex with him in your_ room_! Under his roof, Danni. How is that not _your_ fault?"

"Kat-"

"What if you get pregnant?" she asked. "What then Danni? Have you ever thought about that?"

"We use protection."

She ran her hand through her hair. "You think that helps? Things happen, Danni!" She stomped into the kitchen.

"Look Kathy," I followed her. "I'm real sorry about this. Look if you knew how long we've gone without having sex then you'd know how bad it was to say no. I mean I know-"

"You just couldn't say _no_?" She looked me in the eye showing how drained she was. "Danni."

"I'm sorry." I said again. "I'm sorry Kathy."

She jumped up on the counter. "He's going to be _pissed_. I don't know if I can get you out of this one."

I winced. "How bad?"

She shrugged and rubbed her head again. "I'll do my best to keep you _alive_."

She was quiet for a while. Darry had never had this problem before. Darry's the type of person that if he doesn't hear about sex, see it, or have to talk about it, he's fine. I just brought it to him.

Kathy let out a sigh. "Well it's not like Darry doesn't do it _here_ anyway." My mouth dropped and she laughed. "Consider that your punishment."

"You two?"

"What, you thought you were the only one in this family?" She jumped off and headed out after Darry. She didn't stop laughing.

Touché, Kathy. Touché.

* * *

><p>She was sitting up in her room, the book she couldn't put down in her lap.<p>

Two-Bit was out again and her mother had taken enough sleeping pills to where she wouldn't be waking up for a while. It was just her tonight.

Something began to tap her window. "Emily."

She knew that voice. She'd been hearing it a lot lately. They'd been seeing a lot of each other these past few weeks. She could depict his sound from anywhere. She loved it. It made chill bumps on her skin.

She leaped across her bed and unlatched her window. "Ronnie, what are you doing here?"

He beamed up and her and stepped into her room. "See you. What'd ya think?"

She couldn't help but giggle as he came in and took a seat on her bed. This was the first time anyone had ever talked to her like this.

"Pink," he smirked, looking around at the walls. "Cute."

She blushed.

"What are you doin'?" he asked her.

Emily shrugged and sat down beside him. "Reading. What are you doing?"

He flashed her a full teeth showing smile. He had a beautiful smile. She caught on to that the first time she met him. "Let's get outta here?"

"What?"

He stood up. "Let's get out of this town!" He got down to her level and looked her in the eyes. "I mean it, Em. Come with me."

This took her by shock. She hadn't known him that long. They've never been out on a date. They've never held hands. They've never done anything. They barely knew each other outside of phones calls and the few times she'd shown up and the DX and he was there. What was this?

"What are you talking about Ronnie?" she asked. "Where would we go?"

He stood back up and threw his hands down. "Anywhere!"

She could smell a scent of beer on his breath. She'd smelt worse. Two-Bit, when he was drunk, wasn't like that. Ronnie wasn't drunk. He was just...she didn't know.

"I can't leave!" Emily stated like it was the stupidest thing she'd ever heard. "I...I-"

He grabbed her hands and held them. "You what?" He shook her lightly. "See you don't have an excuse!"

"Ronnie I-"

He stopped her. He grabbed the back of her head and pushed it toward him. He pressed his lips gently on hers and then pressed harder. He could feel her face turning red.

He grinned at her as he pulled back, his eyes begging for her just to hear him out. "Come on," he said softly.

She didn't know what to say. Everything was happening so fast. That was her first kiss. She just had her _first_ kiss.

"What have you got _here_?" he asked. "I can give you the world Emily. Run away with me."

She took a minute and looked around her room at everything. Never would she see herself here. This was something her friends always talked about. Something Danni would always talk about. They all had boyfriends. They were all in love and for so many years she envied them. She wanted this.

"Emily," he breathed out, rubbing her hand. "Come with me. I need you."

_What would they do?_ She asked herself. _What would they do right now in this situation? This once in a lifetime situation. What would Danni do?_

She turned her head and looked into his eyes. Those stupid blue eyes. "Let's go."

_Breathe, keep breathing. I can't do this alone. Sing.. us a song a song to keep us warm. There's such a chill, such a chill. You can laugh a spineless laugh. We hope your rules and wisdom choke you. Now we are one in everlasting peace._

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Dally/Danni action. Next chapter should be a little bit more _exciting_.


	10. 99 Problems

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the _Outsiders_ or the song _Stuff is Messed Up_.

* * *

><p><em>Now we're rockin' the casbah and taking the flack. The genie's out of the bottle. And we can't put him back. All this stuff. It's overwhelming my brain. Can't you see the storm coming? It's coming this way.<em>

Glass was spread along the road and huge hunks layed in front of the window behind the tape. Blood specks were sporadically surrounding the pieces, a large stain in front of the door.

He tried to run.

Everyone stood on the other side of the street all watching and whispering about their thoughts on what happened, why, when, how, who. Who was it that pulled the trigger on the poor old man? Was it the people standing on the other side- that's what we're all thinking.

"Where's Two and Steve?" Soda asked.

No one answered.

"All that blood, man," Johnny spoke.

I rested my hands in my coat pockets. It was only nine in the morning. Most of the town was here watching the cops scratch their heads and try and figure out how this happened...why. Our football game attendance last Friday was at an all-time low.

But everyone was here. They'd shown up for the show.

Darry was over on the corner talking to one of his work buddies. Kathy was with him, just like the rest of us, trying to figure this out.

Marten Dills. Sixty three years old. Grandfather, father, brother, flower shop owner...fifthly stinking rich bastard. He lived in a big brown house on the hill. He came from family money. His father owned most of the businesses in this town. Once he died, ol Marten collected.

He was worth thousands and probably more.

"Dambasses," Dally muttered at two of the cops.

His eyes were red and his tee-shirt dirty and pants barely zipped up. The lights and sirens woke him up just like the rest of us. He was only down here because it's a show.

"Who'd want to rob a flower shop?" I asked out loud. "It's not like it has a ton of money inside."

Dally spewed out some smoke and smirked. "Probably didn't steal a dime."

Soda tiredly leaned into Pony and squinted his eyes. He was up all night with Darry talking. We all heard them. Soda was only trying to help a situation that was unfixable. He was kicking a dead horse.

"Berry says the guy threw the money at the guy and tried to run out the door. Guy shot him in the back of the head and took off. Money's still there and everything," Darry explained.

Dally didn't move. Just stood and stared through the other side.

"That must be the wife," Kathy said, pointing to the crying gray haired woman.

This is the type of scene people wouldn't rush to. It happens. In Tulsa, it's not an uncommon thing, but today it was.

"Darry!"

We all turned to see the two running toward us. Two-Bit, shockingly, leading the pack. He stopped in front of Darry and cupped his knees, trying to catch his breath.

Darry kneeled down and grabbed his shoulders to steady him. "What's goin' on?"

Steve caught up, and exchanged a look with Sodapop.

Two-Bit wheezed. "She...she…" he couched, "I can't...find...'er."

Kathy came over beside them and bent down. "Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. It helps."

He followed her instructions and easily rose up. "Emily," he couched, "she took off. She ain't home. Her bed is made. She didn't stay here last night, man."

"Friend's house?" I asked.

Steve shook his head. "Checked...all _morning_."

"She took off?" Darry asked the obvious.

Two-Bit nodded then his eyes turned to across the street. "What's...what's that?"

It was like everyone sighed, coming to their own conclusions. Who was going to be the first one to jump? Who was going to be the messenger who was going to get shot? Take one for the team.

"Two-"

"Did someone rob that store?" He pointed over. "Is that blood?"

Dally seemed to slowly back away as the rest calmed the boy whose eyes were fuming red and face flushed. He was just a bomb that was going to leak out everywhere until it blew, killing everyone around.

"Dally." I followed after.

He rested up against a street lamp, lighting another weed. "Fucking kid."

The yelling and cussing began a few feet away. It was finally kicking in. The light bulb was going off.

"Dally."

"She didn't do that!" Two-Bit screamed. "No. Where the fuck...I gotta talk to someone!"

They all pulled him back, shushing him, each trying to explain different stories. It hadn't finally clicked yet. Not for everyone.

Dally slammed his fist against the garbage can. "Fuck."

"Where is she then?"

The other side was starting to stare. Even the occasional cop would look over for a second. It wasn't hard to miss. Just something else to led us down that road. Something else they can see and throw in our faces. Use against us.

I took a stance beside Dally. "You don't think she really-"

"No she didn't!" Two-Bit hollered to someone else. "Tell me where she is!"

Dally threw the bud into the road. His other hand was in a tight fist and his veins were slowly coming out. He was going to blow before him. He was going to kill that kid.

"Maybe he didn't," I whispered. "Maybe-"

"No maybe," he growled.

Two-Bit began to kick nearby objects in a fit. Steve was standing behind, letting it happen. Kathy was standing behind him while Darry pulled him away, Johnny and Pony quietly watching.

Then the question came. It clicked. "Where's Ronnie?"

* * *

><p>People started to leave once the body came out and was pushed into the ambulance. The show was over. There wasn't anything else exciting to see. They all just left.<p>

Two-Bit was sitting on the curb, breathing heavily and trying to take in everything. Not even cigarettes could calm him down. He was shutting _down_.

"Did you two have a fight or somethin'?" Soda asked.

He slowly shook his head. "Nah, we just...talked."

"Dally, have you heard from Ronnie lately?" Darry asked.

Dally slipped his hands into his pockets and looked across his shoulder. "Nah. Ain't seen the stupid kid."

Everyone was quiet. Kathy had made a run to the coffee shop to load up. We were all just standing over Two-Bit, trying to make sense of this ourselves.

"Where...why would she have done _this_?" Two-Bit could hardly get the words out.

"We don't know that she did," Darry spoke up. "We can't assume anything."

I couldn't take my eyes off the shop. Emily Matthews was a little girl. She couldn't kill a guy. Dallas' brother couldn't kill a guy. This wasn't how it went down. No one was going to listen to that though.

"Maybe we should go look for her," Soda said. "She couldn't have gotten too far."

Two-Bit jumped up off the ground, ready to go. "Fine. Whose car?"

Darry took a step forward. "No just wait a minute. Let's not just jump up and go. She could come back and then what?"

"Really?" Two-Bit asked cold-heartedly. He pointed to Pony. "He didn't."

No one said anything. Two-Bit had never talked to anyone like that before. Now here he stood, telling superman himself where to go like he was batman.

Darry nodded, unfazed. He knew.

"We should split up," Darry instructed. "Cover more ground."

Everyone gathered around him as he took charge telling everyone where to go and who to go with. We were going to do this one right. We weren't going to let history replay itself. Not this time.

"Pony, go with Danni and Dally."

"Why?" Ponyboy whined.

Darry gave him the shut-up look very quickly. "'Cause I said so."

In other words he knew Dally would keep us unharmed. Across the street stood a crowd of people set off and ready to attack. They were fuming. That's why we're all going to stick nearby. Darry wouldn't let me go with Dally under any other circumstances. We needed to be safe.

It was feeding time for them. We were all about to go down.

* * *

><p>"I think they're just a bunch of idiots!" she hissed. "They think they can just pull that and not get away with it? My God, maybe they're stupider than we thought."<p>

She kept storming around in a circle. Her parents were over at the Dills' house taking care of Martha. She had been having a sleepover when she was rudely waken up with the news that a guy who acted as her uncle was now dead.

She, though, did not shed a tear. She never did in times like these. Marilyn was hard.

"Would you sit your ass down?" Michael snapped, slipping himself some wine. "You're making me dizzy."

She glared at him. "How can you just be so goddamn calm? Marten was like _family_!"

Cherry was on the sofa, just watching everything. She should go home and leave this to the family. Just let them have some time. Truth was though; Cherry didn't have a home to go home to.

"Yeah, I heard Dad the first time he said it." He took a drink. "Randy you want some?"

Randy shook his head and continued to bite his nails. He couldn't believe this.

"What about Sam?" Marilyn fumed, continuing her rant. "You don't think for one goddamn minute that they didn't do that! They're killing every one of us!"

Michael smirked at her and took a seat down beside Cherry on the sofa. "Haven't we discussed this before darlin'?"

Marilyn clinched her fists. "Michael, they_ killed_ Sam. Dallas Winston killed him."

Cherry swallowed and crossed her arms over her chest. "He's got an alibi. You know that. Why would Dally want to kill Sam anyway? It's not like they knew each other Mar."

Her eyes widened. "You're defending them?"

"No," Cherry snapped. "I'm just saying you should think before you just start accusing people."

Marilyn just stared at her, expecting her to apologize. No one talked that way to her. Cherry was acting like this was Marilyn's fault. She was defending them people and then saying Marilyn was in the wrong.

Cherry breathed out her nose, showing Marilyn that she wasn't backing down.

Marilyn huffed and stomped off to her room. No one went after her.

Michael quickly took his opportunity and placed his arm around Cherry's shoulder. "You alright?" he whispered in her ear. "If you need to talk you know I'm here."

"I know," she answered.

"You really don't think Dallas did it?" Randy turned around and asked her.

Cherry shook her head. "No. His alibi is rock solid. I don't see why or how he would. It could be anyone, Randy. There are stronger men in this town other than Winston."

He nodded and turned his attention back to the window and slowly bit down on his nails. He knew she was right. Winston could have never done it. Everyone was just blaming him.

Stronger men. It was someone stronger who killed Sam. He knew that.

* * *

><p>Dally leaned up and turned the radio up again. He'd done that about five times since we'd gotten in the car. We'd driven all across town and found nothing. We didn't know what we were looking for. Emily was gone.<p>

"I don't see why he let you go with him," Pony groaned. "Aren't you in trouble?"

I didn't answer him and tried to focus on how empty the town was. Everyone from this morning was gone. Everyone was gone.

Dally kept driving for the next half hour. We didn't talk much. He didn't sleep too much last night. He had the night shift again and this morning, just had to get up. Dally doesn't function too well on lack of sleep.

"Where are you going?" I asked after a while. "Where are we anyway?"

He held his cigarette out the window. "Somewhere. Don't worry about it."

"You think you know where he took her?"

He didn't answer. He took another puff and cranked the radio up another notch and didn't even move.

Ponyboy leaned forward. "What did Darry say to you?"

I moved him back with my elbow. "It's none of your business."

"Are you in trouble?" he asked again.

"No," I growled. "Leave me alone."

My nerves were shot. Darry and I had been up since midnight talking about what happened with Dally. Kathy went home before that. I was on my own for the most part. I had to defend myself.

Pony ignored me. "Was he real mad?"

"No." Dally took a puff of his cigarette and tried to tune us out. "Where are we going?" I asked again.

We were headed into the country part of Tulsa. I wasn't even sure we were there anymore. We just kept going through the woods seeing only trees and grass and occasionally a stream. The road we were on was all ravel and pavement wasn't in sight.

"Yeah," Pony chimed in. "Dal, why are we goin' here?"

Finally irritated, Dally spoke, "Just shut-up and go with it. We're goin' to find the kids. That a problem with anyone?"

His voice just boomed through the car. Ponyboy and I sat back and didn't say another word. Dallas leaned forward and changed the radio station and sat back, lighting another one.

Soda and Steve took the job and handling Two-Bit. When we left, all we could see was the guy in the same position he'd been in since he found out, just holding himself back from breaking.

Emily was always a quiet kid. She didn't talk much through most of the years I've known her. Our mothers were good friends so as kids we were close. Mrs. Matthews kept me and Pony during the day while my parents worked and Darry and Soda were at school. From what I've been told, we were friends. Once I started school though, and she stayed home, we drifted.

The last time I really talked to her was when her dad left. She stayed with us for a while while her mother put herself _together_. I was nine and she was seven. We didn't talk after that. We just weren't close.

She'd changed this past summer along with everything else. She was a late bloomer, her momma called it. She developed into her chest, and her nose grew into her face and her butt grew. No one really knew how to look at her anymore. No one expected the little flat chested girl with glasses, a pudgy stomach, and a big nose, would grow into...a babe.

She'd changed fast. Maybe too fast. She left town with a guy she hasn't known a month and left everything. She's never had a boyfriend before but she runs off with some guy who just gave her the time a day. She's out there on her own with someone she doesn't know at all just because he fancied her.

Maybe she should have developed faster. Maybe her brain should have just developed.

"Dally," I said. "We've been drivin' a while." I looked at the now dirt road. "You sure you know where you're going?"

He tossed his bud out the window.

"Is this even a place?" Ponyboy stuck his head out the window. "We're in the middle of the woods. This isn't even a _road_."

Dally sneered. "Thanks Einstein."

"Seriously," I said. "You know where we're going?"

He turned his head and looked at me and I knew he didn't know where we were...but he knew where Ronnie was.

Ponyboy slumped back in his seat and crossed his arms over his chest. "Guys, I think we should turn back."

"He knows where we're goin'." I looked back at him.

He rested his head against the window. "We've been driving for_ hours_ in the woods. Obviously he doesn't."

I twisted back around. "What is your problem?" He shrugged and looked away. "No, go ahead and say it. You've had a problem since we got in the car, now talk. You were all for talking just a second ago."

"Back off," Dally said.

Pony huffed. "Leave me alone."

"No," I leaned in. "I'm sick of the way you've been acting. All you've done for the past week is whine and cry and yell at everyone. I'm sick of it!"

Pony rolled his eyes. "Ok, Mom."

"Don't call me that."

Dally slightly chuckled and turned the volume up on an Elvis song. I slung back around and sat down in my seat, crossing my arms. "Leave the kid alone."

Trees aren't the most interesting thing to look at when you're in a moving vehicle. The country has never caught my eye. We used to take road trips as kids. Mom and Dad found it exciting to drive through the woods. I used to hate those trips.

If I only knew there wouldn't be anymore.

"Dallas."

"What?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Do you...well, will Ronnie...will he..." He turned and looked at me. "Is he dangerous? Like...will he hurt her?"

Ponyboy shuffled in back and sat up to listen.

Dally's hand gripped the wheel tighter as he turned back to the road. "Nah," he chuckled. "Kid wouldn't hurt a fly. Too soft."

"How do you know?" Pony asked. "You haven't seen him in a while right? People could change."

Dally shook his head and laughed. "Kid's probably still a virgin. Touching girls wasn't his _forte_."

"I think it's going to storm," Pony stated. "I don't think we should be out here when it does."

I propped my feet up on the dash. "We'll be fine. We're in a car in the woods. It's not like we'd hit anything other than a tree. We'll be fine. Relax."

"You don't know that."

"Well fine...we'll all die. You happy?"

He adjusted himself in his seat, making a squeaking sound. Sheila was groaning along with him. "We should go home."

"Why are you so worried about that?" I kicked the dash lightly with my foot.

"Because I just don't want to go," he snapped. "Would you stop attacking me?"

"How am I attacking you?" I asked, turning around. "You're the one that's sitting back there like a little baby who can't get their way."

"Am not."

"Sure." I spun back around.

Sheila was starting to pick up speed as Dally hit the gas harder.

Ponyboy hummed. "I don't get why I couldn't just have gone with Soda," he grumbled. "Why did Darry have to stick me here?"

"Well I'm so sorry we suck," I huffed. "He probably did because no one else wanted to put up with you."

"No he didn't."

"Yes he did."

"No he didn't!"

Dally slammed on the gas. "Would you two shut the-"

Then it popped. The whole car almost jumped off the ground. Everyone was quiet as smoke starting to come from the hood and the car stopped moving. The great Sheila had just kicked the bucket.

* * *

><p><em>I guess it's all about the dream. The ends justify the means. I'm telling you, shit is fucked up. You know it's all about the dream. The ends justify the means. Justify the means.<em>


	11. Dusk to Dawn

**Disclaimer: **S.E. Hinton owns the _Outsiders_. V.V. Brown owns _Shark in the Water. _

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><p><em>High in the sky, the song that I'm singing. A sweet little lie, I cry wolf, cry. Rabbit out the hat, so that's why I'm bringing some tricks up my sleeve, for noticing me. I wouldn't cause you any harm, I just want you in my arms. I can't help, I can't help myself.<em>

He had been kicking that pebble since they left the block. He's eyes rarely even looked up from it. He hadn't uttered a word, setting a whole new record for himself, and all that was on his mind was one thing.

"Maybe she just needed some air," Sodapop threw out there. "Danni does that all the time."

He kicked the rock harder. "She ain't Danni."

He was right. Emily was no Danni Curtis. She was shy, timid, and kept to herself. This wasn't her. Ever since she started middle school, she hadn't been Emily. Two-Bit was starting to wonder if she'd ever come back.

He never thought he'd have to worry about this in a million years. His baby sister running off with a Winston.

"We'll find her."

Two-Bit took a deep breath. "You...do you think she did it?" He looked up at his two friends.

Steve turned his head, signaling Soda to take this one. He was better with this kind of stuff anyway. "No, it's Em, man." Soda gave him a smile. "I wouldn't worry about that."

It was easier said than done. That was all Two-Bit was worrying about. He could never picture Emily killing someone. He couldn't picture her running off with a boy in the middle of the night. She was smarter than that. He'd taught her better than that. She wasn't that type of girl. She wasn't at all.

"How's your mom?" Soda asked.

Two-Bit shrugged a little. Sodapop was the only one of his friends to refer to his mom as, well, Mom. Most guys would have rather said old lady, or something else that'd make his blood boil, but not Soda. He never said anything of the sort.

"Fine," Two-Bit mumbled out. "She's been callin' everyone she can think of. She's gonna kill her...that is if I don't find her first."

Steve blew out some smoke. "You think that's goin' to do any good? She'll just leave again."

Soda shot him a look. Now wasn't the time to say things like that.

"I can't wait 'till I get my hands on her!" Two-Bit kicked the light pole. "I'm going to kill her. I'm going to kill him. I'm going to make sure he never sees the light of day again."

Soda put a hand on him. "Hey, come on now. Just calm-"

Two-Bit jerked him off. "What would you do to Danni if she did something like this? Don't tell me you wouldn't-"

"I would," Soda quickly said. "Believe me I would but-"

"But what?" Two-Bit yelled. "Don't give me that, man. You know your sister."

Steve turned the other way and whistled. He knew what was going to happen next.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Soda asked.

Two-Bit shook his head and smirked. "You know if you would have told me a year ago that I would be doing this today I would have laughed in your face. I would of expected _you_ to be here."

Soda just looked at him. "Two-"

"Danni ain't no saint," Two-Bit snapped. "You should know that better than anyone."

Soda took a strong step forward. His blood was reaching high levels. "What are you trying to say?"

Steve put a hand on Soda's shoulder. "Come on, man. He's just upset. Forget about it."

Soda threw his hand off and stepped closer. "What are you saying?"

Two-Bit looked him up and down and laughed. "Nothing, man. Nothing at all." He continued to laugh as he turned his back and went on, just kicking that pebble.

On normal days, Sodapop would have followed after any guy who said something like that about any of his siblings and let them have it but today, he's just staring down someone he would have never expected to say such things. This guy was family.

"He's hurtin'," Steve reassured. "He didn't mean it."

Soda nodded and watched his friend walk. He took a deep breath, and he followed him.

* * *

><p>"What do you think's wrong with it?" I asked, peering over him. "Dal?"<p>

He hissed as he touched something hot. "Damnit."

Pony got out of the car and walked over to Dally. He looked over the hood. "You think you can fix it?"

Dally grumbled and turned some nasals. "Piece of shit. I just had this thing serviced."

"I'm cold." I covered myself with my arms.

Dally shrugged his jacket off and tossed it towards me. "There's a blanket in the trunk." He nodded at Pony to get it for himself.

Rain was starting to slowly drip from the sky. I sat on the passenger's side with the door open, listening to Dally curse at the car and Pony try and help. The wind was starting to pick up speed and it was beginning to smell like it did before a storm.

"Damnit!"

"Check the pipes," Ponyboy suggested. "Maybe it's the pipes."

Dally sucked on his hand where he burnt it. "It ain't the fucking pipes."

The wind was crisp. The trees over us were shaking and the rain was starting to come down harder. We have all the luck in the world today apparently.

I slid back farther into the car. "It's about to storm."

"I told you that," Ponyboy said.

I rolled my eyes and pulled my knees up to my chest. "Yes, you're brilliant. Smartest kid in Tulsa. Sorry, I forgot."

Dally stepped away from the car and went back to the trunk. He smashed some things together and then came back with a wrench and a bottle of something.

"Why do you always have to get on me?" Pony continued.

"I'm not."

Dally cussed as smoke started to build up again around the car. "Both of you zip it!"

Darry was probably having a rage fit right about now. We'd been gone for almost two hours now. We were supposed to meet back at the house half an hour ago. That's just what he needed was to worry about us. That's just what I needed to help my case.

"I wish we could just go home." Pony sighed. "I knew we shouldn't have come out here."

"Yeah well we did," I snapped. "Sorry."

I wrapped Dally's jacket tightly around myself as another gust of wind hit us. Dally stayed by the car, still twisting and turning anything he could. Sheila wasn't moving.

"Dal, what are we goin' to do?"

He didn't respond.

Pony leaned on the door beside me and sucked in a breath of air. "How far out do you think we are?"

I hugged my knees. "An hour away, maybe more."

He shook his head and whispered, "man."

"Well there isn't anything we can do about it," I commented. "It's not our fault the stupid car broke down."

Since the day Dally got Sheila, all I wanted was for her to break down. Sure it was easier for all of us for Dally to have a car of his own but screw easy. I hated Sheila with a burning passion and I suppose to get me back, she picked now to break down.

Thanks, Sheila.

"Come on, babe," Dallas whined. "Just a little bit farther baby. Come on." A hissing noise came from the front of the car and the last bit of smoke came out. Dally swore and kicked the front tire.

I began to bite my nails. It wouldn't be much longer before the rain started pouring down.

Dally snapped his fingers at Ponyboy. "Try crankin' her again."

Pony just looked at him. "What is it?"

He rolled his eyes. "Just crank the car, will ya?"

Pony jumped into the driver's side and flipped the key over. There was hardly any noise at all. Just tiny gasps of Sheila losing her breath and then slowly dying again.

She was gone.

"Fuck!" Dally slammed the hood down and kicked one of the headlights. Glass went everywhere. "I'm gonna fucking kill Buck!"

Thunder rang through the woods and the trees trembled. Dally stomped in a circle over and over again, scratching his head and trying to figure out what to do.

"I knew we shouldn't have come out here." Pony hit the stirring wheel.

I looked over my shoulder at him. "Yeah, we heard ya the first time, bud."

"No one ever listens to me."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm _so_ sorry."

He kicked in his seat. "Don't patronize me. I'm sick of you treating me this way."

"Really?" I looked at him again. "Funny because for the past two weeks I've been right there holding your hand while you cry your eyes out and _I'm_ treating you badly?"

He crossed his arms over his chest. "You can drop the act. You never did like her. You're glad she dumped me."

"Is that what you think?" I asked loudly. I laughed and turned back around. "This is the thanks I get."

"Who asked you to help anyway?" he mumbled under his breath.

I slipped my shoes on and got out of the car. Dally had stopped walking in circles and was leaning against a tree with a cigarette in his mouth, not even caring anymore.

Here we sat in the middle of the woods. No ride. No idea where we were. No way to get out. And it was starting to rain.

I stormed over to Pony's side and opened the door. "Get out."

He scowled at me. "No."

"Get out of the car now!" I shouted. "I'm sick and tired of listening to you complain now get your ass out of the car and help me!" He huffed and angrily got out of the car. "Pop the hood."

He did and walked around with me to the front of the car. I pealed the hood up and stared down at what was under it.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

I propped the hood up. "You're always helpin' Soda and Steve with cars right?" He nodded. "Well you've bound to have learned something."

He sighed and leaned over without another word.

I turned behind me to see that Dally was no longer there. He was walking down through the woods, still smoking.

I sighed and rubbed my head.

"It's not the pipes." Pony leaned up. "I don't know what else to do."

I pushed on the side of my head. "We have to do_ something_. Just do something."

He slammed the hood back down as the rain began to hit us. "This is your boyfriend's fault." He raced back to the inside of the car and slammed the door.

Thunder rang again and the rain pounded down harder. "You are such a baby!"

"I don't care."

I ran over to his door and pulled it open. "You only care about yourself!"

He shoved me back. "Get away from me!"

"No!"

I grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the car. His body landed face first in a puddle of mud. I took a step back and looked down at him as he slammed his fists on the ground and hopped up.

"And I'm the baby?" he yelled. "God, Danni!"

It was getting colder by the minute and the rain was freezing my body. "You're so perfect aren't you? That's what everyone thinks. Poor baby Pony got his heart broken. Well I'm sorry, get over it!"

He stepped forward and shoved me. "Shut-up!"

I pushed him back. "Make me!"

Suddenly, I was lifted off the ground before he could do anything else. I gasped for air as it was knocked out of me. Dally yanked me and threw me down behind him.

"Shut your mouth!" he shouted. He turned to Pony. "Both of you shut the fuck up!"

Lightening lit everything up again. "What are we going to do?"

Dally rubbed his head and threw up his hands. He spun around and walked off again. "We're walking!"

* * *

><p>No one said anything. I stayed near the back as Dally led us through the woods. He was steaming and Pony and I both knew it. He loved that car and with us yelling at the top of our lungs, that just tipped it off for him.<p>

I hung onto Dally's jacket, hoping it'd make me warmer when my whole body and clothes were soaked anyway and it didn't matter.

Pony was beginning to sniffle and shake in front of me. He forgot the blanket back at the car and didn't have a jacket either. I couldn't tell if the sniffling was from him getting a cold, or from him crying.

This day couldn't get any better.

I sped up a little to where I was beside him. I took Dally's jacket off and handed it to him. "It's wet but it's warmer than nothing."

He stared at it for a minute before finally slipping it on and gave me a mouthed, thanks.

I could picture Darry at home now. He was probably calling everyone and researching the neighborhood. Kat was probably right by his side telling him we'd be home soon. Man, I'd give anything to have her here right now. Somehow, Kathy always seemed to make everything better.

Mud was starting to stick to the bottoms of my feet. It was everywhere and the rain kept pouring down on it making bigger puddles and more mud.

_"Hurry up!" he shouts at us. "We don't have much time."_

I brushed out my damp hair and tugged it behind my ear. Everything was so dark. Only when the lightening would strike, you could see what was in front of you. Any other time, you'd just have to trust your surroundings.

_There is so much mud. Blood is mixing with it. There is more blood now than mud. It's everywhere._

_He keeps shouting. We're all shaking and just trying to keep up. He tells me if I don't they're going to leave me and I'll have to make it back myself. I don't know where I'm going. _

_It's so dark. I want to hold someone's hand. Anyone's. But the only thing people are doing is running. They're all scared too and they're just running to keep up so they won't be left behind too. We're in this together though. That's what they told me. _

_"Danni, move!" someone yells. "Move now!"_

_I trip on a root sticking out of the ground. I scramble up and begin to run again. I can feel my knees sting and a cool liquid run down to my shoes. I can't stop. I have to keep up with them. _

_My legs won't stop shaking and I wonder if everyone else's is the same way. _

_"Just down the creek. That's perfect!"_

_I don't understand why he's so calm. Look at the rest of us. Is everyone calm but me? How can they be calm? _

_The rain is washing away the blood now. It mixes in with the mud and eventually disappears within it. There's nothing left now. _

_I try to stop crying. They can't see me cry. He'll only yell again. I wonder who else is crying. Someone else has to be crying. This isn't fun anymore. It never was._

_"Danni, come on!"_

_I hold on to my arms and breathe in and out. "I'm sorry."_

I rubbed my arms over and over again hoping it'd help some. There was no sign of civilization anywhere. It was just trees everywhere. It looked like we were just walking in circles. By this point, I didn't know if Dally even knew where he was going any more.

I bit my lip and kept walking.

"Dal, where are we going?" Pony asked.

No answer.

Pony turned around and looked at me. "He'll get us there," I told him. "He knows where he's going."

I don't know who needed to hear that more. Me or him.

Dally stopped in his tracks and stared straight ahead. He pointed forward. "Told ya I knew where I was goin'."

We ran behind him, getting a better look at what he was referring to. It was a big black barn. It barely stood upright but it had a roof and it was big and warm.

"Does anyone live here?" Pony asked.

Dally shook his head. "Been abandoned for years."

We reached the big doors in the front. There were some nails and small pieces of boards that looked like they once closed the opening off. They were dangling on the side of the doors and some were on the ground now.

Dally pulled the doors back and let the light shine through.

We stepping in just as lightning flashed through the valley one last time, shining up the barn and showing the two small figures huddled in the corner. My mouth dropped as thunder boomed in the background and they looked up at us, just as shocked.

"Emily."

_Baby, there's a shark in the water. There's something underneath my bed. Oh, please believe I said. Baby, there's a shark in the water. I caught them barking at the moon. Better be soon._

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><p><strong>AN: **Reviews and/or predictions would be lovely.


	12. Game of FML

**Disclaimer: **S.E. Hinton owns. Muse owns _Supermassive Black Hole._

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><p><em>Oh baby don't you know I suffer? Oh baby can you hear me moan? You caught me under false pretenses. How long before you let me go? You set my soul alight.<em>

"What in God's name is this?" I charged into the dusky barn. "Have you two lost your fucking minds?"

Emily shot up off the ground first. "Danni...wha-what are you doing here?"

"Looking for you two _morons_!" I shouted, waving a finger. "What in God's name are you doing? Everyone's looking for your ass and you're just up here sitting in a barn like la de fucking da, we don't have a fucking care in the world."

She nervously bit her bottom lip and turned around to Ronnie. He smirked and hosted himself off the ground. "Danni, come on now. It's not a big deal. Just calm down."

I scowled. "Don't tell me what to do."

Ronnie threw his hands in the air and chuckled. "It's not like we're doin' anythin'. We're just hanging out."

"You_ kidnapped_ her."

His smiled dropped and so did his hands. "She _came_ along."

I frowned. "Tell that to the cops."

His mouth slightly dropped. "You didn't-"

"No." Dally stepped forward and glanced at Emily. "Can't say the same for your big bro."

She looked back and forth between us. "Two-Bit...he's not with you is he?"

"No," I growled.

Pony walked around in a circle behind us, akwardly being there in the first place.

Dally's eyes moved to Ronnie as he refused to look at his big brother. This was only the second time they've seen each other since Ronnie's been here but something told me, Dally was about to burst. He was the older brother here.

"Is he..." Emily bit down harder on her lip. "How mad is he?"

I crossed my arms over my chest as thunder boomed and lightening hit. "He's gonna bust your ass."

Pony shut the doors behind us and joined in.

"You've got a lot of fucking nerve kid." Dally chuckled and shook his head. "Taking a girl off into the woods. Didn't know you had it in ya, bro."

Ronnie just stared at him. You could tell he was biting his tongue so hard there was probably blood. Ronnie Winston knew his brother. He knew he'd better keep his mouth shut...at least for a little while.

"You're so stupid!" I scolded Emily. "Do you have any idea how crazy everyone is? How worried they are?"

She tucked her brown hair behind her ear. "I didn't think everyone would be that way. It wasn't a big deal. We just wanted to get away for a little while."

"You didn't think at all."

"I did too!" she yelled for the first time. "Why is this your business?"

I took a step towards her. "I'm wet. My head is pounding so hard I can hear it through my ears. I'm freezing cold and I want to go home. I've been out looking for you for hours! Tell me why this_ isn't_ my business."

She rolled her eyes. "No one told you to come out here."

"No one told you to run off with him but you did _that_ anyway!"

She threw her hands down. "I'm not a baby. I can take care of myself just fine!"

"Really?" I asked. "You're _fourteen!_ You're in a barn with some guy you just met. Yeah, you're grown up all right. Call the media. Emily Matthews is a woman!"

Ronnie stepped in-between us. "I think that's enough. Leave 'er alone."

Dally followed his lead and stood between me and him. "Got somethin' to say?"

Ronnie frowned. "This doesn't concern you."

Dally smirked. "Look at you, all grown up ain't cha kid?"

"I'm not a kid."

Dally casually stepped forward, sizing himself up. "Really?"

* * *

><p>Marilyn was still shut up in her room. Randy had gone in there an hour ago to see if he could calm her down. They hadn't heard a word from that end of the house since. Cherry was starting to wonder if he was going to come back out alive.<p>

Michael was sitting beside her watching the local news about the shooting. He hadn't said much since Marilyn stormed off. Cherry was starting to think it was time for her to leave.

"You wanna watch something?" Michael asked her.

She shook her head. "I should be getting home."

He gave her a small smile. "You don't have to. Stay. Really. I want you to."

Cherry crossed her legs and took a sip of water. She wasn't going to argue. Cherry would rather be anywhere than at home. She'd rather be in hell...too bad she already was.

It had been a hard few months for Cherry. She couldn't seem to do anything right anymore. Nothing would _go_ right for one thing. She tried so hard since school ended. She tried so fucking hard. It just wasn't good enough. It happened anyway.

Michael rose up from his chair and approached her. He reached out and wiped a loose tear that fell from her eye. "Don't do that now."

Cherry looked up at him. "You don't have any idea."

He sighed and sat down beside her. "So let me have one."

Cherry wiped her face off and held her tears back. She couldn't do this now. "Everything's so messed up."

Michael grinned. He did it to where she couldn't see him but he did. He leaned in real close to her and whispered in her ear, "I can take your mind off it."

Cherry pulled away slightly. "You have a girlfriend, Michael."

He stopped, puzzled. "Cherry...Jane's just a friend. You're a friend. I'm just trying to help you."

"Mom left yesterday morning." Cherry wiped another tear. "I woke up and she was standing at the end of the stairs with her bags, just waiting. Dad wasn't even home."

Michael rubbed her face with the end of his finger. "Go on."

Cherry sniffed. "She hugged me and kissed the top of my head. She didn't even seem sad. She was _smiling_. She told me she loved me and Ben so much but she had to go. She said she needed to be happy now and then she just left. She didn't even say she'd be back."

Michael petted her hand. "I'm sorry, babe."

"I just...I just don't understand," she cried. "I tried so hard. Why wasn't she happy? Why wasn't she happy there?"

Michael pulled her into him and hugged her shaking body. She buried her head in his chest and let all her tears flow out. She didn't care anymore. She was tired of being strong. She was tired of not crying.

She had to be strong for Ben. That's what her father told her to do. She had to be strong for him so he wouldn't fall under. That's what her mother told her to do. He was already falling though. She could see that. Everyone could see just how far gone he was. Cherry couldn't fix that either. She couldn't fix anything.

"Why did she have to do that?" Cherry asked. "H-he loved her. Sh-she just wa-walked out on him. She ch-cheated on him!"

Michael stroked her hair. It smelled like berries. He leaned in and took a whiff of it. "With who?"

Cherry picked up her head and tried to calm down. "I don't know. Dad...he just said it was some guy. Wh-why did they have to do this _now_? Right after Sam!"

He pushed her hair out of her face. "I don't know, Cherry."

"I-I mean, he was in _love_ with her. She was a mother. A _married_ woman with two kids. How could she have done that to us?" Cherry screamed. "How could she?" She forcefully shook her head. "I hate her!"

Michael pulled her back into his chest and rocked her back and forth. "Good job just let it out. I've got you Cherry. I've got you." He looked up at the ceiling and copped a smile. "I've got you babe."

* * *

><p>The rain had stopped for the most part. Emily was huddled up to Ronnie and had a death grip on his arm like she was afraid the kid would vanish into thin air. He just stood there and reassured everyone that he was in the right and they were fine.<p>

I paced around on the floor and listened as Ronnie spoke to us. Kid was a smooth talker. No wonder Emily so willingly came with him. He could talk me into jumping off a freakin' boat.

Dally wasn't amused. "Aunt Bev know you came all the way out here? I'd hate for the old bat to be disappointed once she finds out you ditched out again."

Ronnie tightened his grip around Emily. "No."

Dally sneered and shook his head.

"Why run away anyway?" I asked. "What's so bad that you just have to pack up and run off in the middle of the night? Don't tell me it's your life Em because we both know that's a bunch of crap."

"We just needed out," she spat. "And you don't know what I put up with at home."

I rolled my eyes and turned back around. "I can't believe you did this."

"Why?" she yelled. "You did the same thing last year! Two-Bit told me about you leaving home and going to live with him." She pointed at Dally. "Don't give _me_ a freakin' guilt trip."

I narrowed my eyebrows. "That was different."

"How so?"

I laughed. "Well for starters I didn't just hop into a car with my _boyfriend_ on my _own_ terms."

Her mouth slightly opened. "But I thought-"

"No," I growled. "I got_ kicked_ out. I'd say that's just a_ little_ bit different than this situation."

Everyone got quiet. I continued to tip-toe in a circle and try to control myself. Pony was over in the corner just watching us and trying to keep warm with some old hay that was staked in the back.

Dally stopped getting after Ronnie and lit a cigarette. He could say a lot more. I knew he maybe should. I also knew though, why he wasn't. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, Ronnie was still his baby brother.

"How'd you guys get out here?" I asked.

Ronnie fished out a box of smokes from his pocket. "Car."

Ponyboy jumped up. "You have a car here?"

Ronnie lit his stick and nodded smoothly. "Yeah...don't you?"

Pony grumbled and walked over towards Dally, afraid to go to Ronnie. "No it broke. Hey Dal, you got a smoke?"

Ronnie let go of Emily and took a puff of his own. "It's out front there." He smirked. "What happened to 'er Dal?" Dally didn't seem amused. He shot him a finger.

"So it runs?" Ponyboy kept going.

Ronnie took another drag and waved at Pony to follow him. "She's out back. Come on."

* * *

><p>We all filed behind Ronnie and Emily out back behind the barn. There was nothing else around but leaves and trees. It was literally in the middle of nowhere. No one was around to hear us scream.<p>

Ronnie pointed at his baby. "There she is."

We followed them to the front of the car. The green paint was scratched up. One headlight was missing and the whole front in was completely smashed. It didn't even look like it could stand up on four wheels let alone run.

"What happened to your car?" Pony asked.

Ronnie shrugged and wiped off a smudge on the one headlight. "Pole jumped out in front of me."

Pony pulled me back from the others. "Did you see the front of that?"

I knew what he was saying. I knew what he was getting at even though he didn't know I had already jumped to the same conclusion. The dents were too big. The damage was too big. Ronnie and Emily ran away for a reason...well Ronnie did anyway.

"You don't think-"

"I don't know," I shushed him. "Sam's accident was almost a month ago. How come he didn't get it fixed then?"

"Maybe he didn't have any money or something," he said. "Ask Dally."

"You ask Dally!"

"He's your boyfriend!"

"So? You do it!"

"No you!"

"You!"

"Hey," Ronnie shouted, stopping us. He laughed. "You guys coming or what?"

We stood and watched as Emily and Dally rounded the car. They looked over at us too and waited. They weren't putting it together. Maybe they knew something we didn't and we were the dumb ones or maybe they just didn't know like we did.

Ronnie grinned. "Come on now. I don't bite." Dally made a noise as we got closer and Ronnie leaned into the car. "Ya'll ain't takin' off right now are ya?"

Ponyboy raced up the passenger's side. "Yeah. We kinda need to get home."

"Yeah," I chimed in. I pointed to Emily. "And you're coming with us."

She frowned. "I am not!"

I shoved Pony as he tried to get into the passenger's side. "You can either come with us or have your big brother and momma come down here and drag you by the hair in front of your boyfriend there."

Dally laughed and headed around the car.

Emily exchanged a look with Ronnie as he stuck the key into the car. She wasn't coming with us. I could tell that by the look on her face, the look she was giving him. She wasn't coming and she wasn't staying here. Two-Bit wasn't going to come down here and get her. They were going to make a run for it.

"I'll take ya'll back," Ronnie said as he flipped the key. "Babe you stay here."

"Better not do that bub," Dally said.

Ronnie ignored him and tried flipping the key over again. The car spewed and he pulled the key back out and tried again.

"Why is it doin' that?" Pony asked, leaning over.

Dally flicked something off his finger and stared at Emily. He wouldn't let Ronnie take her again. He just wouldn't. He'd have to step in. He just would.

Ronnie flipped the key over again getting the same result. "Sometimes she's stubborn."

"Get in the car kid," Dally told Emily.

She backed away a little. "No."

Dally raised his eyebrows. "Get your ass in the fucking car! I ain't havin' your brother gettin' on_ my_ ass because of you, you little brat."

"Hey!" Ronnie shot up out of the car, heading toward Dally. "Don't talk to her like that."

Dally stared him down like he was an ant. He started to laugh and dig around for another cigarette. "Yeah," he looked down at him. "Who's going to make me?"

"Guys!" Ponyboy jumped in. "Is, uh, this supposed to happen."

We all turned and looked at the black liquid pouring from the car, making a nice big puddle below it.

Fuck us.

_Glaciers melting in the dead of night and the superstars sucked into the supermassive. I thought I was a fool for no one. Oh baby I'm a fool for you. You're the queen of the superficial. And how long before you tell the truth?_

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **I'm starting to get back on my regular update pattern even with the holidays and exams! I guess I'm out of my little down phase for a while. Thanks to those of you who have helped me so much through that: Independence Undervalued, HappilyNeverAfter, DallasWinston'sGirl, DALLYsaysSHUTtheHELLup, and those of you who review and read. You truly help keep me going.

So predictions? Can I get to 100? Hope you enjoyed. :)


	13. Bottomless Pit

**A/N: **Please read the lyrics if you would be so kind.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the _Outsiders_. I don't own _Brother_, by Alice in Chains.

* * *

><p><em>Roses in a vase of white. Bloodied by the thorns beside the leaves that fall because my hand is pulling them hard as I can. You were always so far away. I know that pain and I won't run away like I used to do. <em>

No one said a word. The rain was the only noise any of us heard, and frankly, the majority of the room liked it that way.

Dally threw stick after stick into the dying fire we tried to keep. The cold of the night was starting be affective and there was nothing but hay and mud in the barn. We needed this, even if we burned.

Ronnie picked at the mud in-between the cracks of the flooring with a stick. His face hung low and his body was slumped. He didn't look like himself...the self that I knew anyway.

The car wouldn't work. Ronnie bitched and ranted and spewed and it still didn't move. Dally says it's the radiator. Ronnie disagrees. The only thing the rest of us know: we aren't getting out of here anytime soon...and the rain is back and it's dark.

"Can you keep a fire going in some place like this?" Emily asked.

Pony had his knees up to his chest, just watching the fire. "As long as there's an opening and you watch it, it's fine."

Ronnie and Emily hadn't been here long. We noticed that when we came in. Their bags were still in the car. They weren't planning to stay here very long. This was just a stop on their run-away mission. They had other places to be. Things to do.

"None of this would have happened if ya'll hadn't followed us down here," Ronnie harped.

I looked up. "We didn't follow anyone and it's _your_ car that won't work buddy."

He rolled his eyes and went back to rubbing Emily's back and watching the fire like the rest of us.

The front door slammed open and the wind blew rain in as Dally slammed the door back shut. He had mud all over him and a scowl on his face. He stomped in front of us. "It's the radiator."

"No it ain't," Ronnie grumbled.

Dally smirked and wiped some mud off his face. "You know kid, growing some hair on your balls don't make you a man."

Ronnie hugged onto Emily. "Why do you even care? Why are you even down here in the first place? Last time I checked you didn't give a fuck about me or the rest of your so called family."

Dally pulled his jacket off and chuckled. "How _is_ Pops?" He went over and touched the scar under Ronnie's eye. "Still a lovely son-of-a-bitch I see."

Ronnie swatted his hand away. "What do _you_ know? You left a long time ago. Why don't you just answer the question?"

Dally grabbed the box of cigarettes off the ground and lit one. "Why you here anyway kid?"

"Stop callin' me a kid!" he shouted. "I'm fifteen Dallas!"

Dally laughed.

"This isn't funny!" Ronnie jumped up off the ground and took a charge. "Why are you _here_?"

Dally's mood spiked. He shoved Ronnie out of his way and kept walking. "You're over your head kid."

Ronnie didn't back off this time. He followed after. "What does that mean? You've been acting like this since I got here. Well here we are Dal, stuck together. Looks like it's time to start talking."

"Piss off."

Ronnie took a step forward. "No."

Dally stared him down. His eyes were filled with hate and destruction. They got that way every time Ronnie was around. Every time his eyes met his brothers they'd take new form and control his whole body. His eyes took him over.

The hate Dally stored up was filled with this negative energy that altered his perception. It was this feeling of destruction, and chaos, and most of the time, he couldn't control it.

I've seen this in his eyes before.

"Dal," I stood up, "come on."

His upper lip twitched. "What'd you say?"

The ends of Ronnie's lips curled up. "You heard me."

Dally took a strong step and grabbed the collar of his shirt, pushing his face into his. "What'd you say to me you little shit?"

"Dally," I said again. "Come on, he didn't mean it. Just lay off."

"Shut-up!" He turned back to Ronnie and slowly let him go. "You've always been a fucking little shit."

Ronnie shoved him and everything took a new motion. Everything was moving fast. Emily had gotten up from the ground to stand in-between them but too bad for her, there wasn't any room.

Dally pushed Ronnie into the wall of the barn. Dust and dubrey went flying. "Who do you think you're messing with?" he yelled. "Huh kid?"

Ronnie didn't flinch. "You're just like Pops ain't ya?" He laughed. "Some things never change."

Dally pulled him forward and slammed him again. "You think this is a _joke_?"

"Dally," I walked toward them. "Let 'im go. Just...calm down."

He slammed him again. "Huh, kid?"

"You look just like him," Ronnie said. "He'd be so proud he had a son like _you_."

Dally's hands moved to his neck. "Come to Tulsa huh? Take care of that old bat. Good cover kid." He tightened his grip. "Why are you _really_ here?"

Ronnie chuckled. "See my big bro of course."

His face began to turn blue as Dally's hands didn't loosen up. Emily started shouting along with Pony. Ronnie's expression didn't change. He kept that smile on his face all the way through.

"You can't lie to yourself forever, man," he squeaked out. "You can't lie to_ her_."

Emily began to pull on my arm. "Danni, stop him!"

Dally's eyes were red. His whole body was. He wasn't letting go. His grip was strong and tight.

"Dally," I started. "Just let him go!"

He didn't move.

I stood beside him. I placed a shaking hand on his shoulder.

"Danni he's killing him!"

I leaned forward. "Dally, let him go. Please?"

"We all have secrets," Ronnie let out. "Don't we?"

I stroked Dally's arm softly and began to whisper again, "You would never hurt him. You don't want to hurt him. Let him go, Dal. He's your brother. Let him go. Please. For me."

Slowly, his eyes drained. The veins in his arms went away and his muscles contracted back down. His grip became loose and Ronnie dropped to his knees, heaving and begging for air.

Emily ran for him and tried to help him. Pony soon joined her, asking if there was anything he could do to help.

Dally stood beside me, just looking at him. He didn't say anything. He just looked at him and what he had done. What he had been wanting to do for a while.

"Butt out," he hissed towards me.

I turned to him. "Dal-"

"You heard me." He grabbed his jacket off the floor and put it on. He headed for the door. "Stay outta this, Curtis."

The door slammed behind him the same way it did before. He was gone and all anyone heard was the thunder and the rain that followed with him.

Emily gazed up at me. "Aren't you going to go after him?"

I sighed and stared at the door, maybe hoping for more. I was always hoping for me. "It's not going to change anything. Dally is going to do what he wants...that's the way it's always been. It's never going to change."

* * *

><p>"You okay?" I took a seat beside Ronnie on the floor.<p>

He rubbed the sweat off his face and took a sip of water. "Woulda' been six feet under if it hadn't been for you I guess, huh?"

"Yeah...you're _welcome_."

Emily raced back over to us and put her hand on Ronnie's face. "Are you sure you're okay? You feel hot."

Ronnie held her hand and smiled at her. "I'm fine babe. Ain't nothin' that hasn't happened before. Trust me, I've been through worse with the guy."

Emily squeezed his hand. "You scared me to death."

"Don't worry babe," he assured her. "I can take that any day." He turned and looked at me again. "Can see having you has changed him some, huh? Any other day, I'd be gone."

I shrugged and hugged my knees. "Has he...he's always been like that, huh? Even towards you?"

Ronnie leaned back against the wall and swallowed. "It ain't his fault."

"What does that mean?" I asked.

He put his hand on Emily's shoulder to help guide him. He gently raised up and limped over towards the door. "I gotta take a piss."

Emily slumped down beside me on the floor. "I can't believe they're acting that way. Ronnie...he looks up to Dally...whether he wants to admit it or not."

"What was Ronnie talking about before?" Ponyboy asked. "About secrets and Dally lying?"

I rubbed my head. "You think I know?"

"Ronnie won't talk about it," Emily said. "He won't talk about his family at all. I try an' get him to talk about stuff but he won't."

I sneered. "Welcome to the wonderful life of dating a Winston."

Emily played with the tips of her shoes and sighed. "You love Dally, right Dan?"

I laughed. "Once in a while."

She looked up. "I'm serious."

I rested my head on the board behind me. "Yeah."

"Why didn't you stop Dally?" she asked. "Like, why didn't you run after him right there? If you love him so much then-"

"I learned a long time ago that I can't change things about Dally," I said. "You can't change a lot of things about anyone. I pick my battles. Dally is Dally. I love him, yeah, but I learned long ago I can't change him...and you can't change Ronnie."

Emily's eyes went back down to her shoes. "I really think I love Ronnie, Danni."

I sighed. She didn't know quite yet. She didn't know just how much that could hurt her. "I know you do."

"Really?"

I nodded. "You can see it." I looked down at her. "You can't run away with him though Emily. I'm not going to be the one to stop you, but you need to know how much you're giving up."

"Danni-"

"No, just listen." She stopped. "Your family loves you. You got a great life. Your mom would do anything for you and so would your brother. You're smart. You can do things in life. I know it seems like Ronnie is the only thing in your life right now that you got going for you but he's not. You have so much. You gotta decide if it's worth throwing that all away."

* * *

><p>The house was silent. She was upstairs locked in her room again on the phone. Sarah knew what happened every time that phone rang at seven and who was on the other end. She knew why her grandma ran to her room to answer it.<p>

She didn't fit in here. She didn't fit in anywhere she went and she'd been _everywhere_.

Sarah knew the bills were coming too. Her grandma would do anything for her mother, even if it meant losing her home. Sarah just wondered when she'd learn that she was never going to be grateful. That just wasn't her mother.

The doorbell downstairs began to ring. She leaped off her bed and ran to answer it.

She opened the door. "Oh, hey Johnny."

"Hey," he said softly. His hands went inside his pockets and his head darted back and forth. "Is, uh, your grandma home?"

"She's upstairs on the phone." She held the door open all the way. "You can still come in though if you want to."

He looked to the side. "Uh, no, I'll just-"

Sarah smiled. "Come on, we got food inside."

Reluctantly, Johnny went into the warm house. Sarah's grandma always kept the thermostat at eighty-five. She liked it warm. That was one thing Johnny liked about that woman.

Sarah led him into the kitchen where he took a seat at the table. "We got chicken-noddle soup or baked potatoes with everything you can think of to put on it."

"Um, the potatoes are fine."

Sarah grabbed a plate from the top shelve and a potato from the pan on the stove and began to fix it up.

"So," Johnny cleared his throat. "Are you and Danni friends now?"

Sarah slit the top of the potato. "I guess. I mean, I haven't heard from her in a while. I guess we might be."

Johnny nodded and fiddled with his hands awkwardly. "They're...no one can find them."

Sarah whipped around. "Danni?"

"Her and Dal and Pony," he said. "They left this morning and no one knows what happened to them."

Sarah didn't know what to think. "Oh gosh. I hope they're okay!"

Johnny looked down and nodded. "Yeah...me too."

Sarah slowly turned back around and went back to fixing his food. She had just gotten a friend and now she was gone...she thought she was her friend. Maybe she wasn't. Maybe she was just being nice to her. Maybe-

"Johnny!" a woman shouted. "Well boy you haven't been around here lately. Where've you been hiding?"

Johnny raised his head. "Hi Mrs. Johnson."

Betty laughed and walked over to him. "Boy, how many times have I told you to call me Betty? Are ya hungry now? I can-"

"I got it, Mamaw," Sarah spoke up.

Betty turned her granddaughter and smiled. She missed seeing someone in the house every day. "You're a sweetheart, Sarah. Thank ya darlin."

Sarah's checks flushed.

"How have you been doin' Johnny?" Betty asked. "Ain't been gettin' yourself in any trouble have ya?"

Johnny shook his head. "No, ma'am."

Betty nodded and patted him on the back. "You're a good boy Johnny." She turned and looked at Sarah. "Just like my Sarah. You two are good kids. Good kids."

She moved her head so no one would see the tears getting ready to fall. Sarah tried to sneak a glance but her grandma had become and expert at hiding tears.

"I better go feed that dog." She headed for the door. "Sarah, take care of Johnny will ya?"

She was out the door before Sarah could answer her.

"Here you go." She placed the plate in front of Johnny. "You want something to drink?"

Johnny slowly picked up a fork and started in on the floor. "Um, yeah."

"Milk okay?"

Johnny took a bite. It melted in his mouth and it took all the energy he had in him not to drool. "Fine."

Sarah placed a cup in front of him and poured some. "You'll have to mind my grandma. She just got off the phone with my mother and she isn't doin' so well."

"She sick?"

Sarah put the milk back in the fridge. "No." She sat down in front of him. "She likes ya a lot...my grandma."

Johnny nodded and kept his eyes on his food. "She's...she's nice."

"Yeah," Sarah said quietly. "She really is."

* * *

><p>The rain wasn't letting up. Dally walked through the woods, ripping off loose sticks from trees.<p>

His blood was running cold. He couldn't get his thoughts clear. He couldn't stop thinking about killing that stupid kid and having it all over. He just wouldn't stop it.

He twisted the chain on his neck. He wanted to rip it off and throw it in the mud and stomp on it. It didn't mean anything to him anymore. It was years ago the kid gave it to him. He knew he would never get rid of it though. He knew he couldn't do that.

He just needed to get out of here. He needed that stupid kid to get the fuck away from this place. Dally came here for a reason and this kid was just fucking everything up. He was just a black cloud over everyone. He needed to go back to where he belonged and never heard from again. That was the plan.

He may be half blood, but kid's got Winston in him...

And everyone knew it.

_Pictures in a box at home. Yellowing and green with mold so I can barely see your face. Wonder how that color tastes. You were always so far away. I know the way so don't you run away like you used to do._

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **I haven't written Johnny in a while. I thought it was high time to give him some of the spot light. Reviews would be nice. :)


	14. Half Past

**A/N:** I know I've been asking you to do this a lot, but please read the lyrics. :) Thank you.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the _Outsiders_ or_ Crack In The Skye_.

* * *

><p><em>The screaming arrows tear through my soul in the dawn your face is haunting white ghostly dreams. Weight of worlds is on your shoulders. Hear the voice of gold. I can see the pain. It's written all over your face.<em>

She was sitting on her bed looking at all the old photos spread across her sheets.

Ben was asleep at the foot of the bed. He was crying in his sleep again so she gently woke him up and led him back into her room. She needed to be there for him. She could only imagine what was going through _his_ brain.

Her father was passed out on the couch again. That was twice this week. He hadn't been going into work either. Cherry tried calling her mom last night for support but she left her hotel. She was officially gone.

She leaned up and stroked Ben's hair. She couldn't protect him forever. The world was harsh and cruel. He needed to know what it was all about.

She looked across her room at a framed photo on her dresser. She hadn't taken it down yet. She didn't think she could get rid of it. There was too much there. Too much love for one person. That's what scared her. It always had.

"Cherry." There was a light knocking on her door. "Oh."

She glanced up. "You need anything, Dad?"

He stared at Ben sleeping on the end of the bed. His hair was a mess and he was in sweats. Cherry had never seen him in anything but his suite. "It's nothing."

Cherry watched him. "Are you hungry? I can fix something."

He shook his head, his eyes still on Ben. "How about a burger? We can go to that old diner we used to go to on Christmas night. You remember that place?"

It was a tradition every year. Her mother hated it and it always ended up being Cherry, Ben, and her dad. Turkey and stuffing got old after a while and a burger and fries were always on their minds. Cherry always looked forward to that.

"That sounds good." She smiled slightly.

He nodded and walked over to Ben. He shuffled his hair and smiled. "He was always a sound sleeper. You on the other hand..." He started to laugh.

Cherry grinned. "Yeah."

"I'd always have to stay up with you and rock you in that stupid green chair your mother obsessed over," he said. "It'd take hours. You never would go to sleep though unless I was right there."

Cherry nodded and looked down at Ben. She remembered their life so clearly. The life before. Even before their mother left. Things changed and it was all her fault. It always was. She ruined them and now she just left.

"We're goin' to be okay," he said softly. He picked her face up gently and looked her in the eyes. "We're goin' to be okay, Cherry baby. I promise honey."

Her tears slowly seeped out and landed on her father's hands. "I'm sorry."

He shushed her. "Don't ever say that. You have nothing to be sorry for. I do."

She shook her head. "No you don't, Dad. She does!"

He brushed her hair and shushed her again. "She's your mother. She loves you kids like nothing else. She's just having a hard time right now. Don't hate her, Cherry. Just please don't."

How could he say this? How could he just sit here and tell her that her mother loved them? They didn't even know where she went or if she'd be back. She left them and didn't even care. She hated her. Michael understood that.

He sighed and released her and headed for her door when she called out to him, "Dad?"

He turned back around. "Yeah babe?"

"I love you."

He smiled for the first time in a long time. He needed that. "I love you too Cherrypie. I love you too."

* * *

><p>The next morning was cold. We spread hay over the floor and lied on top of it hoping it'd warm some of us. Dally and I stayed on our end of the barn. We'd chosen sides. Dally and I on the right, Emily and Ronnie on the left, and Ponyboy with us just by default.<p>

Dally was gone when I woke up. Ponyboy was right next to me, snuggled up with Dally's jacket that we shared last night. He was in the corner freezing. It ended with the three of us in a tug of war for warmth by the time the sun started to show.

Ronnie snored all night. Him and Emily were nice and cozy over there in their corner. They're still over there, hugged up together with his jacket covering both of them and his arms around her and her head in his chest. Bet they didn't have to fight for a stupid jacket all night.

"Where's Dal?" Ponyboy rolled over and rubbed his eyes.

I sat up and yawned. "Maybe to go get wood. Dunno. I didn't hear him get up."

He sat up and stretched his arms out. "I think the rain stopped. Maybe we can get the car working soon."

He hadn't stopped talking about fixing the car. He was the only one of us that had any sort of hope left. He just wanted to get away from here. Be anywhere else but here. We were like mice in a cage. We weren't going anywhere.

"If it's not the radiator. Dally was saying last night he can't fix that here and something about a part and cash," I said.

"What about Dally's car?"

I raised my eyebrows. "If we can find it. I don't even know which direction we came from."

There was another reason why we were more screwed than ever. Dally went walking last night and came home with great news, he doesn't know how to get back. Ronnie said he does. Dally thinks it's funny he even thinks that.

"What do you think Soda and Darry are doing right now?" Pony asked.

I shrugged. "I hadn't thought about it. Probably driving around looking now that the rain stopped and trying to call anyone they can think of since they can't exactly call the cops to help find us. Soda is probably making Darry's hash browns and bacon and trying to sooth thing over while he harps."

"How do you know all this?"

I turned and looked at him. "It's what we did when you took off last summer."

He got real quiet. It's not something we mention very often in our house even though we should. "It's not as...I mean they probably know we're fine since Dally's with us and they have an idea about where we were going."

Ponyboy started to laugh. "They probably think ya'll ran off to get hitched and kidnapped me as a witness."

I chuckled. "My dream honeymoon would not involve dragging my brother around."

"I don't even want to _think_ about your honeymoon." He made a face.

I shook my head. "_You_ mentioned it."

Hay started to move as Emily peered up over Ronnie. She looked around and yawned. "What time is it?"

"Probably close to noon," Ponyboy answered her. I tossed the jacket off and pulled my knees up to my chest, resting my back against the wall.

Emily shook Ronnie and he rolled over, groaning all the way. He sat up and reached up towards the sky and licked his lips. "Do we have food by chance?"

We all shook our heads. We hadn't thought about it. There were other things to focus on than food. More important things. Making sure none of killed each other kind of things.

"Where's Dal?" Emily asked.

Pony and I both shrugged. Hopefully he'd come back with some food. A Dairy Queen burger or even a biscuit and hash browns and eggs and bacon and sausage. Sausage would be good right about now. Sausage and syrup.

* * *

><p>Time passed and Dally still hadn't shown up. We were all going stir-crazy, yet too timid to go outside. Emily started cleaning up the hay, afraid that the owners might show up after we were gone and get upset. Ronnie was in front of me, quietly whistling and staring out the large hole in the roof.<p>

Pony went back to sleep, hoping that maybe he could actually get some now. I continued to think about Darry and Soda and what happened that summer. How much it hurt us...hurt them. This wasn't going to be like that. I wouldn't let them hurt because of us. That's been the plan after all.

"Nice scar." Ronnie pointed at the top of my thigh. "Bullet wound?"

I focused on him. "Yeah. How'd you know?"

He nonchalantly pulled the collar of his shirt down, showing off a familiar pink mark. "Gotten good at spotting them out."

I nodded, pulling my knees in farther, and looking up at the hole. All you could see out of it was blue and clouds and occasionally, a bird.

"So what's the story?" he asked.

I looked back at him. "Story?"

He chuckled. "You don't just get shot without a story. Come on, what is it? Bet five bucks it involves my idiot brother."

"Spring wasn't exactly too hot for us," I said casually. "Guy walks in with a gun, kills my best friend, knocks her brother out, shoots me, Dally, then brother shoots guy. That about sums it up."

His eyes widened a little. "Who was the guy?"

I didn't blink. "A disturbed son-of-a-bitch."

"Sorry," he said quietly. "I know that kinda stuff is hard...losing a best friend and all, especially that way. It's not something you overcome easily."

I swallowed and stared at the tip of his scar showing through his shirt. "It wasn't easy...what about you? What's your story?"

He sneered. "I got tons of stories, honey."

The front doors banged together as Dally stormed in, stomping all the way. He passed me, not bothering to look. "Just havin' a 'let's talk about our feelings session'?" He threw the wood down. "Talk about our scars and nails. Oh what fucking fun!"

I frowned as he piled the wood onto the fire, building it back up. "Dally I didn't-"

"What's your problem?" Ronnie cut off. He stood up. "Don't be mad at her for that. You have a problem with _me_, not her. Just take it up with me."

Dally smirked at him and tossed another log in. "My _problem_?"

"Yes!" Ronnie shouted. "What is your damn problem? That's what I've been asking since I got here!"

Dally threw the wood across the room. "You really wanna know what my damn problem is?"

Ronnie threw his arms up. "Lay it on me big boy!"

Dally charged towards him again and we all held our breaths. He grabbed him by the collar and shook him. "You know it all don't ya, you little shit!"

"I know _you_!" Ronnie shouted back. "You're the one that left! Not me!"

Dally looked him in the eyes, his grip started to loosen. "Is that what your shit is all about? Pops beats on ya a little and that turns ya into a big bad man?"

Ronnie shoved him and fell to the ground. "You don't know anythin' about what goes on at home! It's not your home. _You_ left _us_!"

Dally laughed. "You don't know shit kid."

"You got scared," Ronnie kept going. "Something happens and well, there goes Winston. Goes across the whole fucking country to get away."

Dally didn't flinch. "And why do you suddenly show up, junior? Don't tell me it's to see my handsome self because we all know-"

"Settle the score," he said frankly. "You owe me something. Don't act like you don't know what it is either."

Dally threw his head back and laughed. "Funny, kid. You're just a small fry in a big fast food joint at the edge of town. Go on and say the truth. We all know why your here. Could smell it on ya when you walked in.

"Oh and what is that?"

Dally chuckled. "Boys didn't want ya." He winked. "It doesn't run in your blood the same why kid. You can never do the things I do. Face it, you got laughed out of Manhattan, you didn't run nowhere."

* * *

><p>"They're okay, Dar," Soda said again for the tenth time. "I'm sure they just got stuck or something."<p>

Darry rubbed his tired face. He hadn't shaved yet either. It was just another thing he had to do. "They didn't come home last night. I shouldn't have let them go together. I should have known something like this would happen."

Kathy set the plate of biscuits down in front of him. "What do you expect happened, Darry? It's not like they're stupid."

He slammed his fists down on the table. "You said that last time and then look to what we came home to!"

"So just because of that you think they went off and what? Murdered someone?" she asked. "Come on!"

Darry threw the newspaper off the table and charged towards her. Sodapop gulped. "Things are happening here! You think all of these deaths from the other side are coincidences? This has happened before Kathy! This is _my_ brother and sister, not yours! Don't treat me like I'm the _stupid_ one!"

Soda slowly rose from the table and walked towards the two. Kathy's face was scowled and her chin was moving a little. This was the first time Soda'd heard Darry yell at her that way. It may have even been the first time he'd ever have.

"She was just trying to help, Dar." He put his hand on his shoulder.

Neither one of them moved. Tiny tears seeped out of her eyes while her face said that she was trying to be strong. Finally she turned, covered her face, and stormed away.

Darry let out a sigh. "I just...it's happening again."

"It's not like last time Dar."

Darry rubbed his face again. "I can't keep them can I? They just keep running away."

Soda rubbed his arm. "Come on, Dar. Don't say that."

Darry turned around and knocked his arm off. "I gotta get some air." He marched out.

Soda took a deep breath and began to clean up the mess. He didn't sleep last night either. He stayed on the couch and every hour he'd think he'd hear the phone ring and look out the window just to see the same thing, nothing.

"I'm going to kill the bastard!" Two-Bit threw the screen door open. "If he touched her I swear to God I'll-"

Steve followed him in with a box of doughnuts in his hands. "Been like this all morning." He stuffed a chocolate doughnut in his mouth and went for the milk in the fridge.

"Danni and Pony didn't come home either," Soda said quietly.

Two-Bit snatched a doughnut and angrily bit into it. "I hope Dally leaves some of the kid for me. I want to tack his head up above my fireplace."

"What happened to your eye?" Soda asked.

Steve chuckled. "Tried to go after Mark Jennings. He got in one shot before it was over."

"No!" Two-Bit huffed. "I got in two and I woulda gotten in more if you hadn't a messed with my groove."

Steve rolled his eyes. "I saved your life. Get down on your knees and thank your hero! Captain Steve Randle. Nice ring to it."

Two-Bit shoved him and milk spilled onto the floor. "More like Captain dumbshit."

Soda forced a smile. Normally it wasn't too hard when he was with these two but today, it was. He knew they weren't on their game either. Everyone was on pins and needles and it was only going to get worse.

"Socs are steaming," Steve said. "Bryon told us that he thinks they're plannin' somethin' big. They're mighty pissed, Sodapop."

Soda swallowed and grabbed a rag for the milk. "They comin' after us?"

"Thinks so."

Two-Bit grumbled. "Ronnie killed Sam."

Steve stuffed another doughnut in his mouth. "Dumbass."

"I'm not joking!" he shouted. "Terry told me all about it. He said he saw the kid a few days after it happened when he supposedly first got here. Said he was jumpy as shit."

Steve smirked. "Wouldn't you be too if Terry Moore was the first person you layed your pretty little eyes on?"

Soda raised up from the floor, ears peeled. "What do you mean?"

Two-Bit went on, "I'm just sayin it's mighty fishy that he came here now out of all times and now he's gone after killin' a flower shop owner and he didn't even take the cash?"

"Someone got a new brain for Christmas," Steve sneered.

Two-Bit threw a loose doughnut his way. "Shove it, dipshit."

"Wait." Soda stepped in-between the doughnut throwing. "You really think Ronnie killed Sam?"

"Lookin' that way." He shook his head. "I never trusted the kid. He's shady, man. Shady as fuck. He's going to take us all down. I can just see it. He's going to make this town burn to the ground before he's done with it."

_Please tell Lucifer he can't have this one. Her spirits too strong. I can see the pain. It's written all over your face. I can see the pain. You can make it all go away._


	15. The Hourglass

**A/N: **Merry Christmas everyone! Hope it's granddd. Guess whose awesome parents got her a car. ;)

**Disclaimer: **Don't own _Outsiders_. Don't own _We Don't Have to Look Back Now._

* * *

><p><em>I'm so much like you, restless and reckless, I need a clue. So show me a sign, I feel like making a move. Real geographic, a change in mood. We'll let go of everything we know.<em>

"That it?" Ronnie asked a smirk on his face. "Good job, Dal."

Dally took a strong step forward. "Kid, I swear-"

"Dally," I pulled on his arm, making him step back, "just stop. We're all sick and tired of it. Of each other."

Emily moved from the ground and slowly made her way over to Ronnie. She stood behind him, debating if she should do the same thing to him. Try and calm him down. Be that type of girl or be the type to let him go.

Pony walked up to my side. "Yeah, Dal. Let's just go somewhere. Me you and Dan."

The stare between them didn't break. Dally snarled at Ronnie, "I did everything for you!"

Foam was forming on the corners of Ronnie's mouth. He was the one who was fishing for a fight here. "You didn't do shit and you know it! You bailed out the first chance you got and then the moment I get here, you do it again!"

"Shut. Up."

Ronnie copped a smile. "Why? What does it matter anyway? Everyone in Tulsa thinks you're the big bad guy. Killin' guys left and right. Look out, its Winston headin' our way!"

"Ronnie, just shut the _fuck_ up!" I stepped in, trying to end it all. "We all know what you did. Stop trying to act like the good guy here!"

He turned his attention to me as did Emily. "What I did?"

"Curtis," Dally growled.

"You think we all don't know about you and her's little pit stop before you took off?" I asked. "Let's just kill a flower shop guy for the heck of it? Are ya'll retarded or something?"

Emily's mouth flew open and her face turned red with rage. "We didn't do anything! We would never-"

Ronnie cut her off. He laughed at the thought. There was no rage or anger anywhere in his face. He turned and looked at Dally, continuing to laugh. "You hearing this?"

He looked down at me. "Didn't I tell you to keep your trap shut?"

I let go of him, too angry to deal anymore, to be the peace maker in all this. "You've been on _my_ case since we got here! Well I'm tired of keeping my _trap shut_. I'm sick of them acting all merry all the fucking time! They killed-"

"We didn't kill anyone!" Emily yelled, exchanging a look with Ronnie. "We didn't!"

I raised my eyebrows. "So it was just a coincidence that happened moments after you left? That around the same time he gets here Sam dies! That his car looks like it's been through a blender to top it all off? You're not that stupid, Emily."

Her grip on the guy she once knew broke. It was clicking. It takes time for things to click for some people. Emily's one of them but now, now she's getting it. We're all getting it.

"You-"

Ronnie smirked at me. His eyes were turning gray. A haunting familiar gray. "You know it all, don'tcha?"

I tightened my grip on Dally. "I know what's in front of my face."

Ronnie didn't stop laughing as he looked at Dally again. "You're girl's got some balls, Winston. Thought you liked the no brain big boobs kinda gal. What happened?"

Dally didn't see the humor in this. He had stopped seeing the humor in all of this.

"Don't change the subject," I barked. "We're all here. I think we're all lookin' for _your_ truth. You like that kinda stuff don't ya? That's what apparently you've been whining about all this time?"

He's eyes slowly turned their gaze on me. His eyes were cold and angry while his lips were smooth and smiling. "And you think _he_ tells _you_ the truth?" He pointed to Dally.

Dally didn't speak. He didn't move.

"This isn't about him," I said. "You're in the electric chair, bud."

His eyes moved back to Dally. He always gave him a different look than he did the rest of us. He looked at him differently. "She doesn't have a clue does she?"

"Just answer some questions," Ponyboy chimed in for the first time.

Ronnie paid him no mind. "Man, you're tougher than I thought, Dal."

"You're a chicken," I spat, pulling his attention back to where it should be. "You're a scared little boy. I know why you're doing all of this. You want to show everyone you're like your big brother when really you're just a scared little boy."

His head snapped to my direction. His smile vanished. "What'd you say to me?"

The hand I was latching onto went around my shoulder and pulled me into Dally. He put his other hand up as a barer between us. "You need to check yourself, kid!"

"Oh you're the tough guy now!" I stepped forward, too mad to care. "One minute you're just a sweet pretty boy, the next you're a killer, the next your Mr. Perfect, the next your Mr. Tough guy. Pick one Ronnie!"

Dally tightened his grip around me and squeezed my shoulder. "Hush, would ya?" He turned to Ronnie. "Just get out of here!"

His face had fallen a little. His big bad stature had fallen to the ground. "You're one hell of a man, Dallas."

"Get out of here!"

He didn't move. He didn't flinch. "I didn't kill anyone," he said calmly. "I've never...I didn't do it."

"Sure you didn't," I hissed.

Ronnie ignored me, focusing all his attention on Dally. "You know, I remember that day. I remember it clear as day."

"What?" Dally grunted.

Ronnie's smile didn't come back as he finished his story. The story all of us needed to hear. The story all of us had been wondering about. "You just walked out the door. What were your words again? 'Hope you all like fire and hell. There's going to be lots of it.' That was your good bye. Nothing else. You just slammed the door."

Dally's stance loosened and so did his grip. He chuckled loosely. "Pops told me to get my shit and hit the door. What can I say? I always followed Daddy's orders. I was a good little soldier."

"You're the one that never came back. Never called," Ronnie went on. "You didn't care, Dallas."

Dally grumbled and rolled his eyes. "Kid-"

The anger came back. "You didn't care what happened to me!" Ronnie shouted. "You didn't care what would become of me! You just walked out that goddamn door and never showed your face again. Then when I see you again for the first time in years you-"

"Don't!" Dally's voice pierced.

Ronnie laughed loosely and threw his hands up. "Why not let all the secrets out? Why don't you tell Danni what happened to your mom?"

Dally let go of me and stomped towards Ronnie. He harshly poked his chest with his finger. "If you know what's good for you, you'd zip it, now!"

"You left me with that!" Tears for the first time, were starting to show. "You left me alone with him! You're a cold heartless bastard, Dallas. A cold bastard!"

Dally pushed by him and marched for the door, slamming it and causing everyone to flinch. I looked at Ronnie who just stared at the open doors. I shook my head and ran out after Dally.

"Dal!" He was walking now, tearing off loose limbs off tress and breaking them over his knees in an angry fit. "Dally."

He tore off another limb and broke it. "Go back in there, Curtis!"

"Not without you." He stopped his fit and picked some leaves off a branch he'd jerked off a tree. "What happened back there?"

"Nothin'. Just forget it, Curtis," he mumbled.

I took a small step forward. "Come on, just talk to me! I wanna know alright? What happened between you two, Dally? What is he talking about?"

He didn't turn around. He just kept pulling off leaves. He looked up at the sky and chuckled coldly. "Fuckin' kid."

"Dally," I took another step, "what happened to your mom? What's he-"

He flashed around. "Just..." he thought for a minute, "just shut-up! Let it drop, Curtis."

I kept walking closer. "Just tell me, Dally. Please. You owe me that much."

He rubbed his head and took in a deep breath. "Kid wasn't like me." He snickered. "Kid was soft."

* * *

><p><em>It was quiet. It was hardly ever that way in this house. Ronnie sat at the table, pencil in hand, and an open math book right in front of him. Kid was always studying something and going on about school and math and pointless stuff no one in this house cared about but try telling him that.<em>

_Dally walked by to the fridge and smirked. "It's Thursday kid. Let it go. What they gonna do? Paddle ya?"_

_Ronnie rolled his eyes. "Yeah they would. I just really gotta do this Dal."_

_Dally chugged the milk out of the carton. "Couple of licks won't hurt ya none." He laughed. "Mrs. Hall still there? Man she used to tan my ass every day." He smiled to himself. "Those were the days."_

_Ronnie ignored his idiot brother and went back to his work. Dallas would never understand. He was gone throughout most of the year now. Only came home to say howdy for a few days and then run back down to Oklahoma. He'd given up on this family. Ronnie was just the only one that noticed it._

_"Boy, why you got a book up your ass all the time?"_

_"It's homework, Dad."_

_Greg sneered at his son. The great lord above had to give him a book loving pansy. "You ain't never gonna use that school shit in real life. I dropped out at fifteen and I'm doin' just fine and dandy!"_

_Ronnie ignored him and finished up a problem. He knew better than to talk back and tell him just how fine and dandy he was doing._

_"I'm headin' out," Dallas announced, itching for the door._

_Greg huffed. "You ain't been home for five fuckin' minutes and you're already out the fuckin' door." He whooped. "See Ron, that's what kind of man you're supposed to be. Not sittin' here with books up your ass."_

_Ronnie didn't even flinch. "He's not a man," he said matter-of-factly. "He's just a few years older than me."_

_Dally, who stood by the door, stared at his brother, signaling to him how much of an idiot he was. He couldn't keep his mouth shut for nothing._

_Greg gently shut the fridge and rose up. He nonchalantly made his way over to his youngest son and leaned across the table. "What'd you just say?"_

_Ronnie's heart began to beat a little bit faster but he said just as casually, "He's just a few years older than me, Dad. So he's not really a man. He's not eighteen yet."_

_"You think eighteen makes you a man, kid?" His breath smelled like bacon and beer. Ronnie held back his gag and held his nose. "Say kid?"_

_"Come on, Pops." Dally laughed it off. "He's just a stupid kid. He don't know nothin' about being a man."_

_Greg got in closer near Ronnie's face. "Well maybe he should learn."_

_Ronnie swallowed but he didn't put his pencil down, still trying to avoid his father's eyes. That'd just feed him. He needed to just sit here and act like there was no problem and shut his mouth. He'd already said too much._

_"Say Ronnie boy," his father cooed. "Want me and Dal to teach ya how to be a man?"_

_Ronnie saw Dally from the corner of his eye. His hand was on the door knob, just wanting to get out of here. Ronnie didn't see why he came anyway. No one wanted him except for Dad...and Dad was no one._

_"What's going on in there?" a woman's shout filled the whole house. She was up. Her drugs had faded for a short while._

_Greg rose up. "Rose, hush! I'm tryin' to make your pansy kid into a man since all you do is coddle the little bastard."_

_Ronnie bit his lip. He shouldn't talk to his mother that way. "I don't coddle him! He takes after your sorry ass!"_

_Greg's hand clinched the table and Ronnie held back a smartass smirk. "Fuck you! I pay the fucking bill around this hell hole. I never see you get off your fat ass for nothin' except to waddle on to the fridge!"_

_Ronnie's fist tightened around his pencil._

_"Fuck you!"_

_Greg left his intimidating stance over Ronnie and stood straight up, ready to attack. "What'd you say to me?"_

_There was no answer back. Ronnie knew his mother wasn't a complete moron. She had sense enough to know when to shut-up. Sense enough to know when she lost a battle. _

_Greg looked back down at Ronnie. His anger was flashing in his shiny blue eyes. He took a strong step forward and knocked every book off the table, causing them to crumble on the floor. _

_Ronnie quietly sat back and looked at the now empty table. _

_Greg got in close again. "You're just like your momma. Always talkin' back to me. Don't know when to keep your smart trap shut."_

_"Sorry," Ronnie said quietly. _

_Greg leaned back up and smirked. The only noise Ronnie heard next was his father's belt being un-buckled and pulled out of the loops of his jeans. Ronnie held his breath. _

_"Stand up," he commanded. _

_Ronnie nervously held onto the edge of the table. "Dad I'm-"_

_"Stand up, kid," he said again. _

_Dally started to nervously crack up by the door. "Pops, come on. There ain't no hope there. You're just wasting your time."_

_Greg paid no mind to his oldest. "I'm waitin, Ron. Come on. I ain't got all day now. The games gonna be on in a few minutes and I'm lookin' forward to that babe singin' the anthem."_

_Ronnie's feet seemed to be locked to the floor as his legs started to shake. He hated his dad's beltings worse than anything. He tried to keep his mouth shut most of the time. And most of the time, his dad was a pretty okay guy. Just not this time. _

_Dally called out one more time, "Just go watch the game. I'll take care of the rugrat."_

_Greg folded the belt over. "The longer you wait, the longer it's gonna be, champ."_

_Ronnie bit his lip and tried to raise up. He breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth like the doctor always told him to do. That'd stop the attack. _

_"Boy if you don't get up by the count of three I swear you'll regret it."_

_Ronnie breathed in and out again. It was happening again. _

_"One..."_

_Breathe in, breathe out._

_"Two..."_

_In and out._

_"Three..."_

_Greg rose his belt up in the air and wacked Ronnie across the check with the metal end. Ronnie gasped and clutched his aching cheek and his breathing pattern stopped. It was happening._

_He began to whiz. He doubled over and tried once again to recollect himself, but it was too late for that. _

_"Get up."_

_Ronnie whizzed and tried to put his head in-between his legs like the doctor also told him to do. It always seemed to help. _

_"One..."_

_Breathe. Just breathe. _

_"Come on boy! Two..."_

_Breathe. _

_"Thre-"_

_Before he could even finish there was a bang. Greg raised his belt up to thrash it down again but before he could, he was knocked into the wall, an arm pressing down against his neck to keep him locked there._

_"One move and I'll break your neck!"_

_Ronnie didn't have a chance to look up and see the sight. He tried to calm himself and breathe in slowly and out slowly. He could hear what was going on better than if he could seeing it._

_Greg started to snicker. "Look at Mr. Tough guy. Got ol' Pops nailed up against the wall, ey?"_

_Dally pressed on harder. He cracked a grin. "Guess you're gettin' old."_

_Greg smiled a cheesy smile. "Let me go, son."_

_Dally didn't flinch. His smile faded. "Don't touch 'im again."_

_"You said it yourself. Kid's soft-"_

_"Don't. Touch. Him. Again."_

_The funny play between the son and father stopped and Greg's face flushed with anger. "Boy let me go."_

_Ronnie's breathing started to slowly get under control. He rose up to see the scene between his brother and father. He didn't move an inch. _

_"Don't touch him."_

_Greg held onto the hand pressing down on his neck. "Boy-"_

_"I'll break it off," Dally growled out. "Don't think I won't."_

_Greg stared him down. Ronnie had never seen Dally talk to his dad that way. He'd never seen him do this. Dally looked up to his dad in a weird way. He never acted like this...especially for him._

_Greg slowly got out, "fine." Dally let go of his grip and Greg pushed him away. "You're just like him." He stormed off into the living room without another word._

_Dally turned around to see Ronnie's red face and big eyes. He paid him no mind and went over to his books on the floor. He picked them up and set them on the table in front of him._

_Ronnie didn't take his eyes off him. "Dally-"_

_"That's what a man is," he said. _

_And with that, Dally left the house, slowly shutting the door behind him. Ronnie looked at the spot his brother once was, his mind filled with everything that had just happened. _

_That's what a man is._

_Ronnie hadn't forgotten those words since. _

_You and I'll ride tonight till the past is out of sight. We don't have to look back now. We are knocking down the wall, all for one and one for all. We can stand together, never gonna look back now. No, no, no, no. We don't have to look back now._

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Hope you all have a great holiday. Reviews as my present would make my dayyyy. :)


	16. Red Sky at Morning

**A/N: **This is the longest chapter thus far! Enjoy mi amigos!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the _Outsiders_ or the song _Meet me On the Equinox_.

* * *

><p><em>Meet me on the equinox. Meet me half way. When the sun is perched at it's highest peek. In the middle of the day. Let me give my love to you. Let me take your hand. And as we walk in the dimming light. Oh, darling understand. That everything, everything ends.<em>

"The funeral was yesterday," Marilyn broke the awkward silence in the room. "Damn near everyone in town showed out...'cept _them_."

Randy fiddled with the top of his nails like it was more important than anything. Today was hard for all of them. He remembered this day last year. They all went to the lake house and went fishing. Sam was happier than Randy had ever seen him. If he only knew it'd be the last time.

Marilyn kept pacing the room. "I swear Winston did it! I mean come on! Who else would be that stupid?"

Randy looked up at her. "Why would he have any reason to? He didn't even know Sam. Why would he-"

Michael began to smirk. All eyes turned to him. "Unless the little princess squealed." He looked from Randy to Marilyn and then back to Randy. "You don't think that'd give him motive?"

Randy opened his mouth, "Danni wouldn't-"

"She must have," Marilyn stated calmly. "Randy, who else do you suspect would even have any reason to kill Sam? If Danni told then Dally would kill him on the spot. You know that."

Jane raised her head up for the first time. "Tell him what?"

"Nothing," Michael snapped with an eye roll. Why did he even bring her here in the first place?

Randy, as did everyone else, ignored her. "Then why hasn't he come after us? Winston isn't exactly a quiet killer. He'd be right here right now with a baseball bat if he knew."

"Sam was the main one," Michael stated the clear fact. "She knows that. She probably just told him that part to save herself the trouble. She knows what will happen if she told in the first place. Girl ain't dumb. She's coverin' her tracks."

Randy rubbed his head. "I just-"

"Why do you keep defending her?" Marilyn put her hands on her hips. "She's nothing to us. She's supposed to be nothing to you. Why do you even care what we say about her anyway?"

Randy knew it was too much of a fight to fight especially with Marilyn. "I'm just trying to see the other side of things. We can't just assume things. What about his brother just coming into town like he did?"

"Cherry said it was right after too," Michael said quickly, sitting up on the couch. "He could have easily-"

Marilyn rolled her eyes. "Oh come on! Some little worm from New York? Really?"

"Marilyn-"

"No!" She stomped her foot on the ground. Michael couldn't help but laugh at her. "Dallas did this. Can you not see that! These people want us all dead, Randy. He killed Sam and then killed Marten to cover himself!"

Randy still wasn't so sure. "Why would he have any reason to kill Marten though? I mean, what does he have to do with any of this?"

Michael was thinking this same thought himself. "Just to turn the cops on a different road. Take all the attention off Sam's death and investigation and turn it on this. He got someone else to do this job."

Marilyn couldn't have been more disgusted. "Danni and him are in this together. She has told him! Why aren't you freaking out?" She turned to her brother. "Why haven't you done anything about it yet?"

Michael put his arm around Jane. "Been kinda busy."

"Honey," Randy tried to reason with her. "We can't just go pointing fingers at people. We can't-"

"We can do a lot." She rushed over to him, getting in his face. "Do you love me?"

Randy made a face. "What? You know I-"

"Then just believe me," she begged. "Randy I'm right. I can feel it. Sam was like your brother. Don't you want whoever did this to be punished? To be caught?"

Randy shook his head. "You know that I do."

She grabbed hold of his hands. "Then just trust me!"

Randy eyed her, unfazed. "She still knows Marilyn. We don't know for sure if she told Dally but if she didn't and we went and did something stupid, she's going to come out. She's going to speak."

"Randy-"

"We have to keep her happy," Michael stated the fact again, stressing it this time. "We all know that. We have to stay away from her and Dallas. I mean it."

* * *

><p>The next morning I got to clean up. Emily and I went roaming for a creek or stream and came across one a mile or two away from the barn. We stripped most of our clothes off and let them soak in the stream. There was no soap or detergent of any kind but just getting the mud off was enough for us.<p>

She didn't talk much for the majority of the time we were there. She hadn't talked much to anyone. She always had her head down now, not looking at anything, just wanting to have it down. Her body sometimes rocked and her face was drained. If we weren't in the woods alone I'd think she'd gotten a hold of something.

"Danni?" Her voice was about as weak as she looked. She didn't look up. Her hair was matted over her face and her head was facing the ground.

I layed down on the cold ground and tipped my hair back into the freezing water. "Yeah?"

She picked up a small stick and stabbed it in the mud over and over again. They weren't angry stabs, just barely there. "Do you think Ronnie killed those guys?"

I didn't rise up and look at her like I should have. I didn't push her hair out of her face and sit her up straight like I should have. I didn't lie to her. "Yeah."

She didn't move again for a while. I couldn't help but watch her. She didn't notice, or I couldn't tell she noticed. She looked like a zombie. Her eyes were dark and her skin couldn't have been paler. Her hair was stringy and greasy. She hated her hair like that. She left it down.

I rang my hair out around a dried up plant, hoping maybe it would make it somehow. I picked up my clothes and hung them on a branch along with Emily's. She didn't move.

The sky was clear today. It stretched out for miles and all you ever saw was blue. It hadn't been this way since we got here. It wasn't raining anymore. There were no more clouds. Pony woke up this morning saying, "Today is going to be a good day. I can feel it."

I bent over and splashed some water on my face. Dirt and grime filled my hands and slipped out back into the clearness of the stream. I did it over again. Emily still hadn't moved. I was beginning to wonder if she was asleep...or worse.

"Em?" I called out. She didn't react. "Come clean up. It may be the last time for a while. Don't you want to clean your hair...or your face?"

She sniffed. "Where are my clothes?"

"I hung them on a tree so they could dry."

Her long hair covered most of her bare body and I think she liked it that way. I don't think she wanted to mess that up. "I want to put them on."

I drug my hands along the dying grass, getting them dry. "You can't. They're soaked." I got up. "They should be ready in-"

"I want them now," she said it so quietly. It wasn't demanding or whinny, just a small cry.

Emily was small for her age. She was short but her body, besides her breast, looked smaller than a ten year old. If you didn't know her family, you'd think she was a runaway. Today, she looked like a runaway. She was a runaway.

I stood above her. "Emily you can't have them. I know it's cold but you'll get sick if you put them back on."

Her body began to shake. She tried to protest again but the cold stopped her from that. I sat down beside her and put my arms around her shoulders, pulling her into me. She didn't smell like Emily anymore. She smelled dirty and broken.

"I-I want t-to go home." She shivered then repeated, "I want to go home."

I hugged her tighter and cupper her head with my hand. "I'll take you home, Emily. We're gonna take you home."

"You promise?"

"Yes."

"Ronnie promised too."

I rested my head on top of hers and gently rubbed her back, feeling her spine. I sighed. "I for real promise, Em. For real."

* * *

><p>I stood up on one of the rocks by the creek and looked across all the trees. "They just go on forever."<p>

Pony looked up towards the sky and nodded. "It just reminds you of how stuck we are huh?" He chuckled. "Just us in the middle of all of that."

I hopped off the rock and continued to follow him. Dally was working on Ronnie's car. Emily and Ronnie went off looking for more food, which I don't know what they expected to find. We found a bag of chips in Ronnie's car last night...that lasted a few minutes at least.

Pony picked up a large stick off the ground and started walking with it. "What'd Dally say to you yesterday? You two were kinda quiet all night."

I skipped to another rock. "Just him and Ronnie. It was nothin'."

He stuck his nose up in the air. "I don't like him."

"No one seems to." I jumped to another rock. "I don't think he's all that bad. He's just lost."

Pony thought for a minute. If anyone was to understand Ronnie I'd pick him. Not even Dally but Pony. The odd one out the in the family. The different one. That was Pony. He wasn't Ronnie, but Ronnie was him.

He kicked a small lump of dirt. "Do you think he killed Sam and that flower guy?"

I got down off the rock I was on and followed him. "I don't know. I don't see why he would kill either of them to be honest. Maybe he did, maybe he didn't...To tell ya the truth I don't really care."

He spun around and began to walk backwards. "Why's that?"

I shrugged. "I just don't."

He made a face. "Didn't Sam used to be your friend or something? Back when you hung out with Randy and Marilyn. Wasn't he with them?"

"So?"

He stopped walking and kept that look on his face. The one that I hated. The one that made me feel stupid all over. "Why do you not care? He was your friend and you just act like-"

"I just don't care." I started walking again, passing him. "I haven't been friends with them in almost two years. You know how it is. I mean it's a shame in all how it happened but it doesn't affect me so why should I care?"

He slowly caught up to me. That look was gone. "Do you know how extremely selfish that sounds?"

"I'm sorry he's dead," I said, speeding up and walking past him so he wouldn't stare directly in my face anymore. "I just don't care. We weren't that close when we were friends. I don't think we _were_ friends."

We stopped walking when we reached the stream Emily and I found. It was like we hadn't even been there. No sign of us anymore. Pony sat down and cupped some water with his hands and splashed his face. I sat down on a big rock and watched him.

I didn't like Sam. He was mean and sour. I never understood why Randy liked him. I asked several times but never got an exact answer. When I heard what happened I pictured Randy, just sitting there and trying not to cry. Sam said crying was weakness. Randy wouldn't have cried over Sam. He would just sit there and watch everyone else and think about crying but he wouldn't. He never did.

"Cherry didn't like him either," Pony said, rising up. "She said he was really rude to her all the time and every girlfriend he ever had. She said he was a punk."

It was the first time I'd heard him say Cherry's name. He didn't seem to notice it. Instead he causally slipped his shirt off and rubbed some dirt off with water. I don't think he had thought about what he had said.

"Are you hungry?" I asked, changing the subject off Sam.

He looked at me like I was stupid, not like before, just normally. "Are you?"

I felt my stomach answer for me. I put my hand over it and sighed. I could picture us at home during this time. Sodapop would be making lunch and Darry and Kathy would be laughing on the couch. I would be digging into anything Soda dished out, Pony right behind me.

"Why didn't you like Cherry?" The question caught me off guard and I didn't answer or collect what he was saying for a while so he repeated it, "Why didn't you like Cherry?"

"Who says I didn't?" The stupid look came back. I shut my mouth. "She was alright." I shrugged. "I didn't hate her, Pone."

He turned his attention back to his shirt and scrubbed harder. "I know. I didn't say you did."

"Why do you ask then?"

He cleared his throat and put his hands on his knees, raising himself up. I noticed his stomach for the first time. It was smaller. It wasn't from being out here either. His ribs stuck out a little and I thought of Emily, slowly wasting away in her own body. "I just need to know."

He went over and hung his shirt on a tree, still waiting for my answer. "I don't know. I wasn't exactly right when you two started going together. I hated everyone. I guess it just kinda stuck to her."

He carefully hung the shirt just right on the limb, making sure to do it in such a way that it didn't wrinkle. "There has to be more than that. You hated me and Darry and Soda back then too. What changed with us and not her?"

"Pony-"

He turned around. "I just want an answer, Dan. A good one. Can you just please try?"

His cheeks were red from the cold and lips chapped. I wondered if I looked the same way. "Yeah. She wasn't a bad person. She just reminded me of some stuff I guess."

"Like what?"

"Like Randy and them," I got it out quickly, fed up with this conversation. "What were you doing with a Soc anyway? After the hell they put you through last summer. Why would you want to do that?"

He stomped back over to the creek. "She wasn't like them."

I bit my lip, realizing where this conversation was going and regretting even dabbling into it. He hadn't talked about Cherry for a reason. She needed to disappear from his mind. If that was even possible. Here we sat, bringing her back to life.

"Sorry," I said, sliding off the rock and landing in the grass. "I didn't mean to be mean about it."

He broke a twig and tossed it into the water and watched it float by. Going over the rocks and getting stuck, then breaking free and going on again. "I miss her."

I watched him play with things on the ground. "Yeah."

"Did you feel this way about Randy when he left?"

I watched another stick float on by. It did the same thing the other one did, then flipped and never came back up. "That's all they ever do. Socs just leave. Greasers and Socs were never made to be with each other that way. People talk about mending the relationship and getting past our problems and coming together. Be the next civil rights movement but in a town like this, that's never going to happen."

I didn't mean for it to come out harsh or hateful. I said it so simple. It was the way of the land. I learned that when Randy left me on the side of the road that day. Greasers bail on each other all the time. Angela always talked about girls and their boyfriends and how they fought and how some of those girls got killed. Angela was one of them. We killed each other. We hurt too. Our relationships weren't perfect either and we left each other. We weren't the same though. When someone different leaves you - a Soc - it hurt. It meant you weren't good enough for the other side and you really weren't. They learned and left so they wouldn't have to fight for you anymore. We kill and leave all the time but not because we don't care. Things just happen. They leave because they are tired of fighting for us. Greasers are strong and that's why. Not because we're tough. We're strong.

Socs aren't strong. Socs and greasers don't bread. Not in this town.

"You hurt bad," he said plainly. "I remember you crying a lot in your room...even before he left, you cried a lot."

I swallowed and remembered. I hadn't forgotten.

"Did he hurt you that badly?" He looked up at me and studied my face. "Before he left. Did he hurt you that badly?"

I stared at the place the stick once was. It was never coming back up. It was stuck down there with everything else. It was just dead now, getting passed over every day. It wasn't a part of a big thing like a tree. It was gone and like everything else, it died.

"_He_ didn't."

His face didn't move nor did his expression. "Who did? You were real bad off even before, Dan. You remember that? What happened?"

I placed my hands on the cold mud and hosted myself up. I stretched out my arms and bent my back causing it to pop. I turned and started walking. "We should get back."

* * *

><p>Ronnie was bent over the hood of the car. Dally was beside him, pointing at things. Emily was leaned up against the wall like she was propped up there until someone wanted to play with her. Like a doll. She looked tired and hungry. We all did.<p>

"No food?" I asked once we got closer.

No one answered. Dally kept pointing at things and telling Ronnie what to do. He listened this time without another word. Emily watched him, her head up now and hair out of her face. She had no expression. She was just watching them.

Pony went over with the guys to try and help out. Dally made room for him, pushing Ronnie a little to the side. He always looked out for Pony. I never understood their relationship. Johnny's I got. Not Pony's.

I got to Emily and sat beside her. She acted like she hadn't even noticed. I'd seen people act like this. At those places Angela took me too especially. Sometimes this was even her. Those girls who had no family or friends or love. They'd go there and look just like Emily. They didn't care. Emily had a family, friends, and love.

"You think Two-Bit's still looking for me?" she asked, still not moving.

I nodded and stared at her. "He probably hasn't stopped."

The sun was beginning to go down when everyone's stomach's filled the air with music. Dally and Ronnie hadn't left the car. Pony was beside us now, just watching the trees, the boys, then the trees again. Dally and Ronnie had gone hours without a snap. Things were quiet.

Out of the blue, our ears popped open. Car wheels against the gravel. We all knew that sound.

Ronnie and Dally looked up from the hood. Pony and I stood up and Emily stretched her neck out for a good look.

We prayed it was Soda or Darry or Two-Bit or even Steve. We prayed hard for those few seconds we had before the vehicle came into view. Those few seconds we should have prayed harder.

The blue lights shinned through the woods, causing little animals and birds to run away. On normal days we all would have done the same. I don't know if it was because of the lack of food or just because we were stupid, but none of us moved. We all just watched.

We all held our breath as the car stopped in front of us.

A hefty man stood up first. He switched the lights off and straightened his jacket up, looking spiff. His partner got out of the passenger side and straightened his sun glasses. They were both staring at us and we stared back.

The first guy came over to the other one and whispered something in his ear. He picked his handcuffs out of his pocket and slowly walked over to Dallas and Ronnie. I held my breath as he got closer to Dally.

"What can I do for you officer?" Dally asked with a smartass grin.

The cop didn't answer and his eyes moved to Ronnie. He rounded Dally and grabbed Ronnie's hand and bent him over. Ronnie struggled against him and the officer yanked his other hand back. Ronnie winced in pain and there was a pop.

"Hey now!" Dally shouted.

The other officer came over to him and stood in-between him and Ronnie. He told him not to try anything funny and then watched over his partner as he made the arrest.

I looked at Emily. She'd gotten up off the ground and stood beside me. Her expression didn't change this time either. She didn't gasp and cry like before. She just watched like a normal show was in front of her. Just another criminal on T.V.

Dally pushed past officer number two and tried to yell some things. None of us could hear him. We were all too busy watching the criminal on T.V.

"Ronald Winston," cop one rose him to his feet. "You are under arrest for the murder of Marten Dills."

Dally pushed officer two again as officer one headed for the car. "Just hold on a minute here!"

"I didn't do it," Ronnie tried to say. "I swear!"

The officer kept pushing him towards the car. The toes of Ronnie's shoes tried to stick to the ground and hold him in place but with lack of food, they just dragged. "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford one, one will be provided for you."

"You can't just come on out here and do that!" Dally threw his hand out and motioned toward the car.

Another car was coming around the curb to us. No one moved as it came to a halt right beside the other one. A smaller man jumped out of it. "Are you Emily Matthews?" He pointed to Emily. She nodded. He pointed to us. "Are you Ponyboy and Danielle Curtis?" We nodded.

Dally was shouting curses at officer two and still playing poke and shove. The third man who was still by his car, looked at him and smirked. "I don't even have to ask who Winston is."

"Ar-are we in some sort of trouble officer?" Ponyboy stepped forward.

He shook his head and yelled something to cop number two. He turned back to us. "If you come with me, I'll take you guys on home."

Emily's eyes hadn't left Ronnie who had started to cry. They were big tears that poured out of his eyes. He kept preaching his innocence over and over again. "What about him?"

Officer three looked behind his shoulder. "He's going to the station. The judge will decide what to do next."

Dally was still yelling and screaming and pushing. The cop began to threaten. Ronnie was still crying and it's the last thing we all see. His head is pushed under and his whole body goes into the car. They started it up, and it's gone.

_A window, an opened tomb. The sun crawls across your bedroom. A halo, a waiting room. Your last breath's moving through you as everything, everything ends. As everything, everything ends. _

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Birthday reviews would be lovely. :)


	17. Shifting in the Sand

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the_ Outsiders_ or _Arms of an Angel_.

* * *

><p><em>There's always some reason to feel "not good enough" And it's hard at the end of the day. I need some distraction, oh beautiful release. Memories seep from my veins. They may be empty and weightless, and maybe I'll find some peace tonight.<em>

Her mother called the cops. She did right after it happened but she called them back when she overheard Two-Bit going on about Ronnie. She went on it then. She was down at the station day and night until they finally found Dally's car. They put two and two together then.

She shifted around in her seat. Her momma wasn't too happy about what had happened while she was gone. After the hugging ceased, she went cracking. Then came the 'don't trust boys talk'. She could have done without that one.

"Ants in your pants?" Two-Bit sneered from the doorway.

Emily shot him a dirty stare. "Hush."

He grinned and walked into her room. He'd forgotten how long it'd been since he was up here back when she was missing. He'd come up here and just stare out her window for hours during those few days. Those were longest fucking days of his life.

He pulled out one of her chairs and sat down. "Ah, that wasn't nothin'. You should of seen the whippins' she used to give me. Man, woman may be small but boy can she throw down."

Emily turned her attention to her fogging window. It started raining again. She didn't like the rain anymore. "How was she...while I was gone?"

"_She_ was fine! I'm the one you should be askin' 'bout."

Emily giggled. She should have known. She did know. "Sorry 'bout that by the way."

"So I've heard." He reached down in his pocket and pulled out a box of cigs.

She looked at him, a disgusted look on her face. "Don't light that up in here. Are you stupid or something?"

He rolled his eyes and flicked his lighter open anyway. "Accordin' to you, I am. And you ain't one to be talkin' about stupid people anyhow. You ain't gettin' no Nobel Peace Prize this year."

"How come you smoke so much, Two?" she asked.

He flipped the lighter shut and took a big puff. "'Cause I'm a man."

She raised an eyebrow. "Can I have one?"

"No!" he said, making her feel stupider than she already did.

She watched the smoke raise up and spread out around the room. "Danni smokes."

"Yeah well if I was shaken up with Winston I'd need a couple to drown too."

She laughed at that. That was something about her brother she admired. He could laugh. Not many men could just outright laugh. Two-Bit could make light by just cracking a joke, offensive or not, he knew how to make other laugh if not only himself. He lightened people. That was hard to do. It goes unnoticed. People just shrug it off but not Emily.

"How have things been since I've been gone?" she asked. "I heard you got into some trouble yourself."

He flicked his weed in the ashtray on her dresser. "Socs are goin' crazy."

"All because of that old man?" She scrunched up her face. "Did they really care about him that much?"

He shrugged and took another puff. He was buzzed himself. He'd been staying that way since Emily left. "It's not just about him. He makes two. They were all like in love with that Sam kid. They think Ronald did that too." His face got red just saying his name.

Emily's face flushed. "I-I didn't kill that old guy. You know that, right?"

He nodded. He had figured that out a long time ago. Though, like everyone else, he had his doubts. He would never admit that to her, but he did.

"I don't think Ronnie killed Sam either." She said it so quietly, Two-Bit barely heard her.

He leaned forward, shocked. "What?"

She immediately wished that hadn't even come out of her mouth. "I-I just don't think he could."

Two-Bit angrily jumped up and slammed his fists on her dresser causing her to jump. "Emily-"

"I'm sorry," she said quickly. "I know you don't like him and I guess you don't have any right to but listen to me: we have to do something! Ronnie didn't kill those people."

Two-Bit couldn't believe what was coming out of her mouth. "He's only in jail for the one," he snapped.

"I was with him all night that night," she said, half-begging him to comply with her. "I can tell the cops that. What's it called? An alibi? I can give him that."

He spun around and faced her, his face solid red with anger. "You are doing no such thing!"

"Why not?" she asked, getting defensive. "He's innocent! You're just going to let him go to prison just because you don't like him?"

"Yes!"

She couldn't believe what she was hearing. He was her brother. The one who was supposed to hear her out. He wasn't hearing anything. He had his feelings about Ronnie set. He wasn't going to back down and she was disgusted by it.

"I don't want to hear another word about it!" He pointed a finger at her. "You hear me?"

She scowled. "Yes."

He gave her one last intimidating look before seeing himself out.

She wasn't going to back down on Ronnie. No matter what he had done or how many times he had lied. This just proved how right she was to run off.

She had to help him.

* * *

><p>"So do you think he did it?" I asked. I stayed down on the bed and ran my finger over the nice smelling sheets. I had forgotten what it was like to lie on sheets that smelled good instead of something that smelled like a farm.<p>

He bent over the sink and splashed some water over his face. He raised up and grabbed a towel. "I don't know, Curtis."

"You must have an idea," I pressed on. "What do you think the cops will do to him? They can't charge him if they don't know something right? You know cops. What do you think they're doing?"

He breathed out slowly and tossed the towel over the heater. "Curtis-"

"I don't know why he would do that though," I went on. "Why would he just come to town and kill them just for the heck of it? That doesn't add up."

He flopped over on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the warmth of his bed. Dally missed his bed the most. He enjoyed it more than anyone.

I continued on, "He's just a baby. He's a child. He couldn't cover his hands in blood. I just don't think he would."

We were all starting to sweat. Things were quiet when we got back. We road through town in the cop car. All eyes were on us, judging eyes just soaking in everything they could. Whispering their thoughts on the story. Trying to come up with their own lies and rumors to tell.

"This ain't right." I shook my head. "Something's up. Ronnie didn't kill them. I know he didn't." I turned to his body just lying on the bed. "What do you think?"

He chuckled. "You mean I'm allowed to speak now?"

I threw a loose pillow towards his head. "Really now. He's your brother. You-"

"Nah," he threw the word out there. "I don't."

I crawled across the bed to his face. "See! I'm telling you, there's something up with this! How could the cops get anything on him? Unless they did have something or someone planted something."

"Goin' all private detective now?"

I ran my fingers through his hair. It was wet and smooth. It slid right through. It was one of the few times I hadn't seen it full of grease. "I'm bein' serious. You should be the one that's worried."

"What'd Superman say?"

"That you're an imbosile." He beamed proudly. "He says the cops aren't fooling around with this and neither is anyone else. This isn't a joke. He says it's breaking again."

His breathing picked up slightly. The smirky expression he had on went away. He clicked his tongue on the roof of his mouth.

I sighed and rubbed the tip of his nipple. "What are we gonna do?"

He bit a fingernail off and spit it out, causing it to bounce off the wall. "Stay the fuck out of the fire."

"This is about us this time," I said. "We can't stay out of it. It's coming around again." I put my palm on the surface of his skin and breathed in. It was warmer than the rest of his body. It was pink and small and it matched. We matched.

I ran my fingers over it and circled around it. I remembered at the hospital when I touched it through the bandage. It didn't feel like it felt now. It was warm and fragile. Most people would turn the other cheek every time they saw it but I liked it. It was his badge. It connected us.

"I should go home," I said, still circling.

He breathed in and his muscles contracted over my hand. "They mad at ya?"

I rested my head on his chest and traced over the little muscles on his stomach. "No."

"Then why are ya in a hurry?"

I didn't know how to answer. I wasn't. I didn't really want to go home. There were too many questions and talks. Soda filled Pony in on what exactly was going on between us and the other side and our house was filled with theories and allegations.

"What are you going to do?" I asked.

I could feel his hand on my back, reaching around the front. "Dunno. Can't exactly go roamin' the town."

Darry advised him not to go out very much. According to one of his work buddies everyone thinks Dally is the one that knows something about this. We all knew it'd be a matter of time before the cops got to him. It was the Socs we were worried about.

The T.V. started to scratch again. There was banging from next door helping it along. Then came the squeakiness of the bed and the moaning. Dally laughed at it and banged on the wall back.

"They're like damn rabbits."

I didn't move as the noise stopped and there was a deep sigh. "What about Ronnie?"

He was still focused on the wall. He looked back down and chuckled. He wasn't hiding anything. "What 'bout 'im?"

I just wanted to lie here forever. I could hear his heartbeat in my ear and feel his muscles move every time he breathed and it reminded me how far we'd gone. How long it'd been since I just got to lie on him. "Nothing."

His hand moved up to my hair and he stroked it. I closed my eyes and breathed in. "Thinkin' 'bout headin' down to Billy's for a while, ya know, down in Texas."

"Why?" I curled up closer.

"Can't stay here. I ain't sittin' up here like no goddamn hermit all the time," he grumbled. "I gotta do something."

I opened my eyes back up and stopped tracing his stomach. I knew what he was saying. I knew he was going to. I just didn't want to hear it. "You don't have to."

"It's only a couple of miles away." He laughed. "Get Ponyboy to hot wire Superman's big wheels and ride on down there."

I snickered. "He don't know how to hot wire anything."

"Not from what I heard. Mark has been influencing the baby."

"Great." I didn't care about Pony hotwiring cars. I didn't care much about anything. "Just stay for a little while longer. Just until we really figure out what's going on. I'll talk to Randy if I have to."

"Don't," he said harshly. "Don't you dare go over there to them. He ain't your friend, Curtis."

I swallowed a lump in my throat. I knew that. "Just stay...a little longer."

He didn't say anything else. The T.V. went out and the room filled with silence. We lied there together. I wasn't going to let go just let. I'd let go too many times. I wasn't doing this for them. They weren't going to win this fight.

* * *

><p><em>"Danni, are you listening to me?"<em>

_I looked up and nodded. Everyone was looking at me except for Randy. He was by the window not looking at anyone. He was just there. "Yeah, Sam. I'm listening."_

_"What did I just say then?" he snapped._

_I tried to call for Randy to look at me. To help me out here. I didn't want to fight this by myself. He told me he'd help me. "Not to say anything. Act like nothing happened."_

_Marilyn was in a ball on the couch. It was starting to hit her hard. She had an attack yesterday and that's why we were all here. "Mike, man you gotta control her," Sam said._

_Michael nodded and whispered something in her ear. She snapped at him and pushed him away. "We can't just sit here anymore!"_

_Sam got a raging look on his face. "That's exactly what we're gonna do!" He turned back to me; grabbing me by the arms and making me look at him. "You know what happens to us if we don't? What happens, Danni?"_

_I tried to look at Randy again but Sam forced my face to him. This was me and him. "We'll get in trouble."_

_"And what happens to the person who tells? Tells anyone Danni!"_

_"You'll do it to them," I whispered. "You'll do the same thing to them."_

"Dan," There was a tap at the door. "You've been in here all night. Dinner's ready."

I sat crisscrossed on my bed. I gazed up at him and stopped the tears for a minute. "I'll be down there in a minute." I forced a small smile.

He, like always, didn't fall for it. He raced over to the side of my bed. He put a hand on my forehead "Dan, what's wrong? Are ya sick or something?"

I wiped my face. "No Soda I'm fine...I just don't understand why I'm acting like this _now_."

"Acting like what?" He grabbed my hand and held it like I was on my death bed. "Is something wrong?"

I sniffed and shook my head. "Can I ask you a question?"

He didn't press the problem anymore. That was Soda. He nodded. "Sure."

I grabbed a tissue from beside my bed and went on, "Have you ever done something you knew was wrong? Like something really really bad?" I looked at him with pleading eyes.

He blinked and mumbled a quick answer, "Well yeah. Everyone does stuff they ain't supposed to, right?" He laughed it off.

"Really really really bad," I said again with more empathy on bad. This wasn't clicking for him just yet. "It just sits in you and eats inside of you and you can't get it out. What do you do then?"

He fiddled with the sheet on the bed. "You should tell someone I guess, Dan. It's not good keeping things bottled in like that. Mom always said to let it _flow_." He imitated her with a giggle.

I grinned. "She only did that so we'd rat on each other."

He got a puzzled look on his face. "I rated on myself."

"Because you were the only one that didn't catch on to the trap."

We sat there and laughed. I sometimes missed the days when we were all little. During those days we all seemed to be a little closer. Even now we should be closer because it's just us, but that's not the way it was. All of us, even Darry, hung by each other when we were little. Time just changes things I guess.

"Really though," I said. "What would you do?"

He shrugged and thought about a reasonable answer. "I think you should tell someone what you did, Dan."

"That's the Sodapop my big brother answer," I smiled. "Give me the Sodapop my _cool_ big brother who's my best friend answer."

He snickered and wiped his face. "Tell someone who wouldn't get you in trouble then. Like Dally or a friend or something."

"I don't have any friends."

He got a funny look on his face and then turned it over to his thinking face. "Well tell it to a frog. It'll make ya feel better at least." He grinned, proud of his answer

"What if you can't tell people?"

He raised his eyebrows and his smile faded. "Why can't you tell anyone?"

"It's hypothetically," I corrected. "And hypothetically, let's say I promised on my life."

He ignored every thought that told him to press on. "Hypothetically speaking now, what can they do to you if you did? It's not like they're really gonna find out right, and if they do what's the worst that can happen?"

I stopped the conversation. Soda wouldn't understand. He understands a lot of things, but this is just one he wasn't going to get. No one got it. No one I could talk to anyway.

"How's Darry?"

He shoved me over and climbed up on the bed. "Fine now."

I traced my fingers over the flowers on my comforter. "When do you think him and Kathy are going to get married?"

"Soon I hope!" he whined.

I laughed again and we sat and talked about Kathy and Darry and planned the wedding for them and picked out kid names. Soda was getting really wrapped into it, even to the point to where I think it upset him thinking about his brother's relationship that was so perfect.

"Are you okay now?" he asked, not wanting to go into Darry any longer.

I quickly nodded. "It's nothing anyway. I don't even know why I care about it."

"Hypothetically now," he mimicked me. "You sure you don't wanna tell...well _me_?" He smiled a cheesy grin.

I sneered and shook my head. "Thanks but no thanks. It's really nothing...hypothetically speaking. It was a long time ago anyway. You know the saying, let sleeping bones lie."

He ruffled my hair and got up off the bed. "Well if ya ever, ya know, hypothetically, wanna tell me, I'm all ears." He shut the door, leaving me alone.

_Let sleeping bones lie. _

That's all we have to do. Let it lie. Let it die.

_In the arms of the Angels, far away from here. From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear. You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie. In the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here._


	18. Roll the Dice

**A/N: **Thanks for the reviews guys!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _You and Me_ or the _Outsiders_.

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><p><em>All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right. I'm tripping on words. You've got my head spinning. I don't know where to go from here.<em>

"That bastard!" He threw a chair over, picked it up, and slammed it down. He'd been like this all day. He's drowned five beers, a half bottle of scotch, and that was during the time Randy was with him. He wasn't sure just how far he had gone in that short amount of time he was gone.

Randy tossed his cigarette in a trash bin. "Who?" He decided to play along.

"Winston!" Michael shouted. "Why is that kid in jail and not him?"

Rand propped his foot up against the wall and sighed. "Because he took that girl off in the woods and her momma called the cops."

"I know that!" Michael made a fist, his thumbnail going into his skin.

Randy sighed. His friend was drunk, angry, and completely unstable. The bartender was giving them a look that told Randy he needed to gather Michael up and get him home. That wasn't the plan though.

"Are we going to play pool or what?" Randy leaned over across the table, stick in hand. "Bet ya ten bucks I can sink that nine ball into the socket."

Michael wasn't paying attention. He could care less which also caught Randy's attention. Michael never turned away a bet. Instead though, he stood straight, his hair slicked back, and a fag in hand. He searched over the whole place again and again.

"Are you sure he's coming?" Randy asked.

Michael took a drag and said nothing.

Marilyn had been on Randy's case all day about this. Girl wouldn't drop any subject for anything, especially this one. She kept stirring things back up that Randy didn't want to remember. He didn't want to remember Sam's death either but that seemed to be the only thing he's friends wanted to talk about. He just wanted to let it rest. Let Sam rest.

Michael grabbed his pool stick and shot a ball near one of the holes. It rolled but never fell in. Michael hissed and slammed his stick down on the table and pouted.

"Maybe we should just get outta here." Randy took a step toward him.

Michael put out his fag in the ashtray and fished out another one. "You think those hippies are still in that empty room on the third floor next door?"

Randy shrugged. "Dunno. Why do you care?"

Michael flicked his lighter open and smiled. He flicked it shut and grabbed his wallet and opened it just so Randy could see the corners of the green paper. "Think they got some acid?"

Randy eyed the paper, trying to come up with a number. "Probably. Don't they always?"

Michael closed up his wallet and stuffed it back down in his trench coat. "Let's go."

Randy quietly followed him across the street and over two blocks. He didn't say a word as Michael led him up the fleet of stairs that had an obscene amount of blood and woman's unmentionables. He especially didn't say anything as he grabbed the butt cheeks of one of the dirty girls smoking a cigarette at the top of the stairs.

It was when they approached the door he finally opened his mouth, "Why do you want this stuff so bad anyhow?"

Michael shrugged and knocked hard three times. A skinny male opened the door for him. He had on a tie-die T-shit and a vest with beads on it. His hair came down past his shoulders and he smelled like grass.

He opened his arms wide. "Mikey! Welcome my friend."

Michael grinned at him and gently pushed Randy inside with him. The small room was filled with different kinds of people lying everywhere. Randy tried to keep his eyes on the small of Michaels back to keep from seeing anything he shouldn't have.

Michael led Randy into the back and stopped at the last door down the hall. He didn't even knock before he went inside.

There were three guys sitting in a circle. On the bed was a frail woman breast feeding her baby who couldn't have been more than a couple of months old. The woman didn't even seem like a woman. She looked fifteen at best.

Michael slapped hands with each one of the guys and introduced them all to Randy. Randy shook their hands and smiled like Michael had done. He didn't want to be in here. He should have taken Michael by the collar and led him out of that bar but he didn't. Like Sam, Michael always got his way.

Michael sat down at the foot of the bed and grabbed his wallet. "Who here has it?"

One of the guys winked and held up a finger. He got up and went over to the closet. He was heftier than the others. He looked older too, like he was the baby's grandfather or something.

He rose back up with a big brown paper bag in hand and gave it to Michael without another word.

Michael grinned and peaked into the bag. Once he was pleased with what was inside he handed the guy a twenty. "Keep the change fellas." He signaled Randy and headed for the door. "Nice doing business with you all."

Randy nor Michael said anything on the walk home. Randy hadn't taken his eyes off that bag Michael had a death grip on. If it was LSD he would have done it right there and given Randy some. No, this was something Michael didn't want Randy to see.

Randy, fed up with it, raced to Michaels side. "So what was that about? I thought we were getting some dope or something?"

Michael smirked and kept walking. "You over think things too much."

Randy cupped his shoulder. "Come on, what's in the bag, man?"

Michael brushed his hand off and sped up a little. "Mind your own business man. You can't handle this stuff. Trust me; I'm saving you a lot of trouble here. You've been off the wire since all this anyway. Sit back and let your best friend take care of ya."

Randy stopped in his tracks. His jaw dropped. His shock soon turned to anger. "Take care of me? You mean like Sam took care of us?"

"_I'm_ taking care of us now," Michael hissed. "I'm doing what he was too afraid to do. You can either follow me Randy," he turned around facing Randy, "or get the hell out of the lime light."

He didn't say any more as he turned back around and kept walking.

Randy eyed his friend, his hands clinched. He knew where he stood, and like the good little soldier he was, he followed. He always did.

* * *

><p>Dally stood, leaning on the fence at the top of the hill, a beer in his hand. This was the life. If his leg wasn't bummed and he was in shape, he'd be right down there on those big bulls's back. He would show all these pussies who the king down here was.<p>

He took a sip of his beer and chuckled as one of the guys scrambled out of the pin and over the gate. Damn. If only he was in shape.

"Winston."

Dally knew that voice better than anyone's. How he'd heard it scream for mercy many nights. How he'd heard it scream and curse with anger. He didn't think he'd hear that voice for a while. He was actually beginning to get lonely without it.

"Well look who has come out of the rabbit hole." Dally strolled over to him, a big smile on his face. He pointed to the side of his face. "Nice little scar you got there, Timmy."

Tim knocked his hand out of the way and grunted. "Yeah, nice to see you too, Winston."

Dally's big fat smile couldn't fade. "What you doin' all the way down here? Don't tell me you jumped a fence or dropped the soap in the shower again."

Tim handed him a cigarette and shook his head. "Good behavior." He looked up and smirked. "'Member that?"

Dally shook his head and leaned back over on the fence. He grabbed his popcorn off the floor and stuffed a handful into his mouth. Tim joined him at his side and puffed his weed. "Should I ask where the misses is?"

Dally snickered and took another handful and put it in his mouth. "How long where you in the playpen anyhow?"

Tim counted on his fingers. "Five months...fuck."

Dally looked up and gave him a playful grin. "Make any new friends?"

Tim was too tired to put up a fight tonight, especially with Winston. He was itching to by golly. He'd missed those days. He was planning a good one. He knew Dallas wouldn't turn that down either.

"You and Dan still together I hear." He blew smoke out of the corner of his mouth. "How's she?"

Dally crumbled up the empty bag and chucked it in the trash. "Dandy." He raised up his fag and took a long drag. "Should be askin' 'bout you."

Tim didn't say anything. He hadn't since it happened. At the Pen they sent him to see some big hot Whig who thought she was something just sitting there, pretending to know how he felt and out of everything else, thinking she knew what his problem was. Damned bitch she was.

Tim had taken off a few weeks after they threw Angel's ashes. No one had seen or heard from him or knew where he went. Curly was hunting the town every night like a stray dog looking for him when he finally ran into Dally and he joined in on the case. They found Tim down near the border, hitting on some Mexican. It took both Dally and Curly just to pull Tim off of him.

They got him to Dal's apartment and came to find out just how crazed Timothy Shepard really was. He was so high on every kind of meds and drugs that they couldn't even get him to sit straight. After a few days of being locked in the bathroom (Dally's idea) he finally came to and Curly was all packed and ready to get him home and safe so they could be a "normal" family again.

The moment they got back, the cops were waiting at Timmy's door with a warrant for assault, battery, and all kinds of other charges for narcotics and one for indecent exposer. Tim didn't put up much of a fight when they took him away. Dally thought he was happy in a way just to be gone from all this mess. To have a break.

It wasn't the first time Dally had seen Curly cry. Hell, he'd seen it a lot. If you have Tim as an older brother, there has to be a lot of crying involved. It took two months before the kid calmed down. He had a girlfriend now. Some chick he met a couple towns over. She had a scary resemblance to Angel that no one understood.

"Timothy!" a thick accented guy shouted.

Dally and Tim turned around as a little dark haired man waved at them and then started jogging towards them. "Who the fuck-"

Tim grabbed hold of Dally's collar. "You say anything and I swear I'll bust your head in."

The little guy reached them, out of breath. "Heya boys!" He had a big goofy grin on his face that Dally had to laugh at. "What wes up to?"

Tim groaned and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Bull ridin' Jac. Remember? I told you that's why we were here."

Dally's ears rose at the name and he began to pay attention here. He leaned forward, friendly offering his hand to the stranger. "Dallas Winston, kid. You would be?"

Jac happily shook Dally's hand, his grin still on. "Jac! I'm a friend of Timothy's."

"_Tim_," Tim growled with a groan.

"Oh 'dats right!" Jac said with a wave. "I'm sorry lad. I'll get it right soon enough."

Tim rolled his eyes while Dally laughed his head off. He was beginning to like this kid. Tim pulled out a one from his billfold and handed it to Jac. "Go buy ya some popcorn and a Coke, Jac. It's right over there."

Jac looked to where he was pointing, his eyes lighting up like a kid in a candy store. "Popcorn! Oh thank you Tim!" And with that he raced over to the big line on the other side of the lot.

Dally sneered and leaned back over the fence. "That who I think it is?"

Tim scowled as his eyes still followed Jac. "If you say anything Winston I swear to God that little girlfriend of yours won't have anything else left to grab."

Dally chuckled. He wasn't afraid of Tim and especially not Danni but he wasn't itching to get into this whorl of a mess. That one they can fight out amongst them. It was going to be a good one though. He'd have to get good seats and a bag of popcorn to that.

"He know?" Dally asked. Tim blew out smoke. Of course he didn't know. "She's gonna kill you man."

"I hear you're the new hot topic on over in Tulsa," Tim said with a smirk, changing the subject. "You're the topic at all the finest's dinner tables."

Dally chewed on some gum. "Could say that."

Tim got out another smoke. "You better watch yourself...What's this I hear 'bout your baby _brother_ coming all the way down here and then runnin' off with Matthew's kid sister?"

Dally blew a bubble and let it pop across his lips. "That pretty much tells it all."

Tim eyed the long line where Jac was, keeping a look out for him. "Just take care of yourself Winston. We lose too many people. Don't want it to be your blood I'm scrappin' off the road next."

Dally laughed. "I cannot die, Shepard. Don't forget that."

* * *

><p>Sarah flipped through all five channels ten times and found nothing we were interested in. "What about this one?" she asked, pointing to the dancing duck.<p>

I shook my head. "Turn it back to that fat guy."

She leaned forward and flipped the channel again. It was freezing outside and it had started hailing. The weather had been horrible here lately which wasn't a bad thing considering Darry has made sure we can't go anywhere unless someone is with us for two weeks.

"Danni, when do you work again?" Darry asked from the kitchen.

"Tuesday I think. Mrs. Adderson has cut back everyone's hours. She says she's thinking about closing for the winter."

I could hear Darry puff out a breath of air and mark some things down on the calendar in front of him. He snapped the lid back on the marker and rose up. "I gotta head to work. Will you two be okay here?"

Sarah nodded and shot him a smile. I did the same, minus the smile. "I'll cook dinner."

He opened the door, causing Two-Bit and Johnny to run inside yelling, "Pony, the movie starts in ten minutes and I got the engine runnin'. Baby don't like the cold!"

Darry grabbed his cap and slipped by them and out the door.

"Hey, Johnny." Sarah waved and then changed the channel again. Johnny unburied his hands from his coat pocket and waved back.

"Hey, Danni-Bear," Two-Bit flopped down on the sofa beside me. "You and Dal goin' to the rodeo with us Saturday night?"

I made a face. It was that time of year again which only meant one thing, "What rodeo?"

Johnny took a step closer to us, his hands still locked in place inside his pockets. "Everyone's goin'. Darry and Kathy and Soda and Steve and Evie and Pony."

Two-Bit's eyes went to Sarah. "Who's this pretty lady?" Two-Bit removed his arm from around me and crawled over to Sarah on the floor. "What's your name, sweetcheeks?"

Sarah nervously smiled at him and tucked her hair behind her ear. "Sarah."

Johnny looked up the stairs and thought about yelling again at Ponyboy to hurry up. I sat and watched Sarah awkwardly try and shoo Two-Bit away. "Johnny, are you going to the rodeo?"

"Yeah."

I gazed down at Sarah as she inched farther and farther away. "Maybe you and Sarah can go together." Sarah looked up. "You've been talkin' about seeing one since you got here, right?"

Two-Bit stopped and caught Johnny's eye. His lips curled and he backed off immediately. "Yeah, Johnny, man! You like sweetcheeks?"

"Sarah," she correct quietly. She turned her head towards Johnny. "You wanna?"

Pony appeared at the foot of the steps, shoving his arms into his jacket and eagerly heading to the door. "We goin'?"

"Shhh!" I hissed.

"Hold up," Two-Bit held his hand up. "Playin' match maker here."

Sarah's stare didn't break but Johnny was looking at everything but her. "You don't have to if you just wanna go with your friends."

Johnny nervously looked at Pony who just shrugged. He turned back to Sarah. "If you wanna, th-that's cool."

Two-Bit slapped Johnny on the back and whopped with joy. "Yeah, Johnnycakes!"

Sarah giggled as the Two-Bit kept going on and on to Johnny as they left. He was cheering on the guy who just got the girl he wanted. If it was anyone other than his friend, he'd have his balls in hand. Two-Bit would never step on any of his buddy's toes though. None of them would.

"You excited?" I asked Sarah.

She beamed. "You're going too right? Please, Danni! It's my first date and you have to-"

My eyes opened up. "Your first date?" Her face dropped. "You've never been on a date before?"

She shook her head and stared at the floor. I regretted saying that. "We moved so much I never got the chance to. I was really close one time but Mom got sick and I had to stay home."

Her face was sad, like I had learned it did whenever we talked about her mother. I slid on down to the floor and sat beside her. "Well, this will be fun then."

She looked back up, her friendly eyes sparkled. She was incapable of not smiling. "You're going! We can go shopping together!" She jumped off the floor and grabbed her jacket from the couch. "I'll call you about it tomorrow okay?"

I laughed. "Okay, Sarah."

Sarah. Johnny man you have no idea what you got yourself into my friend. You have no idea.

_Cause it's you and me and all other people with nothing to do. Nothing to prove. And it's you and me and all other people. And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you._

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><p><strong>AN: **Cheers for having Tim back! I hope you all are as happy as I am about it. ;) What did ya'll think about Tim and Dally's talk? Any predictions up your sleeves? Primarily who Jac is?


	19. Speed Machine

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the _Outsiders_ or _Her Eyes_.

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><p><em>She's a Gemini-Capricorn. Thinks all men are addicted to porn. I don't agree with her half the time but damn, I'm glad she's mine. Her eyes, that's where hope lies. That's where blue skies meet the sunrise. Her eyes, that's where I go. When I go home.<em>

Steve had a fag in hand. It was about his fifth one since they got into the diner. Evie had insisted after they got married that he quit. The agreement lasted two weeks before Steve started sneaking around the house with a Hersey bar in one hand, and a pack of Reds in the other.

"How's Eve?" Sodapop asked, sipping on his Pepsi. It'd been a while since him and Steve actually got to sit down and talk.

Steve shrugged and chewed on some nuts. "Damn man, don't ever get married. If I have to drag your skinny ass out of the church myself, I will."

Soda laughed. He had heard just how good married life was plenty of times. "Don't think I'll have to worry 'bout that for a while."

Steve shook his head and bit down on another nut. He thought for a moment and then a sly grin appeared on his face. "Man though, it brings new things to the under sheet life."

Soda had heard all of this too. Every. Damn. Word. "You don't say?"

Steve chuckled and imagined it in his head. "She's a pistol. Can get her all riled up and then sneak into the bed real late and slip your hand under her panties and then-"

"Got it," Soda put an end to it. He already couldn't look at Evie the same way. Steve got a defeated look on his face. "I just...I don't-"

"I got it," Steve said understanding. He knew just how much his best friend was hurting these days. "Still ain't found no one to go to the rodeo with?"

Soda shrugged. He had plenty of offers from girls Steve had gotten to ask him but he just didn't want any of them. "No."

Steve wasn't backing down from the situation. His buddy had been single way too long. Though he knew Soda still got some action and he was by no means alone. Unhealthy action, but he got it. It was time to upgrade from the skanks at Bucks and move on to _ladies_.

He had gotten Evie on the case too. He invited Soda over every Saturday night for dinner and had one of Evie's friends sitting right in front of him. He had a pretty girl on an open platter and every time, Sodapop left early and never took a number.

"Are you guys ready to order now?" The blonde waitress came over to their table.

Steve eyed her. She was the new one that gave them ice after those Socs jumped Two-Bit. A light bulb went off in his head. "How old are ya?"

She blew a bubble from her gum and grabbed her writing pad from her apron. "Eighteen."

Steve smiled another sly grin and gave a wink to Soda. "You were the chick who handed out ice when them Socs came here last."

She gazed up at them and took in their faces. "You're Danni's friends aren't you?"

Steve threw his arm back and stretched out on the booth. He pointed to Soda. Her eyes followed. "He's her brother."

She gave him a small smile. "What do you want to eat?"

"His name's Sodapop," Steve went on. "Ain't that a funny name? His pops was all about names like that. Kid brother's Ponyboy. Ain't that somethin'?"

Soda kicked his sheen from across the table causing Steve to hiss. Jennie gave them both a funny look. "You ready to order of what? I've got other tables I need to get to."

"Sorry," Soda apologized. He looked at her nametag. "Jennie."

She nodded and looked back at her note pad. "So, Sodapop, what will you be having?"

"Hey," Steve still hadn't given up. "Jennie, what are you doing this Saturday night?"

She huffed and jammed her pen down on the paper. "Nothing with you, hon." She stared at his hand. "Don't think your wife would like that very much."

Soda chuckled as Steve's playful grin faded into a scowl. He swallowed back his insulting comments and said: "We're goin' to a rodeo next town over. Bunch of us. Everyone's got a date but my buddy here."

Sodapop bit his tongue and kicked Steve harder this time. His face grew strawberry red as Jennie giggled at the two. "Sorry," he said again. "He's an idiot. Don't listen to him."

She raised her eyebrows. "So you do have a date then?"

"N-no," Soda said. "But don't feel like you-"

She shrugged. "I'll go. If ya want me to that is."

Steve stuck his tongue out and laughed like a hyena. He just scored big. He should get some kind of award for stuff like this.

Soda, still embarrassed, stammered on his words. It wasn't that he didn't want Jennie. Hell he did. It was just...what was it exactly again? "Um...I mean if you're free."

Steve chocked up and laughed his head off. Jennie ignored him and smiled. "Yeah. See you Saturday night...Sodapop."

* * *

><p>My feet slid on the dry dirt under the swing. I let them drag as I listened to the chains squeaked. Angela and I used to come to the swings a lot. It was here she told me about sex. She told me about her first time and what it was like. We were thirteen and I still hadn't kissed a boy yet so she filled me in on everything.<p>

She met the guy at school. He was three years older than us but just a grade ahead. She'd talk about him all the time and how great he was and how she thought she was in love with him. It was at a party when they did it. She explained it like it was the perfect thing. It was every girl's dream.

She told me about how it felt, the pressure she felt. It didn't last long but she said she thought it'd taken hours. She explained the feeling of having a guy inside of her and how safe and loved she felt. She felt love at that moment. What love was really like. She couldn't shrug that feeling either. Having someone love her was so important. Having someone have sex with her was the only way she felt it.

It wasn't Angela's first time. We both knew it wasn't but somehow, it always fascinated me how wonderful losing your virginity must feel. It must be magical. So I sat there and pretended with her and heard every word and wished for once, that I was her. I wished I could feel what she was feeling at that very moment.

Randy was really slow. It was his too. We promised each other we'd be careful and do it together. We'd make it special.

"What are you doing here?"

I searched around the park at all the mothers and their children wondering the same thing. A sixteen year old girl alone at a park wasn't a common sight.

I looked up to a smiling face. He'd been smiling more lately. Angela would have loved to see him like this. "Hi."

He took a seat beside me and laughed at the rugrats in the sandbox. He swung his swing sideways where it hit mine. "Kids. Always wanted a couple. I think I want about six."

"Six?"

"I'm catholic," he said. "We have lots of kids right?"

His hair had gotten darker. There was more light in his eyes too. I think Tim going off did him more good than anyone thought. Living in your brother's shadow isn't good for anyone. "So what are you doing here, Curl?"

He shrugged and leaned back. He started to pump his legs. "Can't a guy go to the park and swing? I should be asking you the same thing. Look like someone died."

"Just wanted to swing," I said. "How's Connie?"

His eyes lit up. He looked like a school boy who just got laid for the first time. He couldn't wipe the smile from his face. "She's great. You need to meet her sometime. Think you'll like her."

We swing together and listen to the laughter of the kids. Curly goes on about Jake and how good Connie is with him. He says Tim's back and goes on to say how happy he is that they are all together again.

Curly looks just like Angela. To a T actually. They could have been twins if Curly didn't have his shadow and wasn't a foot taller than her. Sometimes it's hard to look at him for too long.

Angela told me about Curly's first time. She had walked in on it and then heard Tim and Curly later talking about it. Tim about beat the shit out of Curly for letting Angela see it and wanted to have the talk with her. Curly could have cared less at that point. He'd gotten what he wanted.

She was some little blonde with a flat chest and glasses. She was real skinny too. Nearly half of the high school kids had already fucked her and she wasn't but twelve. Rumor was her step dad took her virginity when she was eight. Her past might have explained why she said she was pregnant with Curly's child two weeks later.

Tim handled that situation.

Angela said they looked like monkeys at the zoo when they fight. There was a lot of moaning and the girl was on her back and her nails were going into Curly's back. He was arched over and sweating and bobbing up and down. Angela and I, only being eight at the time, thought sex was like wrestling...and we didn't want to wrestle with anyone until we got married, if that.

"You want me to drive you home?" he asked as the sun went down and the kids left. "It's late."

I shook my head and pumped my burning legs again. "I think I'm going to stay for a little while. It was good seeing you."

He half nodded and headed off into the darkness.

* * *

><p>The sun was just setting. Sarah's change in her purse was jingling by her side and her hair flopped back and forth. A cold front was coming in and we couldn't get warm enough. My hands stayed glued to the insides of my pockets and all I wanted to do was get somewhere warm.<p>

"What about shoes?" Sarah asked, stepping into the department store. "Do you need shoes?"

I shivered and sucked in the warmth of the air. "I'm just here to help you, 'member?"

She walked over to the woman's section and started pulling things. "You're not getting anything?" She held up a brown skirt on her hips. "Don't you wanna look nice for Dal?"

I sneered, rubbing my hands together. "Trust me; once you get to the point Dally and I are at, you don't need to dress fancy. Hell he'd like it more if I didn't wear anything at all."

She giggled and grabbed another skirt. I waited as she flipped through each rack, trying to decide on colors. I walked over to the jewelry and searched through earrings. Kathy pierced my ears a few months ago despite Darry's request. They were in a fight that day. I'm pretty sure she won that one.

"Those are cute." Sarah pointed to a pair of pink balls. "I think Dally'll like them."

I picked them up. "Dally won't even noticed...I don't think he's noticed I got them _pierced_."

She shrugged and pulled a blouse from the rack. "I think he notices more than you think."

I flipped the earrings over and over, deciding if I wanted to spend half of my paycheck for two little pieces of plastic and metal when the bell flipped on the door.

"Anything I can help you with, ladies?"

"No. We're just looking," she answered. "Hey, Danni."

I looked up from the mirror I was looking into, my eyes meeting hers. "Marilyn."

With her, right at her side, was Jane. She looked cold and red. She searched around the store but never left Marilyn's side. She was too scared to. Jane was beautiful. Next to Marilyn though, she looked like no one. We all did next to Marilyn.

"How are you?" Marilyn asked. "I haven't seen you at school lately. Are you still enrolled or did you drop?"

"I'm still there," I answered. "I just haven't been in a few days."

She bit her bottom lip and beamed. "That's right. You got stuck in the woods. I heard about that. Good thing you're back though, right?"

"I guess."

She looked to Jane, signaling for her to go pretend to search for clothes. Her head bounced back and she frowned. "People are talking you know?"

"People tend to do that."

Her heels clicked on the sleek floor as she took a few steps forward, her perfectly glossed lips curled. "Have you been talking, Danni? You know, with everything going on in all, everyone expects that you have."

I stared at her prefect fatigue, her perky breasts and curves that went on forever. She starved herself for months for that. All summer that's all we did. Let's see who can lose the most. Who can shove a toothbrush down their throat for three months? She won that game. "Whatever do you mean?"

"Don't play that card," she hissed. "I'm just trying to talk to you. The least you can do is play along and act like you care."

I looked behind my shoulder at Sarah who had followed Jane's lead and gone elsewhere. Her eyes were on us though I'm sure. "What do you want?"

"I don't want anything, Danni." She popped her lips together, the gloss making them stick. "I've got everything I need in my life."

I turned my head back to her. "Good for you then."

"How's Dallas?"

"Fine."

"Randy is too."

"Good."

She broke her hard stare and gawked as Jane held up a lite blue dress. She sighed and rotated her head back to me. "How have you and Dally been? It's sad what happened to his brother."

"Real shame," I put it lightly. "We're fine. What about Randy? He still walk two feet behind you?"

She shifted her purse on her shoulder and smirked. "Does Dallas know how funny you are?" Her eyes met mine again. "Does he know...well,_ you_? Does he know all about you?"

I narrowed my eyes. "What does that mean?"

"You know what it means."

I swallowed and crossed my arms. Marilyn had a way with intimidating people. She'd done it to everyone for years. I always thought she'd become a lawyer or something. Marilyn was one of the few girls I knew who was just naturally strong. She could handle anything. She could hold everything together.

I tucked my hair behind my ear and grinned. "Of course not, hon. We made a promise, remember? A best friend promise."

"You mean, you're lying to your soul mate? Awe, too bad. True love doesn't lie but then again..." Marilyn's lips spread revealing her perfectly whitened teeth and wicked smile. "Your lies started spreading around the same time your legs did, didn't they Danni?"

"Randy didn't seem to mind."

She stopped in her tracks. Her nose started to flare and she stuck it up high like it didn't bother her. She turned her attention to Jane and huffed. "That dress is ugly. It makes you look pregnant."

"Good to see you haven't changed very much," I muttered under my breath, seeping away. "I gotta go."

Her head snapped back. "What does that mean?"

"Marilyn just drop it, okay?" I took a deep breath. "Let's just go back to ignoring each other like we used to, alright? I'm good. You don't have to worry."

She got defensive and drew me back to her. "I would be happy too! I'm not the one who started stirring stuff up again!"

"You're blaming me for this?"

She crossed her arms over her chest and scowled. "Do cows moo?"

I threw my hand down, slapping the tip of my thigh. "You can never win with you, can you? I had nothing to do with this. I had nothing to do with Sam dying or-"

"Don't you dear talk about him!" Her voice rose. "You have no right."

My jaw dropped. I started towards her. "I have no right?" I stepped closer. "I have no right? I have every right, Marilyn!"

"You never liked him!" The others in the store started to stare. "You did everything he told you not to do! You never listened. It was the best day in the world when Randy left you...for all of us! We were finally happy again!"

I took another strong step. Her words were like knifes in my throat. "You can't keep lying to yourself." I pointed a finger, getting close to her face. "He _brain washed_ you. All of us. Don't tell me he was some goddamn god because I know better. He hurt us."

"He's dead, damnit, Danni!" Her eyes were getting big and she was starting to sweat. Her face was flushed and tears were on their way. "You are still knocking him down! He did everything for you."

I stood dumbfounded as the laughter came. "He did everything for me? He did everything for us too, right? Sam always took care of us. Let's go with whatever Sam says. He'll take care of it."

"Danni..." Sarah walked toward us, a scared and concerned look on her face. "Maybe we should-"

"He really took care of us, Mar," I kept going. "He's the reason we're in this mess and now the bastard's fucking dead! He can't help you now!"

She reached out her arms and shoved me towards the wall. Her teeth grind together and angry tears began to fall. "Don't talk about him like that! You have no right! You wanted him dead!"

"He ruined your life, Marilyn," I said. "Don't tell me he didn't because I know you weren't like Michael and Randy. You were on my side, remember?"

Her hands went to her side and clinched into fists like a small child. "Shut-up."

"I got out of that," I said again. "It's never going to go away no matter if the guy's dead. You're not that stupid. Wake up Marilyn."

She ceased her tears and controlled her breathing. She was strong. She was remembering that. "You never listened to any of us. You're happy Sam's dead...and that's what everyone thinks."

"Let them think what they want," I said grabbing Sarah's hand. I squeezed on tight to stop the shaking. "It's just the four of us now. You can ignore me all you want Marilyn, but whether you like it or not, we're on the same side here."

She shook her head. "Don't ever say that."

I hung onto Sarah and headed for the door. I took hold of the doorknob and took one last look back. "It's not just going to go away Marilyn. It never will...no matter who dies and who lives."

"Keep walking Danni," she said after me. "You can't run from it forever."

_She doesn't know the word 'Impossible'. Don't care where I've been. And doesn't care where we're goin' to. She takes me as I am and that ain't easy. She's beautiful, so beautiful. And sometimes I think she's truly crazy...and I love it._


	20. Shattered Windows

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing.

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><p><em>Some of us are lovers, most of y'all haters. But I put up a wall, and they just wallpaper. So love or hate me, I stay hate-free. They say we learn from mistakes, that's why they mistake me.<em>

She stared at her freckles, her pointed nose, and her dirt brown eyes. She lifted her finger up and touched the thin line above her left eyebrow. She ran the tip of her finger over it and traced it. She breathed in. All the make-up in the world could not cover it up. She learned that a long time ago.

Who would think that a lamp could leave a scar this big? Three years ago. That's when it started. She always told herself it was because of the new boyfriend, but deep down she knew. She knew what her mother was becoming. She tried to hide herself from that person. She really tried. A few months ago, she learned she didn't try hard enough.

"Sarah, are you excited?" Her grandma cracked the door and peeked in. "Oh honey, you're so beautiful."

She quickly wiped her face and put on a smile. "Thanks."

"Your mom called this morning." She walked over to Sarah and began to twist her hair around her thin wrinkled fingers. "I suppose you already knew that though."

Sarah quickly held up her hands and stammered to defend herself. "I-I'm so sorry! I didn't-"

Betty smiled. "Sweetie, don't be actin' like that." She ran her fingers through Sarah's bangs and beamed at her granddaughter. "I understand you miss her and wanna talk but we've discussed this. She's not well."

Sarah's head hung down. She knew that. It'd been the words out of everyone's mouth. "I know."

Betty cupped her face and made her eyes meet her own. "Don't worry, honey. It'll get better."

_No it won't._

It's been hard for years. It was just that no one noticed. No one said anything. The bruises, the cuts, the noise complaints, the constant moving, the strange men coming and going at all hours of the night. No one noticed. No one said anything. Sarah tried. She really tried.

"It's not your fault."

_It never is. It just always was._

* * *

><p>Jennie and Soda had all eyes on them. Jennie, herself, looked like she just stepped out of New York in the face, her clothes coming from the slumps. Jennie didn't have much money. I knew that. Tonight though, every one of us were the local press and Jennie and Soda were the next celebrities on the cover of every magazine.<p>

Darry was the top reporter: _"How old did you say you were? Where are you from? Why did you move here?"_

Jennie doesn't know why we're all on our toes but everyone else does. In a way, I felt bad for her. She has to pay for someone's wrong doings yet at the same time, she's going to have to meet a high bar of standers.

Soda laughed it off and took her hand and led her away. Jennie was the one who stayed and answered each question, no sweat. Jennie didn't seem like the one to back down.

"So," I said. "How's Soda?"

She buried her hands in her pockets and shivered. "He's your brother, you tell me."

"He's a sweetheart." I breathed in warm air into my hands. "Sensitive...what do you think so far?"

She tightened her orange patched jacket around her body. It was thin and looked years old along with her shoes. She made the best of them. "He's gorgeous, Danni. You're whole family has some mighty good genes I must say. I'm jealous."

The lot was more crowded than it normally was. Dally was standing beside me, smoking and not looking at anyone. He was on edge. Everyone was asking too many questions he wasn't going to answer.

I grabbed his arm and held on to it. I breathed in and braced myself as we walked to our seats.

The show wasn't going to start for another fifteen minutes but Darry wanted to get here early because he knew just how crowded it got and he wasn't for seating near people. Him and Kathy always sat in the back away from everything. Johnny and Sarah sat with Dally and I, Johnny beside Dally. Jennie sat beside me and Soda was on the other side of her. They hadn't stopped talking since he picked her up.

"Steve couldn't make it?" I asked Soda.

He buttoned up his jacket and put and arm around Jennie. "Nah. He said something about it being just him and Evie tonight."

Dally sneered and fished for something in his pocket. "Score one for Steve."

"Here," Darry held out two dollars. "Should be enough for food. Kat and I are gonna go talk to some people we know. Don't get into any trouble. There's some Socs at the top of the gate with a bottle of Jack._ Don't_."

Dally took the money and assured Darry we would not be a part of that. He had been on his best behavior with Darry lately. Spending some time alone in the woods for a few days took us back a few steps in mending that relationship.

I peered around him at Sarah and Johnny. They were both just awkwardly there. Sarah hadn't shut-up all night. I guess Johnny was the right match for that. He couldn't get a word in edge wise even if he wanted to. I think he liked it that way.

"You wanna coke?" Dally asked, getting his cigarettes back out and flipping his lighter open.

I shook my head and stared as he lit one. The smoke filled my nose. "Another one?"

He put it in his mouth and held out the box. "Want one?"

I slumped down in my seat. "No."

I slid in close to him and shut my eyes. Everything was spinning. My head hurt and my lungs were on fire. "I wanna coke," he said, starting to move.

"I'll go." I grabbed the money from his hands and stood up. "You watch this."

He stared at me, his lips curled. "Well look who's waitin' on me."

"Shut-up...don't get used to it."

Upstairs was packed with people shoving and pushing each other. There's a reason Darry doesn't like Soda coming here very much. Something happens every weekend. A month back someone got malled and broke twenty bones. You're not supposed to walk around here alone.

There was some laughter coming from the fence. I could smell the grass. It was strong and the smoke was still fresh in the air. They had a half empty bottle of Jack on the ground and every so often someone would pick it up and take a big swig and then take another hit of the grass. Their laughter was thick. It carried through the lot.

I walked past both of them, keeping my eyes on the concession stand. It smelled like cheap cigars and whisky over by them. They were with a few hefty guys I had never seen before. I kept walking.

"Hey, _Danielle_!" I put my hands in my pockets and pretended like I didn't hear anything. The strong smell was burning my nose. There were some snickers and movement. "Hey, _Danielle_, I'm talking to you. I know you can hear me honey!"

The line moved and I stepped up, still ignoring them and the laughs. "Get lost," I hissed, moving forward. I didn't look at him. I could smell him enough to get a clear picture of what he was like.

He sneered and stepped with me. "Come on, babe," he nudged me, "don't be such a prune."

The guys he was with began cackling again. I didn't look at them either. I knew Randy was standing there watching, his breath and clothes smelling the same as Michael's. Randy went with the crowd. He always did.

Michael nudged me again, his smell rubbing off on me. "Come on, Dan. Lighten up."

My heartbeat picked up. I watched the line slowly move and wished it'd get faster. "Don't touch me."

He turned to his friends and they all laughed again. He moved his head near mine to where his mouth was at my ear. He opened his mouth and I held my breath from the smell. "Come on, greaser girl."

I pushed him away lightly and tried to catch the eye of the girl at the counter. She wasn't looking. There wasn't anything she could do anyway. There wasn't anything she_ would_ do.

"I just wanna talk," he said.

I clung to the few pieces of change I had in my pockets. My hands were starting to sweat and the money was beginning to slip in-between my fingers. I knew Michael wouldn't physical hurt me...that wasn't what I was scared about. I hadn't spoken to Michael in a while.

"Where's you big bad boyfriend?" he whispered in my ear. "With his baby bro? He's in jail you know. Probably going to be there for a while. Good thing too. They think...well you know."

I rolled my eyes and began to wish Dally had gone with me. "Michael, just leave."

"Why?" He got in close again. "Am I _bothering_ you?"

I stepped out of line. I eyed the stairs that I came from and pictured running back down there. Michael wouldn't follow me. I knew what Michael wanted though and that's what scared me. Marilyn had tipped me off on that at the store. They were all thinking about it again.

Michael stepped in front of me, blocking my root. "Don't run away now."

We were in front of his friends now. They were still laughing at us and drinking from flasks. I hide my eyes from them and looked down, catching a glimpse of Randy's eyes before I did.

"Just leave me alone, Michael. We promised to stay away, remember?" I tried stepping around him. "Just do your part."

Michael whined. "Baby, don't be that way." Everyone sneered. "I just wanna talk." His arm touched mine and I could feel the iciness. I jerked away. "Awe, what's wrong? Cat got your tongue?"

"Michael, let her go." It was Randy. Everyone looked at him.

Michael smacked his lips together and held up a finger. He wouldn't listen to him. No one did. "I got it. Did big bad Dally hit you, Danni? Did he make you not talk?"

"Piss off."

The guys awed along with Michael. "There's the Danni I remember. Feisty huh? That's new."

I glanced up and stared directly at Randy. He kept his eyes on Michael but they told me he wasn't going to step on anyone's toes. "Can I go now? Please? We agreed not to bother each other."

Michael gave a look to his friends and grinned. "You agreed. You always agreed to _everything_. I could tell on you too, ya know. You're not the one with all the power here. You're just a poor dirty little girl. You think the cops would believe you over me? My uncle is the head of the District Attorney's office. I could rat on you in a heartbeat and let you rot in that prison cell for the rest of your life."

"Mike-"

He inched in closer. His nose touched mine. "You think you're something don't you? You think you have all the power here. You could be dead tomorrow and no one will ever notice. I could take you down, Danielle. I could burry you alive."

Water was building up in my throat. I could taste the bile forming up. My heart felt like it was going to explode. "Just like Frank?"

He lunged and his arm tightened itself around mine. I let out a noise as he cut off the circulation and pulled me into him. His face pressed itself closer. He jerked my body. "You listen to me-"

The punch was hard and fast. It all happened within a few seconds. I wiggled out of Michael's grasp and stumbled back words as the crunching sound came as fist made contact with face. Michael stumbled and caught himself before he hit the ground with his hand. He held his bleeding face and looked up.

His breathing was strong. He didn't flinch. "Touch her again and see what happens."

Michael grinned, blood covering his teeth. His eyes looked amused. "Look who it is fellers. _The_ Winston himself."

I reached over and dug my nails into Dally's skin before he could move again. I could feel his pulse racing. My arms and legs were beginning to shake and I couldn't breathe. I got a grip on his arm and hung there.

Dally smirked at him and as fast as the punch went, he slipped out of my grasp and went over and kicked Michael right in the jaw. The noise of the bone shattering made everyone gasp. It didn't stop there though. No one moved.

"Dally," I squeaked out watching the dark red blood form on the brown dirt.

The guys with him ran over and grabbed Michael and shielded him from Dally, forming a circle of protection. One of the guys sized himself up to Dal, asking for a fight and some words were spewed amongst them. People were starting to stare and gather. This wasn't an uncommon sight here.

"Danni!" Randy shouted, picking up Michael from the ground in the middle of the circle. "Control him!"

I pressed my lips together and watched the punches fly and the guys leap to Dally. He didn't want those guys. He wanted Michael.

_Don't move. Not yet_.

"Danni!"

Everything was slowed. People were being thrown left and right and some people standing around got in on the fight as well, none knowing whose side they were on, just wanting to throw some punches at anyone they could.

Someone came to my side and pulled me away and over to the rails. "Stop him, now!" He got in my face. His eyes were worried. "Danni, you have to stop him! Do it! He's going to kill him, now do something, damnit!"

There was a circle around them now. I couldn't tell who was who anymore or who was winning. They were just figures dancing around each other.

"Danni! Stop him! _Danni!"_

* * *

><p>Darry handed him another rag and some ice. Soda came out of the bathroom with a fist-aid-kit and instructed Darry to sit so he could stop the bleeding. Darry hadn't taken his eyes off Dally since we got in. Kathy was beside him, tending to his cuts, but Darry wasn't as caring to him. He scowled.<p>

"Dar, come on. You're bleedin' a lot," Soda begged, trying to inch him to the sofa. "Let me take care of your hand."

Darry kept his stare on Dally as he backed up and took a seat. He didn't say what was on his mind like he normally would. _This is because of you. I almost broke my fucking hand because of your dumb ass._

"He was just protection her," Soda whispered quietly to him as he got him to sit. "You know we would have both done the same thing."

Darry frowned and hissed as Soda poured the alcohol on the cut. "I wouldn't have been such an idiot about it and nearly kill the guy...especially with everything else going on."

"You're doing it wrong," Jennie said, kneeling beside Soda on the floor and taking a look at Darry's hand. "Cotton balls will do better than a rag. You're going to get it infected."

Soda stopped and stood up. "I think we've got some."

"Cops better not show up," Darry fumed. Kathy looked at him and he retracted. "If they do you gotta go hide somewhere. Sneak out the back or something."

Dally groaned and coughed. "They won't. Trust me...where's Johnny, man?"

I rubbed his knuckles and wiped off some of the blood and the scars that were on them. "He took Sarah home."

"He like her?" he moaned. "Johnny's got a girl. Johnnycake's got him a girl. His first date...man..."

Darry gawked and shook his head. I shushed Dal and rubbed his upper arm. "How many pills did you give him, So?"

Soda shrugged and carried out the bag of cotton balls and handed them to Jennie. "Three or four." Everyone stared. "He said he was in pain! You try only giving one to a raging bear."

"Dal," Darry sat up and cleared his throat. "How do you feel?"

Dally licked his lips and grinned. "Mighty, mighty fine. Flyin' high, Superman."

Darry rolled his eyes but ignored him. He watched as Jennie and Soda took care of his bleeding hand. "I don't wanna have to break you out of fights every weekend."

Dally shut his eyes and moaned as Kathy cleaned a wound on his shoulder.

"Are you listening?" Darry asked. "Dally, it ain't the same here anymore. You got some people out for your head...now especially. You understand that?"

Dally smacked his lips together and told Pony to get him some water.

Darry went on. "You can't be goin' out with her and gettin' into this stuff." He pointed at me. "I ain't gonna have her get hurt because of this. What if something happened to her tonight? Huh? You were in a pile getting kicked in the head."

"He did it because of me," I protested. "I was fine, Dar."

Dally groaned. "I was doin' the kickin'."

"This ain't gonna happen again," Darry said sternly. He looked at me. "Dal, I think you need to stay low for a while. Go down and stay with some buddies for a while...just until everything dies down."

My heart skipped a beat. "Darry-"

"No!" he said with force. "Dan, I ain't gonna let anythin' happen to you and this is the only way both of you can be safe. You can call and write but he can't come up here and be out. He's going to get himself and you killed!"

I tightened my hand around Dally's. "You can't...Darry you think I'm safe going out by myself? If he's here then-"

"It won't change anything," he said.

I opened my mouth to protest again but Kathy spoke first. "Danni, it's for the best right now. Just...wait."

I stared at Dally who had shut his eyes by this point. Darry stood up and shook him. "Listen, she's my sister. I'm not going to let anything happen to her. You wanna protect her? I get it. I do too. If you really want her safe, _leave_."

A small tear feel from my eyes as Dally slowly nodded his head in agreement. "I'll be in Texas."

_Life is a choice, and death is a decision. Times have changed, but fuck it get a new watch. I still got the vision like a line between two dots. Young money's eating, the label getting fatter. And yea, the tables turned, but I'm still sitting at em. _

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><p><strong>AN:** Any thoughts on Michael and Dally? Do you think Dally will stay away? Please review. :)


	21. Bells a Ringin'

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the Outsiders or _It's Good_.

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><p>Y<em>ou who are rich and whose troubles are few may come around to see my point of view. What price the Crown of a King on his throne when you're chained in the dark all alone?<em>

"She thinks I don't know who she's talkin' to up there!" He stormed into the house and let the door close behind him. He threw himself down on the couch and pouted. "Any dumb shit could figure that out."

No one said anything. He had been this way since Ronnie went to jail. Emily had been talking to him. She'd told me that a few days ago. Two was doing everything in his powers to stop it. He didn't know that was just making it worse.

Soda went and sat beside him. "Where's he at?"

"Didn't the kid get bail?" Steve asked, flipping through a magazine. "Someone copped out the money apparently."

Two-Bit scuffed. "Bail was over one grand. Who's got that kind of dough?"

Everyone got quiet. The atmosphere changed when Two-Bit was around now. He wasn't the same high energy kid he once was. Emily had him running crazy and she hadn't given up yet either. The thought of Ronnie being out of jail was the thought that kept Two-Bit up at night.

"We don't know where he came from," I said. "We don't know his family or if they have money or, hell, if he has money himself. We know nothing about him. He could be the prince of England for all we know."

Ponyboy twitched. "No, the Prince of England is Phillip."

"No one cares." Steve rolled his eyes and took another sip of beer. "Point is: Kid's out...and no one's got a clue where he went."

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><p>Chocolate frosting, chocolate batter, chocolate milk. She knew what he liked. She spent all afternoon making this while her brother was out. She quickly put the finished product on a plate, cleaned the mess and caught the bus. No one would ever know.<p>

Her heels clicked as she walked down the hall of the dirty apartment building. She carried the plate in one hand like the finest housewife, and when no one was looking, she'd swipe her finger across the bottom edges and lick off the frosting that stuck to her finger.

Phone calls were getting easier. Now that he was out, they could see each other without the whole town talking. All she had to do was catch the five o'clock bus to a few towns over, stay for an hour, then catch the bus back. She was home before dark and if anyone was home and bothered to ask, she'd simply say: "Studying at the library."

Ronnie hadn't told her what the deal was. _Who got him out, did he really do it, what happened_? She'd taken Danni's approach to things. Put on a smile, and act like the perfect girlfriend. Don't harp. Sit back, and be quiet. That was the key to every relationship.

She knocked on the door and waited while he looked through the peep hole and grabbed her and rushed her inside.

It smelled like cigarettes bad and baby powder. She didn't ask about the powder. She just put the cake down on the table and sat down while he turned the T.V. down and grabbed a semi-clean shirt.

"What's the word?"

She licked her fingers again and smiled. "I think they dropped it...mostly."

He pulled out a big knife from one of the drawers and picked up a big slice with his hands. "What does _mostly_ mean? C'mon. Spill it, Em."

She got up and fetched a plate and a fork for him, setting it nicely in front of him. "I mean, I haven't heard people talk about it as much as they used to. They talk about that guy a lot. Not the flower shop owner but-"

"Sam."

"Yeah him." She crossed her legs and watched him take bite after bite of cake. "They talk about him a lot. Most people have forgotten about the flower shop guy. No one talks about you much anymore. I don't think they know you're out of jail. They talk about Dally more."

He nodded and cut another slice. This had been the only thing besides cheap pizza that'd he'd gotten to eat all week. The perks of laying low. "Guess they don't then."

Emily thought for a minute. "Who posted the bail anyway?"

Ronnie sighed loudly. "Babe, just...someone I know loaned me the money. Does it really matter?"

"I guess not." She dropped the subject once again. She heard some people say relatives but she always wondered why Ronnie was here, in this trashy apartment building with no visitors but her. If they had money, why wasn't he in a big house with them right now?

Ronnie chomped his food. "How's Dal? Have you...um, heard anything about him lately?"

"Oh!" Emily said quickly. "I forgot to tell you. Something happened at the rodeo a few nights ago and Dal and one of the Socs got into it. It was bad from what I heard Two talking about."

Ronnie nodded. "What happened?"

"Well the guy was bothering Danni and Dal went nuts and-"

"No," Ronnie interupted her. "What happened to Dal?"

Emily licked more of the icing. "I'm not sure. I think he went to Texas or something to lay low. Danni was real upset I think."

Ronnie nodded again. He grew quiet and went through a few more cigs while Emily went on and on about school and her mom and her brother and anything else she could think of. Ronnie nodded and acted like he was listening and that he cared.

"You should go," he finally said, getting up. "I mean, you're gonna miss your bus."

Emily looked at the clock and quickly gathered up her things and rushed to the door. Ronnie gave her a quick kiss and pushed her back out the door. He slammed it shut and bolted it. He leaned against it and sighed.

He was so fucked.

* * *

><p>He got there three days ago. Darry, Soda, Tim, and Steve went down to help him move into a place one of Tim's buddies had down there. Tim said it'd be better and that way he could come check on him some and the rent wouldn't be so bad. I think he was getting a cut of it myself.<p>

Darry told me not to go..._forced_ me not to go is a better word. Kathy took me to the movies and then to dinner to take my mind off of it. She and Darry kept having talks about how it was the right thing to do and Tim might take me down there some and we could talk on the phone and everything would be fine. Dally just needed to spend _some_ time down there.

_"How long?"_

_"Danni-"_

_"How long, Dar. Just tell me."_

_"...we...don't know. A few months, maybe."_

I let the phone ring three times and leaned against the wall. Darry'd been weird lately too. We all had a family day yesterday and he took us fishing. Just the four of us. He wants us to start doing things like that again. Soda said he's just worried but something told me it was more...he was doing it now of all times says it's more.

"Hey." He already knew who it was.

I took a deep breath and pulled up a chair. "Hey. How's it going?"

I could feel him nod and casually take a set as well. Maybe he's standing tonight though. Maybe he's leaning against the wall. I can't tell. "You know how much fucking rent Tim's _friend_ is wanting me to cough up? Fucker. I ain't payin' shit."

I forced a giggle and positioned the phone on my other ear. "So you're going to make Tim come all the way down to Texas and kick your ass huh?"

There was a smirk on his face. I could feel it. "Just don't get too cozy with Timmy while I'm gone. Don't want a repeat of last year."

"Who's goin' to stop me?" I asked. "Last time I checked, you're more than a few miles away. Might get lonely up here by myself. Might head on over to the Shepard house and get two for one."

He laughed again. "Might get disappointed, Curtis."

"Oh?" I played along. "Why is that?"

"They don't make 'em in OK like they do in New York." There was a long pause. "Two for one to make up for the size you're used to. Might not go over real well. Let me know how many you can fit though."

I leaned back and the front legs of the chair came off the ground. I grinned and twisted the cord around my finger. "You're a cocky bastard."

"_Cocky_." He snickered. "Yeah...I'd use the word _cocky_."

I sighed and rested my head on the table. He went on about the prices down there and some of the people. He said he hated his neighbors and how they have a kid. He reminded me that he hated them. "I want kids," I said.

"Tim'd make a great daddy. That is if you can get it to fit. Things just don't pop back into place, Curtis."

"Wise ass."

He bitched about the noise and then how mad the T.V. made him and how he thought there were bugs in the bed. I made myself a cup of tea and a cigarette and sat and listened. I knew this phone call would be over soon and I wouldn't get another one for a while. I knew he would grow tired of calling and then just stop. I knew he'd get lonely and as hard as I tried...I couldn't think that way.

I felt the coldness of the tears falling from my eyes as he said he was hungry and going to get a burger. I opened my mouth and a tired squeak came out. "W-wait!"

Silence.

"Um...I love you." Again, silence. "Sorry...I just wanted to say that. Um, I gotta go too, so I'll let you go I guess."

I could feel him nod. My heart was beating faster the more silence there was. I wanted to savor this phone call and remember his voice. There was a loud smirking noise then: "Yeah, me too. See ya, Curtis."

The line went dead and the dial tone came. I buried my head down on the table and screamed as the ice cold tears turned hot.

* * *

><p>Michael could hear his dad in the next room talking to everyone he could think of. Everyone's mind was blown. First it was that he got bail, then someone actually coughed out that kind of dough! No one could figure out who'd gotten it. That's what the phone calls were about. That and the fact that there was a killer loose somewhere and no one knew where he'd gone.<p>

Marilyn was on the couch crying in Randy's arms. Michael scoffed at the two. "What, is it your time of the month too, Ran?"

Randy gave him the skunk eye and opened his mouth to defend himself but Marilyn rushed to it. "Shut-up! I hate you! You haven't done anything you said you would. No one has! Now look! The kid is out, Michael! He's fucking out."

Randy held her tighter. He liked these moments where Marilyn seemed like a person. "Mar-"

"What do you want me to do?" Michael demanded, getting in his sister's face. "I can't bring Sam back for you. I can't get the cops to throw that bastard in jail. I can't do anything!"

She wiped her tears and pouted. "You just don't want to do anything."

Michael huffed. "What does that mean? Oh wise sister, fill us in!"

Marilyn ignored his rude comment and buried her head further into Randy's chest. "You know what."

Michael rolled his eyes. He took out a cigarette and took a seat in front of the love birds. Michael propped his feet up and breathed out smoke. "No I don't. Just say it and be a big girl about it."

He just wanted to hear her say it. Marilyn scowled. "Kill 'im."

Randy rubbed the girl's shoulder and tried to sooth her. Michael was the only one who knew she wasn't kidding. "Yeah, that's going to work fine. Any other bright ideas?"

"Winston," she said slowly, her lips twitching at the word. "Kill..._Winston_."

Randy sighed along with Michael. Marilyn was always like this, especially during her time of the month but Michael knew his sister better than Randy. "How?"

Marilyn got out from under Randy's grasp, her eyes lit up. "Get a rumble together. I'll handle the rest."

"What makes you think he's still around?" Randy brought up the obvious. "After what happened the other night with the Curtises I don't think he's around."

Michael held his throbbing check. He's face was torn and cut. By the time the cops got there everyone was gone...even him. He wanted this. "Probably not. He'll be back though. He ain't gonna leave his _broad_ up here alone for too long. Danni will get him back. They won't be apart for long."

"Get it together," Marilyn continued to press on. "Make them pay. Sam's dead because of them."

"Sam's dead because of Ronnie," Randy said quickly without thinking, gathering looks from the twins. "I mean...it's not their problem. Ronnie I mean. They aren't too fond of him I don't think and I doubt they're gonna wanna get in this."

Michael grinned slyly. "Glory, Ran, aren't you clever?"

Randy frowned. "I'm just saying: this is stupid."

Marilyn rubbed her swollen tear stained face. She sometimes wondered why she put up with Randy. "We're in _pain_. Someone we love is gone and they don't care that one of them killed him. They're all the same. I wouldn't put it past more than one knowing and being a part of it. Same thing as two years ago. We deserve this, Randy. _They_ deserve this."

"Winston will protect his blood," Michael said. "Even if he's long gone he will."

Randy grew defensive and soon became what he thought was the voice of reason. "What about Danni? We made a promise. You take one foot on their side with this and she'll go to the cops."

Michael leaned back and folded his arms. "Let me deal with _Danielle_. We've got some things we need to chat about anyway."

"Randy, this is for Sam," Marilyn stressed. "Your best friend is _dead_. He'd want you to do this for him. The same thing happened two years aog and you're letting it happen again. We've let too many things go untouched. Now's the time to strike. Now's the time for our love one's deaths to mean something."

Randy thought for a moment. Bad memories were starting to arise. "So what? Plan the rumble and then what?"

"Kill 'em all and keep moving," Michael bosted proudly.

"I'll take care of the rest," Marilyn stated. "They're gonna burn for this. They're all gonna burn."

Michael smirked. "Every goddamn one of them."

_You who are rich and whose troubles are few may come around to see my point of view. What price the Crown of a King on his throne when you're chained in the dark all alone?_

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **So yeah, Dal's gone for now. What did you think of Ronnie getting out? Can you get me to 180? Come onnnn. :)


	22. Piles of Sand

**A/N: **Not my best chapter. Sorry about that.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the _Outsiders_ or the song, _Hate Me_.

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><p><em>I have to block out thoughts of you, so I don't lose my head. They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed. Dropping little reels of tape, to remind me that I'm alone. Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home.<em>

"Can you believe the news?"

She looked up from her book seeing Marilyn's sparkling eyes staring her down. "What news?"

Marilyn beamed proudly. "Dallas Winston is gone."

Cherry made an uncertain face. "What?"

"Word is that after his fight with Michael he ran all the way to Texas. Texas! Must be really scared." She sat back and crossed her legs. "Can't blame him. Michael would have taken his face off if he hadn't gotten in a cheap shot first."

Cherry rolled her eyes and went back to her book. "He won't be gone for long, you have to know that."

"We gotta plan," she explained.

Cherry decided to play along. She had been spending most of her time at the James household. Marilyn had taken her under her wing again and welcomed her back into the circle with open arms. Cherry would stay in the pool house. It was all she had left right now. Marilyn was all she had left right now. "What plan?"

Marilyn leaned forward like it was a big secret she was proud to share. "Let's just say we're gonna make Winston pay for what he did to Sam."

Cherry made yet another face. "Dally didn't kill Sam."

Marilyn leaned back and lit a cigarette. "Damn. You're with a Greaser for a few months and now look at ya'." She blew out smoke. "Think you're really somethin' don't ya?"

"Don't say that," Cherry snapped. "You're the one going crazy over this...I thought you were done with Sam."

Marilyn's face twisted. "I am! He was still my friend! He was yours too if I'm not mistaken. _Sorry_ if I want some freakin' justice for him!"

Cherry just shook her head. She knew how unreasonable she was being but there was nothing you could do when Marilyn got her head set on something. She obsessed. That's what she always did.

"Greasers changed you," she growled, crossing her legs and taking another blow.

Cherry closed her book, got up, and grabbed her coat. "Don't ever say that. Don't judge me or _them_. They're better people than you'll ever be."

Marilyn shot up. "If you don't like it, then leave! You'd be homeless if it wasn't for me. You're broke now Cherry. I'm only trying to help you and you just run back to them. If they're you're real people then go to them. Go!"

Cherry grabbed the door. "Marilyn, do you even hear yourself sometimes?"

"They're nasty," she hissed. "Retched, filthy people. I can't believe you were once with one. You caught whatever they did Cherry. It's all over your skin."

Cherry sighed, she didn't even turn around. "Then so are you Marilyn," she eyed her. "You keep forgetting who Randy's first love was."

Marilyn's face turned red. "He didn't love her."

"That's what he tells you." She stepped out the door. "You really need a wakeup call. Those people you like to bash...you'll never be as giving and kind as them."

Marilyn scowled. "I don't want to be like them. I'll never be like _them_."

* * *

><p>"You hear 'bout the Socs plannin' that rumble?" Ponyboy asked as Soda hooked another worm to the line.<p>

Soda grinned. "Sure did. I don't think that's going to happen though. They're just thinkin' big down there. Doesn't seem like it's going to pan out."

Ponyboy nodded and watched as Soda threw his line into the water. He really needed a day like today. School wasn't exactly on his side lately and he knew he's family had caught on and thus today resulted in a fishing trip.

Pony just didn't want to go anymore. Things had gotten so different there. All his friends were gone. Mark was in jail, Two-Bit only came when he felt like it, and Johnny was getting to be the same way. Anyway, he never really saw them much anyway. It was the people he did see that he didn't want to.

"Chip?" Soda asked handing the bag over.

Pony took one. "Hey, Soda, do you talk to that Jennie girl anymore?"

Soda sat back and enjoyed the sun as he watched his line bob up and down in the water. "Once in a while."

"She seems nice."

Soda nodded. "She's real secretive and stuff, man. When I asked her out the other night she wouldn't even let me come get her or take her home."

"Maybe a big ol' tough guy like you jus' scared her is all," Pony crack up.

Soda shook his head and smiled. "Yeah well, ain't you got all the answers?"

He only wished he did. He'd be lucky to score a girl like Jennie. She was too far out of his league for that. Soda always got the pretty girls. Look at Sandy. Every guy in town wanted Sandy. Ponyboy couldn't say he wasn't on that list either...or the list that thought about her late at night. She was Soda's though. They all run to Soda.

"So tell me," Soda said, opening a Pepsi. "Darry says you're close to failing two classes."

Pony felt his face go red. "I don't know. I don't like school anymore."

Soda knew that phrase. He'd said it himself plenty of times. "You don't even want to go anymore. You used to love school, Pone. Scary in a way, but you always wanted to go."

Ponyboy pressed his lips together and shrugged.

"People been givin' you trouble?" Silence. "You can tell me, Pone."

Ponyboy sat forward and stared off into the distance across the lake. "She changed her classes this semester. We had three classes together and she changed them the next day when she found out."

"Pone-"

"She won't talk to me...look at me." He leaned back in his seat. "I mean, I get it. She ain't supposed to anyway but..."

Soda stared at him. "She ain't got no reason to. Don't ever think she does."

There was silence again and all the boys could hear was the sound of bugs. Ponyboy had thought he was over this. He was in a way. He thought giving Cherry some time would do them both good then he heard that she was back with the head of the clan. Even living at her house. He couldn't help but feel like he'd lost her.

He did lose her.

* * *

><p><em>"I'm sorry for this...you will still-"<em>

_"I won't tell. You gotta leave me and my family alone though. Don't come near us or I swear to God Randy..."_

There was a box that used to sit in the back of my closet. I'm not sure how it got there. How I ended up with it. I kept it hidden though just like they told me. I did everything they told me to do.

A few months ago, right after Angela's death, I burned it and everything in it. I went to an old lot a few miles away and threw it in an empty bin. I poured gasoline over everything and lit a match. It and everything in it was gone in a matter of minutes. That should have been the end of it. It was supposed to help me.

No one had asked about the box. I don't know why we made it and kept what we did. It was supposed to be an easy job, just hide it. Get rid of it. We don't need it. It has to disappear. This is your only stinking job. Don't screw it up for God's sake!

At night, I could feel it sitting in the very back corner of my closet. Sometimes I could hear it calling me. Telling me about the horrible things I had done. It was proof of that. Nightmares came along with it. It'd become a nightly routine for me to run to Darry's room and camp out for the night. No matter how bad off I was, how hysterical, I kept my mouth shut. Just like they told me to do.

I couldn't touch it let alone really look at it so I kept it back there. I always wanted it out but I couldn't bear to touch it and remember what was inside. It held too many disturbing memories I didn't want to bring back. I knew if anyone were to search the house they'd find it but I couldn't do it.

Not until Angela's death could I get it out. It was then that I cared enough not to let myself get caught with it. I cared too much about my life. It wasn't until then that I had completely forgotten about everything that had happen. Everything was finally forgotten from my mind.

Until Sam died. Death brings new things to one's mind. Everything wakes up. Secrets surface. They always do.

* * *

><p><em>Sometimes I wonder how your mind works. How you think of the things you do. What possibly could you have going on up there all the time? <em>

_Sex and beer mostly._

_You're funny._

_I'm a genius. You know first-hand I am. You wouldn't be here if I wasn't. _

_XxXx_

"You miss him... a lot." She gazed up at me, her eyes hoping for an answer. Something she can help me with.

I shrugged and put another coat on my nails. "He hasn't called in a while..."

She didn't say anymore. Sarah suggested this. This girl's night thing. It was as if the world was walking on eggshells around me. Everyone. I hadn't even heard from Marilyn in days. No one says anything or tells me any updates. I'm just the volcano that's going to blow and they're doing all they can to stop it.

They don't know.

"I'm sorry," she said sincerely. She looked to the floor and bit her lip.

Sometimes I wanted to shake Sarah. I wanted to get in a fight with her. A good one. One where she'd yell and I'd yell and maybe one of us would end up in tears. Those are the best. She'd be my best friend. A wall would break and we could tell each other everything. I'd feel connected with someone like I once did.

I'd hope for the day she'd tell me off. Tell me to stop crying and whining and get off my ass. Stop walking on eggshells around me like I'm going to blow. Tell me my flaws. Tell me off...then pick me back up when I'd collapse.

That was Angela. Not Sarah.

"I wonder what he's doing down there," I admitted. "I wonder who he's with. Who he talks to. What he does all day for that matter. I just want to know."

She nodded. "I would too."

"Doesn't that sound like a little much?"

"No."

I started working on her toes. She didn't say anything else about it. I don't think she understands Dally and I. "What did Johnny say after your date?"

Her face lit up. She hugged her knees. "He had a good time. If only I could get him to go out again."

I smirked. "Don't worry about that." I closed the polish and grabbed another color. "I'll talk to him."

She looked confused. "You will?"

"Sure? We're friends, right?"

She stopped talking. I finished up her nails and she sat quietly, watching me. She didn't even move. It wasn't until I was done and looked up that I saw a few small tears in her eyes.

"Sar-"

"Can I ask you a question?" she asked quietly, wiping her face. "Did you...did you love your mom...before she died?"

I stared at her for a minute, her eyes looking more and more beautiful with each tear that feel. She looked different when she was sad. A lot different. "Of course I did."

She looked up at her ceiling. She stopped talking again and tried to calm her tears. "Are you really my friend?" she finally asked. "Like_ really_?"

"Yes….You've never had a friend before, have you?"

She got up and got some tissues. She blew her nose and wiped away the tear stains from her face. "Me and my mom moved a lot. I've been to almost every state but three. I didn't really have much time to make friends."

She got that look on her face again. The same one she always got when she talked about her mother. "Where is she now? You said she was sick. How sick is sick?"

Sarah ignored the question. "Hospital."

"I've seen your back," I said quietly, crawling across the bed to get closer to her. "And your arm. You can tell me, Sarah."

Sarah wasn't like Angela. She was nothing like her. Yet right now, the look on her face, the guilt and shame in her eyes, she looked exactly like Angela. She looked like Angela always did. And like Angela, Sarah was good at hiding things. She was good at fixing it. Putting on that face and that make-up and going on.

"What did she do to you?"

Sarah went to her closet and grabbed some clothes and slowly went into the bathroom, closing the door lightly behind her.

I sat back against the bed board. I wondered what Dally was doing right now. In my mind he was sleeping. The T.V. would still be on, half the covers off, maybe some food still cooking or the stove on. That's what I kept in my head. Just that image.

Sarah came out after a while. She still didn't say anything as she crawled into bed beside me and pulled the blanket up and rolled over.

"Sarah-"

"She really is in a hospital," she said softly with a sniffle. "The cops sent her there after they came over and destroyed our house and took me to a hospital to get examined."

I got closer to her and placed my hand on her shoulder. She shivered.

She swallowed. "They wouldn't tell me anything or let me see her. I could hear her screaming though. They still wouldn't let me see her."

She went silent again. I peeled the covers back and lifted her shirt up and stared at the scar I had only seen parts of. I could see it in full view now. The redness and sadness packed inside. I ran my hand over it. "What happened to your back?"

"She threw a lamp at me. Hit me with it I guess." She paused. "That's not why the cops got her though. She was a good mom sometimes. She used to read and tell me stories every night. She couldn't have kids. That's what the doctors always told her. I was her miracle baby."

I rubbed her back gently. "She hurt you though, Sarah."

"They said she was unstable. That's why they sent her to that hospital. I can't even see her."

"She hurt you."

"She-"

"You don't deserve that. You're beautiful Sarah."

The silence filled the room. Sarah cried all night. She told me everything. The mental hospital, the guys she would bring home, the moving. Everything. She told me about living on the streets and in a bathroom.

"You can trust me," I told her. "I'm your friend."

"Are you really?"

I brushed the hair out of her face and smiled. "Yeah. Sarah we're really friends. Best friends."

_There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my ounce of peace is all I want for you, Will you never call again? And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face? And will you never try to reach me, it is I that wanted space._

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **So I'm curious, what do you guys think about Sarah? Like her, don't like her? Review please and I am awful sorry this is so slow. Next chapter should be up soon and should be a bit better. :)


	23. Hole in my Heart

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the _Outsiders_ or _Nemo_.

* * *

><p><em>A single grain can tip the scale. Amidst the burden the scale will prevail. Showing what's worth being here. Storyteller by a hearth of stone. A white little creature purring me. My childhood kingdom gone in time. The islands filling my mind with blue. The one in special, heaven's court.<em>

It was dusk. Tim would be back soon to take me across the line. He had some business to take care of first and left us alone. Dally hadn't changed much. He had dark circles under his eyes from the lack of sleep but he still resembled the Dally that left two weeks ago.

He blew out smoke and whistled through the crisp cold air. "Any news?"

I hugged my knees and shook my head. "Everything's quiet. It has been since that night. They haven't been around. At school they just walk by. Nothing."

It was cold out now. Most of the town stayed in-doors during this time of year. Darry says that's why the Socs haven't been talking much anymore. Everyone else knows better. They're doing the same thing we are.

"Ronnie's out."

"Heard." He sighed and got out another cigarette. "Kid's gonna fry."

I stared at the smoke. "Why do you say that?" I picked up a cigarette and watched his expression change.

He shook his head and looked up at the sky. "He's just a stupid kid. Ain't no lawyer in the world gonna do him right. He'll rot in there for the rest of his life. Kid can't handle prison."

Ronnie would be locked up for life. Murder isn't something you can get out on good behavior for. Whoever had busted him out had just wasted their money. Ronnie would be right back in there in no time once the court date is set and in this town, he doesn't stand a chance against a jury.

He cleared his throat. He looked out across the horizon. "Been thinkin' a lot lately...'bout the kid and all." He paused and flicked ash of his fag. He cleared his throat again. "Thinkin' 'bout takin' the fault."

My insides turned. I looked at him in disbelief. "What?"

He ran his hand through his hair and huffed. "You heard me."

There was a crow sitting on the trash bin. It crowed on and on and on. It was the only noise anyone could hear. There was nothing else. Just a small crow howling about a piece of food it had just found. I wanted to shoot the bird.

"You serious?" It was a stupid question that I already knew the answer to.

He wouldn't speak or look in my direction though my eyes stuck on him. I wanted to throw-up. I was going to throw-up. Something went off inside of me and I made fists.

"Can you not think of me?" I asked. I felt my heart beat going up. "Do you know how long you're going to be in there? Have you thought this out at all!" I jumped off the jungle gym and turned my back to him.

There was a long pause before the overdue yelling started. "God. You are so selfish, Curtis, you know that? Damn."

Thinking about Dally being away made me want to puke. The idea couldn't even be processed. It angered me. Ronnie angered me. The system, the whole fucking town made my skin burn. I'd gone through too much for this. We were not in the wrong here. Dally wasn't. He didn't deserve to go to jail...not this time.

"I'm selfish?" I shouted, waving my arms in the air. "Well how about I just take the blame for the whole thing then?"

He crocked an eyebrow, amused. "Cute."

"I wasn't kidding."

He laughed like it was funny. He mumbled off a smart ass remark and lit another cigarette unconcerned with this conversation now.

"I don't have any record," I explained, thinking it through. "I won't get long. I can explain that I was scared and I ran and that it was an accident. I have more of a chance standing in court than you or Ronnie."

He still didn't seem concerned and to him, this was funny. "You ain't gonna do it."

"I could."

"It wasn't a challenge," he snapped rudely. "Wasn't even a question."

I felt a pinch in my side as a reoccurring feeling came rushing back. One I'd felt before. "So you're demanding me now? I can't do it because _Dally_ says I'm not allowed."

"Yeah," he growled jumping down. "Don't even think about it."

I stood with my hands clenched, anger building up inside of me. I felt my nerves twitch watching him play with that damn cigarette. "You really think you can control what I do? You can't control me. If I go to the cops you can't stop me."

"Wanna bet?" His face lit up with seriousness and irritation. He took a strong step forward, pointing a finger. "You let me handle this! You stay the fuck outta this. I mean it!"

I stood my ground. "So what, you're going to go away to jail for the rest of your life? What about me? What am I supposed to do? Call me selfish all you want Dally! You are not going to leave me here!"

He angrily threw his bud in the dirt. "You think you can control _me_?" he spat. "Stay outta this. I'm not going to tell you again."

"The hell I will," I spewed. "He's your brother. I got it. You wanna protect him...let me do the same for you. Let me-"

He charged cutting off my words. He squeezed my arm and stared into my eyes, scowling. He stayed like this for a minute. "No."

"You're not listening to me," I said softly. He let go and started to walk away. "Hear me out. I can tell the cops whatever. I can tell them it wasn't murder and I just got scared. I don't have any kind of record. I can get off with a slap on the wrist if that!"

He kicked the dirt, his face focused on the ground. He chuckled. "You think it's that easy?"

"How long do you think _you'll_ get then?" I started to walk towards him. "Ten years? Twenty? Life? What good is that going to do?"

There was a deep sigh. I was looking at a brick wall though. I knew that. I could have predicted his response. "Look, I'm not going to say it again. Keep your nose outta this."

"If you go to the cops I'll tell them you're lying," I stated calmly. "I'll tell them you're covering for me."

He still didn't turn around. He barely moved. I could feel myself losing. I knew I was losing and that I was from the very beginning. I'd been losing ever since Ronnie showed up here. Jealously? Maybe. Right now though, I was sick.

"God!" I rushed over to the trash bin the crow was once perched on and grabbed my stomach as I doubled over.

My legs were growing weak. I lifted up and wiped my mouth and tried to compose myself to speak again but there weren't any words. I knew there wasn't. There was nothing more I could say. Dally was a wall. Stubborn. I'd lost.

The ground vibrated softly. "Look, I'm not arguing with you anymore. You're too damn stubborn anyhow. Go to the cops if you want. I'll drag your skinny ass all the way home and tie you up if I have to!"

I smelled the smoke of a new cigarette. His lungs were going to burn one day or another.

My stomach ached. I could hear Marilyn's voice screaming at me: _I knew he did it. I told you! White trash. He's a killer. Dallas Winston is a killer. Isn't that right, Danni?_

He poked my ribs. "Hey pukey, come on get up."

I rested my elbows on the top rim of the can. "When?" I asked softly. "When are you going to do it?"

He leaned against the can and shrugged. He was grinning again. His smirky grin. "Might go today, maybe tomorrow, who knows...Man, hittin' the big house again. Damn. Wonder if the boys missed me."

My head was vibrating. Every word he said stressed another nerve. I wanted to slap that smile off with everything I had in me. "You think this is funny. _Haha,_ I'm going to jail again." I slammed my hands, rattling the can. "Damnit I really hate you sometimes!"

"What do you want me to do?" he yelled. "I'm not the one who dragged the Socs down on our ass!"

I lifted myself up and faced him. "You're blaming me?"

He leaned against the playground and crossed his arms.

"I didn't kill Sam," I pointed to myself. "I didn't kill the flower shop owner. My brother didn't kill the fucking flower shop owner!"

He straightened up. "He didn't do it!"

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah right. You're not an idiot and neither am I or anyone else in this town! Wake up, Dally! You're brother came here and turned everything upside down. I didn't do anything!"

"Oh so you and pretty boy hooking up had nothing to do with it?" He threw his hands up. "You fucking brought him over to our side, Curtis!"

I widened my eyes. "That was years ago! What are you talking about? You think me dating Randy caused all this?"

"It did the last time."

I stood dumbfounded. My heart stopped beating and my legs shook. I charged at him, beating his chest with my fists. "Don't you dare say that! I had nothing to do with Ponyboy and Johnny running off and Bob dying!"

He pressed my arms against each other. "So they just attacked your brother out of the blue?" His voice rose. "Stop blaming everyone else for your shit and look in the mirror!"

I stopped struggling and let him drop my arms. Angry tears were fogging up my eyes. "I can't believe you just said that to me."

He waved me off, walking away and shoving his hands in his pockets.

"What a fucking lovely visit." I threw my hands down. "You really know how to make a girl feel good, Dally." I wiped my face. "You really do."

He kicked the dirt. "Go on home then."

The wind blew my hair and the empty tears. Tim's car pulled up in the gravel lot. "I'm going. Don't...don't do nothing stupid yet, can you just do that for me?"

There was no answer no reply. I waited for a head nod or a simple yeah. Nothing came.

"Fine. Rot in jail for all I care! God I can't _stand_ you!"

I could feel the warm tears run from my face as I walked to the car parked at the end of the parking lot. My legs started moving fast and my lungs catching flames as Tim got out of the car. I reached out for the door, and slammed it behind me. I pulled my legs up to my chin and hid my face.

I cried the rest of the way home.

* * *

><p>His whole body was shaking. He never expected the phone call. Hearing her soft voice over the phone sure had his heart flutter though no matter how sissy that sounds. His missed hearing that voice.<p>

He couldn't help but look on the negative side though. Why would Cherry want to meet him? He tried to drown out those thoughts with some sort of hope but he couldn't find much. Nothing was going any one's way lately. Why should he be the exception?

His legs stopped moving as he saw her at the top of the hill, sitting on a table, her hair being twirled about in the wind.

He took a deep sigh, placed his hands in the pockets of his coat, and started walking. "Hey."

She lifted her head and looked. "Pony...hey."

He stood in front of her, wondering if he should make the first move or not. The air was filled with an unsettling feeling. "How's it goin'? I heard you've been staying with the James'."

Cherry nodded and tucked some hair behind her ear. "That's over."

Pony looked to the ground to hide a smile. "Sorry."

The silence filled the air as the two looked everywhere but at what was in front of them. Pony wanted to look. He wanted to see her beautiful face. He wanted to tell her just how much he missed her.

"Cherry-"

"I just wanted to make sure you knew it was over," she said quietly without even looking at him.

Disappointment took over Pony. "What?"

Cherry brushed her hair over. "I don't want you to get the wrong idea about this Pony. I just wanted you to know that we're not getting back together. I needed to make that clear."

Disappointment soon turned to anger as Pony's hands went into fists. "Needed to clear it up for who?"

Cherry rose up with a sigh. "Pony-"

Pony started backing away. "Did you need to clear it up for me or for you Cherry? Or did you just need to rub it in my face a little more? Maybe take some of the dignity I still have left!"

Cherry walked toward him. "Pony it isn't like that!"

"It sure looks that way, Cherry," he said annoyed. "I really thought you were better than that."

Cherry looked on, baffled. "Pony I didn't mean it like that! I still care about you and everything Pone but I just can't!"

"Then why call me here?" Pony shouted into the wind. "Why make me come all the way down here?" He covered his mouth and paused before his voice could crack. "You know what, forget you, Cherry!"

He started to walk away but she chased after him. "You have no idea what I'm going through!"

Pony stopped dead in his tracks and stated calmly: "My parents are dead...yours are just getting a divorce. Sorry if your perfect world is crumbling down Cherry."

"I have no one!" Tears formed in her eyes. "Don't you dare start callin' my world perfect neither! You know it's not."

Pony sighed and looked up at the sky. He refused to face her and have her see him like this. "You had someone, Cherry...but you stomped all over them. And now...now you have no one."

Pony started off again. Cherry stood and let the wind blow her hair and tears away. "Pony!"

He didn't stop. He didn't turn around. He didn't say anything. She had stomped all over him and made sure there was nothing left. Cherry Valence broke his heart and tore it all to pieces.

He wasn't stopping for her anymore. He was done with her...finally done.

_Dark chambers of my mind. Locked around the neck of my love. None of you understand. And it doesn't matter. To a broken marionette like me. An errant soul..._

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><p><strong>AN: **I hope this was better. Do you think Danni was in the right or Dally for trying to stand up for his brother? Thank you for reading and please **review**. :) A quick update is in the works!


	24. Hold the Key

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the _Outsiders_ or the song _Saturday Night's All Right_.

**A/N: **Thank you to my anon reviewer, Kasiey. Glad you're enjoying it. :) Also note, today is the lovely Jensen Ackles' birthday! If some says something about Justin I'll kick you in the fucking face...thanks. :)

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><p><em>Well they're packed pretty tight in here tonight. I'm looking for a dolly who'll see me right. I may use a little muscle to get what I need. I may sink a little drink and shout out "She's with me!"<em>

"You shouldn't let her do this to you!"

"I cared about her! I thought maybe she actually wanted to talk!"

"She's killin' you, Pone. You gotta let her go, man."

"That's easy for you to say...why don't you take your own advice!"

The sentence hung in the air like a hovering storm-cloud that wouldn't go away. Ponyboy grumbled and folded his arms, ignoring the fact that he'd said that and hoping no know else caught it. Soda's face hung low to the floor, lost for words.

We all caught it.

It was quiet for the first time tonight. Darry was out with Kat, leaving Soda to deal with all this. Pony came home about thirty minutes ago reeking of beer and tears. He stumbled down the hall and into Soda's room and that's when the fit started.

I remained quiet, just listening to the conversation and contemplating what all had been said. We all knew what the last sentence was referring to...or better yet, _whom_.

Pony cleared his throat. "Hey...I didn't mean it like that."

Soda nodded half-heartedly, his face still on the floor. "You're upset...I understand." He looked up. "I really hate seeing you like this bud. I'm just tryin' to help...I _really_ am."

"I know you are," Pony said calmly.

I crossed my legs on the bed. "Did she say why she wanted to meet you?"

Pony shook his head and threw a pillow on the floor in frustration. "To make s_ure_ I knew she didn't want me back."

Soda leaned in. "She didn't-"

"Yeah...she did."

It didn't sound like Cherry to do something like this but right now, shock wasn't what any of us were feeling. Soda wanted to fume and rant and rave until he was blue in the face. I wanted to march straight to her house and tell her exactly what I thought of her. Right now though, Pony was our main focus. Nothing good would come out of anger.

Ponyboy began to sweat. Soda reached forward and placed his hand on his forehead. "How many beers did you drink?"

"Just half of one," he answered, a little embarrassed. "Stuff tasted awful."

Soda chuckled and grabbed the back of Pony's neck and ruffled his hair. "Good. Keep thinkin' that way kiddo!"

Ponyboy shook his head and half giggled. He rubbed the sweat off his face and grinned. "Hey, now I can go out with you and Two when you hunt out girls, right?"

Soda slugged him across the arm and smiled. "Damn right you can! The ladies can't resist two Curtis brothers side by side. We're bond to get lucky across the line."

I grinned at the two. "What about Jen? She one of your ladies, So?"

"Nah. Jennie's pretty boss." He lightly shrugged.

I shoved him gently. "Ask her out again!"

Soda cut up and covered his mouth. He composed himself and sat back up on the bed. "Maybe...been outta the game for a while." He chuckled.

We all knew what Soda had been doing since Sandy left. It was no secret that he was spending a lot of time at the hot party houses until late hours with smudges of lipstick on his neck and cheeks. He was eighteen and while Darry had spoken to him a couple of times, it was one of those things you just pray about and hope he knows what he's doing.

"What's stoppin' you?" Pony asked.

Soda's faced changed a little and he slumped back against the wall. "Still hung up on a few things I guess."

"I really didn't mean that-"

"You were right," Soda jumped in. "I don't love Sandy," he said sternly. "I'm over her and don't go thinkin' I'm lying either because I've been over her for a while. I just don't want to go rushin' into nothin'."

Pony and I exchanged a look. "You're scared...aren't you?"

He crocked and eyebrow. "Scared? Of what?"

Pony rubbed through his matted wet hair. "She ain't gonna be like Sandy, Soda."

Soda grew offensive. "I know that! I-I'm not scared of Jennie." He nervously laughed. "Guys c'mon!"

"You've been on two dates and have talked on the phone for hours before," I listed. "You see her every day at lunch when you come into the diner but you haven't even kissed her yet...you won't even go pick up the phone right now and invite her out."

Soda stared at both of us dumbfounded. He made a face. "I ain't scared!"

Pony playfully grinned. "Then go call her...tough guy."

Soda slammed his hands down on the bed and stood up. He stood by the door and pointed a finger. "Yeah you remember who the tough guy in this house is now. Don't be goin' round sayin' I'm scared after this now."

Pony and I smiled. "We won't." He ran out the door and down the hall to the kitchen.

"Do you think he'll really call her?"

"Yeah," I answered. "Sodapop doesn't back down to dares...or whatever this is."

Pony coughed and awkwardly looked down at the bed. "Sandy...did you hear the news about her?"

The whole town knew. "We have to tell him sometime."

"I know but she's getting married, Dan," he stated obviously. "It'll kill him."

I knew that. I knew the minute I heard that she was marrying the baby daddy that Soda would have a hard time. That was supposed to be him. "It's better he hears is from us than anyone else."

Ponyboy studied my face and then scooted over on the bed, near me. "You ok? You seem...weird."

"No. Why do you ask?"

"We're twins," he said with a shrug. "I know can tell what you're feelin' and all that good stuff...or when you're mad at Dal."

I rolled my eyes, pulling my knees up to my chest. "You're too good."

"Spill."

"There's not much to spill," I said. "He just made me mad. I kinda overreacted and took it the wrong way."

He got in closer, eager for more. "What'd he say?"

"Just something about Ronnie," I lied. "Sometimes I forget Dallas Winston has a baby brother and can have protective feelings about him...it's so weird you know?"

Pony laughed but nodded. "I say. Dal's always been protective though. Look at him and Johnny."

"I know...it's just so weird seeing him as the big brother type. I mean he reminds me of Darry." I stuck my tongue out, disgusted with the mere thought.

He smirked. "That's a nice thought to have about your boyfriend. Hey you kinda remind me of my big brother!"

"Shut-up!"

There were footsteps coming up the stairs quickly. Soda busted into the room with a big smile. "Tomorrow night. Buck's place. Seven o'clock. Be there or be square!"

* * *

><p>Marilyn sat on the arm of the sofa, filling her nails and listening to the yelling. Randy was at the edge of his chair, wondering when the right time was to jump in and stop it. Though like Mike, Randy wasn't exactly in his <em>right<em> mind.

"How many times have I told you not to hassle me about my drinking?" Michael roared at Jane, making her hide her face. "I can take care of myself, missy!"

Jane backed away. "I was just looking out for you! You've been drinking all day!"

Michael's eyes bugged out. "I can take care of myself."

Jane fumbled around for her bag. "You don't care about me. I hear about the girls you cheat on me with. Bunch of white trash!"

Michael grabbed her arm and squeezed. "What did you say?"

Jane tried to break loose and eyed Randy and Mar. Randy got up, Marilyn just continuing what she was doing before. Right now, she was even scared of her brother and dared not to get involved. "Come on, man. Why don't we-"

"You're lucky to have me! Every girl in town wants me," he boosted. "I could have anyone I wanted. I chose you! Some worthless, no good, _bitch_!"

Jane's mouth flew up. "And you're a worthless prick!"

Jane's scream caught Marilyn's ears and she looked up for the first time now to watch her fly back down to the ground. Her filler shook in her hand. She knew this was going to happen. Her brother, like their father, couldn't handle more than a couple of drinks.

Randy stood beside Michael, baffled by what he had just witnessed. Jane lied on the floor and clenched her stinging cheek. Michael stood over her, fuming.

Randy woke up and grabbed his buddy's shoulder. "Hey, come on, why don't we get out of here for a while?"

Michael didn't move. He stared Jane down making sure she didn't move. Jane hid her face as did Marilyn. She didn't want to see this again.

Randy shook him lightly. "She ain't worth it, man. Let's go."

Michael stared her down for a few more seconds as if mentally warning her - telling her that they were done. She was going to pay for all of this. He was in charge of this whole time. She was just a pawn in his hands he could throw away at any moment.

Randy stood in his vision. "C'mon. I'll drive."

Marilyn stuck her eyes on her friend lying on the ground, hurt and scared. She gazed up at her brother, immediately catching his eye and making a gesture for him to go. She'd clean up the mess here. Inside though, she was just as frightened as Jane was. The quicker Mike left, the better they'd all be. Randy could sober him up ok.

Randy took his friend by the arm and led him outside. Everyone knew Michael hit Jane. She wasn't much of a Houdini with her bruises and scrapes. Tonight had been the first night Randy had witnessed it firsthand but it didn't take him back much. Mike was like that when he was drunk. Everyone else was just smart enough to get out of the way when he acted this way.

Once outside, Michael kicked the tire of his car and hissed about how stupid she was. "I could have someone any time I wanted! I could have anyone I wanted! She's lucky I chose her!"

Randy kicked his tangled shoe-string. Michael cheated on Jane multiply times, many of them in Randy's face. At first he contemplated telling Jane but this was his friend. Buddies are supposed to keep secrets for each other.

"Are you guys done now?" Randy asked.

Michael opened a fresh box of fags and lit one. "Who knows. Can't deal with this crap right now. We got bigger fish to fry."

"You didn't tell her about-"

"You think I'm stupid?" Michael snapped with an eye roll. "We gotta focus on the prize. She'd ruin it all if she found out. We'd all be out then. I got a big prank that will scare them all for a good while, though! It's going to be good."

Randy fiddled with the ends of his fingers. He wasn't so sure about this prank Michael had cooked up for the rumble (if there was even going to be one). Marilyn and him had kept things low key and had only their heads together at all times plotting. It was causing more eyes to stare than the two normally gathered. Randy knew the prize though...and he wanted that.

"What are we going to do?" Michael asked, throwing Randy the box.

Randy jumped in the car and started her up. "The night's young."

"That it is," Michael said, jumping right in the passenger's side. "We could go pick up some chicks. Might be some whores down by the Mini-Mart."

Randy backed the car out of the parking lot. He cut up, "I got a whole pack of rubbers in the glove compartment."

Michael grinded his teeth. "What?"

"Yeah!" Randy beamed, opening the drawer and letting the box fall in Michael's lap. "Good for a whole month, no sweat!"

Michael stared at the condoms like they were foreign objects. He held his hands up, scared he might touch one. He finally shook his head and tossed them all in the floor.

"Hey man!"

"Their mine, man," Michael warned with a sly grin. "Or should I tell my Pops what you and my sister have been up too?"

Randy didn't seem amused. He rolled his eyes. "Come on, man-"

Michael slumped down peacefully in his seat. "Nice try. You're stuck my friend. I warned you about hooking up with my sister. You touch any other whore, you're dead meat. Sorry it's the way of the land. Gotta protect the family and all."

Randy scooted down in his seat, disappointed. "Yeah, whatever."

"Let's go to Buck's. I hear some of our greasy friends are going to be there tonight," Michael said. "Let's go pay them a long overdue visit."

Randy shook his head. "You really wanna do that?"

"Get the liquor first...then we go play with our little friends. This is part one in the biggest prank of all times...or part two depending on how something else ended up I've been working on. Take notes though, my friend. They're going to be talking about us for decades."

* * *

><p>Jennie stood in front of the mirror, swishing her hair every which way and spraying enough hair spray to light the town on fire. Her palms were sweaty and knees tight. She could hear ringing in her ears.<p>

As she applied her lipstick she thought about the party tonight. She thought of the people who were going to be there and how little they knew about the make-up caked woman she really was. About what was behind all the foundation and black goo.

She slipped off her shirt, folding it in her arms, preparing to lay it down when the door busted open.

"Hey Jen, did you-"

"Soda!"

He didn't even look up until he heard her scream. He covered his eyes as she covered her chest and shooed him out. His feet felt locked to the ground and it was as if she was in slow motion, screaming and cussing for him to get out.

Suddenly he came too and quickly apologized and slammed the door as he went out. He was slightly shocked by her initial reaction, it was only her back, but an image was burned in his mind. An image that explained why she acted the way she did...and he couldn't get it out of his head.

He stood close by the door. Maybe he'd go back in and say something. He couldn't move right now though.

He brushed his hand through his hair and slumped down against the wall. This was burning in his mind. It was haunting him, making his blood boil even. He wanted to say something but-

The door slowly opened. Jennie slowly walked out and looked down at the ground where Soda was at. "Um..."

He knew she wouldn't finish. He rose up, his eyes locked on hers. "Jennie, what-"

"Just don't mention it," she said quickly. "It was a long time ago and it's not important. Just don't mention it."

Soda's mouth hung open. "Jennie your-"

"I know what it is, Soda." She sighed, releasing her frustration and fear. "Don't _mention_ it. It's not important so let's go!"

His eyes followed her as she quickly hurried down the stairs and out of his view. He couldn't just forget about it could he? What he saw...that was going to make him wonder all night.

* * *

><p>By the time we got to the party, mostly everyone had already shown up. Soda, Jennie went into the kitchen for drinks and from the corner of my eye I saw Two-Bit and Bryon slapping hands with other bachelors and eyeing possible meat for the night.<p>

"Are you even allowed here?" Tim smirked, drowning a beer.

Tiffany quickly met his side before I could say another word. "Hey, Tiff."

She smiled a small smile and latched her arm around Tim's which he shook off. Tim didn't like to be touched. She had to have learned that by now. "Smooth things over with the big guy yet?"

I sneered. "No. Has he told you anything?"

He held up is hands. "No. I ain't gettin' into the lovey-dovie-goo-goo drama. No _fucking_ way." He searched around the room and then back at Tiffany. "I gotta got do something." He pointed a finger. "Don't get into nothin'. The big guy put me in charge and I don't wanna deal with him if you die or something stupid like that."

I chuckled as he grabbed Tiff and started walking away. "I'll try not to die tonight….just for you."

He grinned, leading his warm body for the night away.

The room was caked in smoke. Everyone smelled like beer and smoke and grass. Everyone was laughing and throwing back jokes. The night was young. Very young. It had only just begun.

_Don't give us none of your aggravation. We had it with your discipline. Saturday night's alright for fighting. Get a little action in. Get about as oiled as a diesel train. Gonna set this dance alight. 'Cause Saturday night's the night I like. Saturday night's alright, alright, alright._

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><p><strong>AN: **What do you think Soda saw and what do you think will happen when Mike and Randy show up? **Review** please! :)


	25. Silver Plate

**_Disclaimer:_ **I don't own the _Outsiders_ or the song _Ever-Changing_.

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><p><em>There's nothing simple when it comes to you and I. Always something in this ever-changing life. And there probably always will. Now that time is getting harder to come by. The same arguments are always on our mind. We've killed this slowly fading light.<em>

The night was winding down. I sat by myself in the kitchen drinking a coke and waiting until someone came in who'd take me home. I knew I was a party-popper. Right now though, I wasn't in the mood to be thinking about partying.

It smelled like sex..._everywhere_. On the sofa were four people who may or may not have their bottom layers on, a girl on the kitchen counter without a shirt, and the people up stairs...we all knew what they were up to.

The conversation Soda, Pony, and I had last night stuck in my head. By just looking at Pony when he talked about Cherry, you knew his feelings were pure, the same going for her. They fought just like everyone else. They had their fair share of problems and issues but the look still remained through the whole relationship. They'd been together longer than Dally and I and for that amount of time, they were in love and it didn't look like anything would step in the way any time soon.

But something did.

It makes you wonder what was going through Cherry's head. All of us had our own theories but in the end, only she knew what she was thinking. It happened so fast that Pony didn't even see it coming nor have time to react. One minute they are madly in love, the next they're crying and wishing the other person dead.

It happens to the best of people. Look at Soda. Madly in love with the woman of his dreams - the woman he planned to marry. She shows up pregnant one day and leaves him flat on his face the same way Cherry did Pony. The happy couple, who were once going places, was no more. It was over just like that.

The world is funny that way. It's like one minute it's spinning, life is great, and the next it stops and you're left only with a feeling that only lasted a short amount of time...one you may or not ever get back again. Things end like that.

"Well who shit in your corn flakes?"

The smell of sex and sweat overwhelmed my nose. "Well how'd that go?"

He took a seat next to me and opened a fresh beer. "Same." He winked. "How's it goin'?"

"Same," I answered back. "Do you have your car? I just don't think tonight I really want to be-"

"Tim!" A young black headed boy came running toward us. His eyes were lit up so big and his smile looked like it could break his jaw at any minute. He rushed over to us and cupped Tim's shoulder. "Hey buddy!"

Tim rubbed his face in aggravation. He let out a deep sigh. "Hey, Jac."

I studied the young guy. His accent was thick. He wasn't from these parts for sure. He was a beauty though. His whole body practically sparkled. "Hey."

Tim hid his face but Jac stuck out a friendly hand. "Hello there! Who are you, pretty lady?"

"Danni," I told him with a smile.

His eyes got wider as did his grin. "Danni? As in Angela's Danni? Oh my, my, it must be you!"

Tim's face slumped down closer to the table. Confused, I let go of his hand. How did he know Angela or even that I was once her friend? "Um-"

"Oh my!" He said, quickly backing up his tracks. "Is it too soon? I heard what happened to the sweetie. I was so devastated when I heard the horrid news. How are you holding up, dear?"

I tried to catch Tim's hiding eyes only getting the side of his hand. "Um...fine. What did you say your name was again?"

"Jacques," he beamed. "But call me Jac."

Tim continued to shuffle in his seat the more this guy talked. I turned back to the boy. "How did you know Ang?"

"I come here every once in a while to visit my dear grandmother," he went on. "I met her a while ago, about last year really, and we had a sort of...what do you call it? Fling? Yes a fling!"

My jaw flew open, everything piecing together now. The accent, the hair, the eyes, the way he presented himself, the glimmer in his eyes. It was all over his face. They were identical. He was-

Tim rose his head up for the first time. "Jac can you go grab me another beer? Just go out back."

Jac jumped up. "Sure thing buddy!"

Once out of sight, Tim turned back around and rubbed his hand down his face. He caught my eye and then rubbed his hand through his hair.

"Is he..."

He slowly nodded. "Met up with him a few weeks ago. Knew it the minute I looked at the motherfucker's eyes."

I never met Angela's lover. I only heard the fairy tales I thought she made up about him. Everything she had said matched. He was French. He lived in New Jersey. He came here to visit relatives and once Angela saw him she had to have him. It was only for one night but she always said it was the best night of her life. She even wasn't shocked about ending up pregnant afterwards.

When she found out she was pregnant she was despite to find him. She called a bunch of homes up North but without a last name, she came up with nothing. She never thought she'd see him again.

"I thought his name was Jake?" I asked. "That's why she named the baby _Jake_."

Tim spun his bottle around, splashing the beer inside. "She was drunk. That's what she thought he was saying all night."

"How can you get Jake and Jac mixed up?"

Tim leaned back and finished off his beer with a shrug. "Bets me."

All this time...and she wasn't even here to see it herself. I always wanted to meet the miraculous "Jake Tyler". "Does he know...I mean about Jake?"

There was a silence that answered my question.

"How could you not tell him?" I asked, annoyed with the thought. "He deserves to know. Hell, she _wanted_ him to know! You know how badly she wanted to find him, Tim."

Tim grumbled and pushed his bottle across the table. "Yeah well she ain't here so what does it matter, huh?"

I grinded my teeth together. "Don't use that as an excuse. You have to tell him. It's what she wanted."

He looked at me, his eyes fiery. I couldn't tell if it was from the obscene amount of smoke in the room or from anger. "This isn't your _business_. Keep your nose out of it!"

"Tim-"

He stood up, causing some bottles to rattle and fall. He towered over me, making me remember the rules Tim Shepard had set for himself. "I'm not going to tell you again. Stay. Out. Of. It."

He walked away and my body filled with anger. I pushed the sweaty hair out of my face and watched him walk through the crowd. This was something I couldn't control and I knew it. Tim set the rule. Jac is not to find out.

Tim's rules are the rules. You don't dare to break them. We've all learned that the hard way...one way or another.

* * *

><p>"Dan!" Evie hurried over to my side, her hands in fists and hair in knots. "Are you leaving?"<p>

"Yeah," I answered, looking her over. "You ok?"

She grabbed her coat and purse and pushed through the doors. "If I don't get out of here someone might not be!"

I followed her out into the freezing cold. Small snow flurries were dancing under the street lights as we walked down the sidewalk. Evie's heels clicked as she quickly tiptoed through the cold wind.

I caught up to her and walked by her side. "Something happen?"

She tightened her coat around her tiny waist. "Steve is an ass. He's _drunk_. As if spilling beer all over this new outfit wasn't enough, when I called him out on it _he_ got mad about the money I spent on it. MY money! He embaressed me in front of everyone."

I pressed my lips together and pictured somewhere warm. The cold was freezing my face. "Where is he at now?"

She threw her hands up in the air. "Still in there I guess. I really don't care at this point. He can sleep there for the night. See how he likes it after hours!"

Evie being hot-headed and Steve being...tough to handle, always made people question their relationship. The two personalities never went together but _they_ somehow did. Steve tells Soda just how many fights they've had just being married for a few months. Yet every word that came from Evie's mouth just expressed how much she actually wanted Steve to crawl home tonight.

"How was your night?" she asked.

I breathed warm air into my hands. "Eh, it was alright. It wasn't really my scene."

"I saw Soda and Jennie. Are they going together?"

It made me breathe a little knowing that Soda did stay with Jennie. It made a small smile appear on my face. "Not yet...you like her?"

Evie flipped her hair back. "She's really pretty. Seems nice enough. Yeah, I like her."

The rule of the land was unwritten but everyone knew it was there. Soda and Steve were best friends. They've double dated ever since they both found an interest in the girl race. The rule started then. Evie and Sandy were best friends. They followed the rule and set a foundation for every girl to copy and try and crawl into.

Evie and Soda's girl had to get along. No one says it, but it's there. Of course Soda has the final say and would override the rule if he felt the need to. He himself didn't even realize it was really there. Everyone else has noticed it though. Evie has had girls trying to be her best friend ever since Sandy went south. Jennie getting the A-Okay was in her best interest.

"Are you going down for Sandy's wedding?" I asked.

Evie shivered. "No. Sandy doesn't really get my approval for the wedding...besides, I wasn't invited."

This was a surprise. Sandy and Evie were the girl versions of Soda and Steve. Never apart. "Why is that?"

"Sandy just doesn't know what she's getting into," she said. "The guy has totally brain washed her. That's how she _got_ pregnant. He's a charmer. Can convince her to jump off a bridge if need be."

The wind started to pick up speed, causing Evie and I both to shake and bundle up in our clothes.

Evie cleared her throat. "How's Soda taking the news?"

"He doesn't know," I said. "The time isn't really right to break it down for him. He's just now putting everything back together again."

Evie nodded. "I know. Jennie will be good for him. I hope it works out for him."

The moon was gone tonight. If it wasn't for the street lights everything would be dark. Some cars that passed would light up the path for us but only for a few seconds. I didn't notice the change of brightness until Evie spoke up.

"Is that car following us?"

I turned to see the light blue Mustang's bright headlights blinding us. I couldn't see anything. I couldn't see it pull off and come to a stop. "Hey, _ladies_."

Evie huffed and straightened up her jacket and turned around. "Just what I fucking need."

"What do you want?" I asked, becoming more annoyed. "Randy."

The two walked towards us casually. Michael spotted Evie and winked at her for which she rolled her eyes and turned back around the other way. "Who's you're friend?"

I didn't speak to him. I kept my focus on Randy. "What are you doing?"

Randy took the flask Michael was holding and took sip. "Can we talk to you for a minute?"

"About what?"

Michael continued to make kissy faces at Evie who had lit a cigarette and leaned against a light pole. Her eyes were riddled with annoyance and a slight pinch of fear once she saw the near empty flask.

I faced back to Randy. "So?"

Randy handed the flash back and coughed. "You hear about the rumble?"

"Sorta. Not many details though. What makes you think there is going to be one anyway?"

Michael smirked and turned to look down at me. "Oh there is going to be rumble."

I ignored him again. His breath was making me throw-up a little in my mouth. "Is that what you wanted to talk about?"

"Danielle," Michael slurred. "I heard Dally is in Texas. All the way in Texas. Must be hard on you. We were concerned about your wellbeing. There are some not so nice people in this town. It'd be a shame for Dally to hear about you being hurt."

His feet inched toward mine where our toes touched each other through our shoes. I stared only at them. "Yeah. It'd be really bad for the person who did it though. You know how _hard_ Dally can hit."

Michael whistled at Evie. "Sweetheart! Hey, why don't you come down here? You look lonely!"

Evie refused to look in his direction.

I watched Michael's toes leave mine and head over to her. "Wanna sip?" Randy asked, holding out the flask.

"Just leave," I said. "Please just get him away."

Randy clicked his tongue on the roof of his mouth and looked over at Michael. I could hear Evie struggle as Michael leaned in on her. "She wants us to leave!"

"That isn't very nice!" Michael yelled back. "It's actually quite rude!"

Randy giggled and looked back at me. "Hey, we're just having some fun with you." He playfully hit my arm. "C'mon! Lighten up!"

I scowled. "It's not_ fun_ anymore and you know it."

"Stop acting that way," he said. "You know he's just playing around. You know he wouldn't really hurt anyone. He's all bark and no bite. You know that."

I shook my head. "I do? I remember things _differently_, Randy. Please get him out of here before he does somthing stupid."

"I said don't touch me!" Evie hollered, still fighting off Michael's body. "Just leave us alone!"

Randy watched the two go at it. "He just wants to scare ya'll. You know, rattle you up before the big show down. That's all it's about. Don't be such a hard ass about it."

"Danni!" Evie squealed out. "Get him away from me!"

I turned my head to see Michael's hands tightly around hers, backing her up into the light post and pushing himself on her, laughing. I quickly spun back to Randy. "Get him away from her!"

"He's just playin' around!" he defended. "God, just lighten up! You take everything too damn seriously. You really think Mike and I are a threat. C'mon. You know us for God's sake Danni!"

Evie continued to fight against Michael. "I _did_ know you," I told him. "This isn't funny anymore."

Randy spun me around to watch the two. "See! He's just playing!"

I turned just to see Evie growl and the spit fly from her face once he got in close to her. I saw his hands go up and shove her right to the ground. I heard him cuss and stand over her, anger in his voice.

"That isn't playing!"

"Mike!" Randy yelled. "Hey, that's enough. Let's get outta here!"

Michael didn't answer. He hovered over Evie's curled up body on the cold ground. Randy was nervously laughing at the whole thing while at the same time, trying to get him away.

I tried to go to her, feeling something pull me back. "What are you doing? Let me go!"

"It's in your best intrest not to go over there," he whispered, then retracting to a louder voice, "He's not being serious. Are ya Mike?" The nervous laugh again. "Just messing with you guys."

I struggled against his hold. "You're both drunk! Go home and just let us go."

"You think I'm serious now!" Mike screamed down at the ground that Evie lied. "You think you can just spit in my face?" He grabbed her and lifted her off the ground. "Huh?"

"Randy!"

"Mike!"

"Evie!"

He came out of nowhere, racing over to the two and pulling her away from Michael's grasp. Evie broke free and trembled by the brick wall and watched the two go at it, shoving and pushing each other against walls and going over into the road.

The tight hand on my arm was released and a loud grunt came soon after.

I didn't turn around to see who else was beside me. I ran towards Evie, her arms embracing me. We stood, shivering and watching Steve tackle the beast on the ground. We held each other.

"What are you trying to do, man?" Two-Bit's voice came from where Randy was.

Randy quickly shoved Two-Bit off and hurried to his car. "What are _you_ doing? You don't just go punching a guy out!"

"You don't_ just _go after two young girls in the middle of the night either monkey shit!"

"We weren't doing anything!" Randy hollered. "We were just kidding!"

Two-Bit's eyes widened. "You've got a lot of nerve pal! After what happened to your friend-"

"Don't bring him up, grease! It'll be the last thing you'll ever do!"

Evie's eyes didn't break from Steve. His face was bloody...or it was Mike's. We couldn't see anything. It was so dark out. We were both cold and shaking and wanting to go home.

Randy got into his car and rolled the window down. "Don't try and act like we're the monsters. We all know what you greasers are all about."

"Now I know our hair may be pretty BA but that ain't all we're about, bristle pad."

Randy started the car up and honked the horn at Mike and Steve. "We're not_ murders_."

"Neither are we," Two-Bit said sternly. "Don't go throwin' stones when you've got a glass house."

Randy flickered the lights and pressed down on the horn again. "Glass houses? This makes _two _on yawl's hands, buddy boy. Who have _we_ killed? You can throw your stones all day. The blood is still on _your_ hands."

There were no more words. Mike broke free from Steve's hold and limped to the passenger side of the Mustang. Steve lied on the ground, holding his side, trying to catch his breath, and watching the two.

He grunted and coughed loudly. "This isn't over!"

Two-Bit nodded, agreeing. "Not by a long shot."

Randy saluted off to the both of them and put the car into drive leaving them with parting words: "See you soon fellows. See you soon."

_Now the lines are drawn. Is this feeling gone? The best parts of this have come and gone. And now that is all this is. With the reasons clear. We'll spend another year. Without direction, full of fear. And now things will be different._

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Please excuse mistakes.

So Jac is reveled. Surprised? What do you think the point of the plan "Part 2" was?


	26. Nothing to Say

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the _Outsiders_ or the song _Run This Town_.

* * *

><p><em>Life's a game but it's not fair I break the rules so I don't care. So I keep doin' my own thing walkin' tall against the rain. Victory's within the mile. Almost there, don't give up now. Only thing that's on my mind Is who's gonna run this town tonight. <em>

Darry threw a blanket over my knees and handed me a cup of hot tea. Evie and Steve went home as soon as they dropped me off. Evie was too shaken up to walk even and Steve was like a bomb getting ready to explode. They both just needed to rest for a while.

"So this rumble is going to happen?" Ponyboy asked Two-Bit. "It's official?"

Two-Bit crossed his legs and scraped the tips of his finger nails. "We're plannin' a big one. They ain't gonna catch us with our panties down!"

Darry went back into the kitchen, ignoring the details Two-Bit kept going on about the rumble. Darry once was right there on the edge of his seat, eager to get in on the action. Darry was getting old. He wouldn't participate in this one. His glory days were over.

Soda sat quietly unknown on the other side of the room with a pack of ice on his cheek. Once he caught word of what had happened he dropped Jennie off and came home….his night was over anyway,

Darry came back into the room and noticed him. "What happened to _you_?"

Soda fumbled with his legs, trying to get comfortable. Two-Bit chuckled. "Got into a tussle with ol' Buck is what he did."

"What'd you go doin' that for?" Darry asked.

Soda scowled, still angry. "He deserved it."

Darry looked at Two-Bit for further explanation. "Hittin' on his girl, that's what."

"He was drunk," Soda said. "He kept comin' on to her, touchin' her and stuff. He did it right in front of my face and even after she told him to stop. He was askin' for it."

Two-Bit snickered and leaned back. "Hey, he got one good punch in before Buck threw him out, flat on his ass!"

"Doesn't Jennie live with Buck?" Pony asked.

"She moved out a few weeks ago," I said. "He wouldn't leave her alone and she got fed up with all the noise and parties."

Soda groaned as Darry further examined the damage. "Socked ya pretty good, Pepsi."

Soda moved from his touch and pouted. "Yeah. So much for a date with no disasters happenin'."

Darry stretched out and yawned. "You all seemed to have an eventful evening." He turned to me. "You and Pone go get ready for bed. It's late. I wanna talk to all three of you in a minute."

Two-Bit stood up and stretched out. "Nighty night Curtis family."

After we all got changed Darry instructed us all to go back into the living room. He sat us all down and said sternly: "I'm only going to say this once so listen. I don't want any of you in this rumble or whatever it's going to be. It's getting too big and frankly, it doesn't concern us."

"Darry," Soda protested. "They went after Dan, Dal, and Evie. It kinda concerns us."

Darry shook his head, not budging. "Sodapop you listen here, I don't want you goin' in on that. What they do to us isn't the problem. It happens anyway."

"Darry-"

"No!" Darry's voice rose. "I ain't goin' to worry about something happening to this family again because of a bunch of stupid kids thinkin' they have to get revenge for every little thing that goes wrong. You're not goin' Sodapop."

Soda pouted, folding his arms over his chest. "It's my responsibility to protect them," he pointed to us. "To protect our friends!"

"Well right now you're _my_ responsibility," Darry got stern. "And I'll be damned if I let you get in on that and something happens to you. Look at your face now!"

Soda grew defensive for the first time. "I can hold my own, you taught me that much. I'm _eighteen_ Darry. You did this all the time when you were my age. You're treating me like a kid! You even let Pony fight in the last rumble."

"That was different!" Darry's voice rose. "They went after our family then. It was more important than this stupid battle against who's more macho! It's a pointless battle."

Soda stood up from the couch. Pony and my eyes followed him. "They went after Danni. They went after our _family_. Who knows what they'll do to any of us next! I'm not going to let them run over us."

"Then I'll take care of it if they decide they want to mess with us!"

"Hell Darry!" Soda threw his arms in the air. "You always say that. It's not your job to protect me anymore. I'm not a little kid anymore! I'm eighteen – an adult. If I wanna fight, you gotta let me fight."

Darry swooped his hand over his head and deeply sighed. He flashed back around and faced Soda. He pointed a finger in his face. "Hey, no matter how old you are, you're still my kid brother. And as long as that stands, I'm always going to be in charge of you."

"Why is that?"

Darry grinned slyly. "Because I'm the oldest. That means I'm the coolest brother, thus I control the _weaklings_ like you."

Soda held back a smile. "I'll show you weak."

Darry ruffled his hair and grinned. "No fighting, little buddy. I mean it. This stuff ain't our fight."

"Dar-"

"You dig?"

Soda gave up and mumbled, "Yeah, Dar. I dig."

So there is the rule that stands. The one not to be broken. Don't go near the rumble. Don't talk about the rumble. Don't mention it. And whatever you do, don't fight. Stay away from the fire. Those are the rules.

* * *

><p>I'd been caked to my bed for two days now. Dally hadn't called in a while and I don't think he will until he calms down or I do, either one. I got his point about Ronnie. <em>That<em> didn't upset me….it _surprised_ me. I'd seen firsthand how much Dally would sacrifice for someone he cared about but, even now, it takes me back, especially when he's doing it for a relative he left and wanted nothing to do with.

The picture of Randy from the other night stuck in my head. The way he smelled, the way he just stood there, the way he defended everything. Randy and Sam were the two that went hand and hand. Michael was always the one left out. Michael was always the quiet one when I first met him. When I _first _met him, that is.

That wasn't Randy...not the one I remembered, going alone with something he knew wasn't right. He was going after my friends and my family. Something he promised he'd never do. Something they _all _had promised.

There was a tap at the window. Another one, another one, another one. Then there was a hiss, "Danni!"

I rolled myself off the sweaty bed and crawled over to my window. I clinched the window seal in anger. "What the hell are you doing here?"

He dropped the small rocks that were in his hands. "I need to talk to you."

I looked beside me at the scratched window pane. "So you use a phone? Or maybe the front door?"

"Your brothers are in there." He swallowed. "And so is Matthews."

I sighed, grabbing my jacket and climbing out of the window and landing on the grass. "Where have you been? I heard someone posted bail?"

He leaned against the fence, his hand slightly twitching. "Yeah. I was with some family for a while. I thought it'd get the cops off my tail for a while."

"How'd that work out?"

"They got a new lead in the investigation," he said nervously. "I'm not sure what it is but some people have told me to watch my back. That they might be coming after me."

I buried my hands in my pockets. "Have you talked to Dally?"

He nodded. "He told me just to go. The cops though man, I don't know what to do."

"If Dally's going to take the blame then take his advice and leave." I buried my hands further into my pockets. "He knows what he's doing so if he tells you to do something, then you should do it."

He looked at the ground and kicked his shoe. "There's something else."

"What?"

He gazed up at me timidly. "I can't go without doing something. I can't go…..without Emily."

I couldn't help but laugh. Every bone in my body was twitching with anger and annoyance. I could not believe what I was hearing let along comprehend it. Everything Dally was doing for him and he wanted to complicate things with _this_.

"It's not funny," he said, irritated. "I like her a lot whether you people want to believe it or not!"

My laughing silenced. "_You people_? You have a lot of nerve saying that."

He pressed his lips together and looked up at the sky. "I didn't mean it like that. I really do like her. She wants to come. It's just-"

"Is this what you wanted to talk to me about?" I asked. "You want me to help you take Emily with you."

He slowly nodded. He sucked in a breath of air. "She wants to come with me. I just need some help and getting her away from her family. Then we'll leave and you'll never hear from us again."

"She's fourteen," I pointed out. "That's kidnapping and you'll defiantly go to jail once they catch you no matter how old you are. Have you even considered what her family wants?"

I watched as his hands twitched into fists. "She _wants_ to go. Her family doesn't understand her. You of all people should know what that feels like."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Dally and I talk more than you think."

Steam was building up inside of me. How could Dally have told him about me and my family? That was a long time ago. Dally wouldn't have brought it up again to him and for what? What reason would he have in doing that? Ronnie was lying.

I bit my tongue and got out, "Ronnie, you need to just leave. There's nothing more you can do here."

He stood his ground, crossing his arms over his chest. "I'm not leaving without Emily."

"What?" I asked, exhausted with the conversation. I rubbed my temple hard. "That's not going to happen. She's only fourteen, Ron! Forget about it!"

"I'm not leaving here without her."

I rubbed my aching head and thought for a minute. "If she goes with you then they'll just arrest you, ruining everything we're trying to do here."

"What is your problem? If this were you and Dally you'd go with him."

"Depending," I said. "And I'm not exactly liking the idea of my boyfriend taking the blame for you. I accepted it. You're family and I get he's trying to protect you. Whatever. I'm not too _keen_ on the idea of you taking away a fourteen year old girl in the middle of the night and going right back to jail and ruining everything! Sorry Ronnie, you're not my _favorite_ person at the moment."

He slumped his hands in his pockets and pouted. "I can't control what Dally does and it just eats you up that you can't either. I can't help it that he wants to do this for me. You're just mad because you don't think he'd do the same for you."

"You don't know me," I growled. "I just met you. Don't go trying to judge me. You came to _me_ for help. Insulting my relationship isn't going to get you anywhere."

His face didn't change back to the nervous kid look he once had on. He remained cocky as ever. "Sorry. You're right; I am in no position to judge your _relationship_. So can you help me or not?"

"I'm not helping you take her."

"C'mon!" he shouted, kicking around. "You owe me!"

I jumped towards him, the conversation reaching new grounds. "I owe you nothing! If anything you owe me and everyone else in this God-for-saken town for causing all of this!"

"I didn't do anything."

"Yeah right."

It was silent. I needed a cigarette. My hands were shaking. The nerve of this kid to come to my house and say these things. The nerve of him to even show up here after everything.

"Listen," he said, walking towards me. "I'm sorry about Dally. I really am. Please though, Danni. Help me! I really need someone on my side….we're practically family, aren't we?"

I gaged at the word. "What's your plan?"

He beamed. "I got a place in New York. I figure we take the four o'clock train tomorrow and hide out there for a while. I just gotta sneak Emily out and then-"

"The fuck you will!"

"Two-Bit!"

He rushed out of the house, lightning speed. He charged toward Ronnie, who stood his ground and quickly started rambling, trying to defend himself. Soda was right behind Two-Bit, trying to calm the situation, Steve cheering on a good fight that we all knew was about to happen. It was way over due at this point.

"I don't care if you're Dal's kid brother or not! You touch her, and you'll be face down in the dirt before you can even lift a finger to scratch your ass!" Two-Bit cornered him, getting right in his face. "You've got balls kid. I'll give you that. Coming down here, thinking you can take her away."

Ronnie seemed unphased by this point. A sly grin appeared on his face. "Seem to have worked the first time."

Blood went gushing all over the dying grass. I backed away from the punches. Soda went toward them and Steve inched closer to get a better look. This was meant to happen. It had needed to be done. I wasn't about to interfere.

Two-Bit grabbed Ronnie's shirt and pinned him against the fence. "Say it again! Say it again!"

Despite the blood and snot coming from his nose, Ronnie still managed to put on that trademark smile of the Winston's. "It happened right under your watch. Big brother wasn't watching baby sister close enough."

"Ronnie!"

I'd never seen Two-Bit put that much force into a shot. You could hear the smashing of bone on bone. Blood spewed automatically. Two-Bit's hand was covered with Ronnie's blood along with his own from just how hard he had packed the punch. He put everything in those two punches. Everything he had been building up.

He pinned him up again. "You think she'd ever go with someone like _you_? I see better looking shit in the toilet in the morning than I do on your face."

"That's not what Emily said."

Soda rushed in this time, just not in time. He tried to create a barrier between the two, only getting shoved quickly out of the way. He tried to calm Two-Bit, but this was his fight. He wasn't going to let go so easily.

"Who's the tough guy now?" Two-Bit spewed shaking Ronnie. "Who's the big bad greaser. Just 'cause you murder a kid, doesn't make you king. You gotta play by the rules in these parts."

He lifted his hand back and brought it back down just below Ronnie's belt. Ronnie gasped and doubled over, coughing uncontrollably. Two-Bit didn't let any room between them. He got right back in Ronnie's face.

"You don't mess with my sister." _Punch._ "You don't look at her." _Punch._ "You don't fucking dare think about her." _Punch._

Ronnie gasped trying to catch a small breath. He, like all like him, didn't back down. "Not even in the shower?"

_PUNCH._

"Hey, Two!"

The screen door banged as Darry and Kathy joined us. Darry rushed over to where Soda was, trying to break up the fight, and ended it his way. He lifted Two-Bit off the ground, spinning him behind him, and setting him down, all without taking his eyes off Ronnie who was bent over, collecting what little air supply he had left.

"He's trying to take Em to fucking York!"

Darry kept a tight hold on the raging maniac. "What are you doing here, Ronnie?"

"He came to talk to me," I answered for him. "He's leaving town tomorrow...aren't you Ronnie?"

Ronnie didn't respond. It wasn't clear if he could or not. Everyone stood and stared as blood and spit ran down his throat. Everyone waited patiently for a response, even Two-Bit.

"I-I can't...leave without...her."

Two-Bit tried to lunge again, Darry created a barrier, holding him back. Steve and Soda joined in this time trying to keep the bull in his pin. Everyone was yelling and screaming, Two doing the majority of it. Ronnie seemed unconcerned, but lifted himself up into a standing position.

He exchanged a look with me, his eyes pleading. His lips mouthing, "We're family. Right?"

I turned to the four people standing on the other side of the yard. I sighed and walked towards them, standing at Darry's side. "You've done enough," I said. "We're cleaning up the mess...just get out of here Ronnie. For good."

Darry calmed Two-Bit down enough to where there was silence. Ronnie's face was pure white and hard. He respectfully nodded, and limped to the gate. "I'm sorry. I really am...for everything."

"The best thing you can do at this point is leave," Darry explained. "Get out...now!"

He complied with requests. He didn't mouth off again. He sunk his head down, put his hands in his pockets, and walked down the sidewalk alone. Dallas Winston's baby brother left as quick as he came. All alone, never to be seen or heard from again.

It was starting.

_Feel it comin' in the air, hear the screams from everywhere. I'm addicted to the thrill. It's a dangerous love affair. Can't be scared when it goes down. Got a problem, tell me now. Only thing that's on my mind is who's gonna run this town tonight... Is who's gonna run this town tonight... We gonna run this town. _


	27. Breath Before the Kiss

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the _Outsiders_ or the song_ Glitter in the Air_.

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><p><em>Have you ever wished for an endless night? Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight? Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself? Will it ever get better than tonight? Tonight.<em>

He breathed in uneasily. His palms were so sweaty he had to wipe them off on his pants leg a few times before he even got to the top of the stairs. He hadn't felt this way in a long time and it was going to take some getting used to. He liked this feeling though...a lot. He just hoped it stayed and he didn't get the feeling he did after the last storm.

_69B. _He stopped and stared at the numbers, making sure he had the right place and trying to physic himself out about reaching forward and knocking the door. Could he knock it? Could he even move his now limp arm? Could he even say anything once she came to the door?

He knocked and waited. He heard her footsteps from the insides and slightly wished she wouldn't be home. Should he dash? No, cowards run. Who is Sodapop Curtis to be afraid of a little girl? He wouldn't run out.

He put on his best smile as the clicking stopped and the door peeled open. Her green eyes gazed up at him. "Sodapop? What are you doing here?"

"I just thought I'd stop by, you know, I was in the neighborhood and all." He flashed his teeth again.

She thought for a minute but reluctantly opened the door and he stepped in. "You want some water or something?" she asked.

He looked around the place. It was open, the kitchen and living room being in one room and three doors on the side leading to the bedrooms and the bath. "Nah, thanks."

She sat down on the sofa, he following her lead. "Welcome to the palace." She smirked. "In the neighborhood, huh?"

"Yeah, that wasn't the best thing I coulda came up with, huh?" Soda chuckled. "It got me in the door though, didn't it? More than I can say about most people."

Jennie pressed her lips together and admired his smile again. "Why are you really here then, Soda?"

He shrugged nonchalantly. "I thought I saw some guy peeping in your window." He pointed to the open blinds and grinned. "I was concerned."

Jennie nodded and laughed. "Uh-huh. We're on the fourth floor. Guy must have had superpowers to see all the way in here seeing me walk around _topless_ and all."

"Oh really?" Soda went on. "So that's what he was looking at?" He paused and curled his lips up. "Can't say I blame him."

Jennie hid her giggle with her hand. She shook her head and composed herself. "Why are you here?"

Soda looked down and fiddled with his fingers. "I wanted to see if you're ok after last night...I mean after what happened at Buck's."

"I should be asking about you." She reached out and brushed her finger over his swollen pink cheek. "Took a good lickin' there. But I don't guess you hit him jus' 'cause he was looking at my butt."

Soda's face turned slightly red and he had wished he had thought quicker and ducked out before the hit. "I wanted to make sure he didn't...upset you or nothing."

"It had nothing to with what you saw before that?"

Soda looked up at her. He stared at her pearl skin and silently resisted the urge to touch it. He looked into her eyes at how damaged they were. Anger overcame him again. "I...no."

Jennie sighed. "Soda, I appreciate what you did." She stood up and crossed her arms. "But maybe you should...go."

Soda didn't move. He stared at her. "You really want me to?"

There was a long pause. Both of them stared into each other's eyes, neither of them knowing if they should blink or not. Jennie seemed at a lost. Then there was a small cry in the room coming from a new person. All eyes turned to her.

She clung to a ripped pink blanket with lambs on it. She rubbed her tired eyes and moaned out again. "What's going on?"

Jennie broke herself from Soda and rushed to the girl, lifting her up from the ground and holding her. Her face went dark red. "You're supposed to be asleep! What happened?"

Soda stood up and smiled at the little eyes watching him. "Hi there."

The girl buried her face in Jennie's shoulder, scared. Jennie spun around and faced Soda. "So-"

"Who's he?" the girl asked, moving around in Jennie's arms to where her eyes focused on Soda.

Soda walked closer to them, trying to reach out to the scared little girl who couldn't have been more than four. "I'm Sodapop. Who are you?"

She looked up at Jennie who nodded at her to go ahead and speak. "Suzie."

"Well hiyea, Suzie." He stuck a hand out for her to shake. "It's mighty nice meeting you."

Jennie watched Suzie take Soda's hand and shake it. She stared at him as he ruffled her hair, telling her she was pretty and making her grin from ear to ear. "This is my friend," Jennie explained. "He stopped by for a minute."

Soda squeezed her hand. "Did we wake you, Suzie?"

She nodded, getting more comfortable. "Yeah." She looked up at Jennie. "You're really loud and your feet make a lot of noise."

Jennie shook her head and put Suzie back down on the ground. "Yeah, yeah, ok._ I'm_ the loud one." She eyed Soda.

"_I'm_ loud?" Soda asked, winking at Suzie. "I beg your pardon, ma'am. I was as quiet as a mouse!"

"A barn rat is more like it."

Suzie giggled and Soda continued on. "That hurt. It really hurt."

Jennie tickled Suzie under her arms and lifted her up again. "You gotta go to bed!" She tipped her upside down. "And stay there this time for more than five minutes, ay?"

"I wanna stay out here with you!"

"No way!" Jennie scooped her up, and turned her toward her room. "We're boring anyway."

Soda waved goodbye to the girl as Jennie quickly pushed her way into her room to lie her back down to sleep. He could have guessed this if he really put a lot of thought in it and the more he did, the less surprised he was. Jennie wasn't like most girls her age in the fact that she wasn't into what was _hip_.

Maybe that's one of the reasons Jennie reminded Soda of his mother...maybe that's the reason he was running so hard and so scared all at the same time.

Jennie reappeared soon. She covered her face and slid against the wall and onto the ground. She let out a deep, tired, sigh. Soda sat down beside her. "She's a cute kid."

Jennie snorted. "Yeah, you should see her at bath time."

"A sweet kid like that? I can't imagine it."

Jennie uncovered her head and looked at him with a small smile. "I didn't know you were that good with kids. I coulda guessed just by your personality, but..."

"That? Eh, it ain't a big deal. I used to have to entertain Pone and Dan when we were kids all the time when Dar _babysat_ us."

She sneered and silence took over the room. Her face was flushed pink and Soda couldn't help but notice. He immediately knew why. He thought he had an explanation for everything now.

"I really don't mind," Soda stammered out. "I get it, you know. That's why you didn't want me to come in before but I really don't mind. I mean, I really love kids. I'm Mr. Fun after all!"

Jennie stared at him. "What?"

Soda continued on. "I mean I can see why you'd be...worried about it, but I mean, I don't mind. See," he got in close to her. "Last year I actually thought I was going to be a _dad _myself! So you having a kid doesn't-"

"Wait!" Jennie stopped him. "You think Suzie is my _kid_?"

Soda sat, dumbfounded. "Yeah?"

Jennie couldn't control her laughter. "She's my sister, So."

Soda's face turned dark red, making Jennie giggle, lightening her up a little and loosening her up. She socked him playfully on his arm and he hid his face, embarrassed. He didn't even know what to say anymore. He was such an idiot.

"I can't believe you thought that!" Jennie continued to laugh. "Do I...Soda! I don't look like a mom do I?"

Soda lifted his head up and grinned seeing her brightened face. He took in her smile and her laugh and let out a small chuckle himself. "I'm _so_ sorry, Jen."

Jennie shook her head and hiccupped. "No, no. Don't be sorry. It's a common mistake I suppose."

The room grew awkward and Soda wondered about asking another question, afraid he might screw that up to. The last thing he wanted to do was further embarrass himself but there were so many questions that he wanted answered. Should he ask her or-

"She lives with me," Jennie let out softly. "It's kinda...it's kinda one of the reasons we moved up here." She played with her fingers, avoiding eye contact for a minute. "I just needed to get her and me outta Kansas."

Soda scooted closer to her, his ears peeled. This was the first personal thing he'd really heard from Jennie. He placed a comforting hand on her hand and held her fingers. "You're back...was it because of that?"

Jennie stared at the hand touching hers. It was so warm. She didn't dare look into his eyes. She knew if she did what would happen. "You really know how to swoon a lady, don't you?"

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, Jen. It's ok, really."

"That's just it," Jennie said. "You're...so easy. I dunno if I should be concerned about how you get girls to feel this way, but whatever it is, it works. A stranger could open up to you just by you flashing her a smile. It's incredible."

Soda tightened his grip around her fingers. "I really care, Jen. Tell me."

Jennie leaned forward allowing Soda to see her full back covered by her T-shirt. He traced the outline of her spine, feeling it underneath her shirt. He hesitantly lifted her shirt up, being ever so careful not to hurt her or scare her off.

Jennie said nothing. She allowed him.

Soda saw the red linings and winced. He reluctantly touched them so lightly that he barely felt them. He was afraid to hurt her. He moved his eyes to her lower back where the burn sat. It was pink and tender. He didn't dare touch it.

"Do it," Jennie breathed out. "Just do it."

Soda did as he was told and ran his finger over the letter, tracing it over and over again. "Does it hurt?"

Jennie hugged her knees but shook her head. "You're not running away."

Soda outlined it over and over again, just eyeing each piece of it, trying to understand. "I'm not going to." He began to rub her back, just like his mother did to him late at night when he was sick. "Who did it, Jen?"

She didn't answer. Soda continued to rub. He hadn't even realized how he absentmindedly started to hum. They stayed like this for a long time. They both didn't even realize it. Neither wanted the other to move.

"When most guys see it they split for the door," she explained. "They're afraid of what it means. They think they're going to catch a disease or something. Some just think I'm in a cult or a witch. Either way they all leave."

Some time passed and Jennie pulled her shirt back down. She looked behind her shoulder at the boy looking straight into her eyes with care, drawing her to him.

He held out an open arm. "C'mere."

She slid under his arm and nestled herself in his chest. She breathed in his sent and shut her eyes. She hadn't noticed the tears until she felt his hand wipe them away.

"Why are you still here?"

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No."

Soda kissed the top of her head. This was the first time they'd both showed affection towards one another. And at this point, Soda didn't care if he scared her off. He didn't care.

Jennie's eyes sparkled up at him and at that moment, that's all they both saw.

Slowly, Soda lowered his head down, his lips kissing hers. He let them lay on hers for a long time, taking his time and enjoying this moment like it was his first and last kiss. She did the same.

"Who are_ you_?"

He flashed his teeth proudly. "I'm the one and only Sodapop Curtis, ma'am."

* * *

><p>It was really snowing for the first time all year. It was coming down along with some hail. The whole house smelled like gingerbread and cinnamon. It always did when it was around December. It reminded me of a few years ago when I was in this very house, cuddled up by the fire with...<em>this<em> jerk.

"I can't believe you're acting like you don't give a damn!" I screamed, the back of my throat burning.

"Well does it look like I give a _damn_, Danni? I've already spoken about what I think. Mike wasn't going to do anything and you know it. Don't try and act like you think he's a monster. You know him!"

I don't know why I was here, standing in front of him. I don't know if it was from the anger I had built up inside of me because of Ronnie, or Dally going MIA, or from Mike, but I was standing here, letting it all out on Randy. I needed to set a few things clear before this rumble set fire.

"He was going to _hit_ her!" I continued to rant. "And who says I know him? I apparently don't know you!"

He snorted at the remark. "I'm sorry for whatever it is that you're still hung up on. But my God, move on. Get over yourself and look at us. You were our friend and now you're trying to act like we're _dangerous_! You know better!"

I knew better? I hadn't decided that. I hadn't decided if I did or not for years. _Dangerous_. Aren't we all_ dangerous_?

"I'm not hung up on anything!" I addressed. "I'm not the one who ended ties with you guys. _You_ kicked me out. You left me on the side of the road like yesterday's trash."

"Oh God, stop saying that!" he spewed, rolling his head back. "I did not just _leave_ you there. Your house was right around the corner. You could've come to us. Heck even Marilyn. She was your friend!"

I made fists. "Who ditched me the moment you dumped me! She wouldn't even look at me afterwards, what do you mean come to you? You got rid of me and if Sam would have had it his way, I would have really been gone."

He scowled and his face turned red with anger. "Don't say that."

"It's true."

Randy paced around the room for a minute, trying to cool down. "You're so hung up on that."

I walked toward him. "I'm not. I'm happy where I'm at and _who_ I'm with. I'm just giving you a reality check of what actually happened, seeing as how you all forgot."

"Yeah, you found a _nice_ guy." He rolled his eyes. "I'm happy with Mar, so who cares about what we had?"

"I don't," I said. "Our relationship has nothing to do with why I came here. That happened years ago."

Randy nodded and went into the kitchen, making me follow him. He seemed to have cooled down somewhat. "Why are you even here? To yell at me?"

"I came here to remind you that you promised me something," I explained. "You promised me you guys wouldn't go near my family. Remember that?"

Randy moved his eyes away from mine. "Sam promised you that. He's dead now, Danni."

"So what does that mean?" My voice rose again. "That the promise is over? C'mon!"

Randy ignored the question. "You don't even care if he's dead or not. He was your friend and you didn't bother showing up to his goddamn funeral!"

"Like I was welcomed there!" I yelled. "You're shitting me, right?"

"I heard Dally's going to go to the cops and tell them he did it." He turned and faced me again, going right back to a new subject. Leave it to Randy to avoid a conflict.

"So?"

He raised an eyebrow. "You all think you can just cheat the system like that?"

"Why do you care?" I asked.

"I want justice for _my_ friend...I'll tell them he's lying."

My eyes shot open. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He would never. "You better not! Randy I swear-"

"What are you going to do if I do?" He held his arms out and came near me. "That wasn't in our _deal_, seeing is how that's all you care about anyway."

I crossed my arms over my chest. "Is this Mike's idea, or did you actually come up with one all by your little self?"

"Hey, now!"

I backtracked. "I want my promise to be kept. I'm not going to start threatening but I will if I have to. I could have a long time ago when you and Bob came after Pone but I didn't because you stopped. Don't think I won't do it though."

Randy sneered and crossed his arms. "Fine. We'll keep your silly little promise though I don't see why I still have to keep it. We made that years ago when it actually mattered. It probably doesn't anymore."

I grabbed my coat from the table. "You really want to chance that?"

He didn't say anything. He knew better. Randy and his family were at the top of the food chain. Someone at the bottom, like me, setting him back like I'd plan to, would ruin him forever. This would ruin everyone's lives.

"You go to the cops and you go down with us," he said. "You know that right?"

I slipped my hands through the warm sleeves of my jacket. I turned and faced them. "As long it keeps my family safe, I don't care."

"You'll be there for life."

I smirked at the idea. "Yeah, well, maybe me and Dally can raise a family in there."

I could feel his eyes roll at the mere mention of his name and headed for the door. He followed after me. I stood at the front of the door and faced him one last time.

"You need to watch yourself with them," I said calmly. "They're going to get you in over your head so fast you won't even know what hit you."

He looked down at me. "I think I know them better than you do."

"I'm just warning you," I said. "You can't take back some of the things you do, Randy. Just keep that in mind."

He grinned and motioned me out the door. "Don't worry about me now. Just go take a hike Danni. It'll be good for you."

I opened the door behind me. "Remember, you promised. I'm not afraid to go down Randy. Are you?"

_It's only half past the point of oblivion. The hourglass on the table, the walk before the run. The breath before the kiss and the fear before the flames. Have you ever felt this way?_


	28. Tin Man

**A/N: **He's back. ;)

This song inspired the title so pretty please read the lyrics!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the _Outsiders_ or the song _Today We Give Ourselves to the Fire_.

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><p><em>We will sing 'til there's nothing left to be sung. Not gonna take it. They can't put our fire out. I am alive. I promise I'm a well-intentioned explosion. Here comes the light. Give me that light. Today we give ourselves to the fire. <em>

"Everyone here?"

Everyone looked around. It looked like the snow might come in but it seemed unlikely. Until last night, Tulsa hadn't gotten any snow at all. What was left from last night was already gone. The four boys stood on top of the old bridge and leaned over, spitting down into the freezing cold water and smoking cigarettes. They all were itching to have this conversation.

Dally stood on the far side of them, a big smirky grin on his lips. "I want in on this."

"It's going to be played their way this time," Two-Bit explained. "Talked to my boy and he said the Socs want revenge for the last rumble we had. It ain't gonna be the same playin' field."

Steve threw a bud into the water. "They always play dirty. Ain't gonna be no shock there."

Dally snorted. "We're the dirtiest muthafuckers in the state of OK. Let 'em play." He took a drag from his fag. "Heard you beat the living shit outta Ron."

Two-Bit had kept his lips tight about that topic. He didn't exactly want to tell someone like Dally that he beat up their little brother. You just don't go after family here. Two-Bit was hoping this time was and exception to the rule. "Sorry, man. I know-"

"Hope you got a little in for me."

Two-Bit grinned and slapped hands with Dally again. A huge relief was lifted off of him. "It's good havin' you back, bud."

"How was the big south?" Steve asked, lighting another one.

Dally shrugged want dropped things into the fast current underneath him. He watched them float by and then stood up. "Dumb fucks down there. Can't get in on a race to save my life. You rig one little race and, damn, they think you're Evil Knievel."

"You fed the damn bull drugs!"

Dally laughed, remembering. His face light up. "Yeah...good times, man."

Steve brought up the topic that was on everyone's mind: "What about the cops, Dal? You turnin' yourself in, right? They'll be on your ass as soon as the rumble starts getting good, you know that don't ya?"

Dally waved it off. He hadn't been concerned with the cops this whole time. "Got some friends droppin' a few hinty hints to the big boys. They'll come for me, just after I'm down busting some Soc's heads together is all."

Soda remained quiet through the whole conversation. Keeping his eyes directly on the water until now. "Dal...what about Dan?" He lifted his head up and faced him. "Have you talked to her lately?"

Steve and Two-Bit whistled and turned on their heels, trying to avoid_ this_ conversation. It wasn't their place to listen to this and they sure didn't want to. Dally pulled out another stick. "Your sister," he smirked. "I'll get around to it. Let her stu for a bit."

Soda knew how Dally's mind worked. He tried to ignore it though and continue the conversation like two best friends instead of a big brother talking to his little sister's boyfriend. "You're going to tell her before, though, right? Before you turn yourself in? She's been...worried."

Dally blew out another cloud of smoke into the sky. He thought for a minute. "She cool down?"

Soda loosened up hearing Dally call her something other than _broad_. Dally had _some_ respect and Soda was thankful for that. He knew Dally respect the situation they were in...somewhat. "Yeah. You should call her."

"Maybe."

Soda smiled. He'd known Dallas Winston enough to know what that meant. His body tension loosened. "Thanks, man."

Steve and Two reentered the conversation and changed the subject as fast as possible. "Sodapop, you sure you can't fight?"

Dally's ears peeled open and he took a step closer. "You ain't fightin'?"

Soda tried to control his face from going red. He really didn't want to tell them the real reason. It was embarrassing enough without telling the guys. "Dar is sick. I should...help take care of 'im. Plus he ain't really wantin' me to fight anyhow."

Steve rolled his eyes and took a puff. "Tell him to piss off. We need ya out there!"

"You're fighting." Dally stated clearly. He shook his head and looked up at the sky, annoyed. "Don't wus out on us now 'cause superman's bein' a dope. Man up and stand up!"

Soda's hands turned into fists. He wanted to fight_ so_ bad. This was going behind his family's back though. Something he never did. He made a promise. He never broke any promise he had with his family. Was this more important though? Could he go through with going behind Darry's back for something as big as this supposedly was?

"What's the point?" Soda shrugged and bent back over the bridge and focused on the water below. "Ain't like before. That was for Johnny and Pone."

Two-Bit rose to answer the question before anyone else had a chance. "They are goin' after _us!_ We got a title to hold. You're just goin' to let them fuckers go after your sister and best pal's girl like they did?"

Soda bit his lip. "No."

Steve rested a hand on Soda's shoulder. He inwardly sighed. "You ain't gotta do nothin' you don't wanna do, man."

Soda looked at him. "You want me to fight?"

Steve thought for a minute, and then reluctantly nodded his head. "It's up to you though, man."

"We stood up for ya'll," Two said plainly. "I ain't sayin' we wouldn't have anyway. But man, you're family's our family. _We're_ family. You stand up for your own. We stick up for each other and that's what we're doin'! Come on, So."

Steve grabbed Soda's shoulder blade. "How 'bout it, buddy? You in or not?"

Soda leaned against the bridge. He rubbed his head and spit a long spit into the rushing water. He stood back up and faced them. He shook his head again and looked up to the sky. He sighed loudly. What in the hell was he doing?

* * *

><p>Ponyboy clipped off another toenail, this one landing near my face. I groaned and brushed it off the bed. "If you're going to be in here, must you cut your nasty toes nails?"<p>

Pony clipped another one. "Yes."

I slumped back down on the bed and covered my face with my pillow. "I'm so bored! Why do we have to be on lockdown still? It's not like anything's happening in this town right now anyway. Can't we just go for a walk or something?"

"After what happened after Buck's party, Darry ain't gonna let us outta the house until college." He tore off his big toenail. "Thanks for that by the way."

I pressed the pillow harder. "Sorry."

"I'm kidding." He went on to his other foot. "You really scared Darry to death...well Evie did. After she almost passed out on the floor, that is. He was up all night talking to Kathy over the phone about it."

I lifted the pillow up some. This was new. "He did?"

Ponyboy nodded. "He even mentioned moving. It was late though. He wasn't really thinking clearly. I'm sure he's over it now. I mean, we've always lived here. We all grew up in this house. He wouldn't move us."

I couldn't think of my life away from Tulsa. My parents grew up here. My grandparents grew up just down the street. No one in our family had left this town before. This was_ our_ town. It was a part of us. Everything we love is in this town. Everything that made us what we are. Darry wouldn't take us away from that.

"Soda wouldn't let him."

Ponyboy shook his head. "Soda can't really do anything about it. I mean he could stay here, he's eighteen and no longer under Darry's control but Darry has custody of _us_ and could up and move _us_ any time he wanted to. Soda could fight him, sure, but Darry has the final say so."

I couldn't picture of a life away from here. A life without the title of a greaser or without Socs. Who would we be in a different town? We've lived all our lives under one name. As much as we all wished that that name would just go away, no one could picture themselves without that title. It was what we were. It always would be.

There was a knock at the door. "Hey, can we talk to you two?"

Kathy and Darry stood by the door, coming into the room. We both nodded and they took a seat at the end of the bed. I started to wonder what Kathy would do if we moved. Would she stay or come with us? Was the relationship between them really that big? Talking marriage type of relationship? No, they weren't ready for that step.

"What's up, Dar?"

Darry exchanged a look with Kathy. "This rumble's coming up. We just wanted to make sure we're still on the same page."

"We're not the ones you need to talk to," I informed him. "You ain't gotta worry about _me_ fighting."

Darry nodded, already knowing that, and looked to Ponyboy who echoed what I said. "I wanna fight, but I guess it's your call."

"The other guys agree," Darry explained to him. "I've already talked to them and their not even letting Johnny fight in this one. I've made it clear to them too, if you show up, they'll bust your ass and then send you home and _I'll_ do it again."

Ponyboy grumbled and looked to the ground. "I guess."

Darry lifted his chin up, making him look him in the eye. "Listen to me, I mean it. I hear one whiff of information that you're there, and I'll pick you up in front of everyone and you won't be sitting for a month. Got me?"

"Yeah, Dar," Pony said reluctantly, pushing Darry's hand away. "I got it."

Darry nodded and pulled away. He ruffled his hair playfully. "We'll check a movie out or something. That sound good?"

We both knew this was just Darry's way of making _sure_ we _really_ didn't go near the fighting. None the less, it was a free movie pass. Pony agreed. "Yeah, that sounds good."

"Sarah and me are having a movie date."

Pony rolled his eyes. "Sarah and _I_!"

"Whatever!" I turned back to Darry. "I promise, I won't go near the stupid fight. You ain't gotta worry about that."

Darry rubbed his tired face. "Yeah I know. That brings me to the next subject."

Kathy took over this one saving us all as she normally did during these types of talks. "Dally is probably going to fight. You know that don't you?" I nodded. "Whatever he does after that...please don't let it get to you too much."

I narrowed my eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

Kathy looked to Darry but continued her thought, "We don't want to see you get hurt is all. We know you don't like the idea of Dally going to jail, but if it happens that he does..."

Darry took over. "We don't want you to end up like you were last time."

Memories came flooding back. I hadn't thought of that time in a long time. It was more than a year ago. I sighed just thinking about it. "I won't. I'm past that point I think. I'll be ok. I'll be good."

"You sure?" Darry asked. "We're not asking you not to be upset. We just want you to be prepared...it was a rough year that year for you and frankly, the rest of us. I don't want to see that happen to you again."

"It won't," I promised. "Dally's going to do it. I know that and I've somewhat accepted it. We'll just...we'll just have to decide what to do from there when it comes."

Darry and Kathy accepted the answer. Kathy put her hand on top of mine. "You can come talk to me anytime. You know that don't you?"

I smiled. I felt like I was taking this gift of having another female to relate to, for granted. After years of praying for my mother to come back, God answered with Kathy. Kathy wasn't only a blessing to Darry, she was to me too. "Yeah, Kat. I know."

"You're like my little sister," she said honestly. "I'd do anything for you or your brothers. Just know that, ok?"

I nodded. I already knew this. "I do know that, Kathy. Thanks for taking this _loser_ and making our lives easier."

Darry playfully shoved me. "Loser my ass."

"He's not a loser," Kathy said with a giggle. "An ass...sometimes."

Darry shook his head and chuckled at her comment. He'd begun to accept that trait. "You guys do understand now?" He stared at Pony and I. "We're on mutual terms?"

Pony and I assured him again we weren't going to take part in any of the rumble until Darry believed us and left the room with Kathy right behind him. I could feel Pony fidget, wanting to get on the fight, beside me. He knew better though. Darry meant business this time and everyone in this house knew it.

"Danni, Pony!" The bedroom door crashed open and Soda jumped around in the room. He quickly closed the door shut behind him and kneeled in front of the bed. His eyes were as big as basketballs. "Can you guys keep a secret?"

Pony and I gaped at Soda's excitement, both of us getting twin telepathy that this wasn't good. "Sure," Pony answered for the both of us. "What's goin' on Sodapop?"

Soda beamed proudly. He was so excited he could barely contain himself. He bit his upper lip and grinned. "Guess!"

"Just tell us!" I stressed, anxious to hear this, so-called, exciting new news.

Soda giggled with glee and bounced on the bed with us. Pony and I both went flying into the air. "You guys got to promise you won't tell Darry though. He can't know about this or it'll be my ass."

"Sure, sure!" Pony said to him. "Just tell us already!"

Soda settled down and sat on his legs. He paused for dramatic effect and then said proudly: "I'm going to fight."

Simultaneously, Ponyboy and my mouths shot open. He couldn't be serious. Soda never deliberately went behind Darry's back without having a really, really, good reason. Soda had promised Darry too and Soda had never broken a promise this big before to any of us. Pony and I sat in disbelief.

"Soda," Pony began seriously, trying not to burst Soda's bubble. "Are you serious? Darry just came in a minute ago to make sure_ I_ wasn't fighting! He said he'd tan my hide right red if he caught me! He's going to do the same to you!"

Soda waved him off, unconcerned. "Darry's not goin' to find out. He doesn't know what he's talkin' 'bout anyway. I gotta look out for the guys and my family. Darry doesn't get that. Plus I'm eighteen. Darry can't control every aspect of my life anymore."

I shook my head, still not understanding what his point was. "You sure about this? If Darry catches you, your dead. I mean maybe he's being unreasonable, but maybe he has a good point about not fighting. I talked to Randy the other day and it seems like these Socs mean business. It's not going to be like last time when we had the upper hand."

Soda's bubble was starting to pop. His smile faded and his face hung low. "You think it's a bad idea?"

Pony and I exchanged another look. Pony spoke, "I think if you think it's ok, then it's ok. Jus' don't drag us down if you get caught, will ya? Darry is already on our asses as is."

Soda's sweet smile returned and he reached out and mushed us both in a tight hug. "You guys are the best. You know that?"

For now we were. I had a feeling deep in the bottom of my stomach that told me Darry was going to catch on to what Soda was doing and hopefully he would before Soda even had a chance to fight. Soda could hold his own though. He would be fine in the fight. That wasn't what I was worried about.

"Dally's back," Soda spoke up, letting us go. "He's gonna call you later."

A weight was lifted off my shoulders. I ignored how annoyed I was that Soda knew this before I did and became happy by the fact that he was going to call. "Is he still mad?"

I could tell Soda didn't want to answer that question exactly. "Nah. Just wait for your phone call."

"You going to throw in a few punches for me at this rumble?" Ponyboy asked with excitement in his voice.

Soda bounced on the bed again, thrilled this was actually happening. "Sure thing, buddy! This is going to be good. I can feel it. They're gonna get what's coming to them and I'll be sure to land Randy a few extra punches for you Dan."

I smiled slightly. "Thanks, So."

Here we were. Two days before the show. Two days before everything would be settled. Maybe we could have some peace after this thing was over. Maybe we could all be on mutual grounds for a little while at least. Maybe things would go back to normal and the Socs side and the greaser side would finally be joined. Maybe this rumble really did mean something.

Maybe it meant a new beginning for our lives in this little town.

Then again, who are we kidding?

_Put out your hands, I know it's scary. Light up your fire, I know it's scary. It's cold in your ribs, cuz you say they came and burned you down. Not gonna take it. They can't put your fire out. Today we give ourselves to the fire. _

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><p><strong>AN: **I'm sorry it's short. I'm wrapping up the next one as we speak and it should be up soon. The big chapter is coming soon. I promise. :)


	29. Jesus, Save Me

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the _Outsiders or Jesus Walks_.

_Warning: _Rated **M** stuff below. You are forewarned.

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><p><em>Jesus Walks. God show me the way because the devil trying to break me down. Jesus Walks. The only thing that that I pray is that my feet don't fail me now. Jesus Walks. And I don't think there's nothing I can do now to right my wrongs Jesus walks with me... I want to talk to God but I'm afraid because we ain't spoke in so long.<em>

He stood tall, his chin held up high. He wasn't going to let her see that this was getting the better of him. He wouldn't let her know how he cried himself to sleep last night. People like him aren't supposed to cry. They aren't supposed to run away like a coward back home to Mommy. He would let her see him like this. This was the last time she would.

He kept playing the words over and over in his head: _Go up state. Stay there. Let me handle this shit! Get the fuck outta this town. Don't screw this up, Ron! Don't screw it up! You've already screwed up enough!_

"Ronnie," she whispered. Her hand was tightly around his. "Your bus will be here in five minutes."

He knew this. She sure didn't have to remind him just how long he had left. "I know, Em. Five minutes can seem like eternity though."

He wanted her to feel better. He wanted her to understand why he stopped pressing that she run off with him. He didn't tell her about what really happened to his face. He didn't tell her about her brother. He didn't want her to be more bitter towards him than she already was. He didn't want her to know everything. She couldn't.

"Can you call me once you get there?" Her pleading eyes looked up at him.

_Don't look back. Drop that broad! This is your life, kid. Don't screw it up. _He let out a long sigh and looked away from her stare. "I can't, Em. You know I can't."

"Dally's turning himself in so what does it matter?" she complained. "Ronnie you're free aren't you?"

Ronnie watched the clouds pass by overhead. He closed his eyes and breathed. "I'm never going to be free, Em. I'm not supposed to leave. The cops can't know. This is our little secret."

She still didn't understand all this and he could tell. He could only tell her so much though. He knew she was the only one that didn't see him as a cold blooded killer. She was the only one who believed in him. He owed her a lot...he owed her an explanation. That was just something he couldn't give her though.

"I know I caused a lot of trouble," he said. "For everyone. A lot of people just hate me for letting Dally take the blame for me...I hate _myself_ for letting Dally take the blame for me."

Emily rubbed his arm gently. "Don't say that. He's doing it for you."

"He shouldn't have to. I should be able to take care of myself but just look around, I screwed up, Em. I always do."

He thought of his brother's friends back in Tulsa. All of them wanting him dead and wishing he never showed up. That wasn't the first impression he wanted to make on them. They all saw him in the same way and he couldn't change that...maybe they were right in seeing him that way. Maybe he was the one not seeing the big picture.

"You're not a killer," Emily spoke gently to him. "I can see it. I understand you, Ronnie."

Ronnie squeezed her little hand. "Don't ever change that. Please? No matter what they tell you, I didn't kill Sam. I didn't kill Sam, Emily. Always know that. I didn't kill Sam!"

She agreed. He knew she'd stick by him. He hoped so anyway. She was the only who had believed him. Emily Matthews saw the best in people. She was an amazing little girl and he'd do anything to take her with him and spend forever with her.

That, sadly, just wasn't part of the plan. He had to stick with it. It'd save everyone.

"Here." He reached into his jacket pocket just as the bus pulled up to the station. He'd been saving this for her for a long time. He pulled out a silver chain and dropped it in her palm. "Promise you won't lose it?"

Emily stared at the piece of metal in her hand. She squeezed it. "Ronnie-"

"Promise me, Em."

Tiny tears dripped down her cheek and rolled down her chin. He wiped them away, trying not to do the same. "I promise...I love you, Ronnie."

He tucked her hair behind her ear, trying to hold a smile. He gently kissed her lips goodbye. He savored her touch. "I love you too, Emily. Remember that."

He was gone within a blink of an eye. He carried what little luggage he had and climbed up into the smelly bus. The last thing Emily Matthews saw was a hand sticking out the window, her first love, waving her goodbye.

Ronnie Winston didn't kill Sam. That was clear. If Ronnie didn't kill Sam...who did? Or was he just fooling everyone.

* * *

><p>The bubbles stuck to our naked bodies. The water was warm, really warm. He kept his arms around me as I sat in-between his legs, resting the back of my head on his chest and rubbing his knee. I took handfuls of bubbles and played with them in my hands. I stuck them all over our bodies until they dissolved.<p>

"Tomorrow night then, huh?" I asked softly.

"Big show down," he said.

"What happens after?" I asked. "What are you going to do?"

"Head on down to the big house," he said quietly. "That is if them MFs don't wise up and come after me first. Nah, what am I thinking? That ain't ever gonna happen."

I grabbed his arm and wrapped it around my neck to where he was holding me tightly. He slipped his other hand around my waist and hugged me there. He rested his chin on the tip of my head and watched as I scrubbed the dirt off my leg.

"I'm glad you're back," I admitted. "At least for a little while." I buried my face in his shoulder and shut my eyes and listened to the sound of water in the tub splash.

The water and his body heat kept me extremely warm. I could feel tiny beads of sweat on my forehead. It was quiet. The neighbors weren't yelling...we weren't yelling. It was peaceful for a little while. A little while that we needed. All our disagreements seemed stupid at this point. We knew our time was limited and after tonight, the real storm was going to start. This was all we had left.

"Hey," I spoke up quietly. "I'm...I'm sorry about coming on to you like I did. I just want you to know...I accept your decision to do this. To protect your brother like this."

He didn't say anything. His tightened his grip around my body and lightly tickled my stomach and my navel. He didn't have to say anything at this point. This was enough. "Came to your senses finally and realized I'm _always_ right?"

I snickered and gently rubbed his shin bone. "Sure. That and the fact that your protective side is extremely sexy."

He smirked and reached his hand around my back side and gripped me underneath my thigh. "How flattering."

"Are you scared?" I asked, changing up the subject.

He readjusted himself and mumbled. He loosened his grip a little and rested his head on his arm. "I don't get scared."

"I'm scared," I admitted quietly. I wasn't sure if he heard me or not.

The bubbles stuck to our flesh and then dissolved. Most of them were gone by this point and the candles were melting away. They were starting to smell at this point and Dally was itching to chuck them out. He didn't want them in the first place. They were my idea of trying to make things _romantic_...romantic for us that is. They were old bug candles I found back in his closet. They were the best thing I could come up with.

"Did you miss me?" I giggled at the thought of asking him such a question. I kicked my leg up in the air and scrubbed the back of it. "You have to give me a good answer too."

He kissed me down my neck and stopped at the tip of the shoulder. He hummed. "All day every day, babe, darling. You were the last thing on my mind and the first thing on it when I awoke to the birds chirping your song!"

I splashed some water towards his face and laughed. "I'm going to pretend you really meant that."

He chuckled and put his arms around my stomach. He had been quiet all night. Tim picked him up, claiming he slept the whole way here. He didn't say much to anyone once he woke up. I think deep down, he was worried...maybe even upset about past events. Maybe spending some time away from Tulsa actually did him some good.

Large amount of bubbles squirted up from underneath the water. He giggled like a little boy. "Oops!"

Maybe not.

Ronnie was really gone now, according to Dally that is. Dally thought he had the cops on his tale now after he started up some rumors with the top dogs in the neighborhood. He was going to take the blame for driving the car that hit Sam. What happened after that was up to the judge. Dally was worried though. He knew this was bigger than anything he'd faced before. He was in pain.

"Dally."

"Hmmm?"

I paused and thought about the question I wanted to ask. It hadn't fully hit me yet that this was the last time I'd see him for a while not behind bars. I had spent so long dreading this moment and now that it was finally here, I didn't want it to end. I didn't want to dry off, put my clothes on, and have to say goodbye to him. I didn't want him to do this, though, I knew he had to. And deep down, I was somewhat proud.

I lifted my body up a little, to where my lips touched the end of his ear. I kissed him on the side of his neck slowly around his scar, taking as much time as the universe would allow. I savored his taste, his smell, the touch of his skin. I wrapped my fingers around his hand and moved it up to my breast and let his hand lay there.

His other hand moved up my sides and rested under my breast. He squeezed them tenderly and lowered his face to where his lips sat on mine. He left them there, giving me a slow, long lasting, kiss. I gripped his knee and arched my body up. My hormones went off the chart and I parted from him, breathing out slowly.

I touched his face, stopping him and making him stare at me. "Be careful...will ya?"

A sly grin appeared on his face and I knew right then he was holding back a smirk. "I can hold my own against the sweater vest gang. Don't you worry none about that, Curtis."

I grinned and ran my hand over his face, feeling it for the last time. I touched his chest and outlined every muscle. I ran my finger over his scar, trying not to remember. He eyed mine. I lifted his face up to me. "I'll be here when you get back."

He sneered and rubbed my hair. He stretched his neck out and blew out the candles, making the only light coming from the moon through the window. "You better."

"Don't be getting to frisky with your mates either now." I warned with a wink, bending upward and wrapping a towel around myself. "And try not to drop the soap in the shower. We all knows what happens after that."

He ducked around, jumping out of the tub and running toward me. I yelped as he pinned me down by my shoulders, making me laugh. "You think you're cute, huh?"

I kissed his lips gingerly. I rubbed his rough face. "I _know_ I'm cute."

**XXXXXXX**

The midnight hour came down on us.

He lay on the bed, watching me. He leaned against the bed post and pressed his lips together and I slipped my socks back off my feet slowly. I teased him with them, taking them off so carefully and slowly. Seducing him with every move. He kept a sly grin on his face, watching the whole thing intently. His toes curled and I tossed the socks away and removed my shirt, only leaving on my bottoms. He stared at my chest, his stomach flexing, telling on himself.

I rubbed my hands over my body as he watched. I covered my chest and touched my stomach, teaching him where to touch. I rested my hand on the button of my pants and paused, watching his face.

"What are you waiting for?"

I ran. Our bodies collided on the bed and our lips locked. He twisted my body over to where he was on top. His favorite position. I was his prisoner here and he was in charge. He had full advantage of me here. He lifted me up, my breasts and nipples touching his smooth chest right on the scar. He slammed me into the wall, attacking my mouth. He pinned my hands above my head.

I breathed out. _Pain. Pain. Relief. _I slowly ran my hands up his back as he paused for the first time. He caught his breath and stared into my eyes as if asking for permission. We stared at each other. My nails latched onto his back. He took a fist full of my hair and held it. His eyes sparkled. They were beautiful...and this was the last time I would be able to truly enjoy them.

The momentum changed back to its fast pace. He kissed me forcefully and his hands fumbled for zippers and buttons and in one thrust he sheathed himself inside of me. I gasped and let the pain enter my body. I let _him_ enter my body as if it were our first time all over again and I was just a nieve little girl, knowing nothing about the real world.

I cried out in pain, or maybe it was pleasure. He thrusted and he kissed me, not gentle, yet passionate and uniting. He rammed into me, with growls of fury and passion. He didn't stop, he couldn't stop. The pain, the horrible pain, it rose in him, and it overtook him, it filled him, it poured out, and he screamed as did I. He kissed me, and he bit my lips and tongue gently and breathed out on my face. I held his body so it stayed tightly on mine. I wrapped my hands around him and held him right here where it felt the best.

He groaned and cursed. Dally moved faster, almost as if he felt the wall behind us would crack into a million pieces and we would fall into nothing, getting lost in all the pain, in the adrenaline, and becoming lost in the loss itself. The loss was intense, never ending, never faltering. We both felt it move in our bodies. Life went on, but people didn't. People died, people left, people didn't come back.

I could feel myself growing teary eyed, and that made me scream louder and more. My head fell back and slapped into the wall. I heaved, getting some air in my lungs. I rose up and down, my legs and arms pinned by his force. He let my back ease away from him to gain better access. He felt so much pain, but in the moment, he lost it, and he couldn't find it. He released it into the atmosphere, hoping it would never return. The pain, it was eclipsed by pleasure and hunger and desperation and need and love and he rose up.

I locked eyes with him, and he kissed me smoothly, and held the kiss as we both came. We both lost our pain, both lost our sorrow, both forgetting to hate and cry and die, and lived, and loved and found everything, everything missing, and everything that had been missing for so long. It was over as fast as it started and my body shook as tears escaped my eyes. I clung to his body and let my tears run down his back.

He breathed in and out, in and out and the warm air cleared out the goose bumps. He squeezed my body so tight, my breathing didn't matter. Our bodies touched one last time. Ther were joined for one last hurrah. This was it. We took in the loss and held each other tight, not daring to move from this amazing feeling. This feeling we would only feel at this time and this time only. Here it was. It was better than our first. Better than any other times. Better than our last. The clock was ticking away our time and we were done. We were done forever. Our precious moment had ended. We had ended.

Tears flooded down my checks, soaking his body. Small sobs escaped my lips. I buried my face in his neck and smelled his sent for the last time. My body shivered and chill bumps took over my naked body once again. I shivered and his grip tightened as if telling me, everything was ok. He was here. He's got me. He didn't need to say it. I felt it. I knew he was there. I knew he had me. I knew he was there for me. He was protecting me. He loved me.

"Be careful," I whispered in his ear. I scrapped his back with my nails. "Goddamnit, be careful."

His hand went around the back of my head and his lips kissed me on my neck, answering for him. I could feel his sly smile forming on my neck. "I can't die, Curtis. Don't you remember?"

My face swelled up from the tears that didn't stop. I heaved for a breath. "I love you." My body shook again and mounds of tears ran down my face. "God, Dally, I love you."

He rose up, his eyes meeting mine again. His hand ran through my hair and he grabbed another fist full and held it. I shut my eyes and breathed out slowly. He let go and pressed his thumb against my lips. "God, Curtis...God."

The night disappeared. His body collapsed on mine and we fell asleep holding each other, just like this. No matter how hard we tried, there was still pain. Everyone felt pain. Pain took over our bodies and our minds. We can't ignore it. I couldn't ignore it. Dally couldn't ignore it. We both felt it.

We are humans. And humans felt pain.

_Yo, We at war. We at war with terrorism, racism, and most of all we at war with ourselves. Jesus Walks. God show me the way because the Devil trying to break me down. Jesus Walks with me, with me, with me, with me._

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **So here we go. It all happens in the next chapter. :)


	30. And the Sound of Drums

**A/N: **Warning: _Cliff hanger below_.

Please read lyrics. :)

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the _Outsiders_ or the song_ Lost _by Avenged Sevenfold.

* * *

><p><em>Centuries pass and still the same. War in our blood, some things never change. Fighting for land and personal gain better your life, justify our pain. The end is knocking. The end is knocking.<em>

The moon was nowhere in sight. It was as dark as dark could be this cold night in Tulsa. It was perfect for the night's affairs. Neither side needed light to see on this night. They didn't need to see - period. They were ready for this. They were ready to make some heads roll. An eye for an eye. That's what it was about.

The meeting place was picked on mutual grounds and decided upon the night before. With the cops going crazy in town, and would probably break up the fight in no time, the woods was picked. A special place in the middle where a camp ground used to be for boy scouts. Everyone was to meet there tonight.

On the East side, the boys spent their few hours before the fight, drinking and lifting whatever weights they could find, flexing their muscles. Singing fight music and sweating up a storm. Getting their adrenaline pumping through their veins. On the West, they spent their time fairly the same. They drank. They drank_ a lot_. They talked and gabbed about the plan for tonight. They got dressed accordingly, listened to some music, and got pumped up. They weren't too worried though. This was _their_ fight tonight.

It's an old tale. Rumbles have been happening since the brink of time in Tulsa. These boys who were getting ready to brawl, their ancestors had done it way before their time. It was in their blood by this point. As little boys they all heard tales of the finest of fine rumbles. Who won, who lost, why, sometimes who even died.

They had their own record books. They knew who was on top and who wasn't. Who'd screwed up the most. Who'd fought the hardest of battles. Why these battles were even fought. Those were the best of stories and only the finest reached the books.

The number one: Last year.

The East side and the West remembered that fight clear as day. The West remembered being run out of town, their tails between their knees. Times were different though. They kept those memories in mind tonight. It was motive. Sam's death was motive. Bob's death was motive. Too many lives have been taken from them and now someone had to pay the price.

Everyone in town knew what happened last year and here, the grounds are the same. Someone dies, so they fight. Each side is blamed. Someone's death has to mean something. The West side...they were going to make their love one's deaths mean something. They were going to make this _fight_ mean something. They weren't giving up this time around.

They couldn't.

The clock hit ten. Each side was making their way up the steep heel and through the trees to the meeting ground, each one hooping and hallowing all the way there. It was time to start this thing and everyone was ready. Maybe a little too ready for such a large event.

There was a fire lit in the middle of the site. It divided both sides. It was how they saw each other. Once they all got there, all they saw was fire in the other one's eyes. Fire was in the enemy's eyes. The rules have always been the same. The leaders of each side meet in the middle and speak. They talk about the rules. Nothing dirty, no cheap shots, the whole ordeal.

Normally it was Darrel Curtis who spoke for the East but tonight, it was decided that a new person should rise.

Stepping up to the plate, the oldest, the sharpest: Tim Shepard.

And weighing in for the West was the king of kings: Michael James.

Both boys said the same thing that's always said. They made small talk. Tim kept it short unlike how Darry started things. Then they reviewed what's needed to be done and they were about to lunge when something happened, like it always does.

This time was different though. It set the pace for the whole fight. It's the theme after all.

Fire spread around in a circle. It started spreading and the yelling began. The East was lost for a minute and the West took advantage. They charged and rolled out all the punches. They tried something different. Something that should have been talked about long before but no one ever thought of the idea.

They realized the obvious. You're obviously strong as a whole. You eliminate the whole - the grounds are in your favor in this case. Take your man and run. Take them into the woods. Separate the pack. Take them one-on-one. See how that pans out. They can't find each other in this dark. No way.

Everyone ran. It took the East side off guard and they found themselves on the shorter end of the stick. They didn't pout for long. They weren't stupid either. They ran just as fast as they could. They grabbed their buddies and hit the woods and hoped the odds were in their favor.

No one was left at the camp site now except for two people. And they were right on cue.

It was becoming clear to everyone just how dark it was but the Socs were prepared. This was planned after all. It was the greasers this time who were caught with their shorts down and it was working in the Socs' advantage.

No one knew where everyone went. They knew they were in the woods somewhere. Smart guys though, the three who took a buddy, they kept going strong for a little while. They had a small advantage right now. They would have had a bigger one if they would have just grabbed one more person. The one person being obvious and that he didn't catch on to what they were doing.

Their mans took notice though and developed a new play. _Let's just do it again_. They took their man and made them go where ever they wanted. The trees came in handy and it became clear why the Socs were so bent on coming there. Screw up numero uno.

The greasers, at this point, were being hurt worse by thick wood than flesh hitting flesh. Scrapped knees and hands and bumped foreheads were the common injuries for them. They were lucky to walk a few feet without falling and it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that this was the plan all along. No one figured it out until this very moment.

Soon the three amigos were somewhat lost from each other. They could hear each other speak, but had no idea which direction to go. Right now, the focus was taking on your man and hoping you got lucky and hit skin. Throw punch after punch until you hit something solid and hard.

All were hoping for some light at this point. If only they could see. It was a cheap shot but no one was going to talk rules now. It started and it was too late to start bitching now. You get what you get and you make adjustments. Time is just a pawn in this game.

Hit after hit took place. Blood ran from the greasers. They were weak now. No back-up. No light. It was all about the odds and the odds right now, were on the Soc's side. The greasers were falling and they were falling _hard_.

In the far east side of the woods were the three boys. The ones who took a buddy and were kicking themselves for not snatching the other idiot. These boys were fighting hard. Praying for some sort of light. Their injuries were taking a toll on them now and they could feel their bodies weaken with every passing second they couldn't see.

They wished for it. They prayed for it. They asked for it. Light. Just light. _Light up the fucking fire!_

Their requests were answered and now, everyone could see..._too_ well.

Orange light took over the woods and the sound of glass breaking was heard all around. Another bottle was thrown in the three's direction and engulfed their side of the playing field. They could all see now, that was for sure. The colors blinded them as the orange flames exploded into the air, lighting up the world almost.

But something was wrong. It was written all over the Soc's faces. This was too big. Both sides could see that. The trees were dry from the lack of snow this year. Trees were falling every which direction. The fire was taking over. It was all anyone can see now. It was heading for town. It was huge. It was growing. It was growing. It was _fucking_ growing!

The Socs stopped. Everyone stopped and stared as it became real what was happening. Smoke was burning their eyes. They all looked up to the dark red sky. Fire jumped from tree to tree and yelling was heard from each side of the forest. It had started now all right. Do they finish it? Or do they run, trying to save themselves from this faulty plan?

It was clear this was a mistake as soon as the Socs started to bail out one-by-one. Everyone's hearts began racing and it was unclear where they were and how they got out. They were lost in an uncertain place and shock made their feet lock to the ground. All they could see were the flames. Which way is out? Should we run or stay? What's happening?

They couldn't stand and wait too long. The flames ate up the trees in no time and the power of the smoke became apparent.

_The screen moves now to the three staring up at the fire sky. The flames falling in front of them. We keep the camera on them._

"Steve, Two!" Soda screamed, making him cough as smoke went into his lungs. He stumbled over himself as he tried to get to his friends. He rested on a perfectly still tree and caught his breath. "Steve! Two-Bit! Can you hear me?"

He coughed again and he heard the sound of more. He ran to it, jumping over burning wood and avoiding falling limbs. He went towards the coughs, praying to the only God he knew to pray to.

"Soda!" Steve was the first one to reach him. His face was completely black and red with blood. Soda reached up and felt his own warm blood run down his hand. He stared at the pasty red liquid covering his fingers.

"Where's Two?" Soda stammered out.

Steve looked around. "I just had him. Come on! This way!"

They pulled each other in the direction where Two-Bit sat. He was up against a tree, hurt and coughing uncontrollably. Soda took a step back at the sight of Two-Bit's torn body. The beating of his heart was uncontrollable. The tree above them was cracking as it burned.

"Soda!" Steve's scream came out in slow motion as he reached their hurt friend. He pulled on Two-Bit's arm. "Come on!"

Soda snapped to and rushed over to his friends. Two-Bit's injuries became clearer. His pants were burned off and there was a huge blood red burn taking over his calf. Puss was already forming on the injury. Two-Bit clenched it and screamed out in pain.

Steve took his shirt off and held it against Two-Bit's face, blocking the smoke from entering his body. Soda took his two layers off and gave one to Steve and they both did the same thing.

Two-Bit let out a loud cough. "I gotta quit smoking, man."

Steve and Soda examined the damage. The burn was black and red and harsh. Two-Bit explained how a limb fell from an above tree and landed on it before he could react. He told them he couldn't feel that leg. He couldn't move or feel how to.

"Can you walk?"

He shook his head and Soda and Steve wondered if they even had enough energy to carry him outta here. They were drained. They were draining more as time ticked down and fire spread around them. They knew they couldn't even ponder that question. It was already decided.

Steve took one side and Soda took the other. The flames were growing and they needed to get out of there fast. Steve turned and spoke to Soda, "Hold your breath for as long as you can! Don't let the smoke get you!"

"I will. You just worry about yourself!"

They both locked on to Two-Bit's body and jerked him up, making him yelp in pain. He hissed and spit as an agonizing feeling rushed through his weak body. He put all his weight on his friend's shoulders and they moved quickly away from the scene.

"Two, man, you gotta go on a diet!"

It felt like, to them, that they had been moving for hours when it had only been a few seconds. In these few seconds fire was going faster than them. Racing against their feet. The smoke was hurting their eyes and their breaths were becoming shorter. It was getting them and they knew it.

"We gotta go!" Steve screamed as the crack of a tree falling echoed. "Pick up the pace!"

Soda moved faster but his body was becoming weaker. His feet felt like they were sliding out from under him. His eyes started to need longer blinks and soon, he was on the ground with a loud crash.

Steve stopped and tried to go to him, Two-Bit still hanging on his side. "Soda!"

Soda got to his knees and waved him away. He heaved for more air. "Go! Get him out of here! He's going to die if you don't! You both will!"

Steve, as he always had, didn't listen. "I'm not leaving you!"

Two-Bit groaned in pain as Steve tried to lower him and pick Soda up off the ground with his free hand. "You can't carry us both!"

"Then get your _sorry_ ass up!"

Soda slowly came to his feet, fighting the odds, as he always did. He began to shake and he could feel his body failing. "Go," he told him, fire starting to catch them. "I'm right behind you."

Steve took a long look and thought, but went on. He turned around every so often to make sure Soda was still coming along. He was slow, but his feet moved. "Come on, buddy," he coached. "I'll buy you an ice cream after this!"

Soda's glimmering eyes sparkled at Steve. Red fire sucked the color right out of them. "Rocky Road?"

"Whatever you want bud," Steve yelled from over his shoulder. He refused to look at Soda's bleeding body, Two-Bit's bleeding body, his own bleeding body. He ignored the pain he was carrying for all of them. "Just stay with me, alright?"

Two-Bit was gone by this point. The pain had reached an intolerable level and the smoke had taken advantage of that. He needed to get out as fast as possible and Steve knew that. He picked up the pace, living on a pray that he could reach the exit before he himself caved under the pain. That is if he could even find the exit.

Soda stayed a few feet behind Steve the whole way until his vision began to get blurry. He forced his feet to run. His mother stood at his side, whispering in his ear. He could feel her warm breath and her smooth hands playing with his hair. His dad was behind him, rubbing his back and hugging on him as if he never left. They were pulling him in.

_Come with us. Come with us._

Soda's feet stopped and he stood in awe. His head was light though it felt so heavy. Steve's voice jolted him and he took his last strength to get himself moving again. He didn't want to leave but he did. He ran as fast as his little legs would carry him and he prayed. He prayed to God as hard as he'd ever prayed before.

And God answered: _"Welcome back to Vietnam!"_

"Soda!"

The scream was heard miles away. It was the scream heard around the world. A best friend calling out to the other one. The falling of a friend, a brother, a son. Steve stopped moving and waited for something to call back to him. The cracking of limbs was all he could hear as an answer. He could see the road ahead. Their exit. Just a few feet away.

"Sodapop!"

He couldn't see anything behind him anymore. Smoke and flames ate everything away. He didn't know what to do. God, he didn't know. He looked at Two-Bit in his arms and at the black road ahead. _God, what should I do?_

"Soda! Goddamnit Soda, answer me!" He coughed and coughed. _"Soda!"_

_How many lives will we take? How many hearts destined to break? Nowhere to run, can't escape. Full of ourselves, tied to our fate. The end is knocking. The end is knocking, yeah. _

* * *

><p><em>"What are you doing here, Danni?"<em>

_"I came to get some of my things," I say quickly and walking by them. "Randy where are they?"_

_He gets up and tells me he'll fetch them for me and to just stay in the living room with everyone else._

_Marilyn won't look at me. Her face is twisted by now I'm sure. She hasn't spoke to me since Randy called it off. Maybe she thinks I've abandoned her. Maybe she's wondering if I even care if we remain friends or not. I do care. I care about her a lot, along with everyone else in this room. So much so, it scares me a little thinking about what it'll be like now without them._

_Sam speaks first, right on cue. "How are you? You holding up ok?"_

_I nod. It comes as a shock that that's the first thing out of his mouth. "I'm fine. I just...it's kinda hard, ya know."_

_I hear Marilyn snort. I turn and see she's still not looking my way, like she's avoiding looking me in the eye. Sam ignores her and goes on, "It wasn't easy for Randy. You know that?"_

_I suppose I do and nod. I wish he'd hurry. It feels so cold standing here. "Mar," I reach out to her. "Are you ok?"_

_She doesn't look at me. She says bitterly: "Fuck off."_

_"I didn't do anything."_

_"You're going to go to the cops." She clinches her nails in the fabric of the sofa. "We all know you will. You're so bitter about the break up. Who knows what you'll do."_

_"You can trust me," I tell her. "You know that...you're still my friend, right?"_

_There's no answer. Instead Sam jumps in. "So we are in agreement, you won't rat?"_

_"No."_

_"Better not," Mike growls._

_Sam scolds him and continues his train of thought. "It'd be best to clear the air here, Danni. Come to some kind of new agreement now that you've flopped sides again."_

_I think about protesting against the comment, but don't. _

_"I'm going to be frank with you." He leans forward and smacks his lips together. "You're no longer apart of us. We'd have nothing to do with it if it'd be our way but you've kind of got some dirt, don't you? Something of ours really."_

_I press my lips together and look away. "I know the deal. I promised I wouldn't rat, so I won't." I eye him. "You've got to promise me something too though."_

_Mike rises up from his sitting position. "We don't owe you anything! If you know what's good for you, you'll keep you fucking mouth shut or we'll shut you up!"_

_Sam shushes him and gets up and walks over to me. I hold my breath as he gets close to my face. "What do you want?"_

_"Don't hurt my family," I say quietly. "Keep them out of this. You have a problem, you deal with me. Don't go after them...ever. If I hear anything or even think you might...I might go tell."_

_Sam smiles sweetly and reaches out to move a loose strand of hair from my face. "You got it." Mike stands up again to protest but Sam makes him sit. "I don't want any problems. You stay out of here. You stay away from Randy and the rest of us. You're gone as of now. We've made our peace and we have an agreement. We won't touch your family."_

_"Got it. Thanks, Sam."_

_He pulls me back, stopping me from leaving. "I don't want to have this conversation again, Danni. I've got you. I control you now. I can end you whenever I want. You need to remember that. I can come after you...and no one would ever know."_

_"Sam..."_

_"Stay away from us. You don't want to find out just what we're capable of." He reaches into his pocket, a silver knife coming out. I hold my breath and he holds the cold metal to my neck. "You really don't want to."_

_I gasp and whimper, trying to reason. "Sam-"_

_Stinging pain goes through my neck. The feeling of cold running blood is all I can feel. I yelp and hold my breath as he grins slyly. He moves the sharp metal up to my lips without a second thought. He presses on them. "Not a word."_

_"Not a word," I echo._

_"Or you'll be dead before another word escapes those pretty little lips. I know you, Danni. And I'm not afraid to kill your family...or you. None of us are."_

_With peace of mind so hard to find. We're dwelling on the drastic signs. Another way to numb our mind. And as you close your eyes tonight and pray for a better life you'll see it flying helplessly away._

* * *

><p>The phone rang. We were just at the good part of the movie and I hesitated to get up. I cursed and drug my tired body off the couch and headed into the kitchen to answer it. "Hello?"<p>

I never thought I'd hear the voice on the other end every again. I'd hope I wouldn't anyway. I never thought tonight of all nights I would get this call, especially from her. Her voice wasn't the same. Not now. "Danni!"

I pressed the phone against my ear. "Pony's not here-"

"You have to listen." The panic in her voice made my heart leap. She didn't sound like Cherry. Cherry didn't talk like this. I remained silent. "Something's going to happen. Something bad! I don't know if it already has but-"

"What do you mean?" The phone was becoming heavy in my hand. My heart ached and my knees shook as it became apparent what she was talking about. "Cherry are you talking about the rumble?"

There was a long pause. Like she was checking something or maybe second guessing herself. "Please tell me Pony didn't fight."

"No but Soda did!" My voice rose, panic taking over my body. Sarah rushed in and stood my my side. "Cherry, Dally and Steve and Two-Bit all fought. What's going on? Just tell me!" Another pause came. She was second guessing herself. "Cherry!"

"Go to town," she whispered, her voice returning to normal. "Just go to town, Danni."

"What? Cherry what's-"

"I'm so sorry," she sobbed. "I tried to stop them..."

My mouth hung open. My palms were sweating and I needed to sit down or my heart was going to explode. My stomach had fallen out my butt and the urge to vomit was coming on. My whole body trembled. "Cherry what happened?"

I thought the line went dead but remained still, unsure of how to move. There was one last pause. "I'm sorry. I'm _so_ sorry."

The pone fell from my hands. The door didn't even close from behind me. I could hear Sarah's footsteps as I ran for the truck, pulling my way into it, panicly looking for the keys. Sarah jumped in yelling, "You can't drive!"

I desperately searched for the keys, throwing everything in my path. "I don't care!" My hands grabbed the metal and I put the truck into drive, spinning out of the driveway and speeding down the slick wet road.

I didn't cry. I didn't move. My body shook and all I could think was words I'd heard before. Words that haunted me in my sleep: _I know you, Danni. And I'm not afraid to kill your family...or you. None of us are._

* * *

><p>The truck's tires screamed as my foot slammed on the break. It wasn't hard to miss. I could see the smoke from miles back. My heart wasn't beating any more. I wasn't breathing anymore. I wasn't moving anymore. I sat here, in awe, too scared to move at this scary...beautiful light.<p>

Flames. Flames everywhere. Symbolizing punishment. Punishment for all of us. This wasn't God. No, God didn't create such a thing as fire. Fire was punishment we all had to face at some point or another. That's why hell is fire. It symbolizes death, punishment, reminders, wrong doings. Our punishment sat before my eyes. _My_ punishment.

I fell. My body slammed against the hard metal of the truck, my locking shaking knees not allowing me to walk. My hand reached for it. This was for me. This is mine. This is for all of us. For everything we have done. For what we did. This was for me.

Sirens came. Sarah was screaming for me, trying to catch me before I fell. I needed to atone for my sins. Burn me. Burn me. Why? Why am I standing on the outside and not the inside? It's me it wants. _Come and get me_, I beg. Engulf me. Take me. Fucking take _me_!

Sarah's arms stopped me from moving. She hugged my screaming body as I yelled at the light. My lungs asked for it again. They asked for my brother. They asked for Dally. They asked for my friends. I offered myself up. It was for me. I told it I'm here. I toll it I'm ready. I toll it I'm sorry. It's me it wants, not them. Come and get me. I'm ready. Take me instead. This is my punishment, not theirs.

It knew better though. Dying was easy. Living was hard. Watching everyone else die, kills you slower. It keeps you alive while, physically, you're already dead. The fire isn't here to take me. That'd be too easy. My punishment is more severe.

Revelation 21:8 "... and unbelieving..., and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone..."

_Liars burn in hell. This is for you, Danielle. Live with your sins. Live with death. This is for you. Come and get your goods!_

My knees went weak. They hit the pavement hard, blood pouring from them. I looked at the red flames eating _my _town alive. Eating everything. Eating everyone. Taking my life. I'm looking at my punishment. Mine._ Ours_. Red flames eating away everything.

_"NO!"_

_We've all been lost for most of this life. Everywhere we turn more hatred surrounds us and I know that most of us just ain't right. Following the wrong steps, being led by pride. The end is knocking. The end is knocking._


	31. Rule the World

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the_ Outsiders_ or the song_ Amazing_.

* * *

><p><em>It's amazing, I'm the reason everybody fired up this evening. I'm exhausted, barely breathing, holding on to what I believe in. No matter what you'll never take that from me. My reign is as far as your eyes can see.<em>

The sound of sirens took over the street. The hissing of breaks came after that and then hollering from the people in charge. Fire trucks came next and they went running. The police began clearing out the area and taping everything off. Fire trucks rushed to hydrants, attempting to take on the beast that was in front of us.

"You need to leave now!" An officer pushed us along and another one put up tape, blocking off the road.

I shoved him back, my emotions getting the better of me. I wanted in there. He wasn't going to stop me. No one was. "Don't touch me! My brother and boyfriend are out there! You have to go help them!"

He restrained me and took me in the direction of the car despite my best attempts to fight back. He pressed me against the cold metal of the car and shushed me gently. He pinned my arms together so I wouldn't shove my way past him again.

"You need to go get them!" I screamed and pointed at the burning site. "You have to go get them! Help them!"

He pressed a finger over his mouth. "My name's Charley. What's yours?"

My eyes didn't move away from the burning. I tasted salty tears in my mouth and more were on their way. Sarah stood beside us, hugging herself and trying not to break down with me. She rubbed my back and tried to go along with the officer.

"Danni," I answered calmly. I wiped my nose on my hand and got some tears out of the way. "My name's Danni Curtis. My brother Sodapop Curtis is in there and so is Dallas Winston and Steve Randel and Two-Bit Matthews."

Charley peered over his shoulder and nodded at one of the other officers. He turned and faced me again. "Ok, I got it. We'll be sure to help your friends the best we can. You just have to stay calm."

Tears took over my face. My throat was on fire from the yelling I'd been doing. I should be in there. It's for me. "You promise me! Please promise me you'll get them out of there! You have to make sure they're ok! This wasn't their fault!"

He shushed me again and shook me lightly. "Ok, Danni. I will. Just stay calm. I'm going to take you to the hospital now so you can call someone and wait. Is that ok?"

The sobbing was hitting me. It was uncontrollable by this point. "They're all I have." I took a strong breath. "This wasn't their fault! They didn't cause this. My brother di-didn't do this. No-none of them did."

They weren't killers. We all knew who was.

* * *

><p>"Are you sure you don't want some pop or something?" Sarah pressed on.<p>

I shook my head, refusing to speak. My words had stopped and my throat burned. Funny usage. _Burned_. Only my throat burned.

The tears had stopped and my face was swollen and numb. My head was taking a beating as well from the yelling and the sobbing. It was silent in the waiting room but outside, yelling was all we heard. It was by my best efforts to block it out. Numbness had taken over my mind and body and I couldn't feel my legs. Maybe it was for the best. Be numb. I'm good at that.

Fire. Everywhere. It was locking and programed in my mind. Who could live through that? Who was still in there? How could they even get out even if they had a chance? Who did it? How did the fire start? I knew the answers to those last two questions. It was _that_ obvious.

Charley stayed with us until a free nurse called Darry and explained. He was on his way now. I wouldn't dare look at his face once he got here. I couldn't think of what he was going to say to me, what he was going to say to Ponyboy. I didn't want to see the betrayal in his eyes. I didn't want to be the one to tell him our brother may be dead because we lied.

The swinging door busted open and I knew who was coming in before they even spoke. My eyes stayed on the wall on the other side of the room, not wanting to look.

"Danni!" He sat beside me, pulling me into his chest and squeezing me tightly. He breathed out relief and tried to see my eyes. I left them on the ground. "What happened?"

His loud voice made hammers bang inside my head. I couldn't speak. I refused to. Sarah did, "We got a call saying to go down there. Th-there was fire everywhere. It came from the woods. Th-they told us to come here. W-we don't know anything."

"Where's Soda?"

No one had told him. They left that up to me. Punishment. Tell him, Danni. Tell him what you did. Confess right here.

Ponyboy had remained unnoticed until now. I couldn't see him. I hadn't layed eyes on him. I knew he was crying. I felt his tears. I felt his small shaking sobs. "He was in there, Dar."

Darry stood up quickly and shouted: "What?"

Ponyboy backed away from him a little and leaned against the corner of the wall. "I-I-I...he told us not to tell. H-he fought, Dar."

Darry didn't move. I didn't see his face but I knew the color. I knew what his eyes looked like. I knew his jaw was clenched and he had that vain on his neck that was bulging out. Not his angry vain. This was something else.

I could feel his eyes move to me. I kept my position and dreaded the next words out of his mouth. I knew this script. I had ran over it and over it. I knew everything that was going to be said in this scene. "You knew about this and didn't tell me?"

Ponyboy was shaking in the corner and blaming himself. Cue his lines: "W-w-we're so sorry Darry! He told us not to! We didn't know! God Darry, we didn't know!"

The camera was on Darry now because this was his big part. He whipped around and glued his eyes on me. "Danni! Say something! Soda fought out there? Who else did? Danni! What is going on? Say something, goddamnit!"

I wanted him to hit me. I wanted to feel something. I wanted to feel my punishment. I was already feeling it. I just wanted the physical pain that was meant for me. Darry hit me. You always threaten to. Hit me. Show me. Show us all. That wasn't in the script though.

I stood over me. He kneeled down and forcefully grabbed my face and turned it toward him. I didn't see his eyes. I wouldn't. If I did I'd see the guilt, the pain, the betrayal. I saw them. "Danni!"

"I'm sorry," I sobbed. "I'm so sorry Darry. It's our fault."

What happened next wasn't in the script. He started to adlib things and it took me off guard. He quickly pulled my body into his chest and hugged me as hard as he could. My body shook once again. "Don't. Damnit don't! You hear me? Don't!"

Darry cued Ponyboy to follow his lead in this new addition. Pony came over to us, Darry gripping him and making him enter our hug. He pressed our heads together in his arms. We both cried here. We all three stayed here until the door opened again and all eyes turned.

Black faced. Blood. He was going to fall over if someone didn't catch him. Darry rushed up off the ground and did it, making him sit down before he passed out. His eyes were red. He was in shock, unable to move his lips. The horror on his face sat us back. There was nothing there but fear and numbness. He'd been through the ringer and his body showed that. I swallowed hard.

Darry kneeled down in front of him and shook him as hard as he could. "Steve! Steve, look at me! Say something!"

I'd seen Two-Bit cry. He did a lot from our growing up years. Johnny cried. I'd seen it. Dally had even cried. I'd seen that. This was something new. Something no one had ever seen before other than Soda because he was the only one allowed to see such a thing as this. Tears. Tears in Steven Randel's eyes.

They came down slowly. His mouth hung open but he slowly closed it and spoke, "I should have went back."

"Went back for who?" Darry shook him again and pressed on this. Pony and I went to them and sat closer, wanting to hear his voice tell us what no one else could. What no one else knew but him.

Steve's hand began to shake. "I should have went back for him. I told him I'd get him out."

Darry exchanged a glace with Pony and I. He tried to put all his energy through this scared little boy. He needed information and Steve was the only one who could dish it out. "Steve, stay with me. Who should you have gone back for? What happened, Steve?"

His lips were cracked. His eyes were dead. His mouth was open again and his stare blank. "He's dead."

"Who!"

"...Sodapop."

* * *

><p>Nurses were running through the halls. We heard their feet move as they passed the waiting room door. One came in and took Steve to a room to take a look at his burned face and his cuts. Steve barley got out of the chair. His body was gone. His mind was gone. Everything was gone. <em>Everyone<em> was gone.

They wouldn't let us see Two-Bit but they told us he was here. Steve broke down at the look on Darry's face once we heard Steve's lips speak the one name we all knew he was going to. Two-Bit wasn't in the best of shape from what we collected from side conversations. They already called his mother. We heard the words: Unconscious, unresponsive, critical condition.

"You should call Evie," Darry said to me, breaking out of his trance. "I'm sure she's worried sick. Tell her to come down here."

This is what Darry does. He makes plans. He organizes things. He stays busy. He does it every time he's nervous or stressed. He's organizing the magazines in alphabetical order right now, tidily going through each one, making them look neat. He hasn't spoken until now. His mind was going fast though. His heart was going fast. He was just in shock, as were the rest of us. No one knew _how_ to act.

"See if you can find Kathy," he called after me as I slowly walked to the door. "She's on duty tonight. Pony go with her."

He was only sending him with me so he could be alone. Sarah went home shortly after Steve was taken back. Darry wanted to make sure we didn't do anything stupid. Maybe give us time to talk. No one wanted to talk at this point. The energy was high and it wasn't coming down so easily. This was happening faster than Darry would like. Faster than anyone would like.

Dried up tears were stuck to my face. My shaking arm reached across the nurses table and my fingers barely hit the right buttons. Ponyboy took the phone out of my hand. "Sit down. You're shaking. I'll tell her."

The atmosphere was tense. Everyone was moving so fast and all I wanted to do was slow them down. I wanted to slow everything down and sit and sleep. I wanted to sleep off this nightmare. I didn't want to think about what was on my mind...who. The person we still hadn't heard from and maybe never will.

I wondered about Randy. In my own world, he wasn't in on the fight. He was at home right now, just hearing the news and regretting everything he had done. This Randy didn't exist though. He didn't even exist in my imagination. Randy wasn't this person. I knew Randy fought. I knew everything. I knew these people. Sadly, I knew them. I was one of them.

I blankly stared at the light blue wall in front of me. The paint was fresh. I could smell it. I didn't look at the nurses running by me, their white uniforms bloody and stained. I didn't listen to the doctors yell. I didn't watch as more and more people came in, injured and distressed. I couldn't look at their faces. The faces of our victims. My victims.

"She's coming," Pony said quietly. "God Danni..."

I heaved for a breath. I was cold. So fucking cold. I wanted to stop shaking. I wanted my legs to be still and I wanted to walk. I wanted to see the two people who were left out there...though at the same time, I didn't. I already knew. It was obvious.

"They said Two-Bit had a pretty big burn," Pony tried again to make small talk. Neither one of us wanted to go back and face Darry. "They said it's pretty bad and they don't know how he'll be. They said Steve will be fine though...eventually."

He didn't see the fire. He didn't see the depth of it. The miracle that Steve and him made it out with the injuries they got, was unreal. They shouldn't have. It wasn't supposed to be that way. The fire was too big. The story was still unclear of how they managed. It'd be awhile before we heard it.

Darry came out, his face drained. "Have you seen Kat yet?" Pony and I shook our heads. Darry sat beside us and covered his face. He didn't want us to see it. There might be tears. I couldn't tell yet. "Damnit!"

The elevator dinged again. The yelling of the paramedics inside was heard throughout the floor. Our eyes turned to them. They pushed a white bed out of the elevator, a dark burnt body lying on it. He looked like the crust that's left on the bottom of the oven. He was a crisp. Our hearts stopped. You didn't have to tell us. We already knew.

Darry jumped up unsure of where to go or what to say next. The bodies of the paramedics hid his face to a degree but the damage was clear as day. Tears ran down my face and I looked away. Ponyboy gasped beside me and hid his face as well from the horrid sight that was lying before us. The body wasn't moving. It wasn't moving.

Soon they were down the hall. Darry rushed after them, only being held back by a doctor. "Hey! Hey now, come back here! I want to see him! I have a right to see him! Let me go!"

The doctor pushed Darry back. Darry toward over the small man, putting up a good fight though knowing, there was nothing he could ever do to stop this. He couldn't put this back together. It was broken too badly. "You have to stay back!"

"Darry," Ponyboy called after him. "Wa-was that Soda?"

Darry stopped moving and his body went limp. It was hitting. It was hitting hard. "God help me. God help us all."

* * *

><p>"How did this happen?"<p>

It was the universal question. Only Darry was the only one to actually ask it out loud. Everyone else was too busy to think. Most of us already knew. This question would be asked for a long time. I was going to get an answer tonight. Even if it meant the death of me, I was going to get that goddamn answer.

"Socs," I answered solemnly. "They planned this. This was the plan all along. They're getting us back."

Darry stared at me. He pressed his fingers together. I don't think he expected an answer at all. "Get us back for what?"

"Last year," Ponyboy answered timidly, looking at the ground. "They wanted to show us up. Sam's death. They think we did that too. They think we killed that old man. They were going to make us pay."

"For everything," I echoed. "They're finally getting us back for _everything_."

Kathy's voice was all we heard next. Darry raced upward and her body ran into his, tightly hugging him. "Goddamnit, Darry! Would it have killed you to call me?" She parted and studied his face. She saw us behind him then asked: "Where's Soda?"

Darry did something I haven't seen in a long time. He buried his face in her neck and stayed there. She combed through his matted hair and let out a deep breath. She knew. It wasn't that hard. I didn't know if Darry was crying or not, but in my mind, he was.

There was another ding. Our eyes all went to it, hoping for something. Something good and something new. Something that would bring us hope. Something that could save us from all this. Take our minds away. We waited for our superhero to be proclaimed.

It was all I heard. It was all I saw. My shaking legs raced across the slick floor, stopping every so often, unsure if what was in front of me was real. I ran though. I ran until I felt his body hit mine. I ran until I felt his breath, his heartbeat, his living body. I held him.

His arms wrapped around my body tiredly. I could feel how tired and broken he was. How drained. He was standing. Standing here, holding me. I wanted to pinch myself though I didn't want to be told this was a dream. If it was, I never wanted to be woken up. Never.

"Curtis..."

I hadn't noticed how wet my face was until I looked up to see his face. Ash covered it as did blood. His lips were swollen, busted. I pressed my thumb against it, wiping away what blood I could and pausing. My arm shook and I hiccupped. "Dally..."

He grabbed my hand, making me stop, and letting me know he was really there. He held it gently in his hand. "Where's everyone?"

"We don't know." I wiggled out of his grasp, wanting to touch his face again. I pressed my thumb over his tender lips where the blood was pouring. "What happened?"

He pulled my body back into his. His muscles flexed and his grip tightened. I hugged as hard as I could but he hugged harder. He stopped the shaking, he stopped the aching. He held me. He held me still. He held me while I cried. I cried. I cried for my brother. I cried for Dally. I cried for Steve. I cried for Two-Bit. I cried for Darry and Pony. I cried for myself.

I've been wanted for some time. I could feel that this was catching up to me - everything I'd done. It wanted me. I was wanted and it was going to take me dead or alive. Instead, it captured the one thing it knew would hurt me the most. The ultimate punishment. I was feeling it. It got me. Time was up. My time was up. _Our_ time was up and here we are. Why am I standing alone?

"God," I sobbed, not ever wanting to break free from this. "God Dally."

"I told you I couldn't die." He chuckled and his body went up. I felt the pain. I felt it in his voice. Would he crack? "Curtis this ain't good. Fuck...this ain't good."

I kept my head on his body as deep as I could get it. Hiding? Maybe I was. Maybe I just wanted to be in his grasp. Maybe I just wanted to stay here and not face the world around me. The stupid world. Stupid. Cruel. World. The world that was taking everyone away from me. The world that was going to take Dally tonight...and who knows who else.

"Steve is alright," I spoke into his chest. "Two-Bit...they still don't know. He's bad. Soda's real bad, Dally. He's real fucking bad."

His hand pressed my head. I heard him say a few things. A few things I don't want to say. Dally was going to break...just like the rest of us. He didn't explain anything. He didn't need to. I needed this moment. He wasn't going to be taken away without a fight.

A throat clear broke us apart. I spun around and Dally pulled me into his side and kept me locked there - as if someone would take me away from _him_. Our eyes met that of the doctor's. We studied his eyes, his stance, trying to read him somehow, some way.

"Is this the family of Sodapop Curtis?"

Darry broke free of Kathy, stepping up to the plate. "I'm his brother, Doc."

"I need to talk to you..._alone_."

_I'm a monster, I'm a maven. I know this world is changin'. Never gave in, never gave up. I'm the only thing I'm afraid of. No matter what you'll never take that from me. My reign is as far as your eyes can see. It's amazin', so amazin', so amazin', so amazin'_


	32. Either You Stand

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the _Outsiders_ or the song _Decode_.

**A/N: **Thank you all very much for the lovely reviews. :) I love you all. Two updates this week! Cheers for Spring break!

* * *

><p><em>The truth is hiding in your eyes and it's hanging on your tongue. Just boiling in my blood, but you think that I can't see<em> w_hat kind of man that you are if you're a man at all. Well, I will figure this one out on my own. _

There's a time when we break down. Emotions crash into us, making us feel what our brain and body is trying to hid from us. It eats away the thick wall our bodies have built up just for this reason. Emotion over powers. Emotions break it down. Emotions break _us_ down. We all break down and it hits us. Everything hits at once and we break.

It's at this time, everything you've wanted to say for so long comes out. You face your demons in a way. It's your body's way of getting rid of everything you've been building up for so long. The wall crumbles down and as painful as it may be, we all need our walls to come down sometimes. We need to face what we've wanted to. We need to let our emotions be free.

I slipped my wrinkled dollar bill into the vending machine over and over again, it never going in. I didn't really want anything. This was just something to do, pressing this dollar in over and over again until maybe, it'd rip. Then I'd be out of a dollar.

Tears were still building up in my eyes. Darry was still with the doctor. What they could possibly be talking about this long, I didn't want to know. I just wanted to stand here, and push my dollar, ignoring the whole world.

"Danni..."

My eyes turned. He was limping. His face was black and there was some blood, not as much as us. Why would there be though? "What are you doing here?"

He used the wall to hold himself up right. He coughed loudly. "Do you-"

"I know." I let the dollar fall from my hands. I walked toward him, my blood boiling at the site of his face. "I know, Randy." I reached out and put all my anger and energy into one hard shove. "What did you do?"

He gawked at me and caught himself on the wall again. "It was an accident!"

"My ass it was a fucking accident!" I went charging. My mind was racing. My heart was in shock. "Do you even fucking see what you've done? There are people here who are hurt! Who are dying Randy and all you have to say is, it was an accident?"

He pressed his face against the wall. He breathed out slowly, his body shaking with him. "It wasn't supposed to be this way, Dan. I promise it wasn't supposed to go down like this. I swear."

I could hear her high heel shoes click from a mile away. I'd gotten pretty used to that sound. I can pick them out out of thousands. Her blonde hair was the first thing I saw as she rounded the corner, stopping once her eyes saw me.

"You bitch!" I turned, going for her instead. She didn't stand tall anymore. She backed away, stammering words I couldn't hear or care to hear. This was our time now. "How could you?" I shook her trembling body. "How could you do that?"

She held my wrists tight, trying to pry them off of her. "I didn't do anything! Don't blame me! I didn't do it!"

"You did to!" I tightened my grip. Randy came over to us, trying to part us. This was about us now. "I know you did, Marilyn! You killed them! You killed them all! You started that fire."

I didn't notice her tears until now. The tears that have been there for some time. I've only seen Marilyn cry a few times and for a minute I stopped and stared at the shiny wet tears falling from her face. They made her look real. I could see the human side of her through her tears. She was showing weakness. Something she never showed. It threw me off. I stared at her.

"Danni, come on. Leave her-"

"Do you care?" I asked, slightly calm. "Do you actually care that you made a mistake? Perfect little Mar made a mistake? That all of this is because of us! You're trying to get us back for something that you have no fucking idea about!" I pushed her body into the wall. "Do you actually give a damn now?"

She whimpered and shook her head. Her sobs were loud and clear. "Get away from me!"

"What did you do?"

"Danni!"

"What did you do?" I screamed in her less than perfect face. Her make-up less face. Her real face. "What did you do!"

She tried to block her face from me and her body was giving up and wanting to fall to the ground. I kept her upright, wanting her to look me in the eyes and tell me. "It was an accident!"

"My brother is in there _dying_!" My lungs burned with every escaping word. "You have the fucking nerve to tell me it was an _accident_? I know better! I know you meant to do it! What the fuck did you do?"

Randy grabbed my body around my waist and tried to pull me off of her. I latched my nails into the wall and kept my face in hers. I wanted to hear her say it. I wanted to make her pay. I wanted her in the palm of my hand. I almost had her. I wanted to destroy her. Just like she did me so long ago.

"Tell me!" I shouted louder, more fierce. "Tell me, goddamnit! Own up to it! It's your prize right? Admit it! Admit it to the fucking world, Marilyn! Say it to my face for the world to hear!"

Randy pulled harder, trying to force me away from her. She turned her face and hit it against the wall. "It got out of hand! It was just supposed to be some prank! H-h-he told me it'd work! The fire wasn't supposed to be that big."

"Who?" I squirmed in Randy's arms. "Tell me who! Who told you to do this?"

She sustained her sobs for a minute. Her eyes were red, almost demonic. The look made me stop kicking, stop squirming. My body went limp. She took a strong breath and spoke, "Michael. Michael gave the orders. Now he's dead, Danni. He's _dead_."

_How did we get here?  
>When I use to know you so well.<br>How did we get here?  
>Well, I think I know.<em>

"We're in the same boat!" she shouted directly in my face. "How do you like that, Danni? My brother is hurt to! Not everything is about you all the time!"

Randy let my body fall. I stood and cornered her. "How dare you." I shoved her shoulders, slamming her body into the hard wall behind her. "You did this! We _all_ did this! Do you not get it?"

Randy tried to interfere, only to be shunned out once again by Marilyn's raging voice. "We didn't do anything! It was an accident!" Her tears started up again, drowning her face. "A stupid _mistake_! All of it."

"What exactly are you talking about?" I got closer to her. She had nowhere to go. She was cornered. "Are you talking about _this_ mistake? Or something else? Because let me tell you Marilyn, this didn't happen just because!"

Her eyes flashed red again. "Danni-"

"Give me one good reason not to go to the cops right now!" I challenged with a scream. "I'm sure they'd love to hear about you burning the town down too! I bet they'd just eat that up along with-"

Randy pulled me away again. "We had a deal!"

My focus went on him. "You broke that a long time ago."

"We'll take you down with us!" Marilyn shouted, parting Randy and I. "Don't think you're just a bystander. We'll make you burn, Danni!"

I went to her again, eyeing her down. "You've already made me burn. You can't do anything to me that's not already been done. We're already being punished! Can't you see that! This whole thing happened for a reason! Because of us and what we did! Because of you!"

"It was a mistake," Marilyn sobbed again, hiding her face this time and shaking uncontrollably. "It was a mistake!"

"And people are dying because of it!" I slammed the wall behind her head with my fists. "My brother is dying because of us!"

"Mine is too!"

Randy's hand wrapped around mine. "Danni-"

I pushed his hands away from me. This was my fight. My fight with my _best friend_. "You're a monster. You don't even care. You never cared. What was that you told me? It was for the best. Is this for the fucking best Marilyn? Is it for the best now!"

"You don't know anything!" Her tears ran down her red cheeks. "I didn't cause all of this. You were a part of this too! You were our friend! Don't just stand there and act like you didn't play a part too! You stood right there."

Marilyn looks different when she cries. Normally, Marilyn is perfect, slender. Just one look at her perfect face, crystal eyes, bleach blonde hair, and you'd never think she was anything but perfect. That's what Marilyn wants people to think. When Marilyn cries, you can see every flaw she's tried so long to hid. Everything comes out and Marilyn James is one of us. The common people.

My fingers twitched. Anger was coming. "We did something, Marilyn. We did this. This happened because of what we did. What we covered up for years. It's coming down. It's coming down tonight, Marilyn."

"Danni, don't," she warned with a growl. "I'm begging you. Don't do this."

The blood on her face was running with her tears. I wanted that blood to be because of me. I turned behind me at Randy who stood there, horror and sorrow all over his tired, beaten, face. He barley stood up right. These were the people I trusted. The people I put everything in to. I did everything for them. Everything they asked. Monsters. They were monsters.

"Burn in hell. All of you."

Randy grabbed me, forcing me into a wall. "Shut your mouth!"

"You killed them! You killed them all!" I shouted, tears running at the same pace as Marilyn's. "You started that fire and you killed every one of us! You are no better than Sam! You're murders!"

Randy didn't seem so tired anymore. Instead, he was something different. "Who did we kill, Danni? Who are you talking about? Say it! Fucking say it, Danni! You want to act all tough, say it!"

"You killed him. You killed him, Randy."

His eyes were turning red. The mud and blood on his clothes was getting on me. His grip on me tightened, causing me to wince. "Who! Who, Danni!"

"You know who," I spat. "You think _you're_ tough, Randy? You think you're scaring me? You people are nothing more than trash. You run all over town like hot shit when really, you're full of shit. You played a part in this game."

A small grin appeared on his face. "And so did you."

"Who are you?" I yelled with anger. "You're one of them now! You're a monster, Randy. These lives are on your hands! And I'm going to make sure you pay for every goddamn one of them. All of you!"

His grin faded and anger took over. "The hell you will, Danni. I swear I'll-"

"I'm done!" I sobbed, uncontrollable. "I'm fucking done being your puppet. You can't keep me quiet anymore!"

Randy's upper lip twitched. "We didn't do anything."

"You can keep saying that all you want." I shook my head. "It's not going to change anything. Your best friend is dying. How does that feel? How does it feel knowing you did that?"

The anger and fury in his eyes were taking over. He grinded his teeth together and growled, "How does it feel knowing your brother is dead because of your lies?"

My hand made contact with raw skin. I put everything I had into that slap and the sting was heard throughout the hall. I breathed out strongly. My body was shaking from anger and horror and uneasiness. I watched his face twist and him hiss at the pain.

"Bitch."

"Hey!" His footsteps made the ground under us shake. It was as if a monster was after us. I knew better though. This was just the opposite. This was time for the world to drop. The world to turn upside down. Here we go.

Randy's head rotated around, seeing him. "Of course. A fight isn't a fight without Dallas Winston. God fucking damnit!"

Marilyn backed against the wall. She wasn't so strong anymore. She hadn't been this whole time. I stayed by the wall too. Not because I was scared or frightened by this man like her, but to get a good view of this show. It's surprising this is the first encounter of these two. This time, it was for something more though.

"Back. Away. Ape face."

Randy held his arms up. "Original. C'mon, man. Haven't we had enough tonight?"

This was out of character for Randy. He normally wouldn't tussle with a guy like Dally. But tonight wasn't a normal night. No one was themselves tonight. There was a full moon out, and the werewolf in all of us was coming out. Claws and all.

Dally charged toward him. "Looky, looky what we got. The head coward of Tulsa everybody! Can't fight a fight without some help. Come on Ran, you'll never be the man your momma is."

Randy crossed his arms, unfazed by his taunting. "You don't know anything. This was a mistake, Winston. We didn't mean to take ya'll down that way. Our own men are in there. Don't act like your side was the only one affected."

Dally smirked slyly. "That's right. I hear you dumb fucks knocked down your leader. Did he give you those orders or did you think of that little idea yourself? Big move there, tex. Didn't know you had it in you. We all sprang from apes, but it looks like you didn't spring far enough, ey?"

"Fuck off!"

Dally twisted his back and let out a loud laugh. "You know, I've been wanting to do this for a long fucking time!"

There was a big huff as Dally's fist made contact with Randy's gut. Randy almost fell back, though caught himself. Marilyn spoke up for the first time, though to me. "Danni, god! Stop this! Stop it now!"

"You stop it!" I turned and shouted towards her. "You caused this. _You_ end it!"

Randy hurled himself upright, trying to get a breath. "We're sorry. We didn't mean for it to go this way."

"You keep telling yourself that."

I pressed my back against the wall and covered my mouth. It was time.

The elevator bell rang and two men and uniforms came toward us. My body was numb. I stood, facing them, trembling, knowing why they were here and what was going to happen next. I kept my gaze on them as their heavy shoes pounded against the slick floor getting close to us. I didn't take my eyes off them as they pulled Dally aside.

Tears ran down my cheeks, and I calmly stood, watching them handcuff Dally, throw him against the wall, scream at him. I gulped, wishing there was something that could be done. This was what he wanted. Stepping back and watching, wasn't something I was good at. You've got to remember though; none of us are ourselves tonight.

They stood him upright and his eyes met mine. They started to take him to the elevator when I ran after them. I wanted one last thing. I cupped Dally's face for a mere second as he cried out for me.

"I love you, Curtis. Alright?" He was panicking. It was hitting Dallas Winston. Everything was hitting. His wall had fallen. "I love you!"

Tears dripped down my face and I nodded. "I love you too, Dally. I love you!"

He was gone. His feet tried to stay on the ground, but it was a last attempt. He knew this was going to happen tonight. Just not this way or at this time. No one knew _this_ was supposed to happen tonight. Our world rocked. The world dropped on all of us.

"Danni," a faint voice called. Ponyboy.

My back was to him and my eyes were still aimed at that stupid elevator. I didn't want to move. I didn't want to turn around. I let the tears run and my mind win over my body. I let my emotions win tonight. Here we go. Where's a place to hide?

"Danni." Darry. "We need to talk."

_How can I decide what's right? When you're clouding up my mind I can't win your losing fight all the time. Do you see what we've done? We're gonna make such fools of ourselves. Do you see what we've done? We're gonna make such fools of ourselves. _


	33. Or You Fall

**Disclaimer: **The_ Outsiders_ is not mine, or the song _Zombie_ by The Pretty Reackless.

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><p><em>I'm not listening to you. I am wandering right through existence with no purpose and no drive 'cause in the end we're all alive, alive. Two thousand years I've been awake waiting for the day to shake...<em>

The loud sound of the T.V. woke me up. It was eleven. I got up. Dressed. Brushed my teeth. Went downstairs and sat beside my brother on the sofa, and started to blankly stare at the T.V. just like him. I still can't tell you what was on. It didn't matter.

The paper was on the coffee table, the headline being what we all expected:

**Tulsa Up In Flames. Has Murder Striked Again?**

_Murder? _

Dally's name was in there. On a normal day, he would be proud he made the final cut. It was all about him being arrested and they went into his record and background. Then there was that word again. _Murder_. They didn't know. The people reading this would never know what was really going on. What really happened last night. The news doesn't tell everything. It just doesn't.

I didn't need to read the article to know about Dally and what as going to happen. Ponyboy had read it. He didn't say anything but I knew what was going through his head, his body language said it for me. Dally wasn't going to get off on this one. This isn't a slap on the wrist type of crime they are charging him with. With his record, a jury will lock him away and throw away the key. That's how this worked.

Didn't we already know this though? Didn't we know it'd be this way before last night? We knew Dally was going to be going away for a long time. That's what we were all upset about. Or maybe it was just me. Maybe I should have stopped worrying about what I _knew_ was going to happen and started worrying about the less obvious. What really happened last night.

Randy fled the scene after Dally was taken off. Marilyn slowly dissapeared too. All night I was trying to make her hurt. Make her and Randy hurt the way I was hurting. It wasn't clear at the time that they already were. That was the problem. I thought about going to the police after I left the hospital. I got to the door. I played out exactly what I would say to them and how I would play out my story to make sure Randy and Marilyn got in trouble the most. Then it hit me. An eye for an eye. Wasn't that how this whole thing started? They weren't smart enough to see what we saw. An eye for an eye makes the world blind.

Kathy was still sleeping up in my room. She held me last night until I got a hold of myself and finally feel asleep. There was too many things to cry about. Darry was next door with Ponyboy doing the same. I didn't want to sleep. I didn't want to cry either though. I had ran out of tears a long time ago. Kathy told me that Dally would be ok. She told me that everything was going to be ok. Kathy _cried_ though.

Darry was gone. I don't know where he went but I didn't want to speak up and ask Ponyboy. He was still _watching_ television. I stared at him, hoping maybe he'd say something first. His face was swollen. He didn't stop crying last night. I woke up a few times to hear him wake up sobbing and Darry coaching him back to sleep. You'd think sleeping would take us away from this living nightmare but it didn't. We saw it in our dreams too.

"Do you think..." He stopped mid-sentence. He ran his hand through his hair and started again, "do you think Cherry..."

He didn't finish. I stared at him as he faced the T.V. "She called me last night. I think...she was trying to help. Let us know."

He didn't say anything else for a long time. Ponyboy had felt so alone for a long time now and I was just now feeling what he was. I got why he stressed over Cherry for so long. Giving up someone you love, on such short notice, kills you. It was killing all of us.

I lied my head on his shoulder and shut my eyes. I wished tears would come out. At least that would give me something to do. Something to feel. I didn't feel anything. I felt alone. That was about it. I felt alone though my brother was right beside me. I wrapped my arm around his and sighed. I was so alone.

"Darry's at the hospital," he told me at a whisper. "I think he went early this morning. I don't think he slept any last night. Every time I'd wake up, he'd still be awake...crying mostly."

I kept my eyes shut. "Do you want to go?"

He shook his head. "Not now."

I swallowed. I didn't want to go either. I don't think I wanted to ever step foot in that place again. "Heard about Steve or Two?"

He shrugged. "Nothing new really. Steve's fine. He went home last night."

"Does he know?"

"...yeah, Darry told him."

I wanted some tears to come out right now. I didn't ask about Two-Bit. I didn't really want to know. It was too much already and I'm sure we'd hear soon. If he was dead we'd hear about it. That's all that matters, right? If they're dead or not? That's what everyone wants to know. That's all they care about. _Are they dead?_

Pony shook, and he let out a quivering sigh. "I can't believe it. Coma. Soda. He's in a coma. I don't know if that's worse or not."

"Worse than what?" I asked.

"Being dead?"

"Why?"

"We have to watch him slowly die now," he said slowly. "We have to see him just lying there dying everyday until he does. The doctors will tell us to have hope so we will and then once it finally happens, it's ten times worse than if it had just happened when he was brought in or before."

I traced his arm with my finger slowly. "Don't say that. Did you see him last night?"

"I don't know if I want to." His voice shook again and he sighed, trying to control it. "I really don't, Danni. I know that sounds bad but I just can't. Hell, I can barely look Darry in the eye. He says not to be like that, but I know he's mad at me. I know he's mad we didn't tell him Soda was going to fight because he could have stopped him and none of this would have happened. He just doesn't want to say it and make it worse!"

I slipped my fingers around his. I breathed out slowly. "I know."

He sniffed, trying to stop some more tears. He was tired of crying too. "I'm sorry...about Dally. I know he was going to go anyway but it's gotta be harder this way. What did he say to you before he left?"

I stared at the ground. "Nothing."

"It looked like something," he said, pressing on. "Seemed pretty intence, you just standing there and all."

I traced the tip of his finger. Pony had soft skin. I always envied it. "He told me he loved me."

"He really said it?" His tone came out surprising.

I nodded, not wanting to talk about Dally anymore. I didn't want to talk about much of anything, just sit here and watch...whatever this is on T.V. Ponyboy was different than I was though. He liked to talk about things in these type of situations. He was hurting just as much as I was and I wasn't going to ignore that. He didn't know what was going on behind the sences though. What this was really about and what really happened two years ago. He'd never know. He'd never know what happened.

Pony cleared his throat and readjusted himself, still keeping me on his shoulder. "Did you see any of them last night? The Socs?"

"No," I answered. "Didn't see a one."

Pony would never know. I'd hide him from that. I'd hide everyone from that. They didn't need to know everything. Not yet.

* * *

><p>"I can't believe you guys!"<p>

"How many fucking times do I need to say it? It was a mistake!"

Marilyn James hadn't stopped crying. She refused to go home, afraid of what he parents might do to her. They were too focused on Michael right now to see that she was gone. She was most scared of them. No one knew Marilyn started to fire that spread throughout Tulsa, but her parents could see through her wall. They made that wall for her. Marilyn was shaking in her boots and she had nowhere to turn. She didn't mean to do it. She was only doing what she was told. If anything were to happen to her brother...she didn't know what she'd do with herself. This just wasn't happening. She just couldn't convince herself that.

Cherry sat on the sofa, her face in her hands. Randy was with them, sitting beside her, a blank stare on his face. He'd yet to say anything to Marilyn despite the fact that she was sobbing and pleading with everyone. Randy didn't even blink.

Marilyn sniffed and wiped a tear. "Cherry..."

"What about Jane?" Cherry asked rudely, ignoring Marilyn's cries. "How exactly did it happen, Mar?"

Marilyn didn't want to think about that. She didn't tell anyone what she saw last night. What happened to Jane. Marilyn hid her face again, shaking her head. "I-I don't remember...I told you that."

"You told the police that," Cherry said blantinly. "You told the police a lot of things as I recall."

"Shut-up!" Marilyn shouted, angry. "I'm tired of having all the blame thrown on me. I'm sorry! I'm sorry, ok! Just stop!"

Cherry shook her head and leaned back on the couch. Randy was still quiet in the corner. Marilyn and Cherry both knew what he was thinking and who he was thinking about. There was a lot of things to think about, though Marilyn and Randy both wondered the same thing. _Did she tell?_

Cherry rubbed her face and sat back up. "What happened to Jane, Mar? I'm your friend. You can tell me."

Marilyn brushed tears away and tried to recompose herself. "I can't go home. You have no idea what they'll do to me."

"Jane, Mar. What happened to Jane?"

There was a pause, then Marilyn's ruby red upper lip twitched. "They'll kill me. Really _kill_ me. I-I can't lie to them. They already know. M-Michael...they'll blame me. God..."

Cherry was getting agravated with this. She slammed her fist on the end table. "Marilyn! What happened to Jane? What happened last night?"

Marilyn's swollen, red, tearstained face gazed up at her. Her body trembled as the image burned her brain. She wanted to scream just at the sight, but instead, powerful tears shot out of her eyes. "S-She didn't hit it right. I-I tried to tell her but...i-i-it was too late. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I-I-I should have stopped her!"

Cherry still didn't understand and opened her mouth to ask more questions when Randy spoke for the first time, clearing up everything, "She burned, Cherry. She got _caught_ on _fire_."

Cherry covered her mouth and shook. She let out a gasp. She didn't believe him at first, then Marilyn went screaming around the corner to the bathroom and slamming the door shut behind her. Cherry ran after her, knowing her best friend all too well.

Cherry pulled on the door. It was locked. She banged her fists against it. "Open this door, Marilyn! Open the goddamn door!"

There was nothing but sobbing coming from the other end and the same words over and over. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

Randy slowly walked over to Cherry and stood beside her. Cherry looked to him for assistance but Randy was dead inside. It hadn't quite registered just yet for him. Cherry banged on the door again and again and again until her knuckles started to burn.

"Marilyn, please!" she begged. "Don't do anything stupid. Just come out. Come talk to me about it."

There was a disturbing sob on the other end. "Everyone hates me! They should hate me! T-t-this is m-my fault!"

Cherry pulled on the door, hoping to get it loose. "Marilyn, what are you doing? Answer me!"

Randy stood against the wall, listening to her on the other end. "I-I can't go home. I can't go anywhere. Michael's probably dead by now and Jane...Janie. S-she was so pretty. She was so pretty, so young."

Randy tapped lightly on the door, reaching out to her for the first time since that night. "Mar, babe, open the door. Don't do this."

Cherry started shaking again. She knew Marilyn did things for attention, a lot of things, but this was a whole new side of Marilyn. The old Marilyn was dystroyed last night. Cherry was worried. _Very_ worried.

Nothing came from the other end and Cherry and Randy both started to panic. "Marilyn, godfuckingdamnit, say something!"

Nothing.

Cherry turned to Randy. "You're going to have to bust it down."

Without heisatence, Randy ramed his shoulder into the thick wooden door. He was sorta glad, raming and hitting something. It made him feel a tad bit better. The door flew open, revieling a blody blonde, trembling girl on the cold floor. A girl neither Randy or Cherry recognized. The both stood, mouths open and baffled by the sight. Then it hit them who this was and the ran to her.

Cherry grabbed her body and pulled it into hers. Marilyn fought a good fight, but she was too weak. She started to sob. "Let me do it! They're going to do it to me anyway! I deserve it don't I? Oh my god!"

Randy stared at the blood on the ground, becoming sick. He remembered what obscene amounts of blood looked like. It was almost black. He remembered all that blood. All of it. His body shook and he looked away, standing up and leaving. Cherry yelled after him but he didn't turn back. His head was spinning. Everything was spinning. What had he done?

Marilyn sobbed uncontrolably in Cherry's arms. "Cherry!"

Cherry sushed her, holding her tight. "It's ok, Mar. It's ok."

"It's not!" Marilyn cried, louder this time. "It's not ok. Why does this keep happening to us?"

Cherry rocked her back and forth and then what Marilyn said sunck in. "What does that mean?"

Marilyn zipped her lips, just continuing to cry. She was thinking about it though. What if she was the one to spill? What was going to happen to her if she did? She was going to be going through hell anyway. Why not shed a little light on things? Marilyn James loved to shake things up. She lived for the unexpected. Why not act now? Let's change things.

Cherry grabbed a towel from the floor and wrapped it around Marilyn's arm, stopping the bleeding. She could hear Randy in the living room just pacing back and forth. She thought it was because of the events last night and that was partaly true. Marilyn knew something different though. She knew what Randy was thinking. After two years, Randy Adderson was going to crack.

Marilyn looked at the blood on her arm. Cherry was trying to stop the bleeding but it was no use. Cherry yelled at Marilyn, telling her they needed to go to the hospital for stitches, but Marilyn didn't move. She kept thinking about it. She thought about Sam. She missed Sam. Sam would know what to do right now. He always knew what to do, didn't he? The bastard was dead. He got the easy way out and now they were all living with what he left behind. Danni's words were finally becoming clear to Marilyn.

Randy came back to the door of the bathroom and stared at the two. Cherry was panicing and sweating. "You've all went too far!"

Randy shook his head and caught Marilyn's eyes. "We've been going too far for too long. We should have known this was going to come up again. Nothing dead stays dead."

Cherry gawked at him. "What are you talking about? Help me get her up! We have to get her to the hospital!"

"She won't go," Randy informed her. "You'll have to drag her."

Cherry was becoming annoyed by her friends. "You guys aren't telling me something. Randy..."

Randy kneeled down to where Marilyn sat. He scooped her up and carried her out, Cherry following behind him, not saying anything else. Randy got Marilyn into the car and buckled her up. Cherry hoped in to the passenger's side and cried.

Randy bent down, kissing Marilyn on the head. "I'm sorry. We'll fix this. I promise. We'll make it right."

_Blow the smoke right off the tube. Kiss my gentle burning bruise I'm lost in time. And to all the people left behind you are walking dumb and blind, blind. And two thousand years I've been awake waiting for the day to shake._

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><p><strong>AN:**Thank for reading! I have a Supernatural story out now for anyone who's interested in reading. :)


	34. Upon My Knees

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the _Outsiders_ or_ I'm So Sick_.

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><p><em>I will break into your thoughts with what's written on my heart. I will break, break. I'm so sick, infected with where I live. Let me live without this empty bliss, selfishness I'm so sick.<em>

"Danni, Ponyboy, can you come down here for a minute?"

Kathy had been here for three days now. I hadn't seen Darry. He spends most of his time at the hospital. He told us he was going to work but we knew he wasn't going to work. He hadn't worked since this happened. He hadn't done much of anything since this happened which shocked us all. Maybe Darry knew something we didn't. Maybe he was hiding something from us. Either way, this wasn't Darry. Pony had been to the hospital. He only went once and I don't think he wanted to go back. That told me enough to keep my distance. I wasn't ready to see him yet. I might never be ready.

Pony and I went down stairs. There they were, standing in our living room. They didn't look like themselves. Sure they were beaten and burned, but they were different. I've never seen them in this house like this. Their body language was different. Their expressions were different. They weren't themselves. Though, none of us really were.

"What are you guys doing here?" Pony asked, going over to them.

Steve had his hands in his pockets, looking like he didn't want to talk much. Two-Bit answered for the both of them, "We wanna talk. Superman here?"

Kathy left us alone. I went over and stood in front of them. I didn't look at Two-Bit's leg. I didn't want to see it. "No. We haven't seen him all day."

Steve and Two-Bit exchanged a look. Ponyboy stared at them. "What is it?"

Steve and Two-Bit directed us to have a seat. We did and they sat down across from us. Steve's face was hard as stone. He had no intention of speaking. His mind was in a different state right now and none of us pressed anything. Two-Bit, he could barely walk. Emily called last night once he got out of the hospital. He'd be alright...for right now.

Two-Bit cleared his throat. "Do you guys...do ya'll know what happened the other night?"

Pony and I both looked at each other, unsure of what he actually meant. "I guess," Pony answered. "Why?"

Steve took a seat, leaving it up to Two-Bit to explain everything. Now that I think about it, I hadn't heard Steve say a word since that night. Two-Bit would always speak, but there was something holding him back. It's not every day we see Two-Bit Matthews with nothing to say. Pony and I stared at them.

Two-Bit rubbed his hands together and found a seat beside Steve. "How's So?"

Steve kept his eyes on the ground. I found myself just looking at him and nothing else. He baffled me. He hadn't been to the hospital yet. I haven't either but...maybe Steve and I weren't all that different. Maybe he was staying away because of something too.

"Nothing new," Ponyboy said solemnly. "Docs don't know nothing."

Two-Bit nodded. He tried one more time to get Steve to respond but there was nothing there. Two-Bit sighed and turned back to us. "That night, man. It was crazy...it was hell. Fuck, it looked like hell."

"Were you with Soda?" I asked.

Two-Bit looked at the ground. His face turned white and he paused for a minute. "Danni-Bear, I..."

Steve cleared his throat, being heard this time. "Yeah."

Everyone's eyes went to him. It was as if he hadn't said anything or moved. He had no reaction on his face. It was like he was dead inside. Maybe he was. Who would blame him?

"What happened?" Pony asked to no one in-particular. "How did it..."

Two-Bit didn't want to answer but it looked as if Steve had said all he had for the night. I centered my eyes on Two-Bit's hand as it began to shake as memories came flooding back to him. "It's my fault."

"Don't," Steve snapped, very angry. It was fierce and mean and bitter. He said it again, "Don't."

Two-Bit scowled at him, getting angry himself. "Shut the fuck up, Steve! You know it's true."

Steve's eyes were still on the floor, staring at his shoe. He shook his head and said in the same tone as before, "You know it's _not_."

Ponyboy popped up, stepping into the argument. "What are ya'll-"

Two-Bit slammed his fist down on the chair. This was something new. Something we have yet to see. Sadness was over. This was the next stage. Anger. "Look at you! Boo fucking who Steve! If it hadn't been me on that ground you damn well know ya'll both woulda' gotten out! Don't bullshit me! I know you would have gotten him out!"

Steve's hand gripped the arm of the chair, his veins popping out. "I didn't, did I? I got _you_!"

Ponyboy put his hands up and stood up, trying to draw their attention to him. "What are ya'll talking about?"

"Well I'd be glad to take it back!" Two-Bit shouted directly in Steve's twisted face. "I'd take his place in a damn heartbeat! You know that. He ain't just _your_ friend, Steve. He ain't! I was there too. You don't think I don't feel the same as you? Or are you just mad it was me you got out and not him?"

Steve faced Two for the first time, his face twisted with all kinds of anger. I think I might have saw a pinch of tears in his eyes. "Shut up! Shut the fuck up! I got _you_ out! You're damn right I did! I'd do it again too. Don't think for one minute I wouldn't! I'm the one who didn't go back for him though, Two. You don't have to live with that! _I_ do!"

There was silence. Two-Bit had nothing to say back for once. Instead he got up, and he went out the back door. No one said anything to stop him. He just needed a minute. We all just needed a minute to breathe.

Ponyboy spoke first, "Steve, wha-what happened that night? C'mon, I know you don't like me but-"

"I don't _not_ like you."

I got up from the couch and stretched my back out. I crossed my arms over my chest and stared directly at Steve. It was obvious what happened. I wanted to hear it though. "Tell us. Tell us now."

Steve cleared his throat and told us everything. Two-Bit came in through the middle of it and stood, watching Steve retell their nightmare. He told us about Two-Bit being hurt and carrying him out. He told us about Soda falling behind and then falling out of sight. He told us about not going back and running with Two-Bit to town to get some help.

"I tried to go back for him afterwards."

Two-Bit stepped forward. "You did?"

Steve nodded, not looking at Two-Bit. "After they got you in the ambulance. It was the fastest I've ever ran in my life, man." He shook his head. "It was too big though. The cops kept pushing me back. Next thing I know, I'm at the hospital with ya'll."

There was another spurt of silence. I couldn't help but still look at Steve though. My eyes watered. I imagined Pony to be mad and I think he was, but I wasn't. I wasn't in the least. I could see myself in Steve. You try so hard, only to have life throw you back down. Steve tried hard. He did everything he could and that still wasn't enough. It's never enough. Saving someone while someone else dies is never enough. Not in most people's books.

I didn't have to sympathize with Steve. I felt what he was feeling already. He blamed himself. We were all blaming ourselves. It's said that it's hard for man to see their faults and take responsibility for something that went wrong but here we are. All three of us in this room blamed ourselves for one person's take down. I'm sure Darry was up there as well and deep down, I knew Randy and Marilyn felt the same way. How could they not?

It wasn't Steve's fault though. It wasn't Two-Bit's and it wasn't Darry's or Pony's. Fate has its ways and this was going to happen this way. That was the script and fate followed one script and one script only. Fate happens. Fate has another name though...karma.

"Have you seen him yet?" Pony asked the both of them, already knowing the answer.

Two-Bit nodded. He had for a brief moment while he was in the hospital himself. Steve changed the subject fast. "That Jane girl...you know her?" Steve asked me.

I snapped back and nodded. "Kinda. I got to school with her. Why?"

"She's dead," he said with no emotion. Just like that. "Cops think she started the fire. They think someone else too but they don't know yet. It's all up in the air if you know what I mean."

My heart was beating fast because at that moment, I knew why Marilyn had so much blood and ash on her. Jane couldn't have started that fire herself. The blood was on Marilyn's hands...and she knew it. This was her punishment.

* * *

><p><strong>To: Danielle Curtis:<strong>

**I KNOW WHAT YOU DID, DANNI.**

* * *

><p>He sat beside the bed in the chair that had his butt imprinted on it. He might as well take it home after this was over. His butt print would probably be permanently printed in this seat. He had spent so much time here, the nurses knew him by name. Spending so much time here wasn't going to bring anybody back though. He knew that. Maybe he was just saying good bye.<p>

So many things had tugged on his heart. Dallas Winston, one of his best friends, was going to be locked away forever. The kid didn't deserve that. He was just a kid after all. He had the rest of his life to live not behind bars for crime he _didn't_ commit. A crime he was taking the blame for. He was taking it for his little brother. He was taking it for his family. For his blood.

Here Darry sat, looking at_ his_ blood. His family. His _baby_ brother. Darry had one job left by his parents: Protect the family. Protect your brothers and sister. Make sure nothing happens to them. He was supposed to prevent this. He should have known Sodapop was going to fight. He knew him well enough to know that that was the plan all along.

He had failed. Superman had failed. He didn't deserve that name anymore. He couldn't save anyone.

"Hey buddy," he spoke quietly, combing through Soda's thick locks. "How you holding up today? These nurses treatin' you alright?"

He knew his little brother would love the staff here. Lots of pretty girls to look at. He knew Soda would be jumping up and down, calling them in here every half hour to check up on him. Soda liked to flirt and Darry, as his big brother, had taught him all his moves.

Darry stroked the knuckles on Soda's hands. The knuckles that was scrapped and burnt. Darry couldn't look at his face too much so he stared at these knuckles on this hand. It was the only thing not taped or blackened by ash. He didn't look like the handsome one anymore. He probably never would. Darry hung his head.

He thought a lot about that night. He was told Soda was home with Danni and Sarah, talking to Jennie on the phone and cleaning the house. He was looking forward to coming home to some chocolate cake that Soda always cooked when he cleaned. He never got it.

He could kick himself for not seeing it. Pony and Danni had been acting funny. He even called them out on it. He thought it was Ponyboy trying to get in on it or Danni doing something stupid to save Dally. Darry was looking in all the wrong places.

"Danni ain't coming here," Darry told Soda. "She's just toning it out. You know, Dan. She'd rather not think about it. Don't take it the wrong way. It's just how she works. You should know that better than anyone though."

He thought about her and Dally. Sodapop did everything he could for them. Weeks after the Jeff incident, Darry hadn't fully accepted Dally and it was always Soda trying to mend that relationship. Soda glued the family that wasn't family, back together. They were finally the gang again and not just five boys and a couple. Soda was always the glue...to everything.

Darry wiped his face. He couldn't think like this or of these things. He had to many things telling him different things. Darry hadn't decided what he thought of this yet. This stupid rumble everyone seems to be talking about. He enjoyed rumbles in his day. This wasn't a damn rumble though. He didn't know the history and he didn't care. All he knew was that his little brother was here...dying.

His pulse stayed the same. The machine beeped and it seemed like he was alright but the doctors told Darry different things. Soda's leg was broken. Three cracked ribs. Third degree burns. Lung damage. The fireman who rescued Soda told Darry he carried him out himself and Soda wasn't breathing. It was a miracle that once on the ambulance, he grew a breath.

Miracles. Soda made them every day. He was shot in a blood bath war and he came home. When he was five he jumped in a ten foot deep pool, not knowing how to swim and he made it back then. Soda was a fighter. He fought so hard.

Darry knew better though. He knew this time was different. He saw the damage. Soda already _looked_ dead. He knew he was in pain and Soda could only put up a fight for so long. His fighting had ran out. Soda was dying...he was already gone. It was just that no one wanted to admit it. Sodapop was gone. His fighting was done. Miracles run out.

"Don't leave me buddy," he cried, gripping Soda's hand and holding it up to his face. "God, don't leave me, So!"

There was a tap on the door and Darry quickly composed himself and turned around to see the doctor standing at the door. He smiled politely at him. "Can I have a word?"

* * *

><p>Kathy had the television on anything that wasn't the news. We already knew the top story. It had been the top since it happened. I sat wrapped in a blanket beside Kathy, Pony on the other side. It was getting late and none of us had heard from Darry. Kathy ordered pizza a minute ago and we ate it in here. She has trying to help things.<p>

I didn't tell anyone about the letter sitting up in my room. The letter I had gotten saying just a few words. Someone claiming they knew. I thought about calling Randy. Randy didn't do it though and Randy, at the moment, wasn't my friend. For a long time I always thought he was, even after we broke up. I guess I didn't see it then. I didn't see the Socs side of Randy until this happen. You find out people's true colors in intense circumstances though, right?

Kathy got up to make popcorn when the door opened. The sun was just going down. He had been there all day basically. He shrugged his jacket off and hung it up, not saying anything for a while.

Kathy reentered the room. "Hey."

"Hey."

Kathy looked at us, unsure of what to say next. None of us had really had a conversation with Darry in days besides her. "How is he?"

Darry turned and faced us now. His face was swollen and red. His body was slumped and his breathing was fast. He looked directly at Pony and me. "We should talk."

He sat down in front of us. Kathy stood behind him, chewing on her nails. My heart leaped and then I felt a hand on mine. Ponyboy.

Darry leaned over and put his hands together, trying to come up with something to say. "I spoke to the doctor today. We had a long talk and there's no easy way to say this. He thinks we should...pull the plug on Soda."

The hand holding onto mine squeezed. I opened my mouth, but was stopped. "You mean kill him?"

"No, Pone," Darry said, leaning towards him as if he want to touch him. Hug him. "Pone, no. The doctor just thinks-"

"What does he know?" Pony yelled, his hand leaving mine. "Darry you're not...you ain't gonna do that are you?"

I saw Kathy. She moved into the kitchen, her hand over her mouth. Darry looked at the ground. This was hard for him. I didn't want to hear him say it. I'd heard enough, myself. "Yes."

Pony jumped up, pacing around the room. "No! No, Darry! I won't let you! There are laws against this. How could you...how could you agree to that? Kill him! He's our brother, Darry! You didn't even talk to us? Darry you can't do that!"

Darry got up to, completely ignoring me sitting there and putting all his energy in Pony. "You don't think this is hard for _me_? I got to do what's best for Soda. You think he wants to sit in that bed and _rot_?"

Tears poured down Pony's face. "You ain't God, Darry!"

"I ain't tryin' to be!" Darry was getting angry now. I saw it coming. I saw the breaking point from both ends. "I'm doing what I think is right! I'm not going to sit back and watch my little brother slowly die. It's my choice and it's already been made!"

Pony opened his mouth, but it wasn't his turn. "When?" I asked and they turned to me. "When?"

Darry sighed and rubbed his head. "Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Pony shouted, more tears coming. "Darry you can't be serious!"

My body hurt. It physically hurt. I didn't want this yelling to go on. It was making me hurt more. I could feel Pony. He was my twin and I felt what he felt. All the hope he had gathered up had just been yanked out from under him. All the lies he told, they were catching up to him and Pony was breaking. Guilt was eating him away.

"Pony, don't start!"

Kathy stood by the kitchen door now, just watching. She had tears in her eyes. Pony covered his head and sobbed. "Isn't there some other way? Darry, please, please don't do this!"

"I'm sorry, Pone." Darry reached out to him. "Pone, I'm sorry."

Pony shook his head, running from Darry's embrace. He ran out and slammed the door behind him. Darry started to go after him but then stopped. Pony needed some time right now. He was hurting and he was hurting bad. He'd be back.

Darry turned and faced me now. "Danni-"

"I'm not mad," I cleared up quickly before standing up. I wiped away the tears that were gathering up in my eyes. "He's just upset. Don't...don't let him get to you. He's just hurting. He's not blaming you."

"Are you?"

I shook my head and went to the door. I put my jacket on. I hid my face from Darry. "I just...I need some air."

I sprinted out into the freezing cold air. It made my throat burn as I ran across the neighborhood and into town. My tears were blurring my vision but it didn't matter right now. Maybe something would hit me. Maybe I'd run into something. I didn't care. Not now.

I ran until I got to an empty field. Everything was spinning around me. My legs began to feel weak and I stumbled, falling to the ground. I sobbed. It was hitting me too. The letter, Soda, Steve, Randy...everything was hitting and so I sit here, crying as hard as I can cry, hoping that somehow, it'd make everything better.

Crying never does.

I felt it now. Karma. Was this it? If it wasn't, then I didn't want to know what was. Two years I carried this and now, right here, it was coming out. All the tears that were forced back, they were being set free. Here you go world. You win. Here I am.

Two years ago...that's when it all started. And we're paying for it.

"I'm sorry," I screamed as loud as I could scream. They needed to hear it. _He_ needed to hear it. "I'm sorry!"

_Hear it, I'm screaming it. You're heeding to it now. Hear it! I'm screaming it! You tremble at this sound._ _You sink into my clothes. And this invasion. Makes me feel worthless, hopeless, sick._


	35. Blow to my Blues

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the _Outsiders_ or the song _Mirror_.

* * *

><p><em>You looking at me but I'm lookin through you. I see the blood in your eyes. I see the love in disguise. I see the pain hidden in your pride. I see you're not satisfied. And I don't see nobody else. I see myself I'm looking at the...<em>

I crossed through the hallway. It was quieter in the day. It was nothing like before. I was still on edge, remembering everything as I past. There had been many tears shed here and there would be for some time. Chills ran down my spin as I read the numbers on each door. I knew his room number by heart. I, only now, came face-to-face with it.

The door was open. I stood and leaned on it, not quite wanting to enter. I just wanted him to feel me here. I wanted him to know...I wanted him to know...

"Hey So," I said, crossing my arms over my chest.

This was the first time I'd seen him since that night when he was being wheeled down the hall. I could only make out his eyes, nose, and hair. Bandages held up the rest of his head and arms, hiding his burned flesh. He looked like a mummy. Not just because of the bandages either.

There was something about this room. It felt cold. There was no light either. The atmosphere was tense and sad. I felt very uneasy in the room. Maybe it was the day. The day everything feel down. This day. Today. I was told Soda was going to die. Plain and simple.

I wondered if he knew himself. Was he sleeping or was he in-between life and death, just in some strange state? Could he see and hear everything going on or was his mind blank? If only he could hear everything.

My heart was beating faster. It had been since I left home. I felt bad, leaving Darry like that. It wasn't his fault Soda was going to die. I had other people I could blame. I had tons. Marilyn. Randy. Marilyn started the fire that killed Soda. I could easily pin everything on her and be done with it. I didn't blame anyone though. I was tired of pointing fingers. That's how this all started.

Soda deserved better. He deserved to know the truth. Why he was dying and what he was dying for. Was he dying for anything really? Soda deserved to know though. He would at some point. That's what I'd like to think anyway. He should hear it from the bird's mouth though. He should hear _me_ say it. He deserved that much.

Just one person. Tell _one_ person.

My mouth watered. There was a shaky feeling going on in my lower half. I looked away and breathed in. _Just say it. Tell him. You tell him everything anyway. What makes this time any different? Oh, that's right. You've never told anyone. Never told the story. It was supposed to be put away and never pulled out again._

Maybe it was time to dust.

"I'm so sorry, Soda," I breathed uneasily, holding back sobs. "I'm _so_ sorry!"

* * *

><p>All kinds of memories came flooding back. It was amusing in a way. It would have really been if things were different and I didn't know what I did. I would be laughing right now as I walked through this place. I'd be laughing loud.<p>

He hadn't changed. Why would he? He'd only been in here for a couple of days and that was only because he didn't have enough for bail. This was just time-out until the real deal. Time was ticking away though. Racing against time. Again.

His face was different though. His body language. Every other time I came here in the past, he was all smiles, sometimes even laughing. Dally likes jail. That's what he's always told me. Today, he doesn't look like he likes it anymore.

"Hey," I sat down in front of him. He nodded at me. He seemed somewhat drained and sickly. I was expecting that though. "How are you doing?"

He shrugged like he didn't care. Why should he care? His fate had already been decided a long time ago. "How is he?"

My hand started shaking. I grabbed it with my other one. I was tired of this. This feeling. "Not...not good, Dal."

He cussed, punching the table and lowering his head. He stayed there for a minute and then slowly rose up and rubbed his face over. "What now?"

"Darry says there's nothing else," I said softly. "Nothing else anyone can do. He's going...Soda's gonna die tomorrow."

He looked everywhere but at me. He was taking it in. I saw anger in him though and I didn't blame him. I wanted to be angry too. I wanted to be anything but sad but that wasn't going to help anything. Getting angry doesn't help anything. We all know this now.

Being angry at your enemies only makes them happy. You wish that, for example, your enemies become ugly but when you're are  
>angry, even if you are well bathed, beautifully dressed, perfect teeth and smile, shimmering blonde hair, you become ugly yourself because of this anger burning deep inside of you. Isn't that what your enemy wants? So what's the point of being angry?<p>

Getting angry doesn't do anyone any good. It's something I should have learned a long time ago. Shrugging it off, and coming clean, that gets results. Growing up gets results. We're not kids anymore. Things aren't so hidden. Things become obvious and there's just some things we just need to do.

"So that's it?" he asked, a bit irritated. "Sodapop's just gonna die tomorrow? Just like that? Fuck!"

I stared at my shoes. I didn't want to see him throw his temper tantrum. He was only trowing it because he was in here, in the cage, while on the outside, people were dying, and he couldn't do a damn thing to stop it. Dally likes to be in control. Can't control this.

He leaned back and crossed his arms. "Shouldn't have made 'im fight." He shook his head and slammed the table again. "Fucking kid!"

We all shouldn't have done a lot of things. "Marilyn started the fire. Her and Jane. Jane's dead."

He didn't know these people. I doubt he could have picked Marilyn out in a crowd. That night was the first time he really saw her. Dally didn't care about Marilyn and Jane right now. Randy was on his mind. Michael was on his mind. He wanted _them_.

"How are you?"

I shrugged just like he had done before. "I don't know."

"You talked to them?" He leaned forward, getting close to me. "Randy and them?"

My hand trembled again and I tightened my grip. I grabbed my shaking hand. "At the hospital that night."

He took notice of my actions. His eyes widened and he watched my hand. "What did they say? What did they say to you? They better not have done anything! Did they?"

My head began to pound. "I just talk to them that night. I don't know. I need to talk to Randy about some things and all of this. I just need some answers and I need him to tell me somethings and I need to tell him...I just need..._something_!"

"You don't want to tell _me_ anything?" he asked.

My head darted. "What?"

He rolled his eyes and leaned back, crossing his arms again. "You seem to want to talk to_ Randy_ about something."

"About that night," I explained. "I just...I need to know what happened. I need to have some answers as to what was going through their heads. Did you hear about Michael?"

His voice rumbled, "I don't give a fuck about Michael. Why do you wanna know that shit? Don't you know enough? They started the fire and they _meant_ to. Don't mess with them, Curtis. Who cares?"

"I care," I answered. "I care because I'm losing my brother tomorrow. I care because you're in here. I want to know what we're fighting for! I want to know what happened to Sam damnit!"

It was dead silent. I didn't expect to come here and argue. Dally was just as confused and hurt as I was. I sometimes forget that him and my brothers are friends and he does care about them as well as me. Randy has one thing I want though and he's the one person I can talk to about this. Maybe Dally's right though. Maybe it's time to cut the strings. Randy isn't the same anymore.

"What does Sam have to do with anything?" he asked calmly.

I cleared my throat and shook my head I whispered to myself, _everything_. "I'm sorry. I'm just...I got a lot on my mind."

"Yeah," he said. "Me too."

I stared at him. How could I forget? "Any idea on how this is going to go?"

"It ain't lookin' so good," he said simply. He rubbed his face and I noticed the dark circles for the first time. "Gonna try an' get these fuckers though. Can't do it locked in here. I'm gonna get out of this house!"

I wanted to touch him. I wanted to feel the warmth of his hand on top of mine. "You're going to fight. I'm going to fight. We've given up too much to end up with shit. We're gonna fight, Dally. I'm going to try an' fix this...for all of us. I'm going to fix _everything_."

He nodded. He looked into my eyes. "Ey, do me a favor."

"Sure."

"Tell Sodapop..." he paused. "Tell Sodapop not to give up...for Dallas."

* * *

><p>Rain was pouring down outside. This day had already started off bad. Randy sat at the window and watched as rain droplets raced each other to the bottom. He was supposed to go to the hospital and see Mike today. He was up. Marilyn called last night to tell him the news. She sounded relieve though at the same time, Randy could see the hand-print on her cheek.<p>

He should go. Mike's his friend and he is hurt. He didn't want to run into anyone there though. He didn't really know how he felt about Michael anyway. Not right now. Everything he had told him...it'd been a lie. The things Randy did - all those people - did Michael even understand what they had did? Had it even occurred to him. It's all about winning to the James'. Marilyn got it now though.

Cops were starting to pound on them with questions. Marilyn was taking the most blows. She couldn't handle them though and broke again, this time spending the night at the hospital where her parents found her. That didn't help matters.

Randy had stayed away from the cops for the most part considering his uncle was the District Attorney. He knew the questions would come to him and he'd have his turn. What did he tell them? He didn't start the fire. He didn't do anything but fight and stand back and watch everything unfold and unfold horribly.

"Shouldn't you be doing homework?" his mother asked. "Winter break hasn't started yet."

Randy sighed and continued to stare at the rain. She knew stuff - his mother. Just by her tone, he could tell. "I got it done, Ma."

"What are you doing all day then?" she asked with a sharp bite. "I don't expect you to be sitting around the house all day."

He bit his tongue. This was his mother after all and he knew better than to bark back at her. "I'm tired, Ma. I need some space for a while. It's been a rough past few days."

She did her long, signature, sigh. "I hear. Did you hear about Danni's brother?"

"Yeah."

"It's a shame," she said, her heels moving closer to Randy. "For it to happen that way especially. You'd think people would understand, after going through a loss themselves, how much it hurts and how they wouldn't wish that pain on anyone."

Randy's hands balled up into fists. She was doing this on purpose. "Don't bring up Sam. Just don't."

"The cops arrested Dallas Winston - Danni's boyfriend," she stated. "He did it? That's what the cops are saying. It's funny to me though. Why would he come through and just say he did it with so much on the line? Then Danni not even protesting it from what I can tell. Then you, how do you play into this Randy? Have you talked to Danni?"

Randy's breath grew shorter and faster. "No. We're not friends anymore. I don't know about Dally. Maybe he felt guilty. I don't know!"

"Guilty?" she asked. "I didn't know you young people felt that anymore. You guys are just so good at hiding things. Maybe he does feel guilty but why, a guy like him, come clean? He's got everything going for him. Why throw it away like that?"

Randy swallowed. "People make mistakes."

Mrs. Adderson cleared her throat making Randy feel her right behind him. "That they do. How is Marilyn and Michael anyway?"

Randy looked at his mother for the first time. Her eyes were cold towards him. "What are you doing?"

"I'm not stupid," she stated clearly. "I know when people hide things from me. I know when my son does something wrong."

Randy scowled at her, growing tired of her games. "I didn't do anything if that's what you're implying. Please, I've had a really hard time and you know just as well as anyone that-"

"How's Danni?" she asked. "Do you care? Jane's dead. Do you care? Randy, Danni's brother is dead. Do you-"

"Of course I care!" he shouted, getting up this time and standing over his mother's tiny body. "I'm tired of this! What are you doing? I can't help it that Jane and Sam are dead. I can't help it that Danni's brother is dead. I can't, Mom!"

She studied her son. Randy didn't back down though. He'd had enough. "Why did you and Danni break up?"

Randy made a face. "What?"

"Why did-"

"I heard what you said! I just don't understand what that has to do with anything."

She crossed her arms and said softly: "It has to do with everything."

"You don't know what you're talking about!"

Mrs. Adderson took a strong step forward and waved a finger in Randy's face, her teeth grinding. "Don't you talk to me that way! I'm just trying to figure all this out and if you think I don't see it clear as day then you are more out of your mind than I thought!"

Randy was taken aback from what she was saying. How much did she know? It wasn't that obvious. Why would she ask about Danni like that though? Had Danni told her something? It wasn't obvious. Only four people in this world knew. Only four now. No one else.

Randy stood quietly. He wondered though...had Danni ever told Dally?

"I. Didn't. Do. Anything."

Mrs. Adderson came face-to-face with her son. "You can't lie forever, Randy." Tears started to fall from her eyes. "You can't." Randy rushed to the door, grabbing his coat from the hanger. "Please, Randy! Just tell me it's not true."

Randy stared at his beautiful mother. The mother whom he loved so much. He saw her tears and he wanted to clean her face from them just like she did him. He wanted to give her the truth. God he did. "I can't."

And he ran out into the freezing cold rain, sobbing out everything he had held back for two years.

* * *

><p><em><em>Lookin at me now I can see my past. Damn I look just like my f-ckin dad. Light it up, that'<em>_s smokin' mirrors. I even look good in the broken mirror. I see my momma smile thats a blessin. I see the change, I see the message and no message could been any clearer. So I'm stared with the man in the...__

He ran through the park. His clothes were drenched and his shoes had pints of water in them. He didn't seem to even notice right now. He couldn't see anything but he didn't need to see. He knew this place like the back of his hand. It haunted him even, but today, he was running to this spot and nothing was going to stop him.

He leaned on the big Holly tree and looked out into the large stretch of land in front of him. He saw the spot. His tears clouded his vision to where he only saw it for a second. He didn't need to see it again though. He saw that night and that was enough for him.

Sam.

He could see Sam's smile in his sleep. Sam had been Randy's best friend since they were in diapers. Randy had trusted Sam and saw him as a brother. Randy never questioned Sam until that night but Sam always reassured Randy. The bastard was dead now. Randy couldn't help but be angry at the stupid son-of-a-bitch. He drug them all into this and now what?

Randy's tears came out faster and in more loads. Randy knew he was wrong. He knew everything he had been doing was wrong for two years. People tried to tell him. Danni had tried to tell him but he didn't listen. He was seeing it now though. People were dying. People who didn't deserve to die. Good people. Jane and Soda.

His fingers dug into the bark of the tree and he pressed his head against the coldness of it.

Michael was never his friend. He should have saw what all the drugs were doing. He should have known that night when they went to that building with all those hippies and druggies. He should have known what that was in that bag. He did know but as always, Randy kept his mouth shut and just obeyed orders.

Randy kept his mouth shut after he heard the plan. He knew this was going to happen and he had known for some time and deep down, he knew it was wrong, yet, he said nothing. He let Michael and Marilyn throw everything up in flames and he busted out right then like a coward. Wasn't that the worst? Knowing, running. Worse than actually setting the fire?

Randy knew it was.

For so long, he never understood greasers and what they stood for. He didn't understand why they thought so poorly of his side. He figured it was money. He pretended that was the reason even two years ago when he got into this mess. When he let Sam get them all into this hell of a mess. He did it. Randy was just as worse as Sam.

He needed to change. This wasn't what he wanted. These lives were on his hands and he couldn't say anything that wouldn't make it true. The people he treated so poorly, they didn't deserve that. Dallas Winston didn't deserve to be in jail. Randy knew he didn't do it. It was like Danni said, Dally was more of a man than Randy and Randy knew it now. He knew just what she meant and she was right.

Randy continued to cry. He had apologized so many times to nothing but the wind. Who was he going to say it to? Sam told Randy it would all be fine and it was until Sam died and left Randy and Michael to take over only to fail. But did Sam's death bring this back up? Or was it just Danni bringing it up again?

Or was Sam's death related to what happened at this very spot two years ago?

_Mirror on the wall, here we are again through my rise and fall. You've been my only friend. You told me that they can understand the man I am. So why are we here talkin' to each other again?_

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **For anyone who knows where the anger and enemies ties into, you get bonus points!


	36. Either You Got It

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the _Outsiders_ or the song _The Kill_ by 30 Seconds to Mars.

**A/N: **You all have so many questions and I hate I can't answer them all. Maybe this can shed some light. Maybe you'll recognize some things as well. Like the song title? Thought it fit well. ;)

_Warning_: Cliff-Hanger below.

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><p><em>What if I wanted to break? Laugh it all off in your face. What would you do? What if I fell to the floor. Couldn't take all this anymore.<em>  
><em>What would you do, do, do? Come break me down. Bury me, bury me.<em>

Sarah likes movies. Angela never did. She would sit and eat popcorn and gossip and I'd miss the whole movie. It always annoyed me. I've been thinking about her a lot today. I've been asking her about Soda, I don't know what I'm asking. I just wanted her to hear me. I did wonder what she would be doing while all this was going on. Angela was always in on the action. What role would she play?

Sarah's role was more different than Angela's would ever be. Sarah was my rock, like Angela, but it was weird, she wasn't my rock like Angela. I compare them a lot, Angela and Sarah, though they are nothing alike and never will be. Sarah's here though, eating popcorn, watching lame movies, and holding my hand while my family packs everything up to leave.

"You sure you don't want to go?" Kathy asked, stroking my hair just like she had been doing this whole day.

I shook my head, taking another handful of popcorn and stuffing it in my mouth. "I just...not today. I can't."

She nodded and seemed to act like she understood. I knew she didn't though. Darry was the only one that did. Not even Ponyboy knew why I was staying home today of all days and not right by my family's side. What was the point? Seeing Soda die?

Pony passed through. He didn't show his face. Darry and him had a long talk and then spoke with me. I don't really remember that talk. I just remember a lot of crying from all three sides. "You sure?" he asked.

I nodded, pulling my knees up to my chest. Darry passed too. He kept his head down and went straight to the door and put his jacket on. He didn't say anything. He had a lot of papers in his hand and he went straight out to the car. Kathy turned and looked down at me and sighed. She rubbed her face.

Pony sat and put his shoes on. "I'll call you."

I didn't want him to but I didn't say that. Soda had died yesterday in my eyes. I didn't need a phone call telling me it was over and Soda was dead. I just wanted to be alone. I just wanted everything back to normal again. I wanted to talk to Randy.

Sarah came through and sat beside me. "We'll be here."

Kathy and Pony went to the door. "Call if you need anything."

And they were gone to send another one off to death.

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><p>Death is described as the event of dying or departure from life. Death is also the permanent end of all life functions in an organism or part of an organism. Death, dying, demise - the time when something ends. Death is the natural conclusion to life. We go back to all that is. Dying is <em>natural<em>.

_"I can't believe you stole this from your parents!" she exclaimed, skipping over a rock as we walked. "Damn, Sammy!"_

_Sam laughed, taking a sip of the goods he had retrieved. He pushed the bottle back to Michael who tried to give it to Randy who passed it on to me. "I told ya'll I'd hook us up. You know I take care of ya'll."_

Who controls who lives and who dies? God or someone else? Is death its own person who feeds off the souls of lost ones and collects them and goes on its way? This idea is often confusing, everyone having their own beliefs. Though, do us as humans, can't we control death?

_We all followed Sam as he stumbled. "Whoa, man!" Randy caught Sam before he did a face plant into a ditch. "Maybe you should take it easy on the poison?"_

_Sam shoved Randy off and took control of the bottle again. "Don't tell me what to do. S'm fine!"_

Humans are complicated creatures that way. We're advanced and, at the same time, too advanced. We think about things. We have minds and we feel things. We have souls. Now those souls are all different. They are gifts given to each human being. We don't understand our souls or what purpose they serve. We just know we have them and at any moment, they can be taken away.

_The boys were playing with the flat football still. Marilyn and I sat on the stairs, smoking and trying not to up-chuck in front of the boys. This wasn't the first time for either one of us, but there was something strange about the way it tasted. Maybe it was just how strong it was compared to what we had before. Or maybe it was because Sam was as high as a kite._

_No one said anything._

Humans are complicated. The things that go on in one's mind are complicated. It's hard for us to see clearly in situations. Our minds get clouded and we can't see what's right in front of us. We can't see right and wrong so we just ignore everything. We sit back and we watch and we don't say anything.

_"Looky boys!" Sam hooped. He stumbled again and caught himself on the rail of the stairs. "Look what we have here!"_

_The guy just watched him as Sam decided to play._

_"Sam, maybe you should lay off?" Randy stepped in, trying to part Sam away. "C'mon. Let's get out of here."_

_Sam, again, pushed back, almost falling, yet again. He giggled and wiped the discards of the liquor from his mouth. "I'm just having some fun, Ran. C'mon. Let's have some fun!"_

We have a feeling when we know something is wrong. It's a sense we are given. We just don't channel it. We ignore it. We are young. All of us. Our minds are young and thinking is hard. Reacting is even harder. Sometimes we are forced to do both though and that's what gets us in trouble in these situations.

_Marilyn stood up and watched the boys. I got up shortly after her, now wondering myself. Sam was still wobbling, trying to hold himself up. Randy was trying to push him away now, being more stern. Then there was the yelling. Lots of yelling and shoving. Marilyn and I went closer, only getting there just as it happened, seeing the fall and hearing the bang. We stopped, and gasped._

Death. Dying. They control the mind. Everyone reacts differently to death and dying. Some see it as a peaceful thing. Like this soul is finally going 'home'. How exactly is death peaceful though? How can you say when someone brutally dies that it's peaceful? How can you say when someone's life is taken from them that it's a peaceful, natural, thing? It's ugly, disgusting, inhuman, for another human soul to take another.

_Blood. Lots of blood._

_"No one's ever going to know!" Sam kept swearing this as he danced around the body. "I mean, look at him! He's just a dirty grease. No one's even going to know he's gone. I-It'll be ok. We can do this guys. Don't fall apart on me! I'll make sure ya'll go down with me!"_

There is a time in life when we are all faced with challenges. No one tells you the right path to take. That's only up to you. You have many roads you can take. It's your job to pick the right one. It's decisions like these that you will have to live with the rest of your life so you must make them right.

_Sam leaned against the big Holly tree and smoked. Everyone was dead silent. No one moved. No one wanted to. I was crying. Marilyn was crying. The boys were crying. Everyone was except Sam. He was oddly calm. He swore to us though. He kept swearing it._

_No one will know. We're in this together now. The five of us. No one will find out. I'll make sure of it. If I have to bring you down, I will. Don't test me. This is just us now. Us against them._

Everyone dies. Everyone lives. It's nature. It's nature to lie, to cheat, and to steal. It's our nature to do wrong things…..so we do. We don't know any better. We just know it kills us as humans.

We all lie.

_"What if someone starts looking?" Randy asked, shaking beside Michael._

_Sam breathed out smoke and took a deep breath. "No one will. No one even knows this guy. He just dropped off the planet. No one knows him. No one will come looking. No one. Trust me."_

There was a knock at the door.

* * *

><p>"What are you doing here?" I asked again once we got into my bed room. He had sat down on the bed and covered his face with the towel I had given him. I repeated myself again, "Why are you here, Randy?"<p>

He gazed up at me. His face was red. He was drenched with rain and he looked like he'd been crying. "We need to talk."

"You first."

Randy rubbed his hair with the towel and sighed. "I got a few things I want cleared up. This is crazy, you know that? All of this happening. I thought when Sam died it'd just be over soon and the pain would go away but..._this_ came up again. I thought it was dead too. Guess I was wrong."

I leaned against my dresser and crossed my arms. What was the point in Randy being here? There was nothing more he could say or do. "What's your question?"

He looked at me. "Who did you tell?"

I stared at him and narrowed my eyes. "I didn't tell anyone. What makes you think I did?"

"You told Dally," he said flatly. It wasn't a question but more a statement as if he already knew. "You told Dally we killed that greaser."

I scowled and shook my head. This was why he came. "You come into my house and accuse me of that? I promised I wouldn't tell and I haven't told a soul. What makes you think I have?"

"You don't think all of this ties together?" he asked. "Sam dies and then all this comes up again? Sam died because someone killed him too. What did we do Danni? You don't think those two things tie in together?"

I paced around the room, watching my feet. I'd thought about this when Sam died but never like what Randy was saying. He was saying someone else knew. "Who killed Sam then? Only the four of us knew."

"That's what I'm asking."

My patience was growing thin. My head hurt and all I saw when I shut my eyes was Soda. I didn't have time for this right now. I wanted this to be the last thing I thought about today but it was the first and the only. "One of us."

Randy's eyes widened. He stared at me for a minute as if he wanted me to retract my statement. I stared back at him and waited for him to say something. "Who? Wh-what? None of us would do that!"

I shook my head and thought for a minute. "Then who? No one else was there and no one else knows. What if...did Sam tell anyone? That's your only argument that doesn't have fingers pointing to the twins."

"What about _you_?" Randy jumped up and started attacking. "Where were you the night Sam died?"

"I was with Dally!" I defended myself with a slight yell. "So there you go, can't blame both of us. Start pointing fingers somewhere else because we had nothing to do with Sam. Why don't you look at what's right in front of you."

He's face twisted. "Marilyn?"

I walked closer to him. "You don't know everything about her. Three summers ago, she lost her virginity to Sam. Two summers ago, she caught Sam with another girl and cut all her hair off at a party the weekend after, not even saying a word to Sam."

He looked to the side. I breathed calmly and watched him collect himself. "You're crazy."

"Then tell me, who killed Sam? I have better things to worry about right now so unless you have proof of something, don't waste my time with this."

He shook his head and stood up forcefully. "There are some things we just haven't figured out yet! Marilyn didn't do it though, alright?"

I knew Marilyn didn't kill Sam. She didn't have the guts to do anything like that. Though right now, the look in Randy's eyes, I was starting to wonder. "Then where was she that night?"

"How should I know?"

I sat down on the ground and rubbed my head. Sam died four months ago. The whole town grieved for a few days before questions started coming up. Things started to stir up. Things that were put to rest a long time ago. Someone stirred them back up. Someone who knew. Someone who killed Sam.

Feelings started to come up again. I felt tears gather in my eyes and I tried to stop them.

I never imagined that this would happen, but here I am. I'm stuck in this hole I've dug. He warned me. He told me what would happen if I didn't stop. This is what I get. I never thought I'd go this far. The line between greasers and Socs was broken once. Why did it have to break again?

I once knew the man who sat in front of me. He was once my everything. So many nights we spent together, I thought I knew him. How can I decide what's right when he's always there looking over me? No one can win this never-ending, losing fight. In the end we all lose. How did we get here? He was no man, he never was. Him and all those people he calls his friends, are pure evil. That's all they are.

"Do you see what we've done? Is this what it's going to take to end this? Will this _ever_ end? Someone's life is on the line because of what you've done, what _we've _done," I announced.

He refused to look my way. He knew it was just as true as I did.

"How did we let it get this far?" I peered up and looked at the guy standing in front of me. Sweaty hair hung in front of my dirt covered face. He didn't answer. Instead he slipped his hands in his pockets and sighed. "Look at what we've done." I breathed out. "He's dead because of us! _Dead_!"

"You think I don't know that?" Anger beamed in his cold eyes. "We screwed up ok?"

I shook my head. "No, no _we_ didn't screw up!" I got up from the hard floor and raced over to him. "This is all your fault and those people you call your_ friends_!"

He gripped hold of my arms and tried to stop me. "Calm down! I'm sorry ok? How many fucking time do I have to say it?"

I pulled away and brushed through my hair. I was sick of that word; _sorry_. No one ever meant it. "He's dead," I repeated. "We _killed_ him."

There was silent and I stopped and breathed, trying to catch my breath. Randy stared at me, not wanting to say anything else. He didn't want to say it. He didn't want to correct me. Randy knew we didn't kill anyone. We had done worse. We covered it up.

"We did it!" he shouted, screaming in my face. "We killed him. You know it and I know it so why say it again? Why bring all this up again? I'm sorry, Danni. I'm sorry your brother is dead, I'm sorry Jane's dead, and I'm sorry Sam's dead! Happy?"

Tears started to gather back. I swallowed and shook my head. "We can't take it back, Randy. You can only say sorry for so long before it means absolutely nothing! We've killed more than just one person. You've killed more than just one person with this. I've killed more than just one person. It's _never_ going to end."

It was silent again. I caught my breath while Randy stared blankly at the floor. "Someone killed Sam, Danni. Someone that knew what we did that night."

"Then maybe Sam got what he _deserved_."

It was quiet for a mere second before it registered for Randy. The fireworks started to fly. "How could you say that?" He stood up again, towering over me, threatening. "Take it back now!"

"No!" I shouted. "Why should I? You want to hear my opinion? I think someone did find out. I think someone found out exactly what we did. Someone came looking and Sam got caught. I'm sorry the guy is dead but I'm not sorry he's gone."

Randy breathed out slowly. His fists were in balls and I knew I had crossed a line. All I could do was look up at him and wait. "You're a bitch."

"I'm sorry I had to be the one to break it to you Randy but, Sam killed someone and he drug you down with him. All of us. I'm sorry to tell you: Sam wasn't so great of a friend. Sam wasn't the knight in shining armor that you always saw. He was the dragon that blew everything down in _flames_. Now we're the ones who have to be punished."

His upper lip twitched. He'd thought about that. He knew that. "Don't say that."

I wiped some tears out of the way. "Own up to it. We did it, Randy."

"I hope Dally rots in that cell," he barked, gathering his things and heading for the door. "I hope he gets what he deserves."

"Fine," I said calmly. "Dally's not the one with the pounds of guilt hanging over his head, is he?"

Randy rolled his head back before heading out the door. "And you say _I'm_ brain washed."

He left.

I followed him down the stairs and watched him go out the front door. I went into the kitchen and grabbed one of the jars we used to store jam. I slammed it against the wall, then picked up another one and did it again until I fell on the floor and cried.

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><p>Sarah picked me up off the ground and we'd gone back to watching movies. She didn't ask what Randy said or why he was here. She sat quietly, talking about anything but that and Soda.<p>

When Sam died I was with Dally. I heard about it the next morning from work from Mrs. Adderson. I learned from the papers what happened and then learned about the theory of it not being an accident. I didn't cry for Sam. I never would either.

I'm here because of Sam. I didn't want to point fingers, but pointing them at a dead person seemed like the best move. Sam was the one who killed that kid. Not me, not Michael, not Marilyn, not Randy. We were just pawns for him. What were we now though?

The phone rang. Sarah exchanged a look with me and I got up and picked it up, knowing already what was going to come from the other end.

"Hello?"

_"...he's...d-d...-dead."_

_What are you waiting for? I'm not running from you. Come break me down. Bury me, bury me. I am finished with you. Look in my eyes. You're killing me, killing me._


	37. Or You Don't

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the _Outsiders_ or the song, _Reliving_.

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><p><em>Mr. Mr. of my youth. You fed me bread and taught me truth. And one adventure... you took me out. Showed what life is all about. I don't mind reliving. All the things about my youth. That made me high. I don't mind reliving. I was so much happier back then.<em>

"Danni, I think you should go."

"I'm not going."

"Danni!"

"I said no!"

The room was spinning and turning black. Sarah was pacing the room, watching me from the corner of her eye like she was afraid I might fall or something worse. She kept pushing I go. That was the last place I wanted to be right now. My body couldn't move right now and there was only one thing on my mind.

I shouldn't be thinking about it. I shouldn't be thinking this right now. It should be the last thing on my mind and I'll never tell anyone what I'm thinking right now. What I'm thinking about instead of my brother. I'm thinking of Sam over him and I hate myself.

My head hurt. I never thought I'd have to force myself to cry in this situation. I thought it'd come easy. I'd just lost Soda - my brother - and I wasn't producing a single tear. I wonder what he must think. I wonder what Sarah thinks right now watching me. If she didn't know any better, she'd think I was crazy. Maybe I am though. Maybe that's the problem.

Randy couldn't get out of my head. I kept hearing his words and him telling me about someone finding out and killing Sam. Who was next then if that were so? No, no. I can't think that right now. Soda's dead. That's what matters right now. My family is what matters right now. I shouldn't be thinking about Randy or Sam.

Soda was gone. It didn't feel like he was gone at all. Wasn't I supposed to be feeling something right now? Instead, I'm sitting here, watching the clock, and listening to Sarah's heavy footsteps. Maybe we were wrong though. Maybe we were wrong all along.

"Danni." Sarah stopped and faced me. She kneeled down in front of me. "Y-you have to go."

I couldn't tell if she was forcing me or not so I just stared. Was she _forcing_ me? "Sarah, I'm not going to go and have them tell me what I already know."

She didn't break her stare but thought for a minute. "I-I'll make you!"

I blinked a couple of times. She was serious. I chuckled. "What are you gonna do? Tie me up?"

"Maybe." She stood up and crossed her arms over her chest. "I haven't thought that far ahead yet."

I knew Sarah wouldn't. She knew she wouldn't. She was just trying something here. I pushed her away and stood up and walked around the living room, thinking about Sam. I couldn't get my mind off it. There were so many things none of us thought about until now.

Was Sam killed on purpose? It's the first question that comes to mind. Or was it all just some freak accident and we were all over reacting. Was he killed because of something? Did someone find out and came looking, finding Sam and killing him off. Though maybe, we were all wrong. Maybe we were looking in all the wrong directions.

People get punished. It's obvious what was happening here. We were being punished for something Sam did. Sam was already punished though, right? Marilyn started the fire and killed Jane and Soda and injured more than that. Michael came up with the plan and now lies in a hospital bed. Randy has to live with all of this because he stood by and watched.

For me: Soda was dead. But wasn't that punishing everyone?

Though maybe, we're not the ones being punished.

I sat down and rubbed my head. I was seeing colors. "Sam's dead."

"What?" Sarah got to my level again, holding onto my shoulders as if I was shaking and didn't know it. "Danni-"

I tried shaking her off but she didn't move. "Sam's dead. He's_ dead,_ Sarah."

"No!" Sarah stated clearly. "Soda's dead! Danni, _Soda's_ dead!"

I shook my head, so sure of what I was thinking was clear. "No. Soda's _not_ dead."

She just stared at me for a minute, not sure if I was really crazy now or just in denial. She snapped to. "Soda_ is_ dead, Danni! We got the phone call. He's gone! We need to go to the hospital!"

"Do you know Jason Gibbs?" I asked, looking at her.

Sarah gaped at my question. "No! Danni what are you talking about?"

"You wouldn't," I said simply. "No one did. He's dead too though. Him and Sam both are dead."

Sarah stared blankly at me. I felt her shaking me over and over again and I think she was yelling. I couldn't hear her. It was coming together. We weren't the ones being punished here. Sam's dead. Sam, not Soda.

The phone started to ring and Sarah stopped shaking me. We both stared in that direction, then Sarah looked at me. "Are you-"

"No."

She slammed her fist on the floor and jumped up to fetch it. "Jesus, Danni!"

Jesus walks with all of us. He's there in times like these. He's there for everyone. The worst of people, he's right there. Jesus looks after us. He takes care of us and keeps us alive. He punishes those who deserve it and he heals the ones who are hurt. Jesus does what's right. It keep the world in balance - good things. The good out living the bad. That's the world. That's this world.

Jesus, don't fail me now.

Sarah came back, running. "We need to go to the hospital, _now_!"

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><p>The hallway was dark. Sarah kept rambling but I couldn't hear what she was saying. I kept walking, watching my feet to make sure I didn't fall. I don't know what I expected or where it was Sarah was taking me or who was on the phone and what they said.<p>

My heartbeat was slow. My legs were shaking. I had to be right. I kept my eyes on the floor as we approached his door.

A doctor came out, smiled at us, and went on his way. I watched him walk down the hall as Sarah entered the room. I heard Darry's voice and then Kathy's. I turned and faced the entrance. I started to walk.

"Danni." Something hard hit me, grabbed me and squeezing me.

I kept my head hidden, and closed my eyes. "Darry."

I took a minute and embraced his hug. I didn't know if it was from the fact that I was happy to see him or from the fact that I didn't want him to move so I'd have to see what was behind him. I buried my face.

"You gonna save some hugs for me?" Darry let go, slowly, revealing the owner of the voice.

"Soda?"

"You just gonna stand there with your mouth open or are ya gonna come hug me?"

My feet felt like they were glued to the floor. Everyone was watching me to see what I'd do next. Soda was on the bed, smiling as big as ever and Pony was beside him, curled up under his arm, just laughing. Soda's bright face was showing. Some bandages around his face had been removed and the burns were healing. There was a machine beside him...beeping loudly.

I closed my open mouth and took a breath that I'd been holding in. I didn't know what to do next. There was running. What if this was just a dream and at any moment I'd wake up and be told the real news? Was I really right? I felt right.

Steve was standing by the window, not taking his eyes off Soda. He seemed happy. I sensed a smile across his lips though he didn't show it exactly. Kathy was fighting back tears and using Darry to hold her up. Pony's eyes were red and he couldn't _stop_ crying.

It was real.

I walked toward Soda, feeling my face become wet. I choked on a sob. "S-Sodapop..."

"C'mere." He motioned me to come closer. "You ain't gonna hurt me none. Lay a big ole hug on me."

I got to his side and he pulled me down, wrapping both his arms around me and putting his neck on my shoulder. He pulled me down to where I sat on the bed and held me in that same spot and told me to breathe.

He was warm. I liked the way he felt. It took me back. Goddamn did it take me back. I wished Dally was here.

I latched on to my brother and sat there for what seemed like hours, just listening to the heart machine beep and feeling his smile on my neck. I was careful with the burns but held him tight, feeling like if I didn't, I might lose him again.

"Don't start cryin' too now." Soda laughed, squeezing my neck. "And you guys say I'm the one who cries."

Warm tears stained his shirt. I didn't want to move from this. After everything that happened, Sam's death, Randy and Marilyn, the fire, Dally being in jail - this was the first time I'd felt good about something. The first time hope shinned down on us and everything had gone right. A new beginning. Sodapop Curtis was alive and breathing. Sodapop, my big brother.

This was how it was supposed to go all along. He was never supposed to die. The story doesn't end that way.

Darry stepped over to us and explained, "Docs say it's a miracle. This one is just fighting off death all the time."

"H-h-how?"

"You took my spot." Pony made his way over to Darry, pouting about me being in his spot.

Darry further explained, "They turned the machine off and Soda just opens his eyes like nothing's wrong. The doctors don't know how it happened."

Soda rubbed my back and chuckled. "You guys can't get rid of me that easy. 'Sides, ya'll need me. Ain't no Curtis family without everyone's favorite sibling. I don't know what ya'll would have done. Kill each other probably."

"I love you," I whispered quietly. "We thought you w-were gone."

He ran his hand through my hair and laughed. "Shucks, I love you too, Dan. I ain't gonna leave. I ain't gonna leave for a long time. You're gonna have to put up with your stupid big brother for a good ole long time!"

I wiped a tear away and smiled. "I think I'll be ok with that."

Sarah came closer to us. "How did you know though?" she asked. "You said he wasn't dead but you got that call saying that he was."

"What?" Darry asked, looking to me to further explain. "You got a phone call saying he was dead?

I'd forgotten all about that. I sat up, letting Pony have his spot back. "Um, yeah. Someone said _he was dead_. I thought it was you or Ponyboy."

"Wasn't me," Pony said, snuggling back under Soda's arm. "We just called when he woke up."

Darry was still gawking at me but I shrugged. "Oh well, it's not important right now."

Soda went to rubbing Pony's back. Darry stood at his side, stroking Soda's hair. He wasn't crying anymore. There was a new light in Darry's eyes. He was smiling at everything. "I'm still gonna kick your ass when you're out of this bed."

"Wouldn't have it any other way," Soda snickered. "Where's Dal?"

Again, eyes turned to me. "He's alright. He's_ going_ to be alright anyway."

Steve cleared his throat and came over beside Soda and stood next to Darry. "Buddy, once Darry kicks your scrawny little ass, I'll have to get my turn. I got a lot of anger to get out over this."

Kathy pulled me into her and held me by my side. "I still can't believe it."

"That's us Curtis'," Soda grinned proudly. "We just keep surprising the world."

Darry gripped onto his neck. "You got that right, little buddy."

* * *

><p>Sobs filled the hallway. I followed them. Half-curious, half thinking I knew who they belonged to. They were loud and heart breaking. Someone was screaming and they were screaming loud. I followed until my trail ended and I saw them.<p>

She was bent over on the ground, screaming into her hands and crying rivers. Her make-up was smeared all over her pearly face and she was shaking like nothing I've seen before. "Marilyn."

Randy appeared, his face swollen and eyes red. Marilyn didn't move at the sound of her name but Randy did. He came over to me, looking me over and swallowing hard. "Danni."

"Wh-what..." As if I needed to ask.

Randy looked behind him at Marilyn. He choked on a sob and shut his eyes, letting tears roll down his cheeks. "Danni-"

My focus was on Marilyn. Her cry did something to me. I went to her and called again, "Marilyn-"

"He's dead!" she cried. "He's _dead_!"

"Who?"

"Michael!"

_We're not the ones being punished._

The only thing I could hear was Marilyn's loud sobs. She stood alone, a tissue held up against her face. I felt my hear sink a little and I couldn't put my finger on exactly why. It hadn't registered yet. Nothing had registered from this day. I saw Marilyn though.

"H-how?"

Marilyn wasn't going to answer. Instead, Randy spoke, "He was fine just a few hours ago." He sighed, holding back another sob.

Then I knew why I was feeling the way I was. Here was Marilyn James standing in a corner, by herself, crying because she had just lost her brother. As if being blindsided wasn't hard enough, she had the guilt of knowing it was probably her fault this happened. I knew what I saw. This was supposed to be me.

She was alone and that angered me. I didn't need to ask where her parents were. For years, Marilyn had been the odd one. The least favorite of the duo. As a child, she was fat. Her mother gave her pills and starved her until she got skinny. She was flat chested when most girls her age had bras. Her mother made her stuff. Her nose was pointed. Her mother paid for the surgery.

The red hand print that showed on her face was just another reminder of how imperfect Marilyn was. Her flaws were showing now. Her make-up was gone and her true colors were showing. The colors I once knew. The person I once knew. Memories came back.

"I heard about Soda," Randy said.

I shook my head, still watching her. "Not now."

Her world had crashed. The perfect world she had created for herself. I didn't know what I should say, if anything. I made it pretty clear, as did she, we were not friends, just anything but. Right now though, I saw me.

"Mar..."

Her body fell to the floor and she sobbed into her hands. I stopped and watched her cry. Randy came up beside me, watching her too. "This is what we get. This is what we _fucking_ get!"

I shook my head and looked at the poor girl on the floor whose body was giving up on her. "Marilyn-"

"He was just fine!" she screamed, looking up. "He was just_ fine_!"

I kneeled down on the floor and scooted to her carefully as if she was going to hurt me. "Marilyn..."

Randy was leaning against the wall, crying and saying over and over again about being sorry. I don't know who he was saying it to. I had a good guess. Randy finally understood now. We all understood what this horrible game was all about.

"First Sam...now this!"

Sam was just the start. It was meant to be this way. It seemed too perfect.

I placed my hand on Marilyn's shoulder. She didn't move. "I'm...I'm-"

"I don't want you to say it!" she hissed, knocking my hand away. "You got your perfect little family! Rub it in my fucking face! Are you happy now, Danni? Are we suffering enough now? Goddamnit! Fuck you!"

I backed away and stared at her. "I-I-I-"

"Go away!" She reached out and shoved me across the floor. "Get out of here! Stay _away_ from me! You got what you always wanted Danni! You finally got it! I'm _sorry_!"

"Marilyn-"

"I did it!" she shouted, pointing at herself. "I screwed up and look what happened! I'm fucking sorry, ok? I'm _sorry_!"

I crawled away from her and watched in disbelieve. "Mar-"

"Go away! Go live your fairy-tale ending! Just get the fuck away from me!"

I stopped crawling and swallowed the large lump in the back of my throat. "Don't blame me for this. Let me help you."

Marilyn's cold eyes stared me down. They were so red and full blown raging. "I don't want_ your_ help. My brother is dead because of what we did! Get the fuck out of here, Danni. Get the fuck out of our lives!"

"You should leave," Randy said his two-cents.

I didn't break from Marilyn. "Don't hate me. I-I don't hate you, Marilyn. I'm sorry about Michael. I'm _so_ sorry, Mar. Let me help you. Please, just let me-"

"Go away!"

Randy pulled on my arm, coaching me to go with him and leave her be. I didn't budge. "I don't hate you, Marilyn. And you shouldn't hate yourself. You didn't kill your brother. You didn't kill anyone Marilyn. _We_ didn't kill anyone. This isn't your fault."

Spit and foam was forming in the corners of her mouth. She looked like a rabid dog, ready to attack. "It is though. Can't you see it! You said it yourself. It's all my fault. I set the fire. I hurt those people! Sam hurt those people...God!"

My hand inched toward her. "It's over. It's over and it's ok-"

"It'll never be ok," she said harshly, stopping her sobs for just second. "Not for me...Just go, Danni."

"Marilyn-"

"Get out of here!"

I stood up and gazed at Randy. He shook his head and rounded the corner, leaving us. I watched Marilyn cry as I left. I watched her scream it over and over and over again. She screamed it loud:

"I'm sorry!"

_Cinderella of my youth... You made me smile and broke my tooth. And one adventure... you held my hand. Made me feel I was a man. I don't mind reliving. All the things that were so good. When we were young. I don't mind reliving. I was so much happier back then._

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><p><em><em>**A/N: **I had this already written and then lost it. I liked the other one better but this is what I came up with after. I only have a few chapters left so please stay with me. ;) Please review if you were to be so kind!


	38. Long Live the King

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the _Outsiders_ or the song, _Bloody Mary_.

**A/N: **Thank you all for the awesome reviews. :) I cannot thank you enough!

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><p><em>Love is just a history that they may prove. And when you're gone I'll tell them my religion's you. When Pontius comes to kill the king upon his throne. I'm ready for their stones. I'll dance, dance, dance. With my hands, hands, hands. Above my head, head, head. Like Jesus, said.<em>

"You look nice." Ponyboy stood by the door.

I popped my earrings in and followed him downstairs to where Darry was wrestling with a tie. "I'm surprised he's going. He's been at the hospital for a week now. It's strange seeing him here."

Pony shrugged on his jacket. "Dal's his friend too. He wants to be there for him is all."

"I know," I said, smiling at Darry. "I remember."

Darry wants me to have hope for today. Dally seems slightly confident that he'll get off easy and has tried to convince me that he wasn't going anywhere. I still have my doubts about today though. Murder is a big crime. Bigger than anything Dally has faced before and he doesn't know who he's messing with when it comes to Sam's family.

It hasn't fully hit me yet. Darry says it's because my mind's been on other things - like Soda - and that'd it'd click soon. I'd imagine he was right and sooner or later, I'd have my break. It was hard to think about that though, with everything else going on. Maybe Dally had some hope though. Maybe I was wrong about that too.

I sat on the stoop and lit another cigarette and blew out smoke. I'd become Ponyboy, going through about two packs a day now. Darry has shrugged it off for now but I was waiting for the day when he'd chew my ass a new one. It was coming closer and closer.

It told me things were getting back to normal. Normal for us anyway. Winter break had started and once Soda got out, we were getting a tree and decorating the house in tacky decorations like we do every year. Darry is smiling and laughing more than I've seen in a while and Kathy's been around more. She pretty much lived here as it was.

Things were slowly going back together. I hadn't seen Randy or Marilyn since Michael's funeral, but the day before break, they both came in to school to get their work. I'd heard rumors about Marilyn running away from home and Randy getting sent away for a year to boarding school. I didn't believe rumors too much though.

I went to Michael's funeral. Darry felt the need to make an appearance and dragged me along to do the same. No one said anything to me, just stared. There was a lot of crying and a lot of people from school were there. I could hear them whispering as I went by. I was starting not to care about what people talked about. They had no idea what was really going on behind closed doors.

"Again?" Darry asked, stepping out of the house. "I see one of those things in your mouth the rest of the day and you won't be able to sit for a month! Got me?"

I laughed and put out the bud on the bottom of my shoe. "Yes, Darry, _sir_."

* * *

><p>I drank three cups of coffee before we were allowed in the court room. Everyone was getting restless - the few of us that had shown up. I only saw our side right now and Dally's friends. Not Sam's family or his many friends. They'd be here though. I was sure of that.<p>

"How you think Winston's doin'?"

I sipped on the edge of my cup. "Nice of you to come, Tim." I examined his outfit. It wasn't every day you saw Tim Shepard in a tie. "Don't you look nice too? Pretty snazzy."

He took the cup out of my hand and hissed, "Smartass."

"Just sayin'." I took my drink back and took a swig.

He fumbled around and sank his hands in his pockets. "How's Sodapop doing?"

"He gets to come home tomorrow," I tried to hold back my grin. I didn't want to bring it up with Tim. After all, his sibling wasn't as lucky as mine.

Tim nodded, not even noticing. Though, Tim isn't the easiest person to read. "Merry Christmas to ya'll then."

"It really will be if this doesn't ruin everything." I looked at the floor, feeling disappointed. "Lookin' that way though."

Tim leaned against the frame of the door and blew out a breath of air. "Don't I know it."

There was a bandage wrapped around his arm that went from his wrist to his elbow. Above his eyebrow was a scar from getting punched and kicked repeatedly in the head. He refused to go to hospitals these days. Curly says he never will go again. No one would blame him. They aren't my favorite place in the world either.

"How's frenchy?" I asked with a slight sarcastic smirk.

He let out a growl and rolled his eyes. "He's transferring here for college next semester. Can't get rid of the stupid kid."

I decided to ask the obvious, "Have you told him yet?" His silence gave me my answer. I sighed. "He's sure as hell going to find out now that he's living here. He's going to see Jake and put two and two together, Tim. Kid is a splitting image of him and he can do the math."

Tim's cool, laid back, stance changed. He pointed a finger in my face, not threatening, just warning. "I told you to stay out of this. It's not your business and I meant it. Just...butt out, Curtis."

"I know what you're scared of."

He rolled his head back and groaned, "Oh really now? Tell me, _wise one_."

I ignored his comment. "What harm is it going to do? You're just scared he'll take Jake away from you. He won't do that. Angela wanted him to know more than anything. She hunted for him for months, Tim."

He corned me against the wall. "You don't know anything. I'm lookin' out for that kid. Always have!"

"I know you do," I said. "You love him, I know you do. He deserves to know who he's dad is, Tim. You're not him. You never had a dad. Don't you know-"

"Cut it out," he snapped, rudely. "And what happens when this guys just picks up and leaves after a few fucking years? _You_ gonna be there to wipe the kid's nose and hold his hand?"

"No," I said flatly. "But you will. He'll have you."

He backed away slowly, not saying anything. He went back to his cool and collected state and slouched against the wall on the other side of me, watching a few more people gather up in the main hallway.

I watched him. "It's on you. I'm just telling you what she wanted. What she'd want you to do."

He walked off without another word. It was like fighting with a wall. This is why Tim Shepard and Dallas Winston didn't have a friendship like normal folks. They were too fucking much alike.

* * *

><p>People started to gather in and take their seats. We sat near the front, on Dally's side. Sam's parents were on the other side of us. Both of his parents had a stone cold look on their face, no emotions at all. From what I can remember, they were always like that. It didn't matter that their son was dead. No emotions - ever.<p>

Pony sat beside me, chomping on a wad of gum and going on and on about useless information about the case. Darry sat with Steve and Two, down behind us. They had their heads together most of the time. It made me wonder what they had to talk about for so long. Then Darry got up and cuddled against Kathy.

Sam's lawyers and other big men in suits came in next. They got out some papers and took a seat at their table and started to whisper. Dally was next with his lawyer. He gave me a wink and a smirk before sitting down.

"Man, how did Dally get_ him_?" Pony exclaimed, eyeing Dally and his lawyer as they look a seat with the rest of us.

I looked where he was, leaning over the bench some. "Get who?"

"His lawyer!" Pony shouted at a whisper. His eyes got bigger the more he stared at the two.

I made a face and leaned back down. "The state I'm guessing?"

Pony shook his head, his eyes still fixed on the two sitting in front of us like it was a miracle happening before his eyes. "No. Danni do you not know who that is?"

"No?"

Ponyboy huffed and finally let out, "That's Dave Millage. He's the biggest lawyer in probably the state." He gawked at them yet again, amazed. "He's a shark! He hasn't lost a case in ten years."

The guy didn't look like much. He whispered to Dally about a few things. Nothing that impressed me. "So?"

"_Sooo_, how did Dally afford a guy like him?"

It was a good question. I shrugged. "Dally works. He's got some money saved up. He don't buy nothing and he sold that stupid car so he probably did have the cash to get someone like that."

Pony wasn't having it. "Danni, the guy charges by the second. You'd have to be loaded to even get his attention."

I was growing impatient. I shrugged Pony off, changing my focus to Dally and how collected he looked. Collected for guy on a murder trial anyway. "I don't know, Pone. Maybe you ought to ask him about it sometime."

"I'm just saying." Pony slouched down. "With Ronnie's bail thing and all, I thought you'd at least be interested."

I eyed him. "What does Ronnie's bail have to do with anything?"

"We never figured out who paid it," he said plainly. "It's just odd. Maybe they got family money he ain't tellin' us about. I don't know. It just seemed weird to me is all. No need to make a big deal about it I don't guess."

The doors opened and the judge came out and we all stood before being told to sit.

We never _did_ find out how Ronnie got bail.

* * *

><p>The day had been long already. I kept thinking about Christmas and Soda's return home and having everything back to normal again. We actually had some money this year and I was pretty excited about the gifts I'd gotten everyone.<p>

Christmas wasn't always a happy time in our house. Mom and Dad tried to make the best of what they could afford and make light of everything. Mom did cry some Christmas Eves though I remember. I could hear her late at night. I always remembered it being a fairly good time in the morning. We knew better than to ask for big things so we normally got what we wanted.

Once they died, Darry didn't make Christmas any better. He tried hard. He really did and I gave him credit for his effort. Money was tighter than ever our first Christmas without them. It really ate Darry up and we all offered to just throw Christmas out that year but he wouldn't have it.

Everyone came over the next morning. Steve, Two, Johnny, even Dally. Darry was a bit ticked they thought we needed help this year, but went along with it anyway or seemed to. We didn't get much in the amount of gifts, Soda made homemade things, and Pony gave out candy.

Dally was there that day. We went outside after the gifts and smoked. It'd been just weeks after he had taught me how to smoke and I was still wasn't mastering the art of it. He talked about ponies mainly and racing and promised to take me out there one day and teach me how to ride (which he did a few months ago.). Then, right before night fall, he pulled out a small wrapped box and handed it to me and left.

My first pack of cigarettes.

Dally never actually admitted to the cops about being in the opposite car that hit Sam. That gave more room for his lawyer to play. Dally's lawyer _was_ a shark, Pony was right about that. He moved every second, doing something with his hands or feet. We were going hours in and it seemed like no progress was being made.

Sam's lawyers had talked all about the night of the accident. They said that the speed of the opposing car was too high for them to just be cruising through town. Dally's lawyer argued that the opposing driver could have been drunk or on drugs. Sam's lawyers said it was highly unlikely though they had no other comments.

Dally was called to the stand and asked simple questions like where he was that night and other things. He said he was at work and his boss backed him up. He told me it was to save me from going up there and saying I was with him. He didn't want me to get involved in this so I let him have it.

Sam's lawyers went on a rampage with basically nothing. Their only argument was that the person left the scene and that someone saw the color of the car and model and that matched Dally's and Dally got rid of his car shortly afterwards. The shark brought up that Dally's car didn't have a scratch on it when he sold it.

My hand was sweating the whole time. I dozed off through some of the arguments though. People got up there, saying how much Sam was loved and all kinds of junk. Did they not know Dally was too? They had him pinned as the monster of this.

I tried my hardest to listen to the proceedings, but I couldn't stop watching Dally. His knee was bouncing nervously as everyone talked. I searched the room again for signs of Randy or Marilyn. They weren't here and that shocked me. This is what they've been waiting for and neither of them was here to see this.

The shark attacked harder and was starting to convince everyone that Dally couldn't have possibly done it and there was no motive considering the two never met or knew of each other. Sam's car crash was just a result of slick roads from the rain and losing control. I started to believe every word myself. Sam couldn't have been murdered that night. It was a silly theory. Just something to throw our minds off. Sam died in car _accident_. Nothing more. I was starting to believe that.

Sam's parents were about in tears towards the end once the night Sam died was replayed and Dally took the stand for the last time.

"Is there anything else you wanna say, son?"

Dally looked out into the crowd. He knew it was over just like the rest of us. He hid his smile and opened his mouth for his closing remarks. "Uh, yeah. I'd, uh, to Sam's parents….I'm uh, sorry about your kid. I'm sorry it happened like that. Um, really sorry."

* * *

><p>I walked through the mud and trees. Sam always talked about this place. It was his favorite place to go and just hang out. He took us here all the time. The boys played with footballs and kick balls and Marilyn and I would watch and gossip.<p>

It's always beautiful here. I enjoyed coming here with them. I came here by myself just to get away a few times, running into Sam and having talks about life with him. He was a good listener from what I can remember. It was peaceful here. I haven't been here in two years. I haven't gone near this place in _two years_. Never wanted to until now.

Dally got three hundred days. Turns out you can't pin a murder on someone without proper evidence, or when they have lawyer that could argue his way out of a paper bag. Only thing they got him for was a year's worth of unpaid parking tickets of all things. No connection to Sam at all. With good behavior, Dally's lawyer thinks he'll be out by spring. I didn't ask where the guy came from. It wasn't my concern right now. Dally was. Dally was coming home. We had won. We'd won this war. Sam was finally dead in this town.

I never thought I'd come to this spot and be as happy as I was right now - with so much hope for the future. There is always a calm before a storm, but there is also a rainbow at the end of that storm and I was enjoying this rainbow.

Normal. You could say we were back there. No one talks about the fire anymore or Sam. Everyone talks about Soda over coming death, and Dally getting off with just a slap on the wrist for parking tickets. Darry is looking forward to spending the holiday with Kathy, and we all know what that means, and Pony is just excited to have Soda back. He's over Cherry I think. I catch his eyes sometimes when a pretty girl walks by. He's slowly moving on.

And I stand here.

There are a few things that need to be cleared up before we can officially say this is all over. There are some things that still need to be said and overcome. I'm almost there. I'm almost ready to put this behind me and move forward.

There are just a few things I need to do before I can be at peace. Before _everyone_ can be at peace.

_I won't cry for you. I won't crucify the things you do. I won't cry for you, see. When you're gone I'll still be bloody Mary. We are not just art for Michelangelo. To carve. He can't rewrite the agro of my ferried heart. I'll wait On mountain tops in Paris cold. Je ne veux pas mourir toute seule._

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><p><strong>AN: **Please review for a quick update. :)


	39. Mile Away

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the _Outsiders_ or the song_ Paradise._

**A/N: **The next chapter is the last. :(

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><p><em>Life goes on. It gets so heavy. The wheel breaks the butterfly. Every tear, a waterfall. In the night, the stormy night. She closed her eyes. In the night, the stormy night. Away she'd fly. And dreamed of para- para- paradise.<em>

The eve of Christmas Eve. The diner had slowed down dramatically. Mrs. Adderson took a leave of absence for a few weeks until they got everything sorted out with Marilyn. The word these days is that she lives with them. I haven't figured out the truth behind any rumors and didn't want to. We were living separate lives again, just like it should be.

Dally's excited about Christmas. There's going to be some sort of party at the jail house. Lord only knows what that in-tells, but he's really looking forward to it. Soda is bed bound for a few weeks but is still not able to sit still with all the excitement of Christmas. We all are looking forward to it this year. It feels good right now this time of year.

The bell rang and a wind of snow blew into the diner. "Dan." He pulled his cap off and shook the loose flakes off. I watched as he took a seat in front of the counter. "Got a minute?"

I leaned across the counter. "Sure, Tim."

He rubbed his face up and down, thinking about it for a minute. _Say it_, I begged. "What are you doin' later?"

"Why?" I asked sarcastically. "You askin' me out?"

"I need you to help me talk to Jac...about Jake."

We went to Jac's a few hours later. Tim carried Jake in his hands and let me knock. Tim never did say what changed his mind and I didn't ask. I'd like to think it had something to do with me but you can never tell what goes through Tim Shepard's head.

Jake had gotten bigger and with age, he was a splitting image of his father. Tim's face twisted with each change. I knew Tim was hurting deep down. He'd raised Jake since he was born. Jake was all he had left from Angela and I knew Tim saw Jake as a son. Tim wasn't Jake's dad though. His dad was behind this door, waiting to see the son he never knew he had.

"You ready?" I asked as footsteps came closer.

Tim readjusted Jake on his hip, not speaking. It was hard for him. Harder than most things for him.

"Hey guys..." Jac opened the door, examining the child in Tim's arms. His jaw dropped and then locked. His face turned white and he swallowed. "Um, you, come in?"

Tim walked by him, not wasting a second and sitting on the sofa. He bounced Jake on his knee, causing him to giggle.

Jac looked like he was going to hurl. He slowly sat down in front of us, still eyeing the baby. His face dropped another color and he was looking whiter than a sheet. He swallowed. "Is that yours, Tim?"

"No," Tim said bitterly. I kicked his foot, warning him. "It's, uh, Angela's."

Jac began to sweat a little as Jake smiled at him, showing off his new teeth that were coming in. I hadn't noticed until now that they were both in the same room, how much Jake looked like Jac instead of Angela. I always thought he favored her a little but next to Jac, he didn't look like Angela at all.

Jac ran a hand through his dark hair and breathed out deeply. "He's..."

"Yours," Tim said. "Name's Jake."

Jac turned a little in his seat, trying not to look at his kid but finding his way back anyway. "Hi."

"You wanna hold him?" I asked, kneeing Tim's knee for him to pass the baby. "He's really friendly."

Jac squirmed but nodded. Tim picked Jake up and stuck him out, timidly. He didn't smile the rest of the time we were there. Instead, he watched Jac like a hawk, trying to find some reason not to pick up and leave already.

"Jake likes him," I whispered to him. "It was really great, what you did. Ang would...she'd like it."

Tim crossed his legs and eyed Jac on the floor playing with Jake. He was a natural with him and soon, the color came back to his face. "So I'm a pop?"

"Dad," Tim corrected him with a snap. "We don't say pop unless you're talking about soda."

Jac ignored the snap and picked Jake up off the floor and held him in his arms. "I-I-I..."

Tim took Jake back and got a death grip on him. "You what?"

"Tim," I hissed.

Jac cleared his throat. "Thank you...thank you." Tim nodded, and marched out the door without another word.

* * *

><p>She sat at the end of his bed, playing with the corner of the quilt. He was wrapped in a blanket just watching her. He didn't mind doing this. In fact, he could do it all day if he had the chance.<p>

Suddenly she stopped and looked up at him. She smirked at his face. "Look like you're deep in thought over there."

"Maybe I am," he added with a wink.

Jennie sighed, looking around his room. It was a typical boys room. Pony's bed was on the other side with a large shelf of books and a range of movie posters. Soda's side was messier with posters of cars and dirty plates of food on the floor. "How do you feel?"

Soda shrugged and snaked on an old candy bar he found in his dresser. Jennie gagged. "Pretty boss...how do _you_ feel?"

Jennie looked at him behind her shoulder. "You owe me a date, remember?"

"Do I?" Soda asked, raising his eyebrows.

Jennie nodded, crawling across the bed, getting closer to him. "Remember? You promised me a date where nothin' went wrong. I have yet to receive that."

Soda grinned, wrapping his hand around her hip. "How about dinner, my room, on my bed, tomorrow night."

"Who's cooking?"

"Chief Darry."

"Sounds good to me."

Soda looked at her and dropped his smile for a minute. "Hey, thanks by the way."

Jennie got up and started to pick things off the floor that were testing her nerves. "For what?"

Soda swallowed and watched her bend over. "Not many girls would stick around with a coma patient," he chuckled. "Especially if they looked like I do right now."

Jennie stopped and looked at him. "What do you mean?"

"Don't go actin' like you don't see it," Soda said. "You see the burns on me. You're bound to know they won't go away or you're just too stupid to think that they won't and I'll go to lookin' like the way I used to...you can't say I don't look like shit, Jen."

Jennie stared at him for a minute. It was true, Soda's face wasn't the same anymore, burns taking him over. He saw that when he looked at himself. Soda always knew he was good looking and now he knew he wasn't the same and probably would never be.

Jennie walked over to him and stood in front of him, seeing his features the same way she always had."Stupid is somethin' I ain't. You must be though if you think I care what you look like. Just because you have a couple of burns and cuts don't mean nothing, So. You're still the beautiful one. Don't think you're not."

Jennie spun around and bent over to get the rest of the things on the floor. "Jennie?"

She looked over as Soda called her name, the big goofy smile was plastered on his face like always. He pulled her in by the waist for a hug and leaned up to press his lips against hers. She began kissing him back and he responded by pulling her back on the bed and on top of him. He guided her body toward his.

She felt his tongue run across her bottom lip and she opened her mouth to let their tongues touch inside each other's mouth. She entangled her fingers in his hair and he ran his fingers through hers, pulling her closer.

He stopped himself before he went too far. If he didn't stop now, he wouldn't ever be able to. He didn't want to do this yet. He needed to stop before it was too late. He pulled away slowly, their noses still touching as she caught her breath.

"What was that for?" She breathed out heavily.

He put his hands on the small of her back, making her hips flex forward towards him. "I didn't want to stop."

She pulled him closer to where his stomach touched hers. She stroked his cheek. "I didn't want you to." She looked into his eyes. "There's something about you Sodapop, you know that? I-I think..."

She paused, staring at him and him staring back. He moved his head towards her, slightly touching her lips with his own. "There's something about you too. I think I...I think I might love you, Jennie."

She breathed out slowly, her insides twisting with the adrenaline he was pushing into her. Her body was on his. She looked at him, his bandages, his torn leg, then up to his face. "I think I might love you too, Soda."

He smiled, twisting a strand of her hair around his finger. "Even though I look like a mummy?" he asked with a slight chuckle.

Jennie pulled down, kissing his lips again. "Even if you look like a mummy."

* * *

><p>She was leaning over the sink, scrubbing the caked on food off the dishes that had been sitting in her sink for weeks. She didn't realize how long it had been since she'd been home until now. It didn't seem like any time had passed at all what with the holidays coming.<p>

Darry was over, sitting at the table, watching her silently. He'd been thinking a lot lately with everything going on with Soda and Dally. Christmas was right here now and that made him think even more. So much has happened to them and right now, things seemed to be better than ever. He was debating taking this chance.

"Kat," he called. "You never told me what you wanted for Christmas."

She turned around and stared at him. "Oh. It's just been...well...you never told me what you wanted either, ya know."

Darry chuckled, playing with the salt shaker she had on the table. It was a pink pig. The pepper shaker matched. Kathy liked pink - and pigs. "A cherry convertible and a new football."

Kathy went back to the dishes. "I can spring for a football. The car, you're on your own."

Darry got up and walked over to her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and swayed her back and forth. He leaned his lower half into her, her feeling his hip bone. He bent down to whisper in her ear, "Thank you...for being here."

Kathy tangled her fingers up in his and squeezed his hand. "I'm not going anywhere."

"You haven't been home in a while," Darry stated. "Seems like you've been at my house for weeks."

Kathy dried off a dish and nodded. "That's because I_ have_ been at your house for weeks."

Darry tightened his hands around her stomach and rested his chin on her shoulder. "Will you make me some pie?"

"What kind?"

"Apple, duh!"

Kathy shook her head and let the water out of the sink. "I'm not making you crap. It's almost Christmas and I'm off duty until January."

"Speaking of Christmas." Darry reached into his pocket, landing his hand on a little black box. He pulled it out and handed it to her. "I don't think it's completely against the rules to open gifts early."

Kathy's eyes widened at the sight. "God, you didn't...I wasn't kidding about not getting you anything. I'm sorry, I just didn't have time with being with you and at the hospital with your brother. I just forgot but I would have if-"

"You're rambling," Darry laughed, pushing the box towards her. "Just shut up and open it."

Kathy slowly flipped the little box open, staring at what it contained. It wasn't something Darry had to go out and buy. It was something he couldn't really wrap. What was inside was just used to symbolize something else. Kathy stared at it, her mouth open.

Darry snickered slightly at her facial expression. "You like it?"

"The key to your house?"

"_Your_ key. _Your_ house."

* * *

><p>There was a knock at the door a few minutes ago. Darry answered it and yelled at me to come down. I wasn't that shocked at what I saw sitting on my couch. She asked if we could talk.<p>

She wasn't wearing make-up. I couldn't stop looking at her face the entire time she sat there, looking at anything but me. I don't think I've seen Marilyn without a drop of black goop on her face. It wasn't the only odd thing about her complexion though.

"Are you staying with Randy now?" I decided to break the tension somehow.

She nodded slightly and stared at the pictures that were on the wall above the coffee table. "For right now. Just until after Christmas maybe. Or when things cool down...you know."

Sadly, I did.

"I saw you at the funeral," she said quietly, turning her eyes to the floor.

I couldn't tell if it was my turn to talk or not. "Uh, um, yeah. It was..._beautiful_." People told me that about my parents. I didn't know if it was a universal thing you were supposed to say or not so I went with it.

"Mom did it," she said. "I picked out the flowers. Michael hated flowers but he liked blue so I made them blue."

"They were perfect."

It grew quiet. We both were staring at odd places and watched the snow slowly start to fall outside and the blinking lights on the Christmas tree. I didn't know what to say to her. I didn't know why she came all this way. I had a guess. Already I knew she wasn't acting the same like she should. Already I knew what was happening to her because it happened to me. Death does that.

She folded her hands on her lap and took a deep breath. "I'm...I'm sorry. I'm sorry about _everything_, Danni."

"Mar..."

She coughed, clearing her throat. "We're from two different worlds, you know?" She looked at me now. "Everyone thinks they're different anyway. They aren't so much different when you really experience how the other side lives...and feels."

"I know," I said. "We're not bad people. Neither is your side."

She laughed at that, shaking her head. "It's not looking like that so much right now though, right?" She looked at me again. "What _we_ did was _wrong._ What we did to you was wrong too though."

"Two years is a long time ago," I told her. "We've grown up a lot since then. I think we know now what happened and how we all feel about it now. We understand and know now. We can't take back what we did. We just have to live through it."

She nodded in agreement. "I just came here to tell you that. I've been thinking about you a lot. You and your family." She sighed. "You and Dally too."

"What about?"

She looked at her fingers, not wanting to look at me when she said it. "You got a good life. I'm...I guess I'm jealous. You don't see many guys like your brother stepping up and doin' raising his siblings and all you guys still being as close as you are."

Marilyn always had money and I was jealous of her and her family. On the outside, they were perfect. Everyone on that side was perfect and I always wanted to be a part of them. They aren't any different than the rest of the world.

"Dally's a good guy," she said, slightly locking her jaw like it hurt her to say that. "You're lucky to have him. He seems to really love you. I know he didn't kill Sam either. Even the courts agree. I don't know what I thought really."

I couldn't stop staring at her. I never thought those words would come out her mouth. "Randy's a good guy too. You're lucky to have him. He's good to you. He really loves you."

She laughed. "We broke up."

I raised my eyebrows. "Wh-"

"Right after the fire, really," she explained. "He couldn't look at me afterwards. I don't blame him. He hasn't talked to me much since then. He hasn't said a word since I moved in. We just...you two were a better couple. _You're_ better for each other. I always wondered why he broke up with you when Sam told him to. Randy always stood by Sam but I never thought he'd go through with that since he _loved_ you so much. Sam just wanted you out of the picture for security and I guess Randy couldn't say no."

I swallowed and turned my eyes away. "Yeah. I'm, um, sorry about that...you two breaking up."

"Don't apologize," she said. "Sam...you already know about me and him." She sighed loudly. "I guess I never got over him. Maybe that's why I took his death so hard. I was just with Randy for say and Sam would never go with me so I went with it. I never liked Randy like you did. You two had something. We didn't have crap."

I believed it.

She cleared her throat. "Sam's dead now though."

"Yeah," I said quietly. "I never told you...Sam was my friend too. I should have been there with you guys when he died. I'm sorry I didn't...I'm sorry I didn't say anything. Sam didn't deserve to die."

Marilyn nodded, small tears coming out of her eyes. She wiped them away quickly. "We pushed you away. It wasn't all your fault. He didn't deserve to die though. I thought we were right about how." She laughed loosely. "You said it too. Sam was murdered because of what we did...God we were so wrong."

"Accidents happen. We can't blame ourselves for them or the actions of other people or what choices we make."

She agreed. "It had nothing to do with Sam's death." She shook her head, looking to the side. "It was just us, over thinking it and in the process, we drug it back up again. The nightmare of it all."

"I'm thinking of talking to Randy," I blurted out. "Set some things straight so we can...move on."

She faced me this time. "Yeah...that's a good idea."

I put my hand on her hand, watching her face. Her tears were still there, her face was broken. "You ok?"

"Are _we _ok?" she asked while she stopped some more tears. "I know we'll probably never be close friends again. I just...I came here to...you said you didn't hate me….at the hospital. That true?"

I nodded, gripping her shoulder. "I never hated you."

She got up and hugged herself, trying to get warm. She turned around and spoke, "I am sorry. Maybe one day we can get close again. I need new friends...a new beginning really. In the mean time, talk to Randy. Tell him I'm sorry too. He'll listen to you when you say it. He listens to you. Always has."

"I will."

Marilyn James left. She was never Marilyn again. This day changed everything for her. The Marilyn James that made the earth shake when she rounded a corner, was no more. She was her own person finally. A person without her stronger other half. She was on her own and becoming strong. Marilyn was a _person_ now and she was moving on.

Our past was dead with Sam. Just as dead as Sam was.

_When she was just a girl she expected the world. But it flew away from her reach. So she ran away in her sleep. Dreamed of para- para- paradise. Para- para- paradise. Para- para- paradise. Every time she closed her eyes. Whoa-oh-oh oh-oooh oh-oh-oh._

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><p><strong>AN: **I hope you enjoyed. As I said before, the next chapter is the last. Please review if you would be so kind. :)


	40. Horses are Coming

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the _Outsiders_ or the song, _Come Away To The Water._

**A/N: **Last chapter. Be prepared.

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><p><em>Come away little lost. Come away to the water. To the ones that are waiting only for you. Come away little lost. Come away to the water. Away from the life that you always knew. We are calling to you.<em>

It was supposed to be a white Christmas this year. It was already snowing and it was six. Christmas was just a few hours away and everyone in town was heading home to spend the evening with their families and cuddle up by the fire, listening to Christmas music, eating cookies, wrapping a few forgotten gifts, and preparing for Santa to come tonight.

I haven't asked Santa for anything in years, though tonight, he was the only one who could give me what I really wanted.

Randy was sitting outside, smoking in the snow. He directed me inside and up to his room without a word. Marilyn was in the kitchen, cooking and I wondered if they were talking yet. If they ever would again.

"Merry Christmas," I broke the tension in the room. "Looks like we're going to be loaded with snow, huh?"

He took a long drag from his cigarette and stared at me. "Marilyn was talking to Mom yesterday. She talked to you, didn't she?"

"She apologized."

He smirked and took another drag, slowly breathing out smoke. "She knows she's wrong...finally. Michael dying did something to her, I think. She ain't the same anymore."

"Is that why you dumped her?"

He looked out into the sky. He's stance was smooth and collected. I hadn't seen him so calm in a long time. It was a different side of him. Randy worries. He always has. Not now though. "Parking tickets, huh? I heard about that."

I buried my hands in my pockets to get warm. "Yeah, it's a pretty stupid thing to get busted for. He'll be out soon they say."

"Good for ya'll," he said coldly. "Everything seems to always work in ya'll's favor."

I shook my head. "Don't be that way. You got a good life, Randy. I used to want _your_ life. You got good parents who would do anything for you. Your mother would die for you. You're lucky you got them."

"Parents are nothing but bullshitters."

"Says the person whose still got some."

He stopped and looked at the ground, watching the ash fall of his stick and land on the ground. "I didn't mean it like that, Dan." He sighed deeply. "I'm thinking of taking off after break anyway. I've got relatives in Chicago. I think I might go up there. I just can't be in this town anymore with these people. If you can even call them that. I'm sick of looking at them. I'm sick of being a Soc."

I sat silently and listened.

"It's been hell for so long," he went on. "I've lost all my friends. Too many. First Bob, Sam, and now Michael. They weren't the best of people but they were still my friends and they were good deep down. I just...I don't know what to do anymore."

His voice shook and he took another drag.

"You remember Jason?" he asked. "He was in our History class. He never came, but he was in there some. When he went missing, the teachers didn't even notice. Just figured he dropped out. Funny, huh?"

The wind blew through our hair.

"Then Sam was just fine and dandy afterwards," he said. "It always made me mad. He always told me what to do... especially with you. It was like he was jealous of us or something. I don't know. I believed him though."

"What we had...it ended the night Jason died," I said slowly. "Everything died that night. Sam just finished it off, like he always did." I took a deep breath. "We've both moved on."

Randy stared out and lit another weed. "I am sorry, Danni. I'm sorry for dragging you into all of this. Into this crazy screwed up mess Sam started. Into what Bob started. Into what Michael started. I was wrong. You told me that. Plenty of times."

"It's over now."

He looked at me now. "For right now." He stood up and walked over to me. He put his hands on my face and pulled me forward. His lips touched my forehead. "Take care of yourself, Danni Curtis."

He turned and started to walk away. I watched him, the wind blowing his hair and snow coating him. "You too, Randy. You too."

* * *

><p><em>Beginning of August - four months ago:<em>

_She was sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at the clock. He never kept the door locked. It worried her in some ways but tonight it came in handy. She fell back on the bed and counted the cracks on the ceiling. She felt her eyelids grow heavy. She let sleep take her over for a few hours._

_The door slammed. It jolted her up. She sat and looked at him smiling at the door. He winked at her. "Why are you late?" she asked._

_He ignored the question and headed into the bathroom. It was dark and he knew she couldn't see him. He ran the cold water and let it gather up in his hands. He splashed it on his face and picked up a rag and dried everything off of him. He saw the red water in the sink slowly swivel down the pipes. He knew she couldn't see._

_She was standing at the door. He could feel her watching him. He knew she didn't know he knew. She thought she was sneakier than she really was. She over thinks. That's her problem. It always has been. People like them can't see what's right in front of them. She can't see what's right in front of her. Tonight is an example of that._

_"I've been waiting," she said quietly. "I was getting worried."_

_He tossed the rag over the rack and slyly smiled at her. He knew she ate that up. "Worryin' about little ole me?" His shoulder blade caught hers as he walked by. "I'm flattered."_

_She did her signature sigh. The one that said she wasn't in the mood to play with him. "Can we go to dinner now?"_

_He pulled things out of drawers he knew she didn't see. These things he needed. These things he needed tonight. He needed them for her. She just didn't see it and he knew she never would. "Let's stay here."_

_Her footsteps were quiet. She stood beside him, softly lying her hand on his shoulder. "I'm hungry," she whined. "Let's go get dinner and we'll come back here. I can lie to Darry and say I'm at a friend's."_

_He broke away from her and paced around the room, looking for more things he knew she'd ignore. "I got some food in the fridge."_

_It was dark but he knew she had her arms crossed. She was doing her stance too. "Can't we get a real meal?"_

_"I'll order pizza," he suggested. He latched the lock on door and dead bolted it. She still didn't notice._

_She started following him around the room, still not noticing what he was doing or caring to turn on the lights and see. "You promised we could have a date tonight. Can we please go out? Just once?"_

_He shut the closet and passed her again. He headed over to the window and stared out of the crack from the blinds. She stayed behind him, still worrying about food. He cracked the blinds a little more. Not too much though._

_"Dally?" She walked closer to him. He could see the flashing lights coming. It was coming. Faster. He closed the blinds faster. "Are you ok?"_

_He touched her face gently. He looked her in the eyes. "I'm always ok."_

* * *

><p>Happy endings are for fairy tales and we all know those are full of shit. No one ever has a happy ending. Ever. Everything is always changing and there are always new problems to worry about. Happy endings don't exist. They're just ideas planted into our brains so we have high hopes and then, ultimately, are always disappointed.<p>

Happily ever after isn't real.

My heels clicked on the slick metallic floors. I wish I'd worn better shoes. The guards were staring at me from the corner of their eyes. It made me duck my head down and focus on the floor. I focused on the color, the shape, the shine. Anything but the cops.

I reached the end of the hall to the last booth where he sat. He was talking to someone on the other side with him. I smiled thinking he had friends though hoping he didn't get too comfy in there. His eyes stuck on me once I came in sight. A sly smile came on his lips.

I smiled and took a seat on the hard chair. Maybe with time I'd get used to the feeling of this room. The sadness it brought. The discomfort. The uneasy feeling. The bad karma that was all in the air.

"I see you've made friends."

He sneered and leaned back in his chair, trying to get comfortable. It was a hard job to succeed at in here. "What'd ya bring me?"

"Do I look like your mother?" I asked with a playful grin. I knew he expected food. He was always complaining about the food. It was all I heard since he got here.

He eyed my chest and stuck his nose up in the air as if smelling something. "What's with the lack of fabric?"

"It's Christmas for you too," I told him, leaning forward, taking his focus away from why he was upset with it. "I talked to Randy today. Cleared some things up. Everything seems to be good for now."

He didn't take his eyes off the outfit. I wasn't sure if he heard me or not. I didn't repeat myself. "Yeah."

"I got you something." I reached into my bag and pulled out a box wrapped in green wrapping paper with a bow on top. I slid it toward him and watched as he unlaced the ribbon.

He pulled out the plate and examined it. "Cookies?" His hand dug the bottom of the box as he stuck his tongue out from the corner of his mouth. "What else we got in here?"

"Merry Christmas."

He pulled out the little bottle that was at the bottom and made a face at it. "Shampoo? This your way of sayin' I stink?" He read the label. "Sorry, Curtis, Raspberry isn't my brand."

"It's mine," I informed him. "It's the shampoo I use."

He made a confused face. "Well...thanks for the cookies." He ripped into the plastic and stuck one in his mouth. "You did good there."

"It's supposed to smell like my hair." I laughed. "You're not supposed to use it. Just smell it." He made yet another face. I shrugged. "I saw it in a movie once. It's supposed to be romantic. You know, remind you of me and how I smell."

He slid another cookie into his mouth and nodded. "Sure, sure." He chomped on the loose chocolate chips that feel. "I got you somethin' too, you know."

"Oh?"

He rose up a little and dug in his back pocket. "We got crafts here." He pulled it out and slid it across to me. "Merry Christmas, Curtis."

It was a beaded bracelet with a green string and purple beads. It looked like something a second grader threw together and a few beads didn't match and some were missing. I held it in my hand and smiled at it. I didn't want anything from Dally. I'd convinced myself that. Guess I didn't convince myself that well though. "Merry Christmas,_ Winston_."

He munched on the food in his mouth. "These double chocolate chip?"

I could see the cop that was supposed to be watching us. He was talking with one of his friends, laughing it up. I gulped and thought over my plan. My palms sweated. I leaned over and whispered, "We need to talk."

He licked his fingers clean. "Shoot."

I put an arm in the way of his vision from my chest. He needed to listen. I was only once I was going to say this. One person who would ever hear this. One person who would ever know besides us. One person that I needed. I just needed one. I needed this one. "Are you listening?"

He groaned and whined, trying to move me along. "I've got things to do so, yeah, yeah, I'm all ears. Give me your best shot."

He shouldn't use the term so loosely.

My mouth shook as I opened it. I saw the guard and kept my vision on him, making sure his ears weren't peeled. I spoke softly, "There's something you need to know. Something I should have told you a while ago."

He raised his eyebrows, becoming slightly amused and curious. "Go for it. I'm all ears."

I wish I could hold him. I wish I could just touch his hand to calm him. I wish there wasn't a wall between us. "It happened before you came along. Something a long time ago. Something with Randy and my old friends. Something we did."

He sneered, no longer taking this seriously. "Don't tell me, ya'll wore white after labor day!"

I wanted to hit him. I wanted to hit him hard and make him hear me. I settled and moved on. "No. Dally, listen. Listen for five seconds."

"Five whole seconds?" He rolled his head back and whined. "I got shit to do! It's Christmas Eve. Shouldn't you be with your family? C'mon, there's a party I gotta get to."

I clinched the bracelet in my hands. I pressed myself closer and stared at him. "Dally-"

He moved to get up. He searched around the room and smacked his lips together. "Curtis I'm gettin' some grub so if you don't mind-"

"I killed someone."

His face dropped to the ground ever-so-slightly. He stood for a minute, staring blankly at me with no emotion what-so-ever in his face. He broke away and quickly scanned the room, making sure no bystanders heard a word. Then he slammed down in his seat and payed attention. I had finally caught something.

"Are you a fucking moron?" he hissed, getting angry fast. "You don't show up in a fucking _jail_ and say shit like that! Shut your fucking trap, Curtis! Cut the shit!"

I panicked and things started pouring out. I wanted to punch him. If only there wasn't something blocking us. "I'm not cutting anything because there's nothing to cut. If you'd sit down for a goddamn minute and let me talk, you'd know that."

His face twisted in different shapes and colors. "Listen to what? You going on and on about some dumb shit. This is not the fucking place to bring this shit up!"

"His name was Jason Gibbs. He was a greaser," I started spilling uncontrollably. Word vomit. It was going everywhere. All over this damn place. "Sam was teasing him and-"

"Shut the fuck up!"

Vomit again. Here it comes. "Things went too far. Sam began to play rough and-"

He wanted to grab me. He wanted to beat me over the head. He slid on the table, shushing and hissing at me. "Curtis!"

I was upchucking again. Here it comes. It's overflowing in mouth. "He shoved him and he fell down concrete stairs. Blood went everywhere. We were scared."

"You're going to get yourself killed!" he shouted at a whisper. "Shut the fuck _up_!

"Sam told us to take him and run in the woods." My stomach turned. Real vomit was forming. "I didn't know what to do. None of us did. Sam threatened to tell on us. We did what he said. We buried him."

Dally covered his ears and blocked me out. He was still watching the people in the room like a hawk. No one could hear me. I was quiet. He could still hear me though. I knew that.

I continued, "I'm sorry. I...I didn't know what to do. I was just a kid and I thought if I just blocked it out it'd be ok. Soon I forgot about it and it didn't seem important. No one brought it up until Sam died. Then everything just came back for some reason."

Dally's face was hot red. He had a scowl like one I've never seen before. He uncovered his ears and calmly leaned forward and began to talk normally again. "Why? Why come here and tell me this _now_?"

That was all he had to say? There was no shock factor in his voice. No amount of curiosity. Nothing. No emotion what-so-ever but anger. He was angry with me. I expected that. I also expected _shock_. "I wanted someone to know. I wanted _you_ to know."

"Why _now_?" he growled out.

His words were taking me off guard. Everything I just said was finally hitting me. "I-I don't know. You're in here and I just needed to tell someone before I-I went crazy and...Dally I don't know."

His face twisted again but this time differently. My legs started to shake and I wanted to crawl in a hole. I wanted to hide away forever and never come out. This wasn't happening this way! Dally looked everywhere but at me. After all this time, it came out. The story escaped my lips and someone's ears heard my tale. Someone else new knew. I expected relief. This wasn't relief. This was an uneasy feeling deep in the pit my stomach.

"Say something," I whispered, living on a hope he would.

He shrugged, biting his lip and still avoiding eye contact. "I don't know what you want me to say."

"I just confessed murder to you," I said angrily. Word vomit wanted to come out again but I put a leash on it. "And you have nothing to say about it at all?"

He ran his hand through his hair. He crossed his arms. He looked like he was thinking, or pouting, or giving me the silent treatment. I couldn't tell. I couldn't read him right now. I couldn't get in his head. He was closing me out.

Finally, he opened his mouth. "You never see what's right in front of you." He paused and cussed, hitting the table. "Fuck. You're an idiot!"

"What do you mean I don't see what's right in front of me?" I asked. "What is going on? God, tell me _something_!"

His face turned white. He pressed his lips together and searched the room again, looking at nothing in particular. He crossed his legs and didn't dare to even cop me a mere glance.

"You're scaring me," I stressed. I tried to get closer. "Just say something!"

Emotion. That's all I ever wanted out of Dallas Winston. Show me love. Show me hate. Show me sadness and sorrow. Show me you're something other than stone. I knew he was. I knew Dallas Winston had feelings and emotions. I knew he could speak them.

_Tell me the truth Dallas_. It's something I've stressed through this whole relationship, never getting anything in return. I begged and begged for it. Truth. Everyone wants it, or so they say. They never truly do. We can't take it, yet we all still ask for it.

_You never see what's right in front of you._

"I killed that Soc kid, Curtis. I killed him _dead_."

_Come away little lamb. Come away to the water. To the arms that are waiting only for you. Come away little lamb. Come away to the slaughter. To the one appointed to see this through. We are calling for you. We are coming for you._

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** And thank you so very much for your time. I appreciate all of you who have been following and those of you who have been around since LTWYL and the kind people who have reviewed. It means so much to me and I thank you all. I hope you all enjoyed it. From the bottom of my heart, thank you and good night.

Much love to you all and until next time,

Taylor :)


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